Heroes
The Crucial Difference Between 'Free Speech' and 'Consequence-Free Speech'
Do you have a right to say terrible things? Of course. Just don't act all shocked when other people excercise their right to call you out for doing so.
01.11.13
Community
An entrepreneurial Ph.D candidate sheds light on how technology helps her grow her small business
https://www.pitasplanters.com
Pita and David in front of their mobile plant shop
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If there is a positive connection between mental health and caring for plants, Lupita Ríos is determined to make it her life’s work to share it with the world.
Ríos owns Dallas-based Pita’s Planters, a small business offering handmade planters, vases, art, bouquet preservation. Her love of vegetation can be traced back to where she spent her childhood—in the jungles of Guatemala—but it wasn’t until Ríos began struggling with panic attacks after college that she realized how healing plants can be.
During a particularly anxious period in her life, the only thing that brought her comfort was a plant she’d inherited from a co-worker. “Every day I would come into work and see some new growth or a new little leaf, and I would just feel so excited … it was like this little seed of light for me during a time when I was not feeling much joy,” said Ríos.
Pita in her plant shop https://www.pitasplanters.com
So she did what made sense: she kept growing plants, eventually learning how to create pots from recycled materials. During the pandemic, she and her husband opened a mobile plant store, which allowed her to share her passion with people in the community. What began as a meditative hobby quickly turned into a booming business, and Ríos, who is also working towards a Ph.D in Neuroscience, found herself overwhelmed with the things that come with being a small business owner (like keeping up with voice messages!).
“I learn as I go,” said Ríos, mentioning that one of the rookie decisions she made as a first-time business owner was to list her cell phone number under the business as the official contact number. “I quickly learned that was not a good idea! I got calls from customers left and right because the business grew so quickly.”
A friend suggested leveraging technology to keep Ríos’ sanity intact. She enrolled in Verizon Small Business Digital Ready, a free online program that offers small businesses nationwide access to over 50 expert courses and grant funding opportunities. The program includes resources created by small business owners for small business owners, covering topics such as marketing, financial planning, social media management, and more. For Ríos, this was the answer to juggling school and business without dropping any balls while the business continues to grow.
Taking control of her mobile plan was the first step in streamlining—and leveling up!—the business. Verizon’s My Biz Plan allowed her select and pay for only what she needed the One Talk App allowed her to reclaim her cell phone for personal use, and Verizon Business Assistant, a GenAI-powered text messaging solution , has been an enormous time-saver. Verizon Business’ 2025 State of Small Business Survey revealed 38% of SMBs are currently using AI–Lupita is one of many using it to help. Instead of spending precious time replying to every DM inquiring about the hours of her shop or troubleshooting a repotted plant’s wilting leaves, business owners like Ríos can set up, customize, and train a virtual assistant to field these questions.
“I didn't even realize I needed this in my life, but Verizon was like, we work with a lot of small businesses and we have a lot of tools that help set your business up so that I can focus on the products, on the marketing, on everything else. And I know that Verizon's got me covered in other ways where I don't have to think about it so much. It is so nice to have someone looking out for you and saying, ‘Yeah, you're busy. We got you covered here. We can take care of this."’
Verizon is committed to reaching one million small businesses with the resources they need to be successful by 2030—with over 450,000 small businesses like Pita’s Planters already using Digital Ready to help their businesses thrive.
Pita and David at their brick and mortar shophttps://www.pitasplanters.com
As for Ríos’ plans for after she receives her doctorate in Neuroscience? She wants to become a professor and continue growing her plant business.“Honestly, there’s nothing quite like having someone walk in who says they’ve never owned a plant before,” said Ríos. “Let me start your plant journey…within a few weeks, you’ll have a jungle in your house.”
Do you own a small business? Verizon offers over $1M in small business grants every year! Complete an application for the Verizon Small Business Digital Readyportal between May 1, 2025, and 11:59 pm PT on June 30, 2025, to be eligible for the application process for a $10,000 grant consideration.
via Canva/Photos
A brother and sister in a disagreement.
The name your parents choose for you can significantly impact your life. Whether it’s how you’re treated in school and by peers, your professional prospects, or how well you do in the dating arena. A name is nothing to joke about. That’s why an uncle-to-be is mad at his sister. He thinks she isn’t taking naming her unborn daughter seriously and fears it will have dire consequences for the girl in the future.
What started as a funny joke between the brother (a biology student) and his sister (a nurse) has become a bone of contention between the siblings. It all started when the brother sent his sister a humorous list of potential names for his niece based on medical terms.
“I knew she was struggling, so in addition to the $900 wooden crib on her list that I got for her, I gave her a list of (obviously) joke baby names. We have a really close relationship, and it was in line with both our senses of humor,” the brother wrote on Reddit's AITA forum.
“She's a nurse, and I'm a biology student, so all the names were medications, infections, unpleasant animals, etc., that all sound like lovely girls' names out of context,” he continued. “Some of them were a little bit obscure, sure, but I included some obvious ones like ‘Viagra’ and ‘Hernia’ for good measure.
