upworthy
Pets

Watch this fish undergo a huge transformation after getting a little love and care

Talk about a glow up.

monstro the fish, monstro fish tiktok
TikTok

Monstro is all of us.

This is Monstro, a telescope goldfish that captured hearts online. Before his rehabilitation, there was absolutely no gold to be seen—he looked like he was covered in soot. In a now-viral TikTok video, artist Lacey Scott shared that when she first met the 10-year-old fish at a pet store, he was “sick and dying." I mean, just take a peek at the screenshot below. Little guy looked like a charcoal brick. Definitely not the picture of health.


goldfish gets nursed back to life, animal tiktok, fish tiktokSad fishy. Very sad fishy. TikTok



Lesions had also formed on his underside from laying in the substrate (those little pebbles found at the bottom of a tank). The poor fellow couldn’t even swim anymore.

Scott decided to take Monstro home and see if she could nurse him back to health. Setting up a “shallow hospital tank” with aquarium salt and a daily water change seemed to have a positive effect. Monstro began eating again and swimming for short periods of time.

Eventually, he was put into a five gallon tank, and even got some new friends. At this point, his golden hue began to return. Not fully—he had a cool ombre thing happening. But still, obvious progress.

“He also got bigger….a lot bigger,” the onscreen text read. Continuing to grow is a common characteristic of goldfish—not just to fit their environment, by the way—and this was a clear indicator that Monstro was getting healthier by the day.

As Monstro’s condition improved, people became even more invested.

monstro fish tiktok, fishtok

Same, Courtney. Same

TikTok

The video ends with Monstro swimming and carefree, a golden boy once again.

@heretherebesculptures The one where you accidentally become a goldfish keeper. Meet Monstro 🖤 #rescue #inspirational #goldfish #rescuepet #fish #recovery ♬ Inspirational Piano - AShamaluevMusic

One person commented, “You’re telling me this goldfish was wearing all black cause he was SAD? I love him so much.” And actually, this statement is pretty accurate.

Fish can often be seen as the perfect low-maintenance pet. It’s not like Mr. Guppy expects daily walks, after all. Nor does he feel the need to scratch up the leather furniture. What could possibly go wrong?

But the truth is: Fish, like all pets, really do require at least some level of devoted care. Fish in general need a good tank size and water that is routinely cleaned, as well as a strict eating schedule. And unlike our furry friends, fish rarely offer warning signs before things go belly up … literally.

Goldfish in particular might need some extra TLC. They are a notoriously messy breed, and require a little daily help to keep things clean. A fish-keeping site called Aquariadise suggests a high-grade filtration system and a 30% water change on a weekly basis. Plus, being omnivores, they actually need variety in their diet. But not too much too quickly! Yes, it’s a lot. But when properly taken care of, these little guys can provide companionship for decades. Yes, decades.

@heretherebesculptures Reply to @crystalcelestecon he’s doing great 🥰 #monstrothegoldfish #rescueanimals ♬ Japanese-style dramatic piano song - スタジオ　Music Rabbit

It’s unclear whether or not Monstro has decades left. But Scott assured us that no matter how long he has left, “he’ll spend the rest of his days happy and loved.” And that’s what counts.


This article originally appeared on 5.30.22


From Your Site Articles
animals
Badge
ReSurge International
ReSurge International
Health

She was 15 when men threw acid in her face. They told her she’d be ashamed forever.

ReSurge International helped Muskan Khatun reconstruct her body, and now she’s using her voice to advocate for burn and gender-based violence survivors.

ReSurge International

Muskan Khatun was only 15 when she survived an acid attack in Nepal.

True

When Muskan Khatun was 15 years old, a group of young men started teasing her on her way to school in Nepal. She found it disturbing and uncomfortable, but they wouldn’t stop.

“I finally told my family,” Muskan says. “My dad confronted them, scolded them, and even slapped one of them. After that, they stopped bothering me for about three months.

“Then, one day, when I was heading to school, I saw them again. This time, they had a jug of acid. They tried to make me drink it, but I refused. In anger, they threw the acid on my face, hands, and chest.”

