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The Gen X 'stay at home mom' crisis is real, but what's the solution?

Some moms in their 40s feel like they were lied to about what their "resume gap" would mean.

mom with school-aged daughter

40-something moms who stayed home to be with their kids are finding themselves in uncharted waters.

A few generations ago, parents had pretty clearly defined roles with the dad generally being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker and stay-at-home mother. Then, in 1848, the women's rights movement in the United States began with a powerful second wave coming in the 1960s and 70s, empowering women in the workplace, ushering in the era of two working parents, and producing an entire generation of "latchkey kids."

Now those Gen X latchkey kids are parenting Gen Z, with the pendulum of working motherhood having swung somewhat to the middle. We were raised to believe we could be anything we dreamed of being and that we didn't have to choose between being a mom and having a career. Gen X also became mothers during the heyday of parenting self-help books that impressed upon us the importance of attachment and hands-on childrearing, as well as the era of super-scheduled kids, whose activities alone require a full-time manager.

As a result, those of us in our 40s have raised our kids straddling two worlds—one where women can have all of the career success we desire and one where we can choose to be stay-at-home moms who run seemingly effortless households. At first, we were told we could have it all, but when the impossibility of that became clear, we were told, "Well, you can have it all, just not at the same time." But as many moms are finding as their kids start leaving the nest, even that isn't the full truth.

in 2023, a Facebook post by Karen Johnson, aka The 21st Century SAHM (short for "stay-at-home mom") nailed the reality many stay-at-home moms in their 40s are facing as they find themselves floundering with the glaring gap in their resumes.


"This is for all the moms in their 40s who put their careers on hold to do the SAHM thing because you knew you couldn't do both—career you loved and motherhood—and do both WELL, so you picked, saying to yourself, 'This is just for now and we'll see,'" Johnson wrote. "But now it's 15 years later and so much has changed in your career field that you know you can't go back. So really, when you 'took a break' all those years ago, you gave it up."

Johnson explained that yes, moms know they should be grateful for the time they've had with their kids. Most are. That's not the issue. Whether a woman chose to be a stay-at-home mom because she really wanted to or because childcare costs didn't work in the financial equation of the family, the transition out of it feels like completely uncharted waters.

"Okay, so you're looking for a 'career' with part-time hours and a 100% flexible schedule because you're still Mom-on-duty but you do have *just* enough hours during the day to reflect on the fact that you *do* have a college degree (maybe even 2) and although being a mom is the greatest and most important job in the world, you *might* actually want something more to your life than folding laundry and running hangry children to 900 events and remembering that they're all due for dental cleanings," she wrote.

Yup. The "default parent" role is real and weighted heavily toward moms as it is. For stay-at-home moms, it's 100% expected, and that doesn't suddenly end when it's time to start thinking about joining the workforce again.

And, of course, moms barely have time to try to figure all of this out.

woman in white long sleeve shirt holding brown and white labeled can

A working mom is the ultimate multitasker.

Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash

So, as Johnson says, "But for now, you cram yourself into the only pair of jeans you have right now that fit and find a t-shirt on the floor that isn't clean but isn't dirty and will pass for the 4 hours of mom-taxiing you're about to do and you tell yourself, 'I'll figure it out another day. Right now, I gotta get the kids to practice.'" Oof.

Johnson's entire post is worth a read, as it resonates with so many women at this stage of life. But just as telling are the comments from women who not only see themselves in Johnson's description but who feel like they were sold a bill of goods early in their motherhood. So many of us were led to believe that the skills and experiences of managing a family would be valued in the workplace simply because they should be and that the gap in their resume wouldn't matter.

"This hits hard. I am right there too. And all those volunteer hours & leadership positions people said would look good on my resume when I once again applied for jobs? Those people all lied. It means squat," wrote one person.

"Thank you! You spoke my heart. 42 this year, resigned from teaching almost 12 years ago, and never been more confused about my personal future, or exhausted in my present," shared another.

"I’ve never related to a post more in my life! THANK YOU. Your words perfectly summarize the loneliest, most important job in the world and how that perspective shifts in your 40s. It is confusingly beautiful," wrote another.

Some moms have chosen to see their post-stay-at-home era as a fresh start to learn something new, which might lend some inspiration to others.

woman carrying baby with two ladies beside her smiling

Beginnings are often rough, but that's okay.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

There is hope in the comments, too.

