Americans are having fewer kids than in previous generations, with the average number of children people ages 20 to 39 plan to have dropping from 2.3 in 2012 to 1.8 in 2023. Some of the main reasons people are having fewer children is that they’re expensive, and parents are having them later in life. Both factors make it harder to grow their families.
Even though people are having fewer children, in 2023, 44% of U.S. adults said that having two kids is best, and 45% said three or more is ideal. Interestingly, an overwhelming number of people didn’t think that being a one-and-done family is the best option for having children. Many feel that only children are lonely and can become entitled because they don’t have to share their parents’ attention and resources with siblings.
Debunking only child stereotypes
These stereotypes aren’t new. Early psychological research from 1896 said that children without siblings are “jealous, selfish, egotistical, dependent, aggressive, domineering, or quarrelsome” due to the attention they receive. However, modern research says that isn’t the case. In fact, a study in Personality and Individual Differences from 2020 found that there was no difference in arrogance, entitlement, or narcissistic tendencies between only children and those with siblings.
For those who think that growing up without siblings is harmful to a child’s development, psychologists actually say that there is a big benefit: it makes them more comfortable talking to adults. Dr. Allen Masry told Newsweek that only children “tend to interact more with adults,” which makes them more comfortable in their company from an earlier age. Psychologist Rachel Loftin agreed, saying confidence around adults “may sometimes be mistaken for ‘growing up faster,’ but they do not necessarily reflect accelerated emotional development.”
Many only children agree that they got used to talking to adults at a young age
Three months ago, a TikToker named PumpkinToadlet68 expanded on the idea that only children grow up being more comfortable around adults because they are like a “third-wheel” in the parents’ marriage. “Because a lot of people who have one child, they fall into this category of like, they want the experience of having a child, but they don’t want their entire lives to be about children,” the TikToker said.
PumpkinTaodlet68’s post is just the thoughts of one person, but many only children agreed with him in the comments:
“I always explain being an only child by saying ‘There’s no kids table.’ You learn to behave properly from a young age, manners, speak intelligently and without fear to adults. It was a great experience for me; I got to go on business trips and have fun with my parents and lots of really fun things! But not a like Disney vacations,” one wrote.
“For me, it was like living with two roommates who tolerated each other and had a child. Then when I got older, I got updated to the third roommate,” said another.
“When I’d go to my friend’s house (who had 6 siblings), I was shocked they were constantly running and jumping around the house! Like, why are you running?? I realize now that I was raised to be a mini adult, I completely relate to this video!” another shared.
The narrative has shifted
The myth that only children are lonely and entitled is unfair to one-and-done kids and their parents. There’s no telling how many couples have decided not to have kids because they thought that it wasn’t right to have only one. It’s great that psychologists are speaking out about the benefits that come with being an only child so that people can make the best decisions possible for their families.