A newborn baby sleeping.via Canva/Photos
The problem was that the sister liked one of the names and plans on giving it to her daughter. “Malassezia. The baby's name is Malassezia. One of the names on my joke list. Outside of the immediate issues (nearly impossible to pronounce on the first try, the ‘ass’ smack dab it the middle of it, the first syllable being mal-, literally meaning bad or evil), it's also the name of a very common fungal infection,” he wrote. “One that my sister and I are both genetically predisposed to. One that we've both had multiple times throughout our lives. Her daughter will almost certainly catch it at some time!” The brother told his sister that the name is “completely unacceptable.”
What is Malassezia?
According to the Cleveland Clinic, Malassezia occurs when “yeast that occurs as part of your skin’s natural flora multiplies and infects the hair follicles,” the website reads. “The condition causes itchy pimples to form on your face, scalp and upper body. Healthcare providers treat this fungal infection with topical and systemic antifungal medications.”
The mother completely understands the downside of the name but insists that “it's so obscure that no one will ever think twice about it.” The mother-to-be simply likes the sound of the name. Unsure of what to do, the brother posted the story on Reddit to see if he was in the wrong.
A doctor taking the baby's footprint.via Canva/Photos
The vast majority of the commenters thought he was totally right to demand the baby’s name be changed.
"I share your frustration, and you're looking out for your niece. While your sis is right that it's her parental right, you're not stepping out of line -- you're family and you're cautioning her,” one commenter wrote. "Tell [the father] so he can veto it,” another commenter added. “Also, how is your sister not thinking about the embarrassment that is going to come with this name? The doctors at every baby appointment will know. I wouldn't be surprised if doctors and nurses giggle when they see her chart. And when she's in school, kids will likely find out what her name means and bully her. Tell your sister to think about her daughter's future. She's thinking too much about her feelings and not thinking about her daughter who would have to live with that name."
One commenter broke the name into chunks and found it has multiple meanings. “Mal = bad + ass = bad ass. So we have the nickname. Now Ezia - Hebrew for elegance? e-Zia as in electronic aunt (Italian?) or electric cottage/home/campervan (Pueblo?),” they wrote.
The only people who thought the brother was wrong were those who believed his sister was pulling a fast one on him. “You gave a joke name list and seem unable to tell she's joking back,” they wrote.
Ultimately, just about everyone agrees that the brother was right to speak up. Names matter, and kids have to live with them their entire lives. Hopefully, his sister takes the hint before her daughter has a name better suited to a microscope slide than a birth certificate.
via Canva/Photos
A man and two women having a fun conversation.
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There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.
Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.
A group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos
What is the 30-second rule?
New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:
At work:
“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”
“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”
At a party:
“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”
“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”
On a date:
“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”
“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”
A man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos
Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.
The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.
How does encouragement make people feel?
A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos
Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.
Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”
Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.
It's rarely easy to end a relationship.
Every romantic relationship starts with hope and promise, but the reality is most relationships don't work out in the long run. Breaking up is hard to do, no matter who you are or how long you've been with a partner, but there are better and worse ways to go about letting someone go.
If a relationship ends dramatically because of some kind of abuse or betrayal, that's one thing. Ending things because they're just not working out or you're just not feeling it is another. And in some ways, the latter is harder because you probably genuinely care about the person and don't have the extreme negative emotions of the former situation to help you make a clean break.
Breaking up is rarely easy, but there are methods that make it harder.Photo credit: Canva
On the flip side, being dumped really sucks. But how you get dumped can have a huge impact on your life, from the pain you carry to the way you see yourself to your readiness to take a chance on love again.
A video from The School of Life shares some best and worst practices for breaking up with someone and it's something everyone should learn. It begins with a profoundly true statement.
"The intensity and suffering exacted by a heartbreak depends not only on the core fact that we’ve been left. It also decisively depends on how we’ve been left. Our hurt can be hugely intensified when we’ve been left badly, just as it may be rendered a great deal more bearable when we are fortunate enough to have landed on a lover who has learned the psychologically-rich art of mature break-ups."
What does that "psychologically-rich art" entail? It might help to start with what it shouldn't entail. Here are four things that make a break-up harder than it needs to be:
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
1. Lingering
Life is too short to stay in a relationship that isn't working and you're not doing your soon-to-be-ex any favors by waiting to end it. "As soon as the decision is taken, a courageous lover will not dither out of a misplaced desire not to upset pre-existing plans," the video states. "They know they must leave. They are ruining things, of course, but they can see that the holiday or restaurant meal would in any case be doomed – and they are kind enough to know not to waste any more of our precious time." Don't wait and don't linger.
2. Collateral Accusations
"A wise departing lover knows not to accuse the other of more sins than they are guilty of," the video continues. That means keeping the voicing of your partner's faults narrowed down to what's necessary for the break-up and nothing more. Listing everything wrong with the other person or blaming them for your discontent in other areas of life isn't necessary. They're already going to feel bad; no need to pile on.