"I went back for my master’s degree at 47 years old. I’m now 50 in a new career I love and my husband is doing just fine pulling his weight with after school/carpool/dinner. Happy for the years I stayed home, happy with this new season too," shared one person.

"Yuuuup. I decided to go back to grad school at 45. It’s insane but every term I complete I’m like - omg I’m doing it! So don’t let sweaty out of shape bodies and carpool fatigue stop you. I take naps and write grad school papers and have meltdowns where I cry from the frustration of it all - but dammit I’m doing it!" wrote another.

One mom who is past this stage also offered some words of encouragement:

"So incredibly well written. I feel all these things and did throughout my 40s. Now I'm in my early '50s and I'm so glad I was able to stay home with my kids, but the guilt! The guilt of not using my education, the judgment of people who don't understand why someone would stay home with their kids, the social engineering... We just eat each other alive sometimes don't we? I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is a very lonely road and one you always question. I can tell you that all three of my kids were so grateful to have a full-time parent. I might not have always been the best, but they were glad to always have someone to talk to if they needed it. It's hard to fill other people's buckets when your bucket isn't full, but the rewards do come back when the kids tell you thank you for everything that you've done. ❤️"

Being a mom is hard, period. Working moms have it hard, stay-at-home moms have it hard, moms who have managed to keep one foot in the career door and one foot in the home have it hard. There's a lot that society could do to support moms more no matter what path they choose (or find themselves on—it's not always a conscious choice), from providing paid maternity leave to greater flexibility with work schedules to retirement plans that account for time away from the workplace. Perhaps that would at least make the many choices moms have today feel more like freedom and less like choosing between a rock and a hard place.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common
True

The Bank of America Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday, October 12th. Every runner who took on the enormous feat of 26.2 miles is truly an inspiration. We’re proud to share three outstanding stories about the power of community, giving back and crossing the finish line. Not only did they run an outstanding distance, but they each also gave back by fundraising for an organization that changes lives for the better.

Running a marathon is so much more than race day. It’s sticking to a schedule, getting enough rest, learning how to fuel your body for long distances, and—perhaps the most challenging of all—building mental resilience.



Meet Leanne: Running after 34 Bone Fractures

Leanne was only 12 years old when during her middle school cross country practice, she fractured her right tibia, the shin bone in her leg. This wasn’t Leanne’s first time breaking a bone—it was actually her 34th fracture. After many years of being overlooked as "clumsy," Leanne felt immense relief and recognition when a doctor diagnosed her with brittle bone disease, an incredibly rare condition.

Lurie Children’s provided a care plan for Leanne to build strength and start running again. And as of October 12th, Leanne ran her second Bank of America Chicago Marathon. She said in an interview, “I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am, training for my second Bank of America Chicago Marathon... all because of Lurie Children’s.”

Leanne’s impressive journey is a testament to the incredible research of Lurie Children’s, where she gives back by volunteering at the hospital and running on its behalf. Talk about being a true inspiration.


Meet Everett: Running to Inspire Through Art

Everett is an artist who creates beautiful murals around the city of Chicago. He uses his art as a tool for storytelling for community and connection.

In addition to being an artist, Everett is a runner. He ran the 2025 Bank of America Chicago Marathon on behalf of Peace Runners 773, a non-profit organization that strengthens the community of Chicago. In this video, we follow Everett on a run to visit some of his favorite murals. The run ends at Garfield Park, where Everett just finished a mural that he dedicated to the organization—symbolizing growth, strength and togetherness. Everett didn’t stop there.

While building his strength as a runner, Everett is strengthening his city of Chicago. Through his running and artwork, Everett has brought more awareness and resources to his community.

Meet Joseph: Running on Behalf of Special Olympics


Joseph ran the Chicago Marathon on behalf of Special Olympics, dedicating each mile to one of 26 friends with a developmental disability. The last 1.2 miles were extra special. It was for one of his closest friends, Matt.

In this video, Joseph runs to Matt’s house. For every mile of this training run, he tells us a heartwarming anecdote about Matt. They met at camp and soon, Matt will be a groomsman in Joseph’s wedding. The duo even sends a Christmas card every year—most notably dressing up as Buddy the Elf and sharing a bowl of spaghetti with maple syrup (spoiler: it doesn’t taste good).

As Joseph runs, he says, “Before we get to Matt, a quick note about why I’m running on behalf of Special Olympics. Matt and I love sports. And so do many of my other friends. Donations help provide year-round sports training and competition for more than 20,000 people with intellectual disabilities across Illinois.”

