History's latest gladiator match took place Thursday when His Holiness Pope Francis took on His Hairpiece Donald Trump.
The pope and Donald Trump came to blows when, while flying from Mexico back to Rome, the pontiff said, "A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian."
He didn't directly address Trump, who has famously doubled- and tripled-down on his plans to build the (biggest, best, most beautiful) wall along the U.S.-Mexico border, and the Vatican has clarified that the pope did not mean his comment as a personal attack on the business-mogul-turned-GOP-presidential-candidate.
But Trump was not happy about the comment.
“For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful," Trump fired back at the pope in South Carolina, where he was addressing a packed room at a golf resort.
Forget Batman vs. Superman. This is the best.
Of all the words to call the pope, "disgraceful" is certainly an interesting choice.
Coming from the Italian "disgrazia," the word "disgraced" in literal translation means "without grace" or "without the favor of God."
With all the resources available to me, a millennial with Internet access, I don't think I could come up with a more ill-fitting word to describe the pope than one with Italian origins that means "unfavored by God." It'd be like calling turtles "shell-less" or describing coffee as "constipating."
While I doubt Donald looks up the etymology of every word he slings out as an insult, it does point to an interesting trend of his.
Trump insults a lot of people, but he's not actually very good at it.
Besides tossing insults at basically every presidential candidate on the docket, not to mention the entire country of Germany...
...Trump has lambasted a huge array of public figures, institutions, companies, and even concepts. But his choice words consistently reveal some bizarre word choices.
Take this recent tweet referring to NBC anchor Chuck Todd:
Saying Chuck Todd "knows so little about politics" is really very silly.
Chuck Todd has been working in and around politics since at least 1992, when he worked for the presidential campaign of then-Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa). After that, he was editor-in-chief of The Hotline, a political news briefing from Atlantic Media, for six years.
Todd also was NBC News' political director and chief White House correspondent, co-hosted "The Daily Rundown" on MSNBC, and currently hosts NBC's "Meet the Press."
So, while I'm not president of the Chuck Todd Fan Club or anything (It's a thing. They're called Chuckolytes. I'm hoping to run for treasurer.), I think it's safe to say the guy knows a little bit about politics.
How about this tweet insulting CNN's S.E. Cupp...
Cupp, the bespectacled CNN commentator formerly of MSNBC's "The Cycle," got her bachelor's degree from Cornell and her master's from New York University. Her writing has appeared in the Washington Post, the New York Daily News, and many other publications.
She's been an accomplished writer and commentator since the early 2000s. Oh, and she was also a professional ballet dancer for six years.
If Cupp is a loser, then you can go ahead and sign me up for loserdom as well.
Or how about when he blasted Sen. John McCain?
You may not agree with McCain's politics. But the guy has served in the Senate since 1986. He was in the Navy from 1954 to 1981. He was the 2008 Republican presidential nominee and is chairman of the Senate Committee on Armed Services.
Trump also used the same word for Arianna Huffington.
Maybe he's thinking of a different Arianna Huffington?
Because the one I know of was #12 on Forbes' 2009 list of the most influential women in media, as well as one of its 100 most powerful women in the world.
She's also an accomplished author, media mogul, and co-founder of the Huffington Post. What a dummy!
He called fellow billionaire Mark Cuban a "loser."
Love him or hate him, Cuban went from selling garbage bags to pay for sneakers at 12 years old to owning the Dallas Mavericks. That's the kind of loser I'd love to be some day.
Or the kind of "loser" that becomes attorney general of New York:
Either one would be fine with me.
I'd even be willing to wear a big hat that says "Loser" in big, bright letters on the front. Misspelled, probably, because I also want to be a "dummy."
But nothing beats my personal favorite: when Trump called actor Samuel L. Jackson "boring."
Seriously? Samuel L. Jackson? Boring?!
THIS Samuel L. Jackson?!
The only way you could think Samuel L. "M*****f***ing" "Hold onto your butts" "What does Marsellus Wallace look like?!" "Say 'what' again" Jackson is boring is if you've only seen him in "The Phantom Menace."
I mean, seriously, do you remember when he got eaten by that shark?
The point is, we should all hope to be insulted by Donald Trump.
If he takes the time to berate your intelligence, merit, or ability, it probably means you're doing something right!
Personally, I hope Trump sends an insulting tweet my way. Maybe then I can finally live out my dream of becoming a millionaire actor, media personality, writer, and NBA franchise owner.
Just like all the other dummies and boring people.