These 5 steps can help you through tough discussions. Let's use climate change as an example.
You can apply these conversation techniques to anything really.
It's worth considering the perspective of real people who don't believe in climate change.
The easiest thing to do is to dismiss a denier as a stupid or bad person. The second-easiest thing is to get angry and make it your personal mission to drown that stupid, bad person with facts.
The hard thing to do is to try to "get" them. But it's also the best way to actually change someone's mind.
There are lots of factual counterarguments out there, and you've probably heard most of them. But a point-for-point debate is only going to entrench each side in its own positions. It's well documented that facts don't change minds.
The possibility of being wrong is inherently threatening. We think of it as weakness instead of an opportunity for growth.
Humans are emotional creatures, and as such, we cannot make fully rational decisions. There is always a spritzing of emotion.
There is oh-so-much science that supports the idea that decisions are just as emotional as they are logical. As much as we'd like to think we evaluate facts objectively, we just don't. If information doesn't fit with our understanding of the world, it gets "stuck," and we're more likely to reject it.
If we can't rely on a critical, objective discussion of the facts, how do we talk about climate change?
Here's what Jim Camp, a professional negotiator, says about changing someone's mind:
"You don't tell your opponent what to think or what's best. You help them discover for themselves what feels right and best and most advantageous to them. Their ultimate decision is based on self-interest. That's emotional. I want this. This is good for me and my side."
1. Figure out where they're coming from.
What's keeping them from hearing you? Are they afraid of something? Do they distrust the source? Did they come into the conversation angry? Ask clarifying questions until you have some idea of what motivates their ideas on climate change. This will give you a good starting point.
2. Build a rapport.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Believe that they're a good, honest, sincere person who just disagrees with you. Let them know that you're on the same team with the same goal — maintaining a healthy Earth with sustainable solutions — but that you just might disagree on how to get there. Bonus points if you can find something you both agree on, even if it's something really small.
3. Set a small goal.
Resist the urge to win all the battles in one conversation. Pick something achievable based on where they already are. Maybe they aren't ready to admit the planet needs alternative energy, but they might be able to admit their pocketbook does. If you're successful in moving the needle just a little bit, that's a win!
4. Keep it focused and civil.
Every topic is complicated. It's easy to get sucked down a tangential rabbit hole or to get angry and start mudslinging. You have to decide: Do you want to defeat an enemy or do you want to gain an ally? Don't get distracted by off-hand comments, ad hominem attacks, or a vaguely snide remark.
5. Know when to walk away.
Hopefully, after all that, you'll have made enough of a connection to change a mind. If you achieved your small goal, hang up your hat and debate the next small point another day. You're officially a part of the empathetic debater club (you're going to love our clubhouse — it's so chill).
But you know what? Sometimes it doesn't work. Maybe they were never interested in having a conversation. Maybe they're too emotional. Maybe they're unwilling to converse with kindness. Whatever the obstacle is, don't let yourself be so invested in the debate that you can't wash your hands of it and walk away. It's OK if today was not the day or if you were not the person. Just by being cool as a cucumber, you've made it easier for that person to view the "enemy" as less of a big, bad monster — and that's a win too!
A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via 
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.