Standing in front of a crowd of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals and their allies, “Scandal” actress Kerry Washington took the stage to accept GLAAD‘s Vanguard Award.
Each year, the Vanguard Award goes to someone in the entertainment industry who has helped push LGBT rights forward. It’s been awarded to people like Drew Barrymore, Josh Hutcherson, Jennifer Lopez, and Jennifer Aniston.
Her speech was a fiery call for the “others” of the world to join together to “fight the good fight” and to work to end a system that leaves some people with fewer basic rights than others.
She discussed how people of color, women, LGBT individuals, and other marginalized groups have often been pitted against one another.
“Now you would think that those of us who are kept from our full rights of citizenship would band together and fight the good fight. But history tells us that no, often we don’t. Women, poor people, people of color, people with disabilities, immigrants, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, trans people, intersex people — we have been pitted against each other and made to feel like there are limited seats at the table for those of us who fall into the category of ‘other.’”
She has a powerful, uplifting suggestion: The “others” of the world need to work together in their common goal and use the power of storytelling to create change.
“There is so much power in storytelling, and there is enormous power in inclusive storytelling, in inclusive representation. … We must be allies, and we must be allied in this business because to be represented is to be humanized. And as long as anyone anywhere is being made to feel less human, our very definition of humanity is at stake, and we are all vulnerable.
We must see each other, all of us; and we must see ourselves, all of us. We must continue to break new ground until that is just how it is. Until we are no longer firsts and exceptions and rare and unique. In the real world, being an ‘other’ is the norm. In the real world, the only norm is uniqueness, and our media must reflect that.”
Washington’s message is powerful and personal. But above all, it’s an honest reflection on a world that treats entire groups of people — women, people of color, LGBT people — as second-class citizens, as “others.” Our world needs to be better than that, and as she says at the start of her speech: Some stuff needs to be said.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
The bidet dates back to 18th-century France and, by all accounts, is more hygienic than toilet paper and better for the environment. But, much like the metric system, Americans aren’t adapting to them anytime soon.
In fact, a 2022 poll found that only 12% of Americans “know a lot about” bidets. Americans make up 4% of the world’s population but use 20% of its toilet paper, while 70% of the world doesn’t use toilet paper at all.
When you look at the numbers, bidets are a much better option for the environment and for one’s pocketbook than toilet paper. According to The Process, Americans cut down 31 million trees each year for toilet paper, and it takes 37 gallons of water to produce a single roll, while each use of a bidet requires only one-eighth of a gallon.
Bidets also do a better job of cleaning your rear end than a square of toilet paper.
“The direct application of water for post-toilet cleansing removes residual fecal matter more effectively than toilet paper alone,” Dr. Farhan Malik, a health and wellness expert, told KTVX-TV. “This can help prevent skin irritation and inflammation in the genital area. The gentle, targeted spray of water also reduces excessive wiping and tugging, which can lead to discomfort.”
Why haven’t Americans adopted the bidet?
When Americans were stationed in France during World War II, many visited bordellos, a fact they probably didn’t want people back home to know. In the bordellos, sex workers and their clients used bidets to clean up before and after their encounters, so Americans came to associate bidets with naughtiness and illicit behavior.
“GIs visiting bordellos would often see bidets in the bathrooms, so they began to associate these basins with sex work,” Maria Teresa Hart writes in The Atlantic. “Given America’s puritanical past, it makes sense that, once back home, servicemen would feel squeamish about presenting these fixtures to their homeland.”
Even before World War II, bidets were associated with contraception and abortion. “The presence of a bidet is regarded as almost a symbol of sin,” Norman Haire, a pioneering gynecologist and sexologist, said in 1936.
Bidets make economic sense
What’s interesting is that, even though Americans rejected bidets on moral grounds, that resistance hasn’t been overridden by economic common sense. Americans spend $11 billion on toilet paper every year, and the average person in the U.S. uses 141 rolls annually. A single bidet attachment can cost as little as a one-time fee of $35.