The attackers were arrested, and good samaritans nearby got Muskan to Kirtipur Hospital, where she was treated by local ReSurge surgeon and Country Director, Dr. Shankar Man Rai and his team. Resurge International is a non-profit organization that provides free reconstructive surgical care and trains surgical teams in low-income countries around the world to increase access to care for people who need it, like Muskan. ReSurge’s team in Nepal has treated 141 intentional burn attacks like Muskan’s over the last seven years.

ReSurge helped Muskan take her life back. But that was only the beginning of her story.

ReSurge International

One teen’s perseverance created historic change in the law.

“As I learned more about the laws in my country, I realized the justice system didn’t provide enough protection or punishment for such crimes,” Muskan says.” It felt like a bigger hurt than the acid attack itself. That’s when I decided to raise my voice and work towards changing the laws to ensure justice for others like me.”

Muskan wrote to the Prime Minister just days after her attack, but got no response. So she took her voice to the public. For two years, she courageously shared her story and advocated for better laws.

Finally, the Prime Minister invited her to his residence. He listened to her experiences and legal ideas, and in just 15 days, he passed a law specifically targeting acid attacks. The law also passed in Nepal’s parliament in record time.

“This was the first time in Nepal that a law was passed so swiftly,” Muskan says. “The new law was very strict, including a life sentence for offenders, marking the most severe punishment in Nepal for such crimes.” In 2021 Muskan was awarded the prestigious International Women of Courage (IWOC) Award by the U.S. Secretary of State for her work to end acid attacks.

Muskan Khutan's awardsMuskan has won multiple awards for her advocacy work.Resurge International

Muskan is not alone. Acid attack survivors around the world have raised their voices to get laws changed—but that’s not the only battle they’re fighting.

Constructing laws is one thing. Reconstructing your burned body is another.

Chemical burns leave survivors with painful scar contractures that restrict movement over the affected areas, forcing them to also relive their trauma every time they look in the mirror or field questions from people about what happened to them. However, burn scars require specialized surgical care, which often isn’t readily available or affordable in most low-income countries.

That’s where ReSurge International comes in.

With a conservative estimate of 10,000 acid attacks each year (many countries don’t keep official records of acid attacks and an estimated 40% of attacks go unreported, according to Acid Survivors Trust International), the surgical needs just for intentional burn victims is significant. Additionally, with 80% of acid attack survivors being women, the gender-based violence aspect of the issue cannot be ignored.

But there’s a gap in surgery accessibility between people in high-income nations, where plastic surgery is often viewed as elective and cosmetic, and those in low-income countries, where it more often addresses critical medical needs.

One way ReSurge is closing that gap is by training the next generation of reconstructive surgeons across Africa, Asia and Latin America, in countries where acid attacks are high. Rather than only sending in surgeons from the outside, ReSurge trains and funds local surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and occupational therapists, focusing on capacity building and prioritizing locally-led solutions with an extra emphasis on training women to close the gender gap in medicine and surgery. Just last year, ReSurge transformed the lives of over 25,000 patients and trained more than 5,000 medical professionals, with 85% of their surgeries being conducted by local partners.

Raising awareness is another way ReSurge is working to ‘close the gap.’

Seeing a potential for a powerful partnership, Resurge orchestrated the first face-to-face meeting between Muskan and fellow acid attack survivor and Woman of Courage Award Winner, Natalia Ponce de León from Colombia, in June of 2024. Like Muskan, Natalia has worked tirelessly to advocate for survivors’ rights and successfully inspired change to her country’s laws. She currently runs a foundation to ensure survivors of chemical attacks get the medical, psychological and legal care they need and deserve. Through the power of mentorship and mutual support, these two remarkable women will be able to increase their reach and amplify the impact of the incredible work they’re already doing.

Muskan Khutan and Natalia Ponce de Le\u00f3nMuskan and Natalia are working together to advocate for acid attack survivors.ReSurge International

Preventing more attacks like the ones that changed Muskan and Natalia’s lives requires a multi-faceted approach, as does care for survivors who are living with the aftermath of such violence. Survivor advocates and organizations like ReSurge International working together to ensure that care is accessible for all is a reminder of what humans can do when we set our sights on solutions and keep striving to implement them in the most effective way possible.


