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Chicago's police missed the mark with their safety tips. Here's what they could have done.

Crawling back from a generation of corruption needs to be handled with care.

On Aug. 7, 2015, the Chicago Police Department offered some "tips" on how to stay safe in any neighborhood.

On Twitter, the department shared a list of 14 suggestions for people to follow. While it's framed as general "how to stay safe" advice, when you start reading the list, it seems — weirdly — more like a guide on how to stay safe from the police.

Image from Chicago Police Department/Twitter.

Some Twitter users took the department to task for the list, accusing the department of blaming victims of police brutality.

Some pointed out that this list comes off a bit like the types of victim-blaming tips you see advising women on how not to get raped.

  • "Be smart about with whom, when, and where you hang out?"
  • "Avoid playing the music loudly?"
  • "Confrontation leads to confrontation?"

Photo by Joshua Lott/Getty Images.

Isn't it supposed to be the police's job to de-escalate situations? Maybe the police should spend put together "tips" for how officers can avoid shooting unarmed people?

And Twitter user @NovaTess made a few "edits" to the list of tips:

  1. Cops, remember that your actions and attitude can impact the situation positively or negatively.
  2. Remember that every person, and every black man in particular, is not a criminal.
  3. Be smart — don't lie. For whom, when, and where is irrelevant.
  4. Do not shoot when dealing with unarmed people.
  5. Cops, do not curse or raise your voices — stay calm. Remember — confrontation leads to confrontations ... especially when you whip out your guns.
  6. Keep your hands off your gun unless confronted with deadly imminent force.
  7. If you pull someone over, don't shoot them because they don't have a license.
  8. Before shooting someone, ask if they have any illegal weapons that they plan on shooting you with in the next few seconds. If they don't, don't shoot.

Of the 10 largest cities in the country, Chicago has had more police-involved shootings than any other.

A report by the Better Government Association uncovered some concerning pieces of data. For example, nearly 60% of all shootings occurred in the police districts located in Calumet, Deering, Englewood, Grand Crossing, Gresham, and Morgan Park. For areas that account for just a small fraction of the city's population, 41 people have been killed by police in the past five years.


Data source: Better Government Association. BGA notes that New York did not provide 2014 data.

The Chicago Police Department has a gruesome past when it comes to excessive force, brutality, and shootings.

Between 1972 and 1991 under former detective Jon Burge's command, more than 100 suspects were tortured into providing coerced confessions. Burge's crimes are often credited for being what led Illinois to put an end to the state death penalty, after former Gov. George Ryan emptied death row and pardoned four of Burge's torture victims in 2003.

In April 2015, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced that the city would be creating a $5.5 million reparations fund for Burge's living survivors.

In February 2015, The Guardian ran a report about a "black site" located in a warehouse at Homan Square. The paper describes it as "an off-the-books interrogation compound, rendering Americans unable to be found by family or attorneys while locked inside what lawyers say is the domestic equivalent of a CIA black site."

The Homan Square "black site." Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

And cover-ups within oversight departments don't particularly help matters.

The Independent Police Review Authority, the group that the Chicago Police Department's "tips" advise the public take their complaints to, has investigated hundreds of police shootings since 2007 (this figure includes non-fatal shootings), with only a few found as "not justified" and just one where they recommended an officer be fired for a shooting.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

In July 2015, IPRA Supervising Investigator Lorenzo Davis was fired from the department after he refused to clear six officers he found had been involved in unjustified shootings. Despite the fact that Davis had been working with the police department for more than two decades, he received a performance evaluation that said he "displays a complete lack of objectivity combined with a clear bias against the police."

Instead of offering "tips" on how not to become a victim of police brutality, perhaps the Chicago PD should follow the lead of Austin, Texas.

While Chicago's police have a document outlining the "rights" of anyone stopped by police ("You will be treated with dignity and respect," forbidding of racial profiling or physical violence, and so on), they could do a lot of good by instead putting together a comprehensive list of expectations their officers should be held to. A great example is the easily accessible document used by the Austin, Texas, police force.

Austin's Law Enforcement Code of Ethics document provides a solid outline for how to interact with the public and, more importantly, puts the onus on maintaining a peaceful situation on the officer.