Joseph is the perfect example of inspiration. Not only did he run an entire marathon, but he also found inspiration in his friends who love sports as much as he does.


Leanne, Everett and Joseph are three incredible people who have shown how much strength and perseverance it takes to run a marathon. Each runner is both empowering themselves and their community. Their dedication to the Bank of America Chicago Marathon shows that the people of Chicago have a passion for the city, their neighbors and their personal achievements.

cruise ships, cruise living, vacation, lifestyle, alternative living, alternative lifestyles, aging, seniors
via Alonso Reyes/Unsplash

A couple lives permanently on cruise ships instead of paying for assisted living.

It comes as no surprise to many of us, but cost of living in the United States has gone up so by leaps and bounds in recent years. So much so that living on a cruise ship has become a reasonable idea for some retirees. When Nancy and Robert Houchens of Charlottesville, Virginia, retired, they decided to sell almost everything they had and live out their golden years hopping from cruise ship to cruise ship.

"We had a 3,000-square-foot home full of furniture...and everything we own now would fit in the back of a pickup truck," Robert told USA Today.


“We sold all of our estates except for a little condominium we have in Florida, so when we get too old to cruise, we have somewhere to live,” Nancy added. “And we did keep two vehicles, and what we kept is in half of (Robert's mother's storage unit), which is, I don't know, 10x10 or something. We just walked away from everything.”

Life on a cruise ship is stress-free for the couple because their needs are taken care of on the ship. "It's been great. I don't cook. I don't clean," Nancy told the Miami Herald.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The couple has found that living on a cruise ship isn’t as expensive as some may assume. Even though inflation has driven up the cost of travel in the U.S., it hasn’t significantly impacted the cruise industry.

“It's much cheaper than a nursing home or assisted living. It was just a good fit for us. It's a good fit for a lot of people,” Robert told the Miami Herald.

The cost of a nursing home for one person usually runs anywhere from $8-10,000 per month, for reference.

The couple plans their trips differently than someone who is going on vacation. “We look for the best deal, not the destination,” Nancy told Cruise Passenger.

The couple initially planned to spend $4,000 a month living on the ships. “Our original budget was $4,000 a month. This included gratuities. Of course, things are more expensive now, so that budget has had to increase a little. Depending on where we go, we may or may not need the internet,” she told Cruise Passenger.

cruise ships, cruise living, vacation, lifestyle, alternative living, alternative lifestyles, aging, seniors Literally sailing off into the sunset. Giphy

“Our phone plan covers most everywhere for 25 cents a minute to call with free internet and texting,” Nancy continued. “We have an annual travel insurance plan, and one of our credit cards also has travel insurance.”

The roughly $4,000 the couple spends a month includes food, and they don’t have to bother paying for a car. They also try to book their cruises consecutively so they don’t waste money paying for expensive hotels when transferring between cruise lines.

Not a bad deal.

Last July, the Houchens celebrated their 1,000th day sailing with Carnival Cruise Line since the 1980s, and they look forward to countless more days at sea with each other and the new friends they’ve made on their never-ending cruise. And today, they're still going strong.

They're not alone in loving their new lifestyle. CBS News reports in 2025 that "cruise retirements" are more popular than ever.

@lovepeacecruise

Nancy and Robert Houchens of Charlottesville, Virginia - Couple retires to live on cruise ships because it's 'cheaper than a nursing home' #livingonacruiseship #retirement #carnival #carnivalcruise #funship #carnivalship #carnivalshiptok #cruiseship #cruise #cruiser #cruiselife #vacation #travel #cruisevacation #cruisetravel #cruisetok #cruisetiktok #cruiseaddict

“We cruise Carnival because of the people,” Richard told Travel Pulse. “It isn’t the destinations for us anymore, it’s the journey—and the biggest part of the journey is the people.”

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

labrador retriever, french bulldog, american kennel club, dog, America

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club in 2022, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog for over 30 years, but it was eclipsed by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about one in seven were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.


The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon, and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs in 2022 when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP in 2023. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak also told the AP.

American Kennel Club, AKC, French Bulldog, Frenchies, popular dog A French BulldogVia Canva Photos

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations such as Intervertebral Disc Disease as they age.