Bidets have been found to be better for your health, the environment, and your wallet, but Americans still won’t switch from paper to a little spritz of water. If the runs on TP during the COVID-19 pandemic didn’t inspire Americans to change their ways, maybe nothing will.
“Toilet paper is not a necessity. It is a cultural habit wearing the costume of a necessity. Seventy percent of the human population proves that every single day,” The Process reports. “A product most of the world has never needed became the first thing Americans panic-bought when crisis arrived. Not medicine. Not food. Toilet paper. That tells you something, not about cleanliness, but about how habits take root. They do not grow from logic. They grow from one small misunderstood moment, repeated across a generation, then another, until the habit feels like instinct.”
Among the thousands of runners participating in this year’s London Marathon, one figure stood out in a way that was impossible to ignore. As 30-year-oldJordan Adams completed the race with a 25-kilogram (55-pound) fridge secured to his back, heads turned at every mile.
Yes, it was unusual, but the heartbreaking reason behind it gave the moment a depth that stayed with those who witnessed it.
Adams took on the challenge to bring attention to frontotemporal dementia, a condition that has shaped his family’s life for years. His mother, Geraldine, was diagnosed in her 40s when Adams was a teen, and died after living with the illness for six years. Since then, multiple relatives have also been lost.
He and his brother Cian later learned they both carry the same genetic mutation.
“I am a carrier. I have a 99.9% chance of getting familial FTD. It’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter of when,” Adams told the BBC, according to the Bristol Post. “And I just want do as much as I can in the time that I have to help those living with dementia, those impacted by it, so that I leave this world, hopefully in a better place when dementia does take my life.”
The fridge was never about pure spectacle. It was meant to represent something less visible but viscerally felt nonetheless.
“Because that’s what it feels like sometimes – like you’re carrying something heavy that no one else can see. I’m doing this to make dementia visible,” Adams said, according to LAD Bible. “But more than that… to show you that whatever you’re carrying, you don’t have to carry it alone.”
A moment shared with thousands
Running a marathon under normal circumstances demands months of preparation. Doing so with added weight required an even more careful approach, from building strength gradually to repairing equipment when it failed during training.
Still, it was the atmosphere on race day that left the strongest impression. Cheers from the crowd helped carry him through the most difficult stretches, turning an intensely personal mission into something shared by many.
“Honestly, it felt like the whole of London was with me and I’ve never experienced anything like that. I probably never will [again] in my life,” Adams recalled.
What comes next
The finish line in London marked the start of another challenge. Within hours, Adams traveled to begin a 32-day run across Ireland, completing a marathon in each county alongside his brother.
Beyond raising awareness, Adams shared that the “FTD Brothers” had an additional goal: “to try and raise a million pounds before we die of dementia.” This money would go toward research and provide support for families affected by the illness.
“We’re on a mission because we have a clock kind of ticking against us, and we want to make as much of a difference in the next 10, 15 years that we have and the time that we have left,” Adams said.
Living with that knowledge hasn’t been easy. Adams has spoken openly online about the emotional toll of his diagnosis, including periods of depression and uncertainty about the future. What helped him through it most was the encouragement he received from those around him. He now aims to provide that kind of hope to others facing similar realities.
“Losing my mum the way I did changed everything,” he told the Irish Examiner. “Now being diagnosed myself, I had a choice and I chose to do something that shows life doesn’t stop here.”
How to help the mission
Donations to the FTD Brothers’ GoFundMe have already climbed rapidly as more people hear their story.
If you want to help, you can donate directly to the FTD Brothers’ GoFundMe page here. Every contribution, no matter the size, supports dementia research and resources for families facing the same diagnosis.
As a parent, if your kids don’t occasionally hate you, you’re probably not doing your job. It’s never fun, but it is a mom or dad’s main responsibility to keep their children safe, healthy, and to help them develop into a well-rounded adult. That often means saying the dreaded “No.” A lot.
The uncomfortable part is that children rarely see the wisdom in their parents’ decisions. And sometimes they make their displeasure very well known in ways that can sting.
