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Autism is still misunderstood. 8 parents share what you should know about it.

'When my child flips out, he's not giving me a hard time — he's having a hard time.'

Although 1 in 68 children in America have been identified with autism spectrum disorder, many people still don't understand it.

Quick, what's the first thing you think of when you hear the word "autism"? It only happens to white families? It's only an issue for boys? Kids with ASD have no emotions?

The misconceptions are everywhere. Even in 2016, some people are like...

GIF from "Modern Family."

It's one thing to read books or studies on ASD to correct those assumptions, but it's another to hear it from the people who raise children with ASD. To that end, we reached out to a few of them.

Eight parents shared the one thing they wish people knew about raising a child with ASD.

1. I don't want my child to be labeled.

It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but Sonya wants to be clear about how her child should be addressed. He's not an autistic child — he's a child with autism or ASD. Making that subtle change makes a big difference.

Photo from Sonya, used with permission.

"We don't say things like, 'This is my asthmatic sister' or 'This is my cancerous uncle,'" Sonya told Upworthy. "Changing the language lessens the stigma and allows others to see they are a person before a diagnosis."

2. My son is highly intelligent.

Natasha wants to quiet the noise she hears about the lack of intelligence of children with ASD.

Photo from Natasha, used with permission.

"Those with ASD, like my son, are highly intelligent but learn differently," Natasha told Upworthy. "They are both mentally and emotionally intelligent, but one may need to look and listen differently to grasp their greatness."

3. My child is happy.

Maya notices how happy her son is, along with other kids with ASD. She just wants people to look past what's on the surface to see it.


Photo from Maya, used with permission.

"It's beautiful to see how rich their world can be even when they seem to stare in an empty space," Maya told Upworthy. "They enjoy such happiness."

4. I want more schools to truly understand what it's like to work with children with ASD.

Being a teacher is a very difficult, and Katherine understands that. She just wishes more schools would be more proactive when working with children with ASD. That includes doing more to fight bullying and understand meltdowns.

Photo from Katherine, used with permission.

"Teachers who feel overwhelmed by students with ASD need to speak out and get the help they need in their classrooms," Katherine told Upworthy. "These children are precious, and I want my grandson and others like him to be happy and understood."

5. I want people to know that being quiet doesn't mean being unaware.

Tamara's son may not be extremely talkative, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know what's going on around him. That's the case with many kids with ASD.

Photo from Tamara, used with permission.

"Nonverbal does not mean that they can't communicate in their own way or that they aren't aware of how you treat them," Tamara told Upworthy.

6. I want people to know that my child is talented.

Jody knows children with ASD can do a lot of amazing things. She wants others to know, too.

Photo from Jody, used with permission.

"Our sweet boy may not be able to speak or dress himself, but he is as gentle and innocent as an angel and can play piano by ear," Jody told Upworthy.

7. I want people to know that safety is a big issue for children with ASD.

Travis, a dad to a son with ASD, believes that keeping him safe is a challenge that many simply don't understand. He recalls times when his son left the house and failed to respond to his own name, and that is beyond scary.


Wandering is a major concern for parents raising kids with ASD. Photo from iStock.

"I wish people would realize that I can't just let him run off and play," Travis told Upworthy. "Some kids with ASD need constant supervision for their own safety as well as the safety of others."

8. I am not sad.

A lot of people want to offer sympathy to Jo Ellen, but she's not interested in it. As a matter of fact, she's quite happy and so is her daughter.

Photo from Jo Ellen, used with permission.

"I want people to ask me about what makes her excited because I would love to tell them about her fascination with elephants instead," Jo Ellen told Upworthy.

April is Autism Awareness Month, so kudos to these parents for doing their part to raise awareness of an often misunderstood condition.

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5 things that made us smile this week

The animal edition!

True

Been stressed this week? Who hasn’t. That’s why we’re bringing you the latest in good news—five animal-themed stories we guarantee will put a smile on your face.