What should the list sent out by Chicago's police have looked like? Maybe a bit like this:

"As a law enforcement officer, my fundamental duty is to serve the community; to safeguard lives and property. ... I will maintain courageous calm in the face of danger, scorn or ridicule; develop self-­restraint; and be constantly mindful of the welfare of others. ... I will enforce the law courteously and appropriately without fear or favor, malice or ill will, never employing unnecessary force or violence. ... I recognize the badge of my office as a symbol of public faith, and I accept it as a public trust to be held so long as I am true to the ethics of police service. ... I know that I alone am responsible for my own standard of professional performance. ... I will constantly strive to achieve these objectives and ideals."

Sadly, Austin has its own issues involving shootings and brutality claims. But the messaging in on point.

It's an officer's responsibility to control any situation that gets thrown their way. While many do a great job of keeping the peace, others seem not to have gotten that memo.

If instead of tweeting out a list of rules for the public to follow, the department tweeted out a list of standards to which their officers should be held, the police might begin regain the public's trust and put to rest its controversial past.

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Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Pets

People are sharing videos of their cats 'attacking' lugers at the Olympics, and it's pure gold

Move over, laser pointer.

cats, olympics, luge, winter olympics, cat hunting instincts
Photo credit: Canva

Some cats just can't resist a luger.

Cats are famously among the most efficient hunters on Earth, total ambush experts with keen hearing, excellent night vision, lightning-fast reflexes, and the ability to stalk in silence. The fact that humans domesticated these carnivorous predators to keep as cuddly pets is pretty wild when you think about it, especially knowing they could do some real damage to us if they wanted to.

Thankfully, they generally don't want to. Pet cats want to pretend-stalk squirrels from the sofa, go wild with a laser pointer, and do their best to catch Olympic lugers on the TV as they whizz by.

Wait, catch lugers? Yep. Watch:

The comment section on the video is filled with images of cats trying to catch not only lugers but skiiers, figure skaters, hockey players, and even curling stones. And people just loved seeing the tiny hunters pawing at the screen:

"Watching cats watch the Olympics is the best way to watch the Olympics."

"Wow she almost caught that guy."

"The ear flick in confusion after not catching it is so damn cute lol."

"Do the athletes even know they're up against such a terrifying foe?"

"Hey so actually this is bad for the cats because they can get overly invested and join the Jamaican bobsled team."

Others shared their cats' love of luge and other Olympic sports as well:


@lagatitalunalollipop

Lunas is loving the Winter Olympics #luge #winterolympics #cats #funnycat #olympics

@kristiinawilson

Our CH kitten is OBSESSED with watching Olympic luge #olympics #luge #funnycat #chcat #olympics2026

@micaela_bona

Ci sarà anche lei alle prossime olimpiadi !!! 🐈⛸️ #iceskating #cat #olympics #milanocortina2026 #iliamalinin

What triggers a cat's hunting instincts?

Whether cats were first domesticated to be our furry little friends or to keep rodents away from our food stores is debatable, but there's no question that their penchant for catching mice was a perk for humans throughout history. Most modern housecats aren't kept for that purpose, but they still act like they're hunters-in-training.

Cats' predatory instincts don't go away just because they lead a cushy indoor life, as every cat owner cat attest. How often do we see a seemingly bored cat suddenly come to attention, eyes wide, ears engaged, back hunched, locked in on a bird or squirrel out the window? Those instincts are triggered by sudden movements, which is why the luge and other quick-moving sports have so many kitties pawing at the screen.

Horizon Animal Hospital shares some tips for playing with your cat in a way that honors their predatory nature:

- Provide views of the great outdoors

Be sure they can look out windows to see the wildlife. Just be aware that some cats may find their inability to catch the prey they see frustrating and become aggressive because of it.

cat, kitten, cat harness, cat on a leash, indoor cat Indoor cats can enjoy the outdoors safely with a harness and leash.Photo credit: Canva

- Let them explore outside safely

Veterinarians and wildlife experts recommend keeping pet cats indoors, but there are ways for cats to enjoy outdoor time in ways that are safe for them and other animals. Setting up an outdoor enclosure, or a "catio," for them is one option. Taking them outside on a harness and leash is another.

- Prioritize interactive play

Cats quickly become bored with toys that don't simulate prey, so finding interactive toys for them is vital. Catnip mice, feathers on a string, and other things they can attack or toss around are great choices. Puzzle toys and interactive feeders can also keep them busy while you're away.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

- Try a laser pointer

Laser pointers really are the ideal way to play with a cat. They can't seem to help themselves when the laser light starts darting around the room, and it's great entertainment for them and for their humans. Avoid shining it in their eyes, and it's helpful to end a laser play session by pointing the laser dot on a toy they can "kill," like a toy mouse, to avoid frustration.



