On their podcast Beyond the Nest, hosts Allison and Lance Welch share stories and insights from their grandparenting journey—everything from managing an empty nest to deepening intimacy once parental obligations have dwindled.
In an episode titled “The Roles of Healthy Grandparents & Their Effect on Kids,” the two talked about a familiar family phenomenon: grandparents who seem to have a much more lax approach to rules than parents do…or than they did when they were raising kids themselves. In other words, “spoiling.”
Interestingly, Allison shared a social media story that put a slightly sweeter spin on this common complaint.
A second chance for softness
In the post, a mother recalled confronting her own mom after she let her grandchildren watch cartoons on her phone, even though the kids weren’t allowed to do that at home. The woman asked, “Why can’t you say no to your grandkids when you said it to me a million times growing up?”
Her mother had an answer that made her see the situation a little differently. She explained that becoming a grandmother gave her a chance to experience motherhood again, but with a little more perspective.
“I’m experiencing the little version of you all over again, but this time with more patience and a gentle kind of love.”
“And then it hit me,” the woman wrote. “The extra snacks, the screen time, the bending of rules, not breaking…it isn’t her going against me, but it’s her loving my kids so much that sometimes those boundaries blur. And maybe that’s the beauty of being a grandmother. That she gets to love without limits the way she wished she could the first time with me.”
That idea seemed to resonate with a lot of people
A short clip of the podcast was shared on X, and grandparents and adult children in the comments shared similar thoughts on why the grandparent-grandchild relationship can feel so different from the parent-child relationship.
One person wrote, “My father gave my daughter the time he hadn’t had for me. It was his redemption, and we both knew it. It healed our relationship better than any words.”
Another commenter summed up the difference this way: “More simply, a parent must prepare the child for life. That requires sternness. A grandparent’s job is to show love and joy. The parents have the hard job.”
Meanwhile, on TikTok, one grandparent shared, “Being a grandpa changed how I felt about rules…the job is to give memories before you’re gone.”
Of course, there is a difference between a grandparent giving a child an extra treat and one who routinely ignores the parents’ boundaries. The former can be part of the joy of being a grandparent. The latter can create real tension for everyone involved.
That distinction came through in the comments, too
“I’m definitely a gentler grandparent than I was a parent. That said, I follow the rules set down by the parents. I spoil with extra undivided attention I couldn’t give as a working parent,” noted one viewer.
In other words, when it comes to family dynamics, including grandparent relationships, there can be room for boundaries and for grace.
This conversation certainly doesn’t settle the question of how grandparents should behave, and it probably doesn’t need to. Families will have their own rules, relationships, and boundaries. But the discussion does offer an interesting look at why the bond between grandparents and grandchildren can feel so different from the one between parents and children. It can also invite a bit more compassion during times of frustration.
Watch the full Beyond the Nest episode below:
