Watching kids grow up is one of the great honors of parenthood, but it comes with many bittersweet moments.
For one man, it was letting go of a nine-year-long bedtime routine he had created with his preteen son. Redditor YoTeach68 shared his gut-wrenching and all-too-familiar parenting story with his fellow dads.
He explained that he was a divorced dad with 50/50 custody. One way he made the most of his time with his son was by continuing a cherished bedtime routine they had done since his son was just two years old.
“We developed a whole bedtime routine that included me reading aloud to him, then talking about our day (highs and lows, that kind of thing), then me singing the same three short songs to him (songs that I learned at a summer camp when I was a kid, and the camp where he currently goes) while rubbing his back,” he shared.
As a single dad, he acknowledged that some nights were harder than others. He also knew things wouldn’t be this way forever, adding, “Obviously I couldn’t be singing to him and rubbing his back his whole life.”
After getting advice from fellow dads on when it would be appropriate to cut it off, the consensus was to let his son decide.
The final bedtime
Unfortunately, when the time finally came, he shared how he knew it was time.
“He’s 11 now, and over the past two weeks or so he’s been telling me each night that he was just going to go to bed after giving me a quick hug and that I didn’t need to read to him or anything,” he explained.
Sensing the change, he decided to talk to his son about it.
“I finally sat him down and asked him if he felt he was outgrowing the bedtime routine, and he said yes. I told him how much the bedtime routine had meant to me, because I have no memories of my own parents putting me to bed (I do have memories of a cassette player in my bed that read books aloud). I told him I hoped it had meant something to him. I asked if he would indulge me and let me put him to bed one last time, and he obliged.”
The two then did their final bedtime routine together.
“Last night we went through the routine one last time (and I even pulled out one of his favorite picture books from when he was about 5). We talked about our day. I sang the songs. I rubbed his back. Then I kissed him on the cheek, told him I would cherish the memories of putting him to bed the last nine years, turned off his light, and closed his door behind me).”
Dads respond
Many dads shared their emotional responses to the story:
“Welp I’m f*cking crying on the toilet as my wife and my son nap lol.”
“❤️ that was lovely. My daughter is 5 and we put her to bed with a routine every night. Sometimes it’s fun and lovely and sometimes it’s a struggle. And sometimes it’s both. And part of me is looking forward to her doing to bed herself and part of me knows I’ll miss it.”
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot with my boys lately. They’re still young, and still love the bed time routine with me and their mum. But I’m already getting emotional over the idea that one day, like you, I’ll have to do it one last time. Treasure the memories forever, as I’m sure you will. I don’t really know what else to say, but…yeah, this made me feel things even more. Kudos.”
“Lying in bed now with my snoring 4 year old, after doing our bedtime routine and this post hit hard. Giving him a big hug and kiss before I leave as always but I’m going to do it more mindfully. Hopefully he still wants me to do this until he’s 11 too. You are a great dad.”
“Damn, f*cking onions.”
A therapist explains how dads can cope
Hillary Pilotto, therapist and founder of Better Balance Counseling, Ltd., told Upworthy that this transition is a normal (albeit painful) experience that many parents face.
“At 11, kids are right in the middle of the individuation process; developmentally, they are supposed to be pulling away,” she explained. “Wanting more independence, more privacy, more of their own identify separate from mom and dad. That’s not rejection. That’s healthy.”
And this may bring some relief: it’s actually a sign of good parenting.
“A child who feels secure enough in their attachment to say ‘I’m ready to do this on my own’ is actually a sign that the bedtime routine worked,” she added.
While these may be “good” things, Pilotto acknowledged that none of that makes it easier for the parent.
“There’s a grief in these transitions that doesn’t get talked about enough,” she shared. “It is not a dramatic loss; no one died, nothing went wrong, but something real is ending and it’s okay to feel sad about that. I tell parents: you’re allowed to mourn the little kid even while you’re proud of the one standing in front of you.”
She recommended that other parents take notes from the dad who shared his story if they are going through a similar transition.
“The best thing a parent can do in these moments is what the dad did; honor it. Name it,” she said. “Show your kid that transitions matter and that it’s okay to feel two things at once. That’s a lesson that will stay with them long after the bedtime routine is gone.”

