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People share their favorite 'non-tech' hobbies that keep them sane in a digital world

Some inspo for those craving a bit of simplicity and a break from the screens.

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies
Photo credit: Canva

Working with your hands is medicine for the soul.

Digital fatigue is brutal. It robs us of our focus, productivity, and most importantly, our joy. Thankfully, there is a way to escape the never-ending flurry of notifications, emails, and pings and reclaim our inner peace in a way that’s not only effective but fun as well.

Cue: analog hobbies.

The health benefits of analog hobbies are well-documented. Whether they be artistic pursuits like painting or drawing, which help ease racing thoughts and anxiety, or physical activities like gardening or dancing, which get us more active, or some combination of both, like cooking or woodworking, which enlists both the practical and creative sides of our brains.

During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us found out firsthand just how soothing tech-free hobbies could be. According to one survey, nearly two-thirds of Americans picked up a new hobby during this time. And even though we are more or less back to the regular hustle and bustle of pre-COVID times, the need to unplug is just as important now as ever.

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Do any of us still make sourdough? media2.giphy.com

If you’re looking for inspiration for your next low-to-no tech hobby, keep reading.

Recently, a Reddit user shared that they had been “craving a bit of simplicity and a break from screens,” and in the process rediscovered former analog passions like sketching and playing vinyl records.

“Personally, I’ve found that stepping away from tech even for just an hour or two really helps with mental clarity and stress relief," they wrote. "Also, there’s something so satisfying about making something with your hands, right?"

“It made me wonder: what non-tech hobbies have you all picked up or returned to recently?" they added. "Whether it’s knitting, gardening, brewing your own coffee, or something else that doesn’t require a charger or Wifi.”

Boy, did people respond in kind. Be it with classics like cross-stitching, or some out-of-the-box ideas like sending postcards to German princes (more on that later). Many even shared samples of their WIPS (works in progress), which was doubly inspiring.

Take a look at some of our favorites:

“Fused glass is my current hobby. I just enjoy doing it and don't look at my phone for hours when I'm cutting glass. Unfortunately, I do have a lot of cuts on my hands.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A fused glass bowl. Reddit

“Solo board games. There are tons of different mechanics, difficulties and themes…My favorites are Tiny Epic Dungeons, Nemo’s War, Zombicide Black Plague, Threetale, Grove, Valor and Villainy, Ludwig’s Labyrinth.”

“Aquascaping is such a good break from tech. I have all the time I spend fiddling with rocks and plants, and once that’s done and I stock the tank with fish and shrimp and whatever else, I have a living piece of art that is 100% custom and always changing.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies An example of aquascaping. Reddit

“Volunteering at the animal shelter.”

“Journaling! My thoughts feel so much clearer after writing everything down. :-)”

“I've fallen in love with whittling.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Whittled Halloween figures. Reddit

“Gardening has probably become the one that’s changed my life the most, it gets me more active, I spend and enjoy hours outside now. It’s taken a big bite out of my grocery bill, it also forces me to cook more. I extend the season by growing cool season crops, keeping a small hydro grow indoors and starting seeds in March. I also vermicompost indoors which is oddly fun and comforting — digging in dirt in the middle of winter and anticipating spring. I find having year round gardening activities helps with SAD and it’s done a ton for my overall mental health and sense of wellbeing.”

“Water coloring bookmarks.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A water color painted bookmark. Reddit

“I’ve been doing film photography since 1973 and am still at it in my home darkroom.”

“Repairing old electric toy trains. I find myself looking forward to unplugging and taking these things apart to fix or replace a part or two and bring them back to life. The smell of oil, soldering a wire or two, working through a fairly simple mechanical problem - these are the only things keeping me sane these days!”

“Counted cross-stitch work in progress”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A cross-stitched pattern of a goddess-like woman. Reddit

“I have gotten back into writing letters to pen pals but most of them are what I call fictional pen pals. That's where I create a character and that character writes a pen pal letter to another created character. It's a lot of fun and makes me slow down to actually write a letter and I can live a more exciting life through my character.”