Interested in helping? This giving season, ReSurge is matching every gift for twice the impact. To make a gift to support patients like Muskan, read their stories, and learn more about how ReSurge International is closing the gap to reconstructive surgery, visit resurge.org/closing-the-gap

.

From Your Site Articles
reconstructive surgery
Joy

A toddler kept tapping a woman's arm on a plane. Her response holds a lesson for us all.

"These are the types of people we need on airplanes."

@Cosmic-Chen/Reddit

What do you do when a little hand comes out of nowhere to feel your arm?

Being locked in a metal box with 150 random people all hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet is quite the social experiment, but one many of us do willingly in this age of air travel. One of the most notable parts of that experiment is that you never know who's going to sit near you on an airplane. Will you get the quiet reader? The Chatty Cathy? The cougher who doesn't cover their mouth? The sweet-but-over-perfumed old lady? The parent with a baby who screams from takeoff to landing?

Flying can feel like a game of roulette, especially when you find yourself sitting near one of the most unpredictable forces on Earth—a toddler. Tiny tots might can for the most delightful trip ever or the most annoying one, but as one couple demonstrates, the difference sometimes comes down to our own attitude.

A video shared on Reddit reads, "We were on the plane when this baby's hand kept reaching out and touching my arm from behind…" At first, we see a zoomed in shot of a woman's next to the window as a little hand reaches around the side of her seat and taps her on the back of the arm, repeatedly and enthusiastically. Then the camera pants to the woman's face and the face of the man with her, and their expressions say it all.

Clearly, the child is enjoying the feel of the woman's skin on the back of her arm. Tap tap tap, rub rub, squeeze, tap tap. No hesitation, zero sense of decorum, just a totally oblivious toddler sensory experience. A little annoying? Probably. Pure and wholesome and worthy of a laugh? Absolutely.

This woman could have asked the parent to stop their child from touching her (and she may have eventually). Not everyone finds small children cute and some people have sensory issues of their own that make such encounters more bothersome than it would be for others. But assuming the toddler arm massage was temporary and that the parents saw what was happening and stopped it, the reaction of the couple is a perfect example of finding the joy in life and rolling with the punches.

As the post reads, "Those small hands are a sign of absolute tenderness," and people are loving the immediate mirthful reaction the pair had to the wee one's curious little fingers.

"Nothing cuter than seeing a baby flailing their arms and slapping things because they are happy. They have no control. They just know they’re happy."

'The baby slaps 'yep this is good arm' tap tap."

"My grandma had the softest bat wings in the world. I used to love to touch them. I’m sure she was self conscious about it but I loved them lol."

"As a parent I would be horrified to discover my kid was doing this but so relieved that they were such good sports about it. These are the types of people we need on airplanes."

"Same, I’m always concerned how my kid behaves on a plane ride (and he freaking loves being on a plane) but I find most people to be such good sports around him. Love when it works out that way. Though I 10/10 would have snatched that hand away soon as I noticed 😂😂😂."

"The people laughing were so kind! I can imagine some people would lose it if a child did this but they just enjoyed it. 🥰"

"Seriously! Seeing the humor in everyday life says a lot about their temperament. They seem like great folks."

Some people shared their own stories of toddlers similarly pawing at perfect strangers. It's helpful to remember that these little ones have only been on the planet for a hot minute and they barely have anything figured out yet. The nuances of what and whom to touch and not to touch takes a while, as does having the impulse control to not just reach out and feel whatever looks soft or interesting in the moment.

"Oh my gosh, that reminded me of a time when my son was small, maybe 18 months? We were in line at a restaurant and he was toddling around my legs and holding on to my finger while I chatted with my sister and mom. I felt him let go, and looked down to see where he was off to. He was standing by a lady a couple of people ahead of me who was wearing fishnet tights. He was rubbing her leg with his tiny baby hands and looked just MESMERIZED. I, on the other hand, was absolutely mortified and grabbed him up, apologizing all over the place, but luckily she was very cool about it and was just laughing.

