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Relationship expert tells people to never get married unless you're willing to do 3 things

"If you and your partner (both) are unable or unwilling to do these 3 things consistently forever, you won’t make it."

relationships; marriage; marriage advice; relationship expert; Jayson Gaddis

Relationship expert gives people advice on getting married.

Being in a relationship can be difficult at times. Learning someone else's quirks, boundaries, and deep views on the world can be eye-opening and hard. But usually, the happy chemicals released in our brain when we love someone can cause us to overlook things in order to keep the peace.

Jayson Gaddis, a relationship expert, took to Twitter to rip off people's rose-colored glasses and tell them to forego marriage. Honestly, with the divorce rate in this country being as high as it is, he probably could've stopped his tweet right there. Don't get married, the end. Many people would've probably related and not questioned the bold statement, but thankfully he followed up with three things you must be willing to do before going to the chapel.

Before going into his reasons for why he tells people not to get married, Gaddis explained that he is a person that "LOVEs being married." I mean, it would probably make him a pretty weird relationship expert if he hated relationships, so it's probably a good thing he enjoys being married. Surely his spouse appreciates his stance as well.


So why does he tell unsuspecting people not to get married? "Because a long-term partnership might be one of the hardest paths out there. It will confront everything about you and your partner. Your relationship skills will be tested. And all your unresolved childhood trauma will come to the surface," Gaddis wrote.

Unresolved childhood trauma can become a major problem in relationships because oftentimes our trauma is present in how we react to conflict or relationship strain. According to Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, childhood trauma manifests in relationships in multiple ways including fear of abandonment, being easily irritated, constantly arguing or avoiding conflict at all costs.

It's not unwise to tuck that bit of information in your pocket if you're thinking about a long-term relationship, and Gaddis bringing this to the forefront will certainly benefit someone. That's not to say you can't be in a relationship if you have trauma; Gaddis is simply suggesting that you be aware of your traumas and how they may show up in the course of a relationship.

He then went on to get into his actual list of things couples should be willing to do before they get married in order to have a successful marriage.

"Learn. Learn about you, learn about them. Never stop learning about yourself and each other in the context of your relationship," he wrote, which falls right in line with his pre-numbered suggestions.

Now, the second suggestion may have people quickly raising an eyebrow, especially if they don't like conflict. Gaddis suggested embracing "conflict, adversity and challenges" and getting "very very good at repairing it and working it through 100% of the time."

That's a good one. Conflict resolution is a skill and committing to sharpening it and using it every single time could save some relationships. The third may help preemptively alleviate some unforeseen power struggles and I'm here for it.

"Share leadership and collaborate. Being teammates about everything and sharing the load together is crucial. Be honest about how hard it is to share leadership and get better at it," Gaddis tweeted before elaborating further in the thread.

The author and relationship expert bluntly stated that if both people can't agree to do those three suggestions, then the couple would not survive. Gaddis rounded out the Twitter thread by explaining that unless you're ready to work on yourself and commit to the three things listed, you should stay single.

Ouch. Harsh words, but it's better to come from a behavior and relationship expert than anyone else.


This article originally appeared on 2.3.23

An anry wife shares her thoughts with her husband.

A husband invited some new coworkers over for dinner and instead of properly introducing his wife, he made a sexist joke that she felt was belittling. The wife, who goes by the name Sadie on Reddit, shared the story on the AITA forum to ask if she responded correctly.

Spoiler alert: Yes, she did.

“My husband invited his new coworkers over for dinner. When they arrived, he introduced me by gesturing at me and saying, ‘This is Mrs. Smith (he didn't even say my name)...the housewife!'" Sadie revealed.

“I looked at him for a second, then I started laughing hysterically,” Sadie continued. “I then told said, ‘No, honey, I work full time, and YES I still act like a housewife when I'm home because you simply can't bother to help.’” After Sadie’s remark, the guests stared at the husband, who tried to laugh it off and then changed the subject by asking them if they wanted a drink.


The rest of the dinner was awkward, with the husband and wife exchanging angry glances. After the guests left, the husband blew up at Sadie, saying that she laughed like a “lunatic” and that she ruined “his image.”

“I told him he was wrong to lie about my status and deny my degree, to begin with,” Sadie continued. He said I could've talked to him about it privately later but not like this, and making his coworkers think he's useless.” Sadie asked the online forum if she was out of line, and they responded with a collective no.

