The 6 elements of an effective apology, as shown by one of the best apology songs ever.
Ever stumbled for a good way to say you're sorry?
Don't worry, science has your back. Researchers at Ohio State University recently broke an apology down into six basic components and asked over 700 people to rate which ones — and which combinations of them — were most effective.
Want to know what the six elements were?
No list is complete without examples, so let's take the catchiest apology ever — "Apology Song" by The Decemberists — as our test subject. (If you don't know the song, by the way, it's about apologizing to a friend after letting their bike, Madeleine, get stolen. You can listen to it here.)
1. First, an "expression of regret." In other words, say you're sorry.
Alas, poor Madeleine. Photo from iStock.
This is a simple one and maybe not as important as some of the other elements in this list, but it's remarkable how many times people try to apologize without, you know, apologizing.
So how do The Decemberists measure up? Pretty good. They nail this one right at the beginning of the song:
"I'm really sorry, Steven, / But your bicycle's been stolen."
Pretty good! But what's next?
2. An explanation of what went wrong.
I can't help but notice the conspicuous lack of bikes here, Colin. Photo from iStock.
It's a good idea to explain what happened. An explanation isn't an excuse, but it can help the aggrieved person understand the circumstances.
So, Decemberists?
"I meant her no harm / When I left her unlocked / Outside the Orange Street Food Farm. / I was just running in / Didn't think I'd be that long. / I came out, she was gone."
Takes them a little bit to get to it, but it's in there. Doing good so far!
3. An acknowledgment of responsibility: "It's my fault."
Photo from iStock.
OK, this is a biggie. And is actually one of the most important parts of an apology, according to the study. If something is your fault, admit it.
Let's check the lyrics:
"I was watching it for you / 'Til you came back in the fall. / I guess I didn't do such a good job after all."
That last part — "I didn't do such a good job" — that's the key. It was their fault, and they're willing to admit it. So far, they've been hitting all the right notes.
4. A declaration of repentance – "I won't let it happen again."
Like this times a thousand. Photo from iStock.
Showing that you've learned a lesson and are taking steps to make sure it won't happen again is another important point.
Unfortunately, it's one that The Decemberists miss in this song. If they wanted full marks, they should have explained how they were going to invest in some super-duper bike locks or a personal bike guard dog or something equally anti-theft.
In verse, of course.
5. This is another big one: offering to make it right.
I hope Madeleine 2 gets some sweet flame decals. Photo from iStock.
Ouch, another one The Decemberists missed, and it's a biggie — saying how you'll fix the problem.
So what could The Decemberists have done differently? Well, they do say:
"Where has she gone? / Well, I bet she's on the bottom of a Frenchtown pond."
This is the point where they should have sung about breaking out the scuba gear or draining the pond to get to poor Madeleine. (Ponds are apparently completely filled with bicycles anyways, if that canal proves anything.)
Or, you know, getting them a new bike. But scuba diving's more fun.
6. Lastly, a request for forgiveness.
Photo from iStock.
This is actually the least important part of the apology.
"That's the one you can leave out if you have to," said the study's lead author, Roy Lewicki, in a press release.
But it's always good to include it if you have time. And on this, The Decemberists nail it again:
"So I wrote you this song / In the hopes that you'd forgive me / Even though it was wrong / being so careless with a thing so great."
The most effective apologies contained all six elements, according to Lewicki, but admitting fault, offering a fix, and giving an explanation seemed to be the most important combination.
As to why those three were most important, the authors think it's because they most directly address the original violation of trust while the others are more ephemeral.
Remember, though, this isn't a cheat sheet. If you're not genuinely sorry, it means nothing. And even if you hit the high-score best apology of all time, the other person doesn't have to accept it. And that's OK.
So how did our band do? Altogether, The Decemberists get 4 out of 6. They left out two elements, but nailed some of the big ones. So I'd definitely accept that apology.
If you need to apologize and are stumbling for words, remember this:
"I'm sorry, it was my fault. Here's what happened. I won't let it happen again, and here's how I can make this right. Forgive me?"
Hopefully that'll help patch up any bike-related mishaps in your life.



A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
Gif of baby being baptized
Woman gives toddler a bath Canva


An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.