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Health

Woman 'triggered' by an attractive friend in a swimsuit asked her to cover up. Was she right?

The woman has body dysmorphia and got upset.

body dysmorphia, mental health, aita
via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A woman in a white bikini relaxing in a pool.

A post on Reddit’s AITA subforum brought up a compelling debate about how people approach the mental health of others. As friends, coworkers and family members of people with mental health issues, how far is too far when it comes to accommodating their unique needs and requests?

It all started when a person with the username GlumDemand, 30, went with his girlfriend Alex, 27, to a friend’s pool party and barbecue. Also attending that party was their friend, Christine, 37, who had recently had a child and was struggling with postpartum depression. She hoped that attending the party would help to “lighten her mood.”

Postpartum depression happens to some women after giving birth and can cause mood swings, a loss of appetite, low energy and feelings of inadequacy. In severe cases, it can lead to major depression or postpartum psychosis.

In Christine’s situation, the depression led to a bad case of body dysmorphia. People with body dysmorphia become obsessed with the perceived flaws in their bodies and it can cause unbearable feelings of insecurity. This can happen to women after they give birth because of the tremendous changes in their bodies.

All this came to a head at the party when Christina became triggered after seeing Alex’s body in a swimsuit.

woman swimming, pool party, reddit

Woman swimming underwater

via PixaBay

“My girlfriend Alex … is a model/influencer, and as you can imagine she’s very beautiful, this is important,” GlumDemand wrote. “Everyone at the party is wearing some form of swimming gear, all of the guys are wearing trunks and tank tops or Hawaiian shirts, and the women are wearing bikinis or swimsuits. Alex stole the show. However, she didn’t wear anything too revealing or inappropriate, but it did turn heads.”

A mutual friend told GlumDemand that Christine was getting “upset” by Alex’s appearance and wanted to know if he could ask her to cover up a bit because it triggered her body dysmorphia.

“I was confused but I said okay, I talked to Alex and she said that while she understood she didn’t understand why she had to cover up for the sake of someone else’s feelings,” GlumDemand wrote. “Needless to say she didn’t do it.”

Two hours later, Christine left the party.

GlumDemand reached out to the Reddit AITA community to ask if he and Alex were in the wrong because she didn’t want to cover up. The responders overwhelmingly took their side in the situation.

“Having had PPD and BD, I sympathize. But I just avoided situations like this prior to therapy, and now have had enough therapy to deal. My mental health issues aren't my fault, but they're my responsibility,” Relevant-Ad6288 wrote.

“I love that line ‘my mental health issues aren't my fault, but they're my responsibility’ amazing, I hope it's ok to use it?” QuietlyFierce wrote in agreement.

body image, pool party, reddit

Three men having a good time at a pool party

via Ramiroa Pianarosa/Unsplash

A Reddit user by the name of a Colo-rectal surgeon posed a hypothetical. “If this were an issue where someone was uncomfortable because they found the appearance of someone else's body very unappealing, then asking them to cover up would be out of the question,” they wrote. “Someone shouldn't have to cover up because they look ‘too good.’”

Some thought that Christine was downright rude to put Alex in that position.

“It's already not ok for Christine to ask someone to change their clothes for her comfort; it's doubly wrong to make Alex feel like her body is the problem,” wrote lefrench75.

Few people thought the original poster and Alex were in the wrong. But those who did questioned whether they were good friends. “Would it have been that hard to cover up to help someone out?” Lord_Buff74 asked. “You don't have to, and you can choose to be vain and selfish.”

“I would never try to do anything that would upset someone I consider a friend. If you said ‘a stranger at a party,’ I would be like yeah, it's a little different, but a ‘close friend’? You might think it's okay, but you probably lost a friend over this,” Kyouji added.

It seems most people agree that even though body dysmorphia isn’t Christine’s fault, it’s her responsibility to manage her issues. It’s also unreasonable for her to ask others to change their appearance. Even though some questioned whether Alex was being considerate of Christine’s feelings, it’s also fair to say that Christine put her in a very uncomfortable position.

Situations surrounding mental illness can be uncomfortable. The problem probably could have been resolved more compassionately if Christine and Alex had the space to discuss their issues so that everyone's feelings were considered.

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Meet the 18-year-old advocating for teen mental health, one inspiring podcast at a time

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

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A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
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