People overwhelmingly supported the wife, raising an issue far beyond the fact that her husband was seriously inconsiderate. It’s a big red flag in a relationship when one spouse diminishes or belittles the other in public or private.

“Men who diminish their partners to look better at the office are gross. He only seemed to care about his embarrassment and not yours. I'd be mortified if my husband used a lie that robbed me of my success and accomplishments to prop himself up," Geranium27 wrote.

“It's a red flag for the relationship. He doesn't want a partner who is an equal. He wants a dependent woman who he can provide for completely so he can feel like a man," RedWanderingLizard added.

Some also noted that it was wrong of him to disparage homemakers.

"He diminished (being a housewife is not a ‘low’ role, but he meant it that way) you in public, you corrected him. In public. As he deserved,” LetThemEatHay wrote.

The viral post received over 24,000 comments, highlighting the idea that belittling your partner is a serious sign of a dysfunctional relationship that should not be ignored.

According to Psychology Today, backhanded compliments, digs and subtle put-downs are attempts by one partner to make the other feel small and themselves feel big. “Although cleverly disguised as a joke or a compliment, these comments may qualify as ‘toxic’ if they sting, cause confusion, and replay in a person’s mind for days, disrupting their peace,” Erin Leonard, Ph.D. writes.

Ultimately, commenters overwhelmingly agreed that Sadie was right not to let her husband's belittling compliment go unnoticed. By sharing it online, she opened up a meaningful discussion about appropriate humor in relationships. Studies show that it’s healthy for partners to joke around with one another, but when the comments are thinly veiled put-downs and backhanded compliments, it’s no laughing matter.


This article originally appeared on 5.9.24

© Jose Bayon/Animal Friends Comedy Pets and © Judy Nussenblatt/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

Winners of the Comedy Pet Photo Awards.

Seven years ago, the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards started highlighting some of the funniest photos of the animal kingdom, and after its runaway success, its founders created the Comedy Pet Photo Awards. The goal of the annual competition is to "promote positive awareness of animal welfare issues and celebrate the incredible and valuable contribution that pets can and do have on our lives.”

The competition's organizers, with the help of Animal Friends Pet Insurance, backed up that pledge this year by donating £10,000 ($11,270) each to three separate charities to help improve the lives of pets and promote their work.

Th2 2022 winner is Kenichi Morinaga of Japan with his brilliant photo of two cats sitting on a fence, cheek to cheek—or neck and neck. The photo, entitled "Boom Boom," beat out more than 2,000 entries to win the top prize, £2,000 ($2,250) cash and a £5,000 ($5635) donation from Animal Friends Pet Insurance to go toward the animal welfare or conservation charity of the winner's choice.


Morinaga fell in love with photographing street cats while on a backpacking trip to Europe.

“Suddenly, I became fascinated by the antics of cats out in the streets and had to photograph them,” he said in a statement. “When I returned to Japan, I continued to seek them out, they really cheer me up, especially after the last two years of the pandemic—they are so funny, even when they are doing something serious. This amazing competition reminded me that such gestures from all animals are recognized as being hilarious, cute and heart-warming not only in Japan but all over the world."

Here are 15 of the best photos from the 2022 Comedy Pet Photo Awards.

Winner: Kenichi Morinaga "Boom Boom" (two cats, Japan)

© Kenichi Morinaga/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Cats are bumped on the wall suddenly. It was like a cartoon. Such a funny moment." — Kenichi Morinaga

Dog Category: Jose Bayon "Nilo's Love for Water" (dog, Spain)

© Jose Bayon/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Nilo is an adopted puppy about 10 months old. He was hit by a car and was barely saved. Now recovered, he has just discovered water for the first time. His capers and pirouettes show his passion for water. Love at first sight." — Jose Bayon

All Other Creatures: Stefan Brusius "Smokin' Alpaca" (alpaca, Germany)

© Stefan Brusius/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"He looks like he is smoking a cigar." — Stefan Brusius

The Mighty Horse: Radim Filipek "Happy Borses" (mare and foal, Czech Republic)

© Radim Filipek/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Happy mother and her 3 day old son Monty." — Radim Filipek

People's Choice Award: Marko Jovanovic "Dashing Through the Snow" (dog, U.S.A.)

© Marko Jovanovic/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Carter was on a Euth list in California. We flew from Chicago to Cali to rescue him. This was his first time experiencing snow. As you can see he could believe was missing out all these years!" — Marko Jovanovic

Junior Category: Freya Sharpe "Jack the Cat Stuck in the Hedge" (cat, U.K.)