Though they have their controversy, their popularity hasn't slowed down in America one bit. In 2023 and 2024, Frenchies kept their top spot in the AKC's list—and it looks like they'll claim it again this year.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

Education

Social skills expert shares 3 'magic phrases' that make you more likable

Sometimes, we need to overcommunicate how we feel about others.

vanessa van edwards, likability, communications skills, people skills, people laughing, good advice

Vanessa Van Edwards and people at a party.

A familiar misstep people make when trying to be likable is trying to impress others. They want to show they are funny, intelligent, and a great storyteller. They think being the life of the party is the road to likability. However, study after study shows that it’s a lot easier to be likable. All you have to do is show interest in others. To put it simply: If you like people, you will become more likable.

There’s a slight wrinkle in the notion that liking more people makes you more likable. Many people you like aren’t sure that you like them. The psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias says it best. We tend to overestimate how clearly we broadcast our feelings and intentions towards others. So, the person we like and who likes us may not know the feeling is mutual.


“We think our signals are obvious,” Vanessa Van Edwards told Steve Bartlett on the Diary of a CEO podcast. “If we like someone or if we’re having a good time, we think, ‘Oh, they for sure know it.’ They don’t.” Van Edwards is a communications expert and the author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People.

To help people clearly communicate their feelings, Van Edwards suggests three “magic phrases” to show you care. Check out the video below.


Phrase 1: ‘I was just thinking of you’

“You think of a lot of people in your life all the time,” she said. “If you are thinking of someone and you can text them: ‘I was just thinking of you, how are you?’ I was just thinking of you, how’d that project go?’ was just thinking of you. It has been a while since we talked.’ You see a movie, you see a documentary, you see a matcha latte, you see a mug, you see a ceramic candle, and you’re like, ‘Ah, this made me think of you,’” Van Edwards said. “My text messages, my conversations, are full of actual moments where I was triggered to think of that person, actually,” she said, noting the importance of being genuine. “If you don’t think of someone, they’re not a person you need to have in your life.”


Phrase 2: ‘You’re always so …’

"So if you're with someone and you're impressed by them or they're interesting or they're funny, say, 'You always make me laugh. You’re always so interesting,’ or ‘You’re always so great in interviews.' Giving them a label that is a positive label is the best gift you can give someone, because it's fighting that signal amplification bias,” she continued.


Phrase 3: ‘Last time we talked, you mentioned …’

“We are so honored when we get brain space—that you remembered and you’re going to bring it up,” she said. “And you specifically bring up something that they lit up with, something they were like, ‘Ah, it was great, it was exciting, it was wonderful.’”


If studies show the more you like other people, the more likable you become, Van Edwards has the next logical step in becoming more likable. She makes it clear that, due to signal amplification bias, many people you like may not even know it. When we employ her three ways to be more likeable, though, we can let people know we like them without making them feel uncomfortable, thus establishing bond to build on.

Internet

Gen Xers and Boomers share ‘grimy’ parts of the 70s they were happy to leave behind

Such a good reminder of the progress we’ve made in the past 50 years.

Times square, 42nd street and 7th ave, new york city, NYC, 1970s

Times Square in 1973 was pretty "sleazy."

When people talk about the world older generations grew up in, it's often looked at through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia. Life was simpler back then. We didn't have all the trappings of technology or the burdens of busy modern life. Sure, we had to do more things manually, but the world was safer and cleaner and generally better back then, right?

Not so fast. As some of the younger generations have noticed, the 1970s is often spoken about with nostalgic fondness but portrayed differently in entertainment. That observation led someone to ask Gen Xers and Boomers, "Were the 1970s really as grimy and gloomy and sleazy as the movies make it look?" Surprisingly, folks who lived through the '70s took off their rose-colored glasses to remind us all of how far we've actually come in the past 50 years.


While "grimy" and "gloomy" and "sleazy" may be strong terms, they're not entirely inaccurate, according to the older folks who responded to the question. Of course, some places had more problems than others and big cities had it the worst, but some of the "grime" was widespread. Here are the truths behind the film portrayals:

Smog in Los Angeles

While L.A. still struggles with air quality, it has seen a vast, visible improvement since the days of thick, brown smog hovering over the city and people mistaking it for a gas attack.

"I lived in Los Angeles as a kid, and it wasn't unusual to have days we weren't allowed to go outside at school because the smog was so bad it literally hurt to breathe."