This week, we’re celebrating:

The most entertaining animal photos you've ever seen

Jason Moore/Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023 and © Tzahi Finkelstein /Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023

Need a laugh? How about a dozen laughs? Look no further than the 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards, a competition started in 2015 that focuses on the lighter side of wildlife photography. More than 1,800 photographers from around the world submitted photos, and the finalists—from a kangaroo playing air guitar to an arguing set of greenfinches—will absolutely make your day.

Healthier, happier, rescued pets

Hundreds of thousands of pets are relinquished to shelters each year, and many vulnerable pet populations—such as disabled and elderly dogs—can be hard to place in loving homes. Fortunately, Subaru has sponsored the rescue, rehabilitation, and adoption of more than 134,000 of these pets through the Subaru Share the Love® Event. As the largest corporate donor to the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®), Subaru and its retailers are donating a minimum of $300 to charities like the ASPCA for every new Subaru purchase or lease during the 2024 Subaru Share the Love Event, happening now through January 2, 2025.

This animal-centric (and adorable) creative writing assignment 

Amy McKinney, a third-grade teacher in Pennsylvania, recently had a genius idea for teaching her class persuasive writing: Rather than have them formulate an argument for an imagined audience (boring!), McKinney partnered with a local animal shelter and had her class write persuasive descriptions of each animal to help them get adopted. Each student chose a pet to write about and sent their essays to the shelter to display and post to the shelter’s social media channels. Student engagement was “tremendous,” said McKinney, and there’s no doubt these persuasive paragraphs made a huge difference in these shelter pet’s lives. Adorable.

The dog who saved his owner with CPR (yes, really)

Dogs have made the news for saving humans before, but have you ever heard of a dog performing CPR? That’s exactly what Bear, a Siberian Husky-Golden Retriever mix, did in 2022 when he found his owner unconscious on the floor after suffering a major heart attack. Not only was Bear able to quickly call for help, he even jumped on his owner’s chest repeatedly while someone else called the paramedics. Thanks to Bear, the owner survived what should have been a fatal heart attack. Now that deserves some head scritches.

Bee populations have reached a record high

macro shot photography of beePhoto by Jenna Lee on Unsplash

Honeybees are essential to the planet, as they pollinate over 130 types of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. For years, honeybee numbers have been in decline—but happily, that’s starting to change. The US has added almost a million bee colonies in the past five years, with more than 3.8 million honeybees in total.

For more ways to smile, check out how Subaru is sharing the love this holiday season.

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Millennial mom asks her own mom about raising a kid in the 80s and is mortified

"What did you do without Google?!"

@thedailytay/TikTok

"My anxiety could not have handled the 80s."

Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be—and probably are—doing it all very, very wrong.

Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, exemplifies this as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent. First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)

“What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.

“Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it's healthy!”

“I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.

…Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?

“I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says.

@thedailytay My anxiety would have hated the 80s. Or maybe loved it? IDK! #fyp #millennialsontiktok #parenttok #momsoftiktok #comedyvid ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.

“If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.

Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.

Without missing a beat, Wolfe's mother says, “It's summer, I still have you.”

Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure.

From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.

That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.

“Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom."

Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”

I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Comedian's viral video perfectly nails how each generation arrives at someone's house

"Millennials will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower."

Samuel Peter/Pexels

Boomers knock. Millennials and Gen Z text "here."

Playing with the contrasts between generations has become a modern pastime, as baby boomers, Gen X, millennials and Gen Z see and experience the world quite differently. Generation gaps have always existed, of course, but the tech age has widened those gaps in big ways, sometimes creating challenges, but often resulting in hilarity.

For instance, watching a Gen Zer try to figure out how to use a rotary phone is pure entertainment. The way emojis are used and interpreted varies vastly by age, making for some chuckle-worthy communication mishaps. Slang terms can be hard to keep up with the older you get, but they can also be manipulated by savvy elders to great comedic effect.

And now, comedian Jake Lambert has compared how the different generations arrive at someone's house in a viral video that's been viewed more than 12 million times.

"You've basically got boomers who will turn up completely unannounced any time from about 7:00 in the morning and they will knock on your door just slightly louder than the police using a battering ram carrying out a house raid," Lambert begins.