© Freya Sharpe/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"We had gone out for the day and came home to find our kitten Jack had got stuck in the hedge!" — Freya Sharpe

Pets Who Look Like Their Owners: Judy Nussenblatt "Dave and Dudley" (dog, U.S.A.)

© Judy Nussenblatt/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"This is my friend, David and his dog Dudley. During the early days of Covid, David and I took advantage of a beautiful day and we were out shooting pictures. Dudley was so excited when we got back that he threw his front paws around David's shoulders and I snapped this picture. They both look like they could use a good haircut, but it was Covid....so who cares." — Judy Nussenblatt

Comedy Pet Team Favorite: Mehmet Aslan "Chauffeur Dog" (dog, Turkey)

© Mehmet Aslan/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"This is what I saw when I stopped at the traffic lights. At first I thought the dog was really driving!" — Mehmet Aslan

Highly Commended: Beth Noble "OMG What Is That?" (cat, U.K.)

© Beth Noble/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"CK shows his surprised face." — Beth Noble

Highly Commended: Christopher Johnson "Revenge of the Tennis Ball" (dog, U.K.)

© Christopher Johnson/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"This is Star playing in the snow in a local field and getting surprised by a passing tennis ball." — Christopher Johnson

Highly Commended: Jonathan Casey "Grandmistress Candy" (cat, U.K.)

© Jonathan Casey/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"My tabby cat Candy is ranked East Anglia #1. — Jonathan Casey

Highly Commended: Karl Goldhamer "Werewolf 2.0" (dog, Germany)

© Karl Goldhamer/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Even a werewolf needs to relax sometimes." — Karl Goldhamer

Highly Commended: Kazutoshi Ono "Too Desperate" (cat, Japan)

© Kazutoshi Ono/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"She is my lovely kitty that is rescued from my local cat care facility. This is just a door that continued to a corridor. Sometimes she jumps up and holds a door when she is too desperate to go out." — Kazutoshi Ono

Highly Commended: Kenichi Morinaga "Now, How Do I Upload My Pics?" (cat, Japan)

© Kenichi Morinaga/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"I gotta smartphone so I want to upload my pics for my SNS. But I don't know how to use it. Please someone tell me how to use it." — Kenichi Morinaga

Highly Commended: Lucy Sellors-Duval "Mine, Not Yours" (dogs, U.K.)

© Lucy Sellors-Duval/Animal Friends Comedy Pets

"Benji was determined to be the one to get all the yummy treats during his photo shoot even if it meant stopping his older brother Doug." — Lucy Sellors-Duval


This article originally appeared on 9.22.22

The Minnesota state photograph "Grace" by Eric Enstrom depicts traveling salesman Charles Wilden in Bovey, Minnesota.

The painting of an old devout man praying over a bowl of gruel and a loaf of bread in front of a Bible is one of the most popular pieces of 20th century American art. The piece is called “Grace” and you’ll find it in homes, churches and even restaurants.

I clearly remember there was a copy of it hanging on the wall at my corner burger joint, Mack’s Burgers, in Torrance, California, in the ’80s. Sadly, it’s been torn down and is now a Jack in the Box.

However ubiquitous the photo may be, a new video by pop culture YouTube user Austin McConnell shows that “Grace” isn’t really what it seems.


“Grace” was originally a photograph taken in 1918, during World War I, by Eric Enstrom, a Swedish American from Bovey, Minnesota. Enstrom was preparing some photographs to take with him to a convention when Charles Wilden, a salesman selling boot scrapers, came to his door, and he know he had to take his photo.

“There was something about the old gentleman’s face that immediately impressed me. I saw that he had a kind face… there weren’t any harsh lines in it,” Enstrom said. “I wanted to take a picture that would show people that even though they had to do without many things because of the war they still had much to be thankful for,” he added.

“There was something about the old gentleman’s face that immediately impressed me. I saw that he had a kind face… there weren’t any harsh lines in it,” Enstrom said. “I wanted to take a picture that would show people that even though they had to do without many things because of the war they still had much to be thankful for,” he added.

Enstrom posed Wilden in front of a loaf of bread, a bowl—which may have been empty—and a large book that many assume to be the Bible. But, as McConnell notes, the book is far too large to be the good book, as most people assume. The Grand Forks Herald claims that a receipt for payment from Enstrom to Wilden reveals that the book is a dictionary.