“Latte-art for me :)”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Latte art.Reddit

“I write letters to royals and nobles world wide and collect their responses. It makes going to the mailbox a lot of fun! I always send birthday, anniversary, and coronation day greetings. Other times it might be commenting on an event they attended or appearance they made. Other times letters of condolence if they've experienced a recent death of a loved one. You'd be surprised how many respond personally, particularly minor royals or nobles (the German princes have been particularly gracious with their time to write back).”

“Been a woodworker since I was a wee lad. It’s just super relaxing and mentally rewarding to dive into a project… Here's one of my latest…Most of the work was done with muscle powered hand tools…”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A handmade wood cabinet.Reddit

“Making collages from old magazines. It’s somewhat mindless and cheap to get started. People give away free old magazines on Facebook marketplace or you can buy cheap ones on eBay.”

“Making my own stencils from cardboard and using them on my gelli plate. I’m into surface design at the moment.”

“Watercolor painting”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A watercolor butterfly.Reddit

“I’m getting back into art welding. Last week, I found myself in a flow state and forgot to eat. I’m also stunned at how encouraging different old dudes have been to me at supply shops. It was not like that 13 years ago when I learned.”

“Knitting socks.”

“Dollhouse miniature modeling.”

“Getting back into pottery. I get into my zen zone when my hands get dirty.”

“After dabbling before, I’m now taking up bookbinding! Despite the latest trend in doing up fancy versions of paperbacks, you can actually start with stuff you have at home and would otherwise throw away. The first book we’re making in my coptic class uses cardboard packaging and regular printer paper.”

“Camping and backpacking are the most fulfilling for me. I enjoy hiking, birding, tying knots, chilling in a hammock, reading, and photography. I get to do all those things in one hobby.”

“Mandolin and tenor guitar.”

“I paint portraits in oils - mostly of family, or pets. Here is my latest piece. It’s a very rewarding hobby and I’ve met some amazing people along the way.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies An oil portrait of a baby. Reddit

“My all-time favourite analog hobbies are dirt biking, snowmobiling, skiing at 2-3 years old, and they certainly do not need WiFi. Why are they such a great escape from the digital world? Cause you literally leave your home, go where theres no cell service, and you only focus on the machine/skis and never the phone while doing them. Perfect, best escape from the digital world.”

“I go on walks looking for 4 leaf clovers and lay them out in a photo album and think of it kind of like art meets meditation meets scavenger hunting.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Pressed four leaf clovers. Reddit

“Penmanship. Specifically: writing cursive with a fountain pen. I've started collecting some pens, improved my handwriting, started journaling a little, and even ground some of my own nibs.”

“Public lectures, author meet-and-greets, book clubs, meetups in general- local colleges often have special interest groups open to the public, public libraries usually have some event going on, farmer's markets and local festivals frequently have interesting people who love to talk about what they do.”

“I love air dry clay, particularly the brand Das.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A clay pumpkin.Reddit

“Rockhounding, because it literally gets me out of the house and going places.”

For those wondering, rockhounding is searching for and collecting rocks, minerals, fossils, gems, etc. Some folks get specific on what types of colors or shapes they aim to find. And while rockhounding itself involves no tech, you might need to hop online to make sure you're allowed to take items from the spot you're in.

“I love fishing! It's so peaceful!”

“I danced as a kid and recently got back into it through a dance fitness class. Now I'm choreographing my own dances. It's fun, active, and creative.”

Let this be your sign to carve out some time for joy today, in whatever way feels best. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you for it.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom explains the 'dishonest' Boomer parenting style that hurts adults to this day

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T."

boomer parents, parenting styles, dishonest harmony, parents, older parents, '70s and '80s parents,
Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But, and we are speaking in broad strokes here, being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and Millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.

Psychologists define the "dishonest harmony" approach as maintaining a façade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and Millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

@parkrosepermaculture

Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.” And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

What the experts say about 'dishonest harmony'

"Research supports what many therapists witness daily: families that avoid conflict tend to experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and relational dissatisfaction," writes Dr. Rachel White, LMFT, at Restoration Psychological Services. "According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), families who suppress conflict are more likely to develop covert communication patterns, where body language and tone carry more weight than actual words. This leads to confusion, emotional misattunement, and a cycle of disconnection.