"And then you've got Gen X. They would have made the plans well in advance, and they would've also checked in a couple of days before just to make sure the plans are definitely still happening," he went on. "You see, Gen X is the forgotten generation and they're so scarred by this title they would've assumed that you'd forgotten not only about the plans but about their very existence."

"Millennials will have hoped that the plans would've been canceled. There's no reason that a millennial will ever actually want to come to your house," he continued. "They will arrive late, but they will text you to let you know they're on their way, just as they're about to get into the shower. And a millennial will never knock on your door. You'll just get a text either saying 'here' or 'outside,' and that's your cue to go and let them in."

"Similarly, Gen Z will never actually knock," he concluded. "But the chances are they won't have to, as they would have been documenting the entire journey from their house to yours, maybe even on Facetime using this angle [camera facing directly up at the chin] as they go along for some reason. Either that or they'll just send a picture of your front door or a selfie of them outside it. And again, just like the millennial, that's your cue to go and rescue them from the outside world."

People felt alternately seen, attacked and validated by Lambert's assessments, with the most common response being "accurate."

"I‘m a millennial, my husband GenX. Scarily accurate! 😂"

"Described this millennial to a T."

"This is surprisingly accurate 😂 I laughed slightly louder than the police using a battering ram…"

"Sooo accurate…guilty of the lateness and ‘here’ text 🙃"

"I must admit I'm a millennial. But knocking on the door feels so aggressive, uknow? 😅😇"

"Millennial texting to say almost there but just started getting dressed to go out. Why do we do this? It's not intentional, at least not for me."

"Honestly your observations are just brilliant! GenX-er here!"

"The Gen Z angle omg 😂😂"

Some people didn't resonate with their generation's description, but there are exceptions to every rule and some people will never fit a stereotype. However, judging by the wave of affirmative responses, Lambert nailed the generational generalities across the board—and did so in a way that allows us all to laugh at ourselves.

You can follow Jake Lambert on Instagram.


This article originally appeared in July.

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Florida IHOP waitress who was fired for feeding a homeless man gets her job back

“I need my job, but I would still do it again,”

Photo credit: screengrab|GoFundMe/Mike Mozart|Flickr

Florida IHop server fired for feeding homeless man gets job back

People experience homelessness for many different reasons, many through no fault of their own. With the cost of living skyrocketing after covid, a lot of people found themselves newly homeless while working full time jobs. But everyone isn't so lucky to have a relative to stay with, or a job to go do daily so they rely on the kindness of strangers to get by.

Victoria Hughes, who has worked at IHOP in Lakeland, Florida since 2013 has a soft spot for people struggling. In November, Hughes met a homeless man that walked into the chain restaurant and informed the server he was hunger. Without a second thought, the server went to the kitchen and came back with a stack of pancakes and some water for the hungry visitor. This act of kindness cost the server her job after informing the manager of her good deed.

The server's actions upset the manager, especially when the homeless man returned later with a family that offered to buy him a meal. Hughes tells WFLA, "He told me the reason behind him being upset [was] because it could cause a loitering issue…or a safety issue for customers.

Charlie Murphy Pancakes GIFGiphy

The manager's reaction was confusing to Hughes because she feels like she did the right thing in that moment, and informed her supervisor so there was no deception. Yet two days later she was let go from her place of employment of 13 years just weeks before the Christmas holiday. Thankfully, for the good hearted server, IHOP contacted her to inform her that she is welcome to return to work. The company even reimbursed her for the days she missed while temporarily unemployed.

Bttf GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy

This change in stance occurred after Hughes appeared on the news about the incident. Since then, IHOP updated it's policies and trainings to address local food insecurity. Dan Enea of Sunshine Restaurant Partners, an IHOP franchisee released a statement to USA Today saying the incident was investigated and prompted the policy change including additional training for employees around food insecure patrons.