"A old joke that probably doesn't make sense nowadays: 'What do you see in California when the smog lifts? UCLA.'"

"We called them Smog alerts. We couldn’t go out for recess on those days."

"The mountains were mythical, growing up in L.A. On the occasional clear day you’d hear people saying, 'Wait, those are there all the time?' Thank goodness for better emissions control."

Air and water pollution in general

The Environmental Protection Agency was begun under President Nixon in 1970, and it would take awhile for the new department to get established and policies to take hold.

"Yes. 60’s and 70’s every major American city had days where there was really low visibility, distant landmarks obscured, brown, white, rusty, hazy cast and layers. Car, truck and bus exhaust pollution. In some areas, strong chemical and odors fr factories and animal processing plants. In the winter you could taste the sulfur in the air from some smaller city power stations burning coal. Flying into some cities was a descent from clean air into a dark brown layer of pollution."

"Bad enough that the EPA was born at that time; Woodsy Owl, the 'Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute' mascot was born; the Crying Indian commercial was first broadcast; the Clean Water Act was amended (originally from 1948 and called Federal Water Pollution Control Act).

We lived near a refinery town in the 60s and 70s. Gawd, I had asthma and was constantly having to go to the hospital, to the point the doctors told my parents to keep me inside. Or course, them being smokers made it pretty much from the frying pan to the fire.

The 70s were the years of introducing environmental awareness to a population that was coughing, hacking and used to brown air."

"That was when people finally said 'Wait, you mean rivers aren't supposed to catch fire when a train passes by and some sparks fly off the rail?' and 'What do you mean they're actually supposed to have flowing water in them, instead of oozing sludge?'"

Littering was commonplace

It might be hard to imagine now, but it was totally normal in certain eras to just throw your trash out the window of your car or leave your bottles or cans wherever you finished them.

1977 TV public service announcement www.youtube.com

"I think everyone kinda forgets how much trash there was. My generation grew up with the crying Indian and 'give a hoot, don't pollute.' Before that, people really did just throw their trash out the car windows. There was a LOT more trash on the roads."

"We used to make a fair bit of money picking up aluminum cans, and smashing them to sell for scrap. Loads of them."

"It was quite common for people to throw trash out of their cars. beer bottles by the side of the road. In the late 1970s, Michigan voted in bottle deposits, and afterwards there was quite a difference in the roadside as you crossed the Ohio border in I-75. With the deposits, there was more incentive to pick them up, too, because each one was worth a dime. Didn't take too many to pay for a $1 movie that had already been in the big theaters for a month or two."

"Recycling was pretty much non-existent. It seemed that people burned trash a lot more commonly, as well."

"There's a scene in Mad Men where they have a picnic and Don casually pitches his beer can into the woods. It used to be like that."

Times Square was NSFW

If people think Times Square is tacky now, with all of its flashy billboards, it's a far cry from the "sleazy" strip it used to be.

Times square, 42nd street and 7th ave, new york city, NYC, 1970s A photo near Times Square from 1973.Dan McCoy/Wikimedia Commons

"That Times Square scene in Taxi Driver was Cinema Verite, it was exactly like that."

"Yeah, I used to have to travel to New York in the late ‘70s. The sleaze factor around Times Square was significant."

"Times Square was full of porn theaters and you didn’t go to what is now the High Line neighborhood unless you wanted hookers and blow."

"First time I went to NYC as a kid in like 1994 I remember a ton of porn theaters. They must have cleaned them all up within a few years, because I never saw them again on later visits."

People smoked everywhere

"Everyone smoked. Everyone and everywhere. I can’t believe we all don’t have lung cancer. Even us nonsmokers."

"Restaurants and Bars were smoky greasy and pretty grimy. It had to be a really nice place to smell fresh. The lighting was terrible. Most places had terrible air circulation. Everywhere reeked of cigarette, pipe and cigar smoke. Food odors. Old grease."

"Grimy? Yes. People smoked in their offices. After hours outside in the unemployment line, get to stand in line an oxygen free smoke filled enclosed sea of humanity with one bathroom to be insulted by cranky civil servants. Seems every building had cigarette and cigar tar wall and ceiling coatings."

Were there a lot of great things about the 1970s? Of course. There's a lot that we can take from every decade that was positive, including the one we are living through now. But this reflection on the less-than-stellar elements of the '70s and the big improvements we've made since then on all of these fronts should give us hope that we are capable of collectively moving in the right direction.