What we can learn from 6 kids who are masters of their anger
Your brain is like a jar full of glitter and other life lessons from kindergarteners.
The elementary school kids in this video by Wavecrest Films are unexpectedly articulate about their emotions.
Seriously, they are so smart! Listen to what they have to say.
They understand what's happening in their brains when they get angry.
They aren't being fed lines; their thoughts and words are the real deal. These kids benefitted from social-emotional learning and coaching in mindfulness at a charter school in Mar Vista, California.
It's obvious that they have a grasp on understanding feelings that eludes most adults, and, frankly, it's a life skill that all of us could stand to learn regardless of age.
Here are six lessons these children have to teach us about mastering our anger.
Because, anger happens:
All GIFs and images via Wavecrest Films.
1. He's just 5 years old, but he knows where his anger comes from — often, out of the blue.
When somebody says, “I don't like it when you say you don't want to play with me," it makes him angry.
Haven't we all felt that way? This smart kid knows that anger sometimes happens when things outside of our control — like a rejection or unkind word — get us feeling bad. It's usually another person that makes us angry (although sometimes we can be mad at ourselves).
2. His blood keeps pumping, he gets sweaty and red — and he knows something's up.
We can have physical reactions to strong feelings of anger, from turning red in the face all the way to punching someone, even if we don't mean to. As this wise young man says, “Your blood keeps pumping because you're really mad, and you start to get sweaty because you're getting really, really mad. And then, when you start getting really mad, you turn red."
3. This little girl breaks it down: Our brains are like a JAR OF GLITTER.
She's a total emotional ninja and just dropped a wisdom bomb on us all.
This girl has a truth bomb for us.
Our thinking can be stirred up or calm, depending on our emotional state of mind.
And even though her front teeth are still coming in, she said, “It's kind of like, if you had a jar, and then the jar would be your brain, and then you put glitter in the jar, and that would be how you would feel like. If you shook up the jar, and the glitter went everywhere, that would be how your mind looks. And it's spinning around, and then you don't have any time to think."
Have you ever felt like your brain was a swirling mess?
4. This kid knows it's OK to be alone if you need to be.
Being in kindergarten can be pretty overwhelming. This pint-sized student of zen knows that when things gets tough, “First, you find a place where you can be alone, then you find some way to relax and calm down." Sometimes you need to be alone to collect your thoughts. It's OK to remove yourself from a frustrating situation.
5. Even kindergarteners can learn to calm themselves down by breathing.
On the playground, at home, or in class, anger happens, so taking a minute to wind down your breathing is one way these kids stop themselves from getting out of hand. "When I need to calm down, I take deep breaths," says one child champion of calm.
Breathe deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth.
6. It takes some adults forever to learn what she knows: Stop and think before you act.
This may be one of the hardest yet most important skills we can learn. When this girl pauses before acting out, she describes the way it makes her feel, "My brain slows down, and then I feel more calm, and then I'm ready to speak to that person." Calm and able to communicate? I think she just did a mic drop.
Truly, your brain is like a jar full of glitter. And it can be at peace.
“It's like all the sparkles are at the bottom of your brain."
So, when your brain is a stirred-up glitter jar, how do you calm down, cope with anger, and still the sprinkle-shower?
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."