Little kids like to just touch stuff to learn more about the world around them, but parents need to be constantly paying attention so their kid doesn't accidentally harass someone!"

"A little kid of around that age did this to me at restaurant once- he walked up to me, rubbed my bare forearm, and then gave me that same mesmerized look and tapped me with his hand a couple times. I didn't think too much of it (was more puzzled/confused than anything), but his mom had to pick him up and apologized anyway. Kids are funny haha."

"Yes this is so adorable. The last time I took a flight with a kid sitting behind me he was kicking my seat for like two hours before I politely turned around and gave a look to his mother and said 'hey my little friend. I know this flight is long and you wanna get out of this seat but do you mind not kicking my seat anymore?' Then I gave him a piece of paper and some (like 5 out of my 50) colored pencils and asked him if he could make me a secret drawing and pass it to me quietly and I’d make him one. I’m an artist and I always carry watercolors and colored pencils and sketch books on flights. We ended up passing drawing back and forth for the rest of the remaining 5 hour flight. He didn’t kick my seat again… I suspect it was the poignant look I gave mom. But so he was engaged. Every 20 minutes or so I’d feel a little tap on my arm and a folded up little drawing would appear. I still have them in the pocket of a moleskin somewhere."

Here's to grownups joyfully embracing the reality of co-existing with small children, in all their curious, sensory-driven, hands-on glory.

From Your Site Articles
joy
Popular

Couple in their 30s live permanently on cruise ships for a little over $10K a year

“I’m not a millionaire ... I just live full-time on cruise ships.”

via Matthew Barra/Pexels

A magnificent cruise ship on the ocean.

Giving it all up and retiring to live on a cruise ship at 32 seems like a lifestyle choice only available to the ultra-wealthy. However, two financially savvy retired school teachers from Tennessee have managed to do just that, spending under $10,000 for the first eight months at sea.

Monica Brzoska, 32, and Jorrell Conley, 36, met in 2015 while teaching in Memphis, Tennessee. The following year, they booked a week-long cruise to Mexico, Belize, and Grand Cayman. After that, they were hooked on cruising together.

Eight years later, in March 2023, they booked a week-long Caribbean cruise. When it was over, instead of returning home to Memphis, they had a wild idea: Why not continue to book consecutive cruises? So, they did just that.

Monica was inspired to start living the life she always wanted after her father fell ill and her mother told her: "Don't wait for retirement. Follow your dreams."



The couple crunched the numbers and found that if they chose the cheapest cabins and used the deals they’ve received from Carnival Cruises, they could book the first 8 months for just under $10,000. “It sounds mad, but the numbers made sense. Accommodation, food and entertainment would be included – we’d only need spending money,” Brzoska told The Sun. “And because we’d been on so many Carnival cruises, we’d earned access to some amazing offers.”

Hopping from ship to ship isn’t difficult for the couple because many disembark from the same ports. But they sometimes have to fly when they can’t walk to the next ocean liner.

The couple then quit their jobs, sold their possessions, and started a new life on the high seas. They rent out their 3-bedroom home in Memphis to maintain steady cash flow. The average 3-bedroom home in the area rents somewhere between $1200 to $1900 a month.



Over the first year of their new life, the couple completed 36 consecutive cruises. They have already visited countless destinations across the globe, but they can’t choose a favorite. "For a cultural experience, we loved Japan," Brzoska told a Carnival Cruise director on Instagram. The couple also loved Greece for its “history” and Iceland because it was the "closest to being on Mars."

One of the most incredible benefits of loving on a cruise ship is that so many things are taken care of for you. The couple never has to cook any meals, do any laundry or drive. Every night, there is something to do, whether it’s checking out a comedy show or enjoying drinks and dancing in the nightclub.



Plus, on cruises, just about all the costs are covered, so you rarely have to open your wallet. It’s a stress-free, all-inclusive lifestyle. Brzoska says that when you remove the everyday stresses from life, it’s great for your marriage. “Without the daily stresses of life, we rarely argued, but always told each other if we needed space or more time together,” she said.