Mom stumbles upon 9-year-old’s hand-drawn comics, finds a surprise villain
Utah-based mom Stacy Goulding happened upon a couple of homemade comic books her nine-year-old son had drawn. Filled with creative titles and lively artwork, they made for an impressive collection.
Goulding took to Instagram to show off how the hero, a character named Emerald Warrior, did battle in each edition with a new foe: Emerald Warrior vs Farty Balloon, Emerald Warrior vs Mean Clown, and Emerald Warrior vs Bad Spider, to name a few.
But it was the last comic book that prompted Goulding to title her video: “Moms, if you want ot feel better about yourself, continue watching.”
In a comic titled “Emerald Warrior vs No Mom,” the hero takes on a mean looking lady in a red dress who says “No” to everything. “Once upon a time there was a mom that never answers her kids questions and always says No,” the comic reads. “Her kids were really sad.”
Ouch!
But don’t worry, Emerald Warrior would soon come to the rescue. On the next page, he appears out of nowhere and sprays “Yes Spray” on the mean mom, fixing everything. All the children cheered. The end.
Goulding clearly got a good laugh out of the situation, but couldn’t help but notice the overdramatic irony of her being cast as the villain in the story.
“It’s always interesting seeing ourselves through the eyes of our children,” Goulding wrote in the caption, before going on to explain that her son made the comic after a spring break full of swimming, hiking, birthday parties, late night movies, biking, and more.
“I think for having a ‘no mom’ they have it pretty good,” she writes of her kids.
Some reassured Goulding that she was on the right track:
“The creativity and imagination of it all clearly does say that yes, you are killing it! And the entire series?!? AMAZING.”
“mine told me I was an evil villain yesterday..bc she couldn’t jump off her top bunk into a pile of stuffed animals..I’d rather be the evil villain instead of the ambulance driver”
Others were impressed by the boy’s drawing and writing skills. Clearly his boredom and frustration were channeled beautifully into his art:
“This might be the best parenting advice on the internet! Tell your kids ‘no’ more often so they have to learn how to entertain themselves, develop creativity and writing skills and discover the power of persuasive rhetoric … I think you’ve solved parenting”
It can be frustrating for kids to hear ‘No’ all the time, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. Photo Credit: Canva Photos
Others, still, just wanted to know where they could get their hands on this magical Yes Spray.
Kids being frustrated is extremely common and normal
Rest assured, parents, it’s OK and totally normal for your kids to say they hate you—or even to cast you as the villain in their life story. They don’t actually hate you, but it’s sometimes the only way for their brain to process the big feelings of rejection, anger, and frustration at not getting what they want.
Drawing, and art in general, is another way they process these emotions.
Goulding, for her part, handled the discovery of the comics like a total pro. Experts say the best way to handle something like this is to “kill it with kindness,” according to Today’s Parent. Don’t react, laugh it off, and remind them that you love them no matter what.
Bonus points if you can post their moody artwork on the Internet to let hundreds of thousands of other parents know they’re not alone.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is widely regarded as the most action-packed installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Battle of Helm’s Deep alone was a juggernaut of a fight scene, wherein thousands of Riders of Rohan (the good guys) go up against the forces of Saruman’s infantry of Uruk-hai, Orcs, and Dunlendings (the bad guys).
And of course, valiantly fighting in disguise as a Rider of Rohan, or the Rohirrim, in the third and final installment of Lord of the Rings (i.e. Return of the King) is Eowyn (played by Miranda Otto), one of the only three female leads in the trilogy. Funny to think that Eowyn wasn’t, in fact, the only cross-dressing female in this iconic movie moment…not by a long shot.
The real riders behind the army
To capture the full size and scope of the battle, Peter Jackson needed extras. Lots of them. Extras who could not only ride a horse well (they’re not called riders for no reason), but who would also, ideally, own their own horse. That significantly narrowed the availability of viable performers. Surprisingly, an overwhelmingly larger number of women fit that bill than men. So, Jackson and his team created a bit of movie magic. They gave these female riders fake beards, and voila: an army of horseback riding men.