How 'dishonest harmony' works in families

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

baby boomers, boomer parents, boomer couple, couple 60s, grandparents, A Baby Boomer couple.via Canva/Photos


Barker concludes that this need to maintain a certain facade led to most of the toxic parenting choices of that period. “The desire of Boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel seen

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote in the comments.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another.

baby boomers, boomer parents, boomer couple, couple 60s, grandparents, A Baby Boomer couple.via Canva/Photos


Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming, and their inherent need to course-correct child-rearing problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully, one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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Animals & Wildlife

A fun personality test determines 'how you love' based on your animal archetype

Are you a lion, a beaver, an otter, or a golden retriever?

otter, lion, dog, golden retriever, beaver
Phtoo Credit: https://www.canva.com/photos

An otter, a lion, a golden retriever, a beaver

In the never-ending quest to understand ourselves better, or at least have just one more distraction from whatever it is we should be doing, here comes the animal personality test. And the craziest part is (at least for me), it's kind of accurate.

The truth is, these days anyone can create their own personality tests. (And they do… and I've taken them.) Which Sex and the City character are you? Who is your inner Marvel superhero? What color is your heart? (Carrie, Ant Man, and black respectively.)

But this particular animal archetype quiz, in actuality, is a model developed in the late 90s by Gary Smalley, an author with a psychology background and a PhD in counseling. Co-created by author John Trent, the two wrote a book called The Two Sides of Love: The Secret to Valuing Differences. The idea is to strike a balance between the tender, "soft" side of love and the "hard," more direct side. After taking the quiz provided in the book (and now online), one can find out if their temperament is the lion, the beaver, the otter, or the golden retriever.

Even though it was written as a love-based tool, this personality test is often mentioned in the corporate world as a way to find out how people relate in the workforce. Jasper Rose, a financial recruiting agency, shared the quiz on their website, but notes, "This model should be taken with a pinch of salt. These animal categories describe the natural leaning of your temperament. In other words, they aren’t entirely fixed, as personalities are flexible and change over time, and people are complex." (So something an otter would say.)

Without further ado, the personality test can be taken (among many places) through this Michigan State University worksheet here:

personality test, lion, beaver, otter, golden retriever Gary Smalley and John Trent's personality testPhoto Credit: Michigan State University

As with most personality tests, these questions can be tricky, as many times more than one answer will apply. For example, one question asks that you rank what best describes you from the following: "likes authority, enthusiastic, sensitive feelings, likes instructions." Another: "Takes charge, takes risks, loyal, accurate." It's possible to relate to all four statements equally, making this a flawed test.

But if you're in it for a lighthearted look at something that may vaguely describe you, here's a breakdown of the results:

THE LION

lion, personality, fierce, strong, animal A lion roams. Giphy GIF by Savage Kingdom, Nat Geo

These, according to the test, are the natural-born leaders. They are confident, take-charge, strong, and independent. From the Jasper Rose website:

"Strengths: visionary, persistent, practical, productive, initiates change and projects, communicates directly, enjoys being challenged, strong-willed, independent, decisive, leader.

Weaknesses: Insensitive/cold, sarcastic, self-sufficient, impatient, stubborn, overlooks risks, controlling at times, can be too direct."

An educational worksheet on the Community Engaged Learning website (Michigan State University) adds that lions, "are great at initiating communication, but not great at listening." They add their natural desires are "freedom, authority, variety, difficult assignments, opportunity for advancement."

THE OTTER

otter, personality, silly, cute, animal An otter is surprised. Giphy GIF by Nashville Tour Stop

These are our happy social types. "They are often energetic and enthusiastic, with a tendency to be playful and enjoy humor. Otters are generally creative and enjoy trying new things but may struggle with follow-through. They value relationships and are often empathetic and compassionate towards others."

"Strengths: Outgoing, optimistic, personable, communicator, dreamer, responsive, warm, friendly, talkative, enthusiastic, compassionate.

Weaknesses: Undisciplined, unproductive, exaggerative, egocentric, unstable, struggle with follow-through, impulsive, needs social approval, easily offended."

The Center for Relationship Education adds, "Otters find it easy to be soft on people. It is also easy for them to be soft on problems. Otters need to learn to say ‘No’ and provide the hard-side balance of healthy boundary setting."

THE BEAVER

beaver, animal, personality type, snacks, cute Beaver enjoying a snack. Giphy GIF by San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance

These are our go-tos for decisive, detail-oriented people who actually enjoy structure and routine. "Beavers tend to be cautious and risk-averse, preferring to follow established procedures rather than taking chances. They are also known for their analytical skills and ability to organize complex information. However, they may struggle with flexibility and creativity, and may sometimes be perceived as overly critical."

