In conversation, some sentences can read as condescending or, at best, annoying. Does that make sense? I wasn’t really asking there because that IS the sentence many communication experts caution against. But better, more efficient alternatives exist.
Jefferson Fisher is a Texas trial lawyer, communication expert, and author of The Next Conversation. He has spent years teaching people the art of communication in a casual yet memorable (and often funny) way. With over 10 million followers across social media and podcasts, he shares plenty of insightful tips and just a few pet peeves.
‘Does that make sense?’
In an Instagram Reel, Fisher shares this pet peeve by adding a chyron to his clip that reads, “Does that make sense?” Fisher explains, “I know why you use it. You want to make sure that your words make sense, right?”
The problem, he relays, is that the question doesn’t always land correctly. “That’s not what the other person hears. They hear one of two things. Either one, that you’re not really sure that they got it. So you need to make sure. So you’re like, ‘Does that make sense to your tiny brain? Because you kind of have the face of somebody who wouldn’t get it.’” This gets a laugh, as it’s clear Fisher is being playful. He adds, “Or two, you don’t really know what you’re talking about.”
Try asking real questions
There are better ways to go about it. “Here’s what I’m gonna ask you to do instead. Ask a real question if you truly want feedback. Like, ‘What are your thoughts? How does that feel to you? What do you think? Do you have any feedback? Do you have any questions? Cool?’” He ends, again playfully asking, ”Does that make sense?”
Upworthy spoke with communications coach and author Jeff Callahan, who agrees with Fisher’s assessment. “‘Does that make sense?’ sounds polite, but it puts the other person on the spot. If they say no, they’re admitting they didn’t get it. So almost everyone says yes, whether it made sense or not. It also has the added disadvantage of making the person who says it seem less confident about themselves and their position. Instead, ask something that invites them in; my go-to is always: ‘What questions do you have?’ or ‘What thoughts or observations do you have?’ When someone’s actually engaged, they’ll show you by talking, but it’s always good to make it easy for them to jump in.”
‘Would you like more examples?’
Cassandra LeClair, PhD, also told Upworthy that the sentence is one of her biggest pet peeves, so much so that she admitted it “hit a nerve.” With a PhD in Communication Studies, she has been a professor for two decades and suggested questions she prefers instead.
“What questions can I answer? Is anything sticking out to you? What resonates most for you? What can I explain more thoroughly? Would you like more examples on any of the concepts?”
She adds, for context, “As a professor and speaker, my job is to convey the material. If people have questions, I should be an expert in that area. In that role, it is my job to explain things in different ways. These questions put the work back on the speaker and take away some of the shame we can feel when we are self-conscious about not understanding something.”