A BTS story that stuck
Major LOTR nerds might remember this story being shared in the extensive behind-the-scenes footage that came with the DVD. In it, we see the female extras getting fit (one even jokes, “I am a girl! See?!”), as well as Viggo Mortensen, aka Aragorn, coyly admitting that he may or may not have had a crush on one with a strawberry blonde beard.
While this kind of bonus content is, in some ways, a thing of pop culture past, this story lives on online as part of LOTR lore, occasionally resurfacing from time to time to either shock those who were unaware, or give aficionados reason to brag, “Yeah, I already knew that.” Either way, it’s always an opportunity to find newfound appreciation. It also highlights how the best kind of filmmaking often relies on practical solutions that subtly reshape what audiences think they are seeing.
Expanding women’s presence in Middle-earth
In subsequent adaptations of Tolkien’s work, there have been a few measures taken, for better or worse, to add more female representation to the mix. The Hobbit franchise, for example, invented Elven warrior Tauriel, played by Evangeline Lilly. Similarly, Rings of Power centers on a young Galadriel (Morfydd Clark), and also features dwarf royalty Princess Disa, played by Sophia Nomvete.
Both the Lord of the Rings books and movie series are highly regarded for the way they portray masculinity and male relationships. But as we see, both in obvious and not-so-obvious ways, the women in LOTR brought to life some of the story’s most defining moments.
And really, even more than that, this story speaks to the collaborative nature of filmmaking. As a new rendition of Lord of the Rings is currently being created—in a time when so many vitally human aspects of filmmaking seem to be at risk—one can only hope this element stays within its DNA.
Sure, there are several hacksWheel of Fortune players might use to increase their odds of success—calling out common letters, using “Express Wedges,” etc. But when it comes to keeping a marriage alive post-show, there’s really only one winning strategy: compliments.
A very specific (and very committed) investigation
Who’s to say what prompted a man named Joey to devote six years to watching “nearly 2,000 episodes” of the hit game show to see how many of its married male contestants were “kicked to the curb” after competing. But regardless, his findings were…surprising, to say the least.
After examining episodes that aired between 2010 and 2019, Joey discovered that male game players who didn’t use “complimentary adjectives” (think “gorgeous,” “amazing,” “fantastic”) to describe their wives during their introductions were far more likely—3x more likely, in fact—to get divorced within five years than their honey-tongued counterparts.
Apparently, 15% of the hubbies who forgot to attribute some kind of heavenly descriptor to their spouse got the boot, while only 5% of the complimentary group suffered the same fate.
Joey saw more or less the same gap among the 185 Wheel of Fortune winners who were married men. Seven percent of the praising fellas eventually got divorced, while 17% of the tightlipped ones saw their relationship disintegrate.
It wasn’t long before this wild study went viral online. People were shocked, yes, but mostly incredibly impressed by Joey’s “investigative journalism.”
“Peak use of free will. It’s people like this that got us out of caves and into the future.”
“I can appreciate weird obsessive behaviors. Love this.”
Fellow data nerds were particularly enamored.
“This is a data analyst with hyperfixation. So niche, and now will giggle when i listen to the men introductions. No one will get when i say, ‘divorced 5 years!’ and if they ask.. i’ll come back to this comment!”
“As a data analytics student i’m obsessed with this and this just opened a whole world of opportunity for me and my spare time tysm.”
One Wheel of Fortune insider even shared, “This is wild because the WoF casting people go out of their way to prep you to say something complimentary about your spouse. I remember trying to come up with something really unique to say about my husband, but the takeaway is that I knew I HAD to use some kind of complimentary adjective. So, not doing this means you actively worked against the coaching.”
As for Wheel of Fortune itself, the show’s verified TikTok account could only muster, “Bruh” in the comments section, along with a “mind-blown” emoji.
These findings, however seemingly niche, do reflect a larger bit of general relationship wisdom. According to renowned marriage specialist John Gottman, publicly complimenting your spouse is a powerful tool to build a “culture of appreciation”, which strengthens the relationship’s emotional foundation. It demonstrates fondness, admiration, and pride in your partner, contributing to the crucial 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio needed for a healthy marriage.