The couple also makes sure to have one date night a week, during which they dress up and have a nice meal together.

Most people may be unable to give it all up and live their lives hopping from ocean liner to ocean liner. But there’s a great lesson in the story of Brzoska and Conley: You never know how much time you have left, so don’t wait for retirement to live the life of your dreams.

Upworthy has reached out to Brzoska for comment and is still awaiting a response.



This article originally appeared in August.

Joy

28-year-old buys cruise ship apartment because it's less than renting and he can see the world

An all-expenses-paid life for about $50,000 a year? Sounds like a deal.

via Pixabay

A cruise ship floating on azure waters.

Living the rest of your life on a cruise ship seems like the dream of the ultra-rich. You wake up every morning and have an all-you-can-eat breakfast. Spend the afternoon hanging out by the pool or touring a fantastic city such as Rome or Dubrovnik. At night, have a drink in the lounge watching a comedian or a jazz band, then hit the sack and do it all over again the next day. Seems too good to be true for the average person, right? Think again.

Twenty-eight-year-old Austin Wells of San Diego told CNBC that he can make it happen because it’s cheaper than living onshore in Southern California and he gets to see the world. “The thing that most excites me is I don’t have to upend my daily routine, in order to go see the world,” Wells told CNBC.


“I’m going from this model where you want to go somewhere, you pack a bag, you get on a flight, you rent a room, to now my condo, my gym, my doctors and dentists, all of my grocery stores travel the world with me,” he added.

Wells purchased an apartment on the MV Narrative, which is currently being built in Croatia and sets sail in 2025.

The rough math for Wells' dream makes perfect sense. He purchased a 12-year lease on the ship for $300,000. That comes to about $2,100 a month if he didn’t have to take out a loan. By comparison, most apartments in San Diego cost more than $2,100 per month in rent.

The ship charges an additional $2,100 a month for all-inclusive services, which include food, drinks, alcohol, gym membership, routine healthcare check-ups, onboard entertainment and laundry.

So, it could cost Wells as little as $4,200 a month to live an all-expenses-paid life. Plus, there’s no need to pay for a car or waste time shopping for groceries or traveling anywhere. It’s all on the ship.

Wells can work from the ship because his job with Meta is fully remote.

"What I'm probably most excited about is going to places that ships can only uniquely go,” he told CNBC, adding that cruise ships can travel to “unique ecological parts of the world or beautiful dive spots that are a few miles off land or caves to dive through and the ship will do a number of overnight stays in those areas."

Wells isn’t the only person who’s decided to live on a permanent vacation. Upworthy spoke with a couple in their 50s earlier this year who live on cruise ships because it’s cheaper than their mortgage.

Richard Burk and his wife, Angelyn, are living their best life hopping from ship to ship for around $100 a night, depending on the cruise. "Cruise costs vary quite a bit, our goal is to average about $100 per night, for the couple, or less across an entire calendar year," Richard told Upworthy.

The Burks keep the costs of cruising down through loyalty memberships. “We love to travel and we were searching for a way to continuously travel in our retirement that made financial sense,” Angelyn told 7 News.

People like Wells and the Burks may be outliers in society. They’ve chosen to give up the comforts of home for the comfort of living a life being catered to 24/7. While most of us probably won’t opt to make the big leap and live life out at the sea, their stories are a wonderful reminder that with a little creative thinking, we can create the perfect lives for ourselves whether on land or at sea.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
cruise ships
Pop Culture

Emma Thompson explains what made the bedroom scene in “Love Actually” so heart wrenching

It wasn’t just that Alan Rickman had broken her heart.

STUDIOCANAL/YouTube

Emma Thompson's bedroom scene in "Love Actually" is a performance for the ages.

It's been over 20 years since Alan Rickman broke Emma Thompson's heart by buying that little office tart a necklace in "Love Actually," and some of us still haven't forgiven him. With its overlapping love stories set during Christmastime, the film has become a holiday classic, despite some controversy on whether or not it's actually any good. Some people love it, some people hate it, but no one can deny that Thompson gives an Oscar-worthy performance in one utterly heart-wrecking scene.