"Strengths: Analytical, thorough, decision-maker, deliberate, self-disciplined, industrious, organized, aesthetic, sacrificing.

Weaknesses: Moody, self-centered, touchy, negative, unsociable, critical, revengeful."

The educational handout adds that in terms of relationships, "Beavers are good listeners, communicate details, and are usually diplomatic."

THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER

dog, golden retriever, personality quiz, loyalty Golden Retriever adorably looks up. Giphy GIF by WoofWaggers

These are our loyal, dependable friends/lovers. "They also tend to avoid conflict and prioritize maintaining harmony in their relationships. However, they may struggle with making decisions and taking action, and may sometimes come across as passive or indifferent."

"Strengths: Calm, supportive, agreeable, easy-going, loyal, dependable, quiet, objective, diplomatic, humorous, values relationships, stable and consistent.

Weaknesses: Selfish, stingy, indirect with others, resists change, procrastinator, unmotivated, lacks initiative, indecisive, fearful, worrier, can be co-dependent."

The Center for Relationship Education notes, "Goldens’ strong tendency toward the soft-side of love can lead to issues of co-dependence and enabling. Goldens need to learn to balance their natural soft-side with some hard-side qualities."

As with most quizzes like these, most of us are a combination of traits not easily put into labeled boxes. If nothing else, it's a creative way to get people thinking about how they interact with one another in a variety of situations. (Which is totally something a golden retriever like me would say.)

This article originally appeared last year

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Woman gets shamed at CVS for 'son's' unusual name. The reality has people rolling.

"You'll really name your son anything, huh?"

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names
@sarahwithscrubs/TikTok, used with permission

Honestly, most of us would have reacted this way.

It started like any ordinary pharmacy errand. A Michigan woman named Sarah was waiting at CVS to pick up a prescription for her “son.” When another woman waiting in line overheard the name of her “son,” she apparently couldn’t help but let out an unsolicited opinion.

“You’ll really name your son anything, huh?” the woman said with a sigh.

The name in question? Whiskey.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names At least it wasn't Bubbles. Photo credit: Canva

Now, if you’re picturing a tiny human in a onesie named after your dad’s favorite Friday-night drink, and feeling a little baffled in the process, don’t worry. So was everyone else.

Except Whiskey isn’t a little boy. He’s a red golden retriever.

Yep. Sarah’s “son” is of the four-legged variety, currently undergoing cancer treatments and racking up a pharmacy bill that could rival a small country’s GDP. She and her husband get his prescriptions filled at their local CVS because (fun fact) many human and animal meds are the same, just at different doses.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. media4.giphy.com

As Sarah explained to Newsweek, this strategy saves them a few bucks, but can certainly lead to some incredible misunderstandings.

In her TikTok video, which has now been watched over 3 million times, Sarah retold this CVS name-shaming incident, and viewers collectively lost it.

@sarahwithscrubs I should’ve thrown in I was picking up his cancer meds too lol 🤭😂 #fyp #foryoupage #storytime #dogs #smallcreator ♬ original sound - sarah renee

One commenter shared, “I was shaming you too until you said dog!” Another wrote, “I mean, Whiskey is a horrible name for a child 😂 But for a dog? Okay lol.”

However, a few folks came to Sarah’s defense. One person noted, “There are women named Brandi—what’s wrong with Whiskey?” Another admitted, “in my 49 years I didn't know CVS filled pet meds!"

It’s the kind of mix-up that reminds us how funny life can be when the human and animal worlds collide. Because let’s face it: Whiskey the dog? Adorable. Whiskey the toddler? Maybe… less so. It might be a mostly unspoken rule, but a rule nonetheless.

As for what became of that misunderstanding, Sarah shared that when the other woman called Whiskey a "horrible" name for a child to grow up with that could lead to getting bullied in school, Sarah quipped back with "Well, he's a dog. So I don't think so." Upon that realization, Sarah told Newsweek that she “apologized very nicely” once she learned that Whiskey was, in fact, a dog.

As Sarah put it, the stranger “just left in a hurry, probably to think about her actions later.”

Meanwhile, TikTok is still chuckling, and celebrating one very good boy with a name that fits him perfectly.

Moral of the story: some names are meant for baby humans, like Zach or Emma. Others are for the fur babies who greet you at the door with a wagging tail and oodles of love…like Whiskey. 🐾🥃

This article originally appeared last year

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