In other words, it might not guarantee a jackpot, but a few kind words can go a surprisingly long way. And unlike solving a puzzle on national TV, this move can be practiced every day.
Nuns at the Convent of St. Anthony of Padua in Central Spain are on a mission beyond their spiritual calling: to save a rare breed of giant rabbit from extinction. The eleven Franciscan sisters are currently caring for 35 giant rabbits at the convent, which weigh up to 20 pounds each.
Sister Consuelo Peset Laudeña told Global Sisters Report that the rabbits hold historical significance in Spain. During the Spanish War, the rabbits were a crucial source of food for families and orphanages during food shortages.
“Many families have managed to get by thanks to this animal, and now it seems we are forgetting that part of our history,” she told the publication.
The journey to save giant rabbits
The sisters at the Convent of St. Anthony of Padua have worked to preserve the rabbits for over 30 years. But ten years ago, they learned the rabbits were going extinct.
“We contacted an association, I sent some photos, and they told me, ‘You have a spectacular animal, and it’s endangered,’” Peset explained.
Their focus shifted into helping the rabbits breed, so the sisters worked with local Spanish authorities to establish a farm. They raised $5,700 to initially invest in the farm.
Caring for the rabbits
The sisters are tasked with feeding, cleaning, and maintaining the rabbits and their quarters. The rabbits are fed a combination of barley, hay, and corn. At the end of March 2026, a total of 90 births were recorded.
“I do a visual check. I take a walk around and see which animals are listless or lethargic, and if any have died in the nests, they must be removed immediately,” Peset said.
The rabbits live in temperature-controlled cages with proper ventilation.
“Rabbits start to suffer at 26 degrees [Celsius; which is about 79 degrees Fahrenheit]; they tolerate the cold well, but not the heat,” Peset also added.
The nuns feel called to protect the rabbits thanks to a encyclical given by Pope Francis titled Laudato Si’ in 2015. In that message, he called Catholics to care for nature and the environment.
“We have to protect creation,” she said. “We are Franciscans. St. Francis is the patron saint of veterinarians, and that is the source of the love and admiration we feel for the Spanish giant rabbit.”
What are Spanish giant rabbits?
Spanish Giant Rabbits are a cross between the Flemish Giant and Spanish brown-type female rabbits. The rabbits weight up to 20 pounds, and each female rabbit can give birth to 22 pups each month.
According to Farm Show Magazine in 2014, the rabbits are comparable in size to a small lamb. They were first bred in the early 1900s.
The giant rabbits are not for sale. To further conservation efforts, the sisters have chosen to donate the rabbits to local schools, a nearby theme park, and to registered private rabbit breeders.
There are many reasons people love giving their pets goofy names. A big one is that, unlike humans, they’ll never have to put it on top of a résumé, so we’re free to call them whatever we desire. Humans also give their pets adorable names because of anthropomorphism. When we give our pets human traits, they become more relatable.
Giving our pets a truly unique name also makes us feel more attached to them. Research shows that when we give them a name we won’t hear anywhere else, they feel more personal to us, strengthening the bond. It’s the same reason why we give our loved ones nicknames.
Every year, the Nationwide pet insurance team recognizes the boldest and most unforgettable names among its roster of newly enrolled pets. This year, after over 200,000 votes were counted, the team recognized 10 cats with the wackiest names, and the winner was Cheddar Big Booty Cheeseburger from Benton, Arkansas. Cheddar Big Booty Cheeseburger is hard to beat, but the nine runner-ups have pretty amazing names, too.
2026 winner: Cheddar Big Booty Cheeseburger
“He was one of two orange kittens in a litter of a stray I took in,” said cat mom Chantalece C. “This tiny little kitten grew into a sturdy unit of a cat, so when I would grab him, it was like picking up a triple-stacked cheeseburger.”
Cheddar Cheeseburger is a wacky name in its own right, but she decided to add another quirky twist. “He really loves booty spankings too, so he deserved a big booty title,” she added. Thus, Cheddar Big Booty Cheeseburger.