“As part of our ongoing efforts to support those in need within our local community, we will continue to address food insecurity through our partnership with Feeding America and by making a donation to local Lakeland charities that also support this important cause," Enea tells USA Today in the statement.

In the interim of her losing her job and having it offered back, the server started a GoFundMe page to help get her through the holiday season. While the offer for her job is still available, the former server says she's not sure if she will accept the offer at this time. Hughes is still considering her options as it is likely difficult to get over that being fired for being kind without wondering if it may result in more concerns later. Though, it's unclear what her full reasonings are.

"“I need my job, but I would still do it again,” she told WFLA. “I truly would. I would still help somebody if I could. If he asked me for my shirt, I probably would have tried to give him that too.”

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'Hot nerd' names are becoming all the rage. A baby name consultant shares her favorites.

“These guys are reading books but have pretty big muscles.”

@namingbebe/TikTok, Netflix/Youtube

Adrian "was invited to the party but instead spent the night reading a Reddit thread about AI."

It’s been the “Revenge of the Nerds” era for a while now. What used to be grounds for bullying—a preference for intellectuals, having some social awkwardness, an intense love of comic books and Dungeons & Dragons, etc.—easily falls under the mainstream attractive category today. So much so that some parents are trying to conjure up these qualities in their baby name selections.

Baby name consultant Colleen Slagen, who previously shared girls names from the 80s that did not age well (sorry, Heathers), was recently asked to come up with a list of “Hot Nerd" boy names.

Just what is a “Hot Nerd Boy"? Slagen gave the example of Seth Cohen from the O.C., played by Adam Brody. Brody himself, who was recently dubbed the ultimate millennial crush for his role as an adorkable hot rabbi in Netflix’s Nobody Wants This, is pretty much the poster child for this nebbish yet lovable trope. But Slagen also noted Cameron James (10 Things I Hate about You, played by James Gordon Levitt) and Matty Flamhaff (13 Going on 30, played by Mark Ruffalo), just to give you the full scope.


Wink Noah Roklov GIFfrom Wink GIFs

With that in mind, here are the “Hot Nerd Boy” names Slagen came up with, along with little lighthearted predictions about their personality:

Dexter, Calvin, Ambrose: "These guys are reading books but have pretty big muscles."

Clark, Spencer, Lyle: "These guys were wearing Crocs and socks before it was cool."

Marshall, Simon, Gideon: "These guys are confidently inviting you to the D&D party they host every Friday night."

Perry, Anson: "They were picked last in gym class, but they have six figures in their bank account from their online poker winnings."

Samuel (not Sam), Art (not Arthur): Slagen didn’t note personally for these, but clearly these guys are above nicknames.

Adrian: "He was invited to the party but instead spent the night reading a Reddit thread about AI."

@namingbebe Inspo by Seth Cohen. #babynames #nametok #nameconsultant #boynames #pregnant #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Colleen

Desmond: Instead of driving to work, he "takes his old Razor scooter to the Metro where he has a 1-hour long commute" in an "effort to reduce his carbon footprint."

But will giving a child a “Hot Nerd” name really shape their personality? Not necessarily. But research has shown that people can make all kinds of assumptions about someone’s personality based on their name—as well as their culture background, level of income, etc—which no doubt could affect how someone operates in the world.

Slagen herself told Upworthy that while she doesn't believe names influence our personality, she does think that names carry a certain vibe or aesthetic that may lead you to make assumptions, especially with less common names.

“Soleil sounds very chic, Sinclair sounds very preppy, Prudence sounds old money, Mary Cameron sounds southern, Juniper sounds like she could be from the Pacific Northwest,” she said.

She also noted that more than anything, the name choice says something about the parent’s personality. For example, she said that parents who are outdoorsy might want to give their children outdoorsy names like Cedar, Aspen, Cove and Wren.

When you put it that way, it’s really interesting to think about how we carry a little part of our parents along with our first names. Not just the family name, but their actual passions and interests. Of course, kids who get less than stellar names probably don’t appreciate this so much. But interesting nonetheless.

As for the sons “Hot Nerd" names…it seems pretty clear what moms interests are.

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