Of the eight "Love Actually" relationships, Harry and Karen (Rickman and Thompson, respectively) is the one that gives the film some serious gravitas. While other characters are pining or shooting their shot with varying levels of success, Harry is pulling a mid-life crisis affair with a modelesque coworker while Karen shuffles their children to and fro and keeps Harry's life running smoothly. We see him lie, we see her start to suspect, but the scene where she opens her Christmas present from Harry—a Joni Mitchell CD, not the necklace she had found hidden in his coat and thought was for her—is when we see Thompson's acting strengths in full view. Like, phew.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What's so striking about the scene, however, is that it's not dramatic in a typical way. There's no external conflict happening—it's just Thompson excusing herself from the family to emotionally process what she's just discovered in secret. We see and feel her heartbreak—it's so visceral—but that's not what makes the scene so powerful. Heartbreak happens all the time in movies. As Thompson explains in an interview with BBC Radio 1, it's the fact that she can't actually react the way she wants to that pulls at people's heartstrings so hard.

"I think it's just because everybody's been through something like it," Thompson says. "What I think really gets to them though is that she has to pull herself together. It's not that she's upset. That's, you know, ten a penny. But it's that she has to pull herself together."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

It's true. The conflict in the scene is between her wanting to break down and her wanting to keep her family's Christmas memories happy and intact. She is a devastated wife, but she's also a devoted mother who doesn't want to devastate her kids. We feel the tension between those two roles and the way she swallows up her grief in order to get her kids to their holiday concert right after finding out her marriage isn't what she thought it was.

"I think it’s to do with the fact that we’re required in our lives to repress the things that we’re feeling," Thompson explained on TODAY. "So, you can be hit right between the eyes with some terrible piece of news, but you can’t react immediately because you’ve got your children there. It’s that thing of not showing — that’s why it hurts. That’s why it moves us."

"If she went, 'Oh my God! I thought you were going to give me a necklace! And now you've given it to somebody else,' we would not be moved, you know?" she continued. "We're moved because she just goes, 'I'm not gonna do it.' And then she makes the bed, the bed that sort of suddenly feels so empty of meaning. And then she goes down and goes, 'Hello, everyone! Let's go.' That's why people identify."

And the way she plays it is perfect. Any actor can cry, but it's her crying while trying not to cry and how she shows us her inner emotional turmoil without her ever saying a single word that's impressive.

If you've never seen "Love Actually" and want to see the Harry and Karen story, here are just their scenes.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some people have asked whether Harry actually physically cheated or not, but "Love Actually" script editor Emma Freud clarified that he did. "DEFINITELY had an affair," she wrote on X in 2015. "I begged richard just to make it a flirtation, but no. the whole way."

And did Harry and Karen stay together in the end? The film doesn't really make it clear, but at the screening Freud answered the question: “They stay together but home isn’t as happy as it once was.” Oof. There's just no non-heartbreaking answer to that question.

This is why we watch films, though, isn't it? To see our humanity reflected back to us? To feel what the characters feel? To have our hearts broken vicariously so we can have a good cry without going through the actual pain ourselves?

People usually watch romcoms for the romance and comedy and happy endings, though. So here's to Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman for giving us one of the most poignant scenes in cinema in one of the most unexpected places.

From Your Site Articles
movies
Fatherhood

Seasoned parents rally around new dad who 'hates fatherhood' in amazing judgement-free way

A little compassion goes a long way.

Photo credit: Canva

New dad says he 'hates fatherhood.' Other parents rally in support.

Being a brand new parent can be really hard. You're in a season that many people have been in before but it's impossible to fathom what it will be like until you're going through it yourself. That's because everyone is different. We all have different distress tolerances, different levels of assistance, different relationship dynamics and unsurprisingly exactly zero babies are exactly the same. Truly, even identical twins have completely different personalities which are often evident from the moment they're born.