Small kitties often have the biggest purr-sonalities. Sometimes, that means snuggling, funny sounds, or smiley faces. Sometimes, that means, well, destruction. “If you met this lil’ monster, you would understand,” said cat dad D. D., on naming his frisky feline Bad Kitty 5000.
“We rescued him from inside a car engine,” said cat mom Carly M. “He was small and so scared, we just kept trying to encourage him to be brave and kept telling him he was ‘such a brave little toaster.’ And it stuck. We call him B.L.T. for short!”
Looking for the right recipe for their new wacky pet, cat mom Yan L. and her boyfriend took inspiration from a rat—specifically the furry little chef from an animated classic. The result? A Michelin-star-quality pet name that’s also a little wacky. “I love the movie ‘Ratatouille,’” she said. “My cat is a grey tabby, which is a little like the rat in the movie. And he is a cat, so voila, Catatouille.”
“My girlfriend is a fan of American Dad,” said cat dad Nick R. “There’s a very niche character present in season 13—he’s only mentioned by name and never appears on screen.” Later, when a small orange kitten was discovered falling out of an engine bay, the couple knew they’d found the “embodiment of Goofus McDoof Business Horse.”
“Cats are kind of demonic, but in a fun, charming way,” said cat mom Margot. “We love a good pun and were originally planning to name one cat ‘Lucipurr’ and the other ‘Meowzebub.’ Once we brought our kittens home, it became immediately clear that this orange menace needed both names. Thus, Lucipurr Meowzebub, Lord of Cats.”
Lucipurr Meowzebub, Lord of Cats. Photo credit: Nationwide (used with permission)
Miso Tunacanopolis The First
“Miso is his original name,” said cat mom Phuong N. “The ‘Tunacanopolis’ part is just a funny name I’ve always wanted to use. ‘The First’ alludes to the fact that Miso is my first cat, but also because Miso is the best cat in my admittedly very biased eyes.”
“She was such a cute little munchkin when I got her at 3 months old, but ‘Munchkin’ was too much of a mouthful, so it quickly got reduced to Munchie,” said cat mom Morgan S. “From the moment I got her, she purred like an engine every time she snuggles up—and she does love snuggling very, very much—so, to capture her loud, reliable purr, I added McPurryToes as her last name.”
“We have always liked weird pet names,” said cat dad Steven S. “When we first got Jules, I would call him ‘Orange.’ I thought of names I could keep Orange in—it started off as Orange Julius, then evolved to Orange Julius Ceasar Salad.”
“I’m a biologist, so the term ‘significantly significant’ is used a lot, and I always thought it would be cute for a cat name,” cat mom Renee G. said. “So, when I adopted her, it was the first option on my list.”
The office potluck was a success! People went back for seconds; someone joked about licking the pan (and actually got a few laughs). And now you find yourself in the kitchen, alone with your overeager coworker, her phone already out and eyes bright with a burgeoning question.
She means it with her whole heart. She loved it and probably wants to make it for her family on Christmas Eve, or on the first cold night that feels like an excuse to stick something in the oven for hours. The warmth in her voice is so real.
And so is the tiny knot in your stomach. This recipe means something to you—it was passed down from your grandma, you got it from an esoteric cookbook online, or you invented it yourself—and right now, you don’t want to share it.
Here’s the truth: keeping a recipe to yourself isn’t rude. It’s not selfish or petty, nor is it a power move. You know how to share. But more importantly, you know when not to.
When it comes to family recipes—or any recipes, for that matter—there are countless ways to protect your peace.
Let’s get into it.
More than a recipe
Think about a specific spice: how does it smell? Where does it show up in your memory? Maybe it’s cardamom in December, folded into the sweet, enriched dough of Swedish Christmas braids, or dried chiles toasting in a pan.
That act of remembering is powerful and all-encompassing. It represents many things: a place, a person, an era of your life. Food scholars argue that this is exactly what recipes are built to do: carry culture in the body through smell, muscle memory, and repetition. Recipes live within us, not only on the page.
