Stacy Barr and his son Dakota’s story of love and family is changing the face of teen adoption through foster care. The duo (who are now 57 and 22) were brought into each other’s lives at exactly the right time in 2018.
Barr had a desire to be a father. A seed had been planted about fostering and adopting 10 years prior after plans fell through to take in his friend’s kids during his time of need. One day in 2018, with that want still in his heart, Barr Googled how to become a foster parent.
“What I knew about the foster system was to do what I could to make their life better for whatever period they were in my home. Dakota was the first child placed with me [on April 6, 2018],” Barr tells Upworthy. “He had just turned 14, had been in one home before, and came to my house without us knowing each other at all.”
Single parent fostering
From the start, the two quickly bonded.
“[Dakota] didn’t even know he was coming to a single-parent home. From day one, we started navigating life together,” Barr says. “He was scared, I was scared, but it was as comfortable as it could be.”
What started as fostering quickly turned into a quest for adoption as the two navigated their relationship.
“We had to work through boundaries and adjustment, but once he understood those boundaries came from care for him and his future, our relationship really flourished,” adds Barr.
During the process, the two have helped each other heal old wounds and form a close father-son relationship that neither had ever experienced.
“He’s been very open about his past and willing to talk through anything. That’s been healing for both of us,” says Barr. “I’ve opened up to him in ways I never had with anyone. A lot of people say he got lucky with me, but I’ve always felt the opposite. He saved me in a lot of ways.”
Adopting Dakota
After two years of working towards adoption, Barr officially adopted Dakota on Nov. 30, 2020.
“He chose to take my last name,” Barr shares.
Although it took place during COVID, Dakota was allowed to invite teachers and friends to celebrate the milestone.
“The judge even teared up and said those are his favorite kind of cases, especially with teens. That day brought a lot of healing for him,” says Barr. “Even though he already knew he had a home, it made it official. He knew he had stability and he had somebody that was going to be there and never walk away from him and leave him. And then seeing him write his name with my last name for the first time was very impactful. I couldn’t have been prouder.”
Growing up together
Over the past six years together, Barr and Dakota’s relationship has continued to evolve.
“We’ve grown through a lot, transitioning from teenager to young man, navigating trauma and change. He’s now a college graduate, which is a huge accomplishment given that recent research shows only 8% to 12% of youth in foster care graduate with a two-year or four-year college degree by their mid-to-late 20s,” Barr explains. “Watching him grow in confidence from someone who came in with his head down to someone who can stand on a stage and move a room has been incredible.”
Barr does not sugarcoat the challenges they’ve faced, but notes it has all been worth it.
“It hasn’t been easy. We’ve had very tough moments behind the scenes,” he adds. “But those moments made us stronger. It’s been a good ride, and I would do it all over again.”
Teen fostering and adopting
Barr is now on a mission to encourage able and willing people to consider fostering and adopting teenagers.
“A lot of people don’t realize that single adults can foster and adopt. There’s a huge need, especially for teens,” says Barr. “People can be hesitant about adopting older kids, but all these kids want is someone to love them, care about them, and be present. All they want is somebody who can flip their world upside down in the best way when they know that they’re loved, know that they’re cared about, and that somebody is involved in their life.”
If you’re interested in learning more about adopting a teen in foster care, visit AdoptUSKids.org.