Don't be overly nice, but don't give them a list of all their faults, either. Photo credit: Canva
3. Deceptive Niceness
It's hard for nice people who don't want to hurt others to break up with a partner, but being too nice isn't actually kind, it's confusing. "The most harmful lovers are those who labor under a misplaced impression that they need to be nice, even when they are firing us," says the video. "But there is, in fact, no need for honeyed words. We simply require the basic information and then some privacy to put ourselves back together again."
4. Evasiveness
Ever seen a person suddenly start displaying unhealthy behaviors in a relationship—drinking too much, neglecting their partner, speaking strangely about relationships—because they actually want out? "Clumsy lovers are so scared of the news they have to share with us, they can't bear to come out with – and therefore let it seep out in odd, symptomatic ways," the video states. The goal is to get the other person to break it off rather than initiating it themselves. Not cool.
Evading your partner by becoming someone they don't want to be with is not the way to end things.Photo credit: Canva
Those are some things to avoid when breaking up with someone. On the other hand, here are some do's to balance out the don'ts.
1. Directness
"Kind departing lovers make a sharp break," the video declares. "Once they’ve decided, they move swiftly to letting us know." There's no lingering. No hints or hopes of reconciliation. It probably feels brutal in the moment, but in the long run, the direct approach is the kindest.
2. Reasons
Without dragging out every complaint about the other person, it's important to give them solid reasons you're ending the relationship. This can be done without directly blaming them, such as explaining ways that your personalities don't make a good fit for a long-term partnership or how you have divergent values that aren't conducive to a peaceful future. Just don't leave them wondering why you left.
There are ways to break up with someone that makes things easier for them in the long run.Photo credit: Canva
3. Self-honesty
"Nice departing lovers let us see and actively remind us of what’s not so nice or good about them," the video explains. "They admit that they brought a lot of difficult things into the relationship." Maybe you admit to the person that you're too focused on work and didn't put enough energy into the relationship. Maybe you tend to be controlling or dismissive. Let the person know that life with you wasn't going to be ideal so they can look forward to something better.
4. Being hated
"Good departing lovers know that the news they are breaking will, inevitably, lead to them being hated for a time," the video says. "They are brave in the face of this. They don’t suffer from the fateful and sentimental desire to be loved by people they no longer love." You have to be okay with being hated by a person you probably like and care for. That's not easy, but eventually it will help the person separate out the pain of being dumped from the pain of being dumped badly or in a way that leaves a lot of ambiguity and unresolved feelings.
Your ex might hate you for a while.Photo credit: Canva
As the video concludes, "We may not be able to escape the agony of broken hearts but we can always strive to keep it to a very basic minimum."
People in the comments shared their breakup experiences that illustrate the importance of breaking up thoughtfully:
"I remember being so angry and hateful towards my ex, but honestly, watching this video shows me that she handled it really well. She invited me over, gave it to me straight, told me she cares about me as a person, and said we shouldn't contact each other ever again except in case of emergency. At the time it seemed extremely cold hearted and I was immensely bitter towards her (esp. cuz I wasn't expecting it) but looking back she handled it so much better than most people would (ghosting, cheating, 'it's your fault!!!' etc). We're still in no contact, but if I could, I'd at least thank her for being a good person about it. I took it EXTREMELY BADLY at the time lmao but now I know I was kind of a baby. lol."
Time really does heal a lot of pain.Giphy GIF by Bounce
"I wish I had understood this fifty years ago. All the heartbreak and pain I could have saved by simply having courage, and choosing not to be a coward, to call myself liar for my "kind" evasions. What a good and humane lesson!"
"My ex dumped me in the most respectful way possible, and basically did everything in this video. She was my first serious girlfriend, the first person I said 'I love you' to. The pain is still there, however I feel no hate, I am just grateful to have experienced such a lovely time with her when the relationship worked. I learned my lessons. I really hope she is doing well, however I told her I wanted no contact at all... to help me move on. I have never felt such an ambiguous feeling before."
"My partner broke up with me out of the blue(he had not once expressed that he wasn't happy). He let me think he was coming over to surprise me, as we live far away from each other. But when I opened the door he said it. I didn't think it would, but it gave me issues with my mental health. My psychologist says I have suffered some type of 'shock-trauma' - the shock of a trauma happening when I thought something joyful was about to happen had fucked up my brain. It quite literally was in alert-mode which caused night terrors etc. several months following the breakup, even though I was fine emotionally! Please think very carefully about how you handle another person's heart."
"I thought I was at least a kind person in break-ups... damn the truth hurts. I really struggle maintaining my position in break-ups, when the person you love most is in pain and you can fix it by not leaving. I hope I can be stronger in the future for them. I’ve so much to learn. Thank you."
Hopefully these tips will help save some broken hearts from prolonged pain.