New York University food scholar Krishnendu Ray has observed that, for most of human history, food knowledge was traditionally passed down in close physical proximity (e.g., grandmother to grandchild). And it’s this intimacy—a shared moment between two people—that gives a recipe its meaning, just as much as its ingredients.
“Caregiving comes at a cost. Whenever there is a labor of love, there is also a labor of resentment.” – Krishnendu Ray
This is why sociologists describe family recipes as a form of cultural capital, a resource tied to identity, memory, and belonging. To hold that recipe is to hold a piece of a transmission chain: an artifact of care, repetition, and survival.
Cooking it for someone else adds another layer of complexity. The French sociologist Marcel Mauss argued that a gift is never just a gift; it creates an ongoing bond between giver and receiver. A dish cooked for others already works that way. When someone asks for the recipe on top of that, they’re asking for the gift to be extended: not just the meal, but the means to carry it forward. That’s a meaningful escalation, even when it’s asked warmly, which is exactly why your coworker’s question, however kind, however well-meant, can land as so much more than a simple request.
How to say “no” and still be kind about it
Here’s something etiquette experts agree on: the problem is almost never the “no.” A refusal delivered with warmth, gratitude, and a clear boundary is never rude. In some cases, it’s the kindest thing you can offer because it’s honest.
The following strategies offer five different ways to refuse requests for family recipes with grace.
Start with real gratitude
The ask is a compliment: someone loved what you made so much that they now want it on their own table, with their own people. That’s beautiful. Honor that.
A simple script:
“I’m so glad you liked it! That means a lot to me. But the recipe is a family tradition I keep private.”
Full stop. No nervous laugh, no extra spiral of “I’m so weird, sorry.” Warm, clear, closed.
You don’t owe anyone a backstory. But if you want to offer one, a single concrete line can make it clear that the “no” revolves around what the recipe means to you, not your opinion of the other person.
For example:
“My aunt spent years perfecting this and made us promise to keep it in the family.”
“It’s one of the few things we have left from my grandmother’s kitchen. Keeping it private helps me feel close to her.”
People can sit with disappointment and still respect a story. The key is brevity: you’re offering context, not building a legal case.
Share the “vibe,” not the blueprint
Sometimes, they don’t even want the recipe, but they are looking for cooking tips. In those cases, you can share little snippets without handing over the entire thing: a key ingredient, a basic technique, or how you approach spices.
For example:
“I don’t share the full recipe, but I can tell you the essentials. It starts with sautéed garlic, and the real magic is how low and slow you go.”
You’re not giving away the recipe. You are simply pointing in the right direction and letting them explore on their own.
Instead of sharing the recipe, forge connection in other ways. Photo credit: Canva
Offer a different kind of “yes”
If you feel comfortable, find a different way to connect. You can invite them into the process instead:
“I can’t give you the recipe, but I’d love to make it together sometime.”
“I don’t share this one, but I’ll bring it to every potluck we have. Consider me your short rib supplier.”
Those lines tend to land well because they’re both generous and specific. The boundary stays intact, and the relationship feels even warmer.
Stay gentle, even if they keep asking
Some people will circle back. Not because they’re trying to bulldoze you, but because they really want to know how to make that dish.
It’s natural to want to come up with new reasons each time, but that can sound like negotiating, which invites even more pushing.
“Still keeping that one close, I’m afraid. But truly, I appreciate you asking.”
“You’re persistent! Thank you, I’ll take it as a compliment. But the answer’s still no.”
Said with a real smile, that’s a firmly closed door.
Some things were never meant to be shared
Keeping your cherished family recipe private isn’t selfish. This is what it looks like when food, memories, and shared history travel between people who love each other.
And a quick note to the person who was told no: this was almost certainly never about you. It’s lovely that you asked, but don’t take it personally. There’s something much older than this conversation at play, something that existed long before you tried that dish and will exist long after.
What matters is that the ask was kind, and the “no” was kind. Neither of you did anything wrong. Besides, the goal was never really the recipe. It was to stay close to the person who made it.