The photograph went on to be a huge hit at the convention and Enstrom began selling copies about town. After many requested copies of the photo in color, Enstrom’s daughter, Rhoda Nyberg, began hand-painting them in oils and added a streak of light on the left side of the painting. This is the version that people have come to love.

"The intent of the photo is fairly obvious,” McConnell says in the video. “Enstrom wanted an image that conveyed to people that even though they had to do without many provisions because of the ongoing war, there was still much to be thankful for. A picture that seemed to say 'this man doesn't have much of earthly goods, but he has more than most people because he has a thankful heart.'"

Enstrom convinced Wilden to sign over his rights for $5, which gave him the sole copyright. He then licensed the image to the Lutheran-affiliated Augsburg publishing house, which distributed the image across the country.

According to McConnell “thousands and thousands” of copies of the photo were sold. The image entered the public domain in 1995.

Although not much is known about Wilden, it is believed that he lived a hard life. "He was living in a very primitive sod hut near Grand Rapids, eking out a very precarious living," retired history professor Don Boese told the Grand Forks Herald. It’s also likely that he wasn’t the devout man we imagine in the photo. "The stories about him centered more around drinking and not accomplishing very much,” Boese said.

So the painting was actually a photo. The Bible, a dictionary, and the subject was more likely to be the town drunk than a saint. But, in the end, does it matter? McConnell believes that its meaning rests in the eye of the beholder.

"If you found out today that everything you thought you knew about this iconic image was actually wrong, would you take it off your wall?” McConnell asks at the end of the video. “Or would you accept that the value in a piece of art isn't merely derived from the knowledge of how it was made? Or who made it?”


This article originally appeared on 1.6.23

How U.S. highways are numbered is surprisingly systematic.

A bunch of years ago, our family traveled around the United States as nomads for a year, driving thousands of miles through dozens of states. And throughout the entirety of that kind of epic road trip, I never once learned that there's a system for how our highways are numbered. It always seemed random, but it's so very not.

A viral Facebook post sharing just two basic principles of interstate highway numbering blew my mind, and also the minds of approximately 196,000 other people who shared the post in the past few days. Rich Evans included two images showing the East-West interstate highways and the North-South interstate highways with this explanation:

"I always knew there was a logic to it, but I never saw it explained so well until I stumbled upon this delightfully informative short video on how the US interstates are numbered.


Those with 2-digits traverse the entire country.

If they end in "0" they run East-West (10, 20, 30, ..)

If they end in "5" they run North-South (5, 15, 25, ..)

Those with 3-digits are bypasses and contain the last 2 digits of the interstates they bypass.

That's it! (plus exceptions 😉 ) Neat!"

It is neat, actually. But it's even a bit more complex than that, and the video link Evans shared explains it all in a clear (usually) and funny way. "The Interstate's Forgotten Code" from CGP Grey uses animation to show that the numbering system does indeed have a rhyme and reason, despite there being a few notable exceptions. (A highway system would be boring if it always followed the rules, wouldn't it?)

Enjoy learning something new if you didn't already know this:

This article originally appeared on 2.17.22

Comedians George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Joan Rivers

Reddit user cutecutejames posted a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?” The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.

Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.”

Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.


Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.

“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

Here are 21 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared on the AskReddit forum.

1.

Jabazaba wrote:

"Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown

2.

ShofarD**kSwordFight wrote:

"Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm Macdonald

This came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

3.

NotoriousREV wrote:

“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster

4.

TheZMage wrote:

“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon

5.

Biggoofydoofus wrote:

"What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan

6.

Mysterious-Judge-333 wrote:

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg

7.

SalveBrutus wrote:

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams

8.

NecroeJoe wrote:

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart

9.

KingNewbie wrote:

“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

ElvishMystical wrote:

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan

11.

Active Oppressor wrote:

"When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor

12.

Buttflakes27 wrote:

"I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips

13.

ZorroMeansFox wrote:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

14.

Mikethereddit wrote:

"I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White

15.

Heckhammer wrote:

"I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield

16.

OneFingerIn wrote:

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin

17.

SoftwareAlert7192 wrote:

"When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock

18.

Megsy73_Idgaf

"She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers

19.

NotaDogIswear wrote:

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope

20.

Freedomdeliverus wrote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'

And we … kill those people.

'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.

And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared on 4.3.23