So no first time parent knows exactly what they're getting themselves into but thankfully, most figure it out. A good rule of thumb to remember is that it's your first time being a parent and it's also your baby's first time being a baby. You're learning together. That doesn't always help mitigate the overwhelm or very real emotional changes parents can feel, even dads.

While there has been increased focus on supporting new moms in recognizing symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression, there's not much attention paid to the changes new dads experience. One in ten men experience paternal postpartum depression and anxiety so it's important that we don't leave them out of the conversation on postpartum mental health.

a man sitting on a bed holding a baby Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

This very well could be a possible reason this dad took to a parenting group desperately seeking advice for how to handle "hating being a new father."

The anonymous father writes, "I have a three week old daughter. I feel so terrible - I just feel nothing for her. I'm finding it impossible to function without sleep. Everyone always talked about how you'll love every minute of it and how I need to 'treasure' these moments as I won't get them back - I just don't get it, what part of this is good? I have no life anymore. I have zero independence."

He shares that he can't explain his feelings to his wife and would go back to his former life if he could before concluding, "I feel like an awful person... but... how was I to know this wasn't for me before I tried it?"

woman holding baby beside man smiling Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Oof! The level of guilt he feels is evident, but what's also evident is that even though he's feeling detached from his infant, he's still caring for her. From his own words people can see that he's doing his best to become a good father and trying to be a supportive partner. Normally in open parenting forums people would pile on the guilt by shaming a parent for feeling anything other than immense joy for your child at all times whether it's realistic or not.

In this case it seems that fellow parents could hear the worry and desperation in his words, immediately rallying to offer supportive words and suggestions. One person writes, "Lack of sleep is an absolute killer.You need to see about sleeping in shifts so you both get a decent period of uninterrupted sleep. Take the baby out for a walk in the stroller. If it’s cold layer them up. You’re not a bad father, it’s a huge adjustment and it’s really hard with no sleep. But it also is what you make of it, so get outside and move your body and go for a beer or a coffee with a friend."

Baby Nbc GIF by This Is UsGiphy

A mom of two offers some solid validation, "You aren't awful. This sht is hard. It can take dads a lot longer to bond with babies. You've just got to fake it til you make it. Try to have skin to skin time with baby to give the chemical reaction in your brain a jumpstart. Just talking to the baby about what's happening around you can also help you feel a connection, just like it does when you meet a new person. Around the 2month mark things should start feeling more natural and like you're a part of things. 4month it goes to sht again due to sleep regression and then things can be a bit chaotic til around 8month when they start crawling or standing or walking even. You do look back on these days and think "wow I wish they were slower" but then you remember a poonami episode and are glad your kid is toilet trained. Try to hang in there. It does get better!"

love and hip hop baby GIF by VH1Giphy

Another father relates to the struggle but encourages that things get easier, "When my child came, I had a hard time with the loss of my previous life. I was worried that I made the wrong decision in having a kiddo and thought to myself that I wasn’t meant to be a father. That lasted for a long time honestly. I did love my kiddo, but I wouldn’t say I was bonded with him for a long time. He is 8 now and I treasure the times that we have together, he is fun and infuriating and hilarious and clever and has no common sense. Yours will their own mixture of things, but you will come to love them."

"Anyone who says you’ll love every minute of it is a damn liar and no one can change my mind," one mom writes in part before sharing further. "Having a child is a shocking life change. Your wife has a slight advantage in that her life change happened when she found out about the pregnancy, and so she’s had 8-10ish months to come to terms with it, while going through physical changes. Yours is mental and 3 weeks ago shit hit the fan. It’s ok to feel lost. Imagine if someone you were close to had died - you wouldn’t be any less shocked in 3 weeks. Give yourself some time and make sure you do bond with your baby by simply holding them and talking to them."

man in white crew neck t-shirt with tattoo on arm Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

The amount of validation and nonjudgmental support is heartwarming. Hopefully the new dad feels the level of support offered by others and knows that while it can be a hard adjustment that he can always reach out to others for support. If he or any other new father recognizes that they may be struggling with symptoms of paternal postpartum depression, support is available through therapy or the Postpartum Support International HelpLine.

From Your Site Articles
new dad hates fatherhood
Trending Stories