In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
A woman with her finger over her mouth.
It can be hard to stay quiet when you feel like you just have to speak your mind. But sometimes it's not a great idea to share your opinions on current events with your dad or tell your boss where they're wrong in a meeting. And having a bit of self-control during a fight with your spouse is a good way to avoid apologizing the next morning.
Further, when we fight the urge to talk when it's not necessary, we become better listeners and give others a moment in the spotlight to share their views. Building that small mental muscle to respond to events rather than react can make all the difference in social situations.
A woman is getting angry at her coworker.via Canva/Photos
One way people have honed the skill of holding back when they feel the burning urge to speak up is the WAIT method, an acronym for the question you should ask yourself in that moment: "Why Am I Talking?" Pausing to consider the question before you open your mouth can shift your focus from "being heard" to "adding value" to any conversation.
The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic has some questions we should consider after taking a WAIT moment:
A man with tape over his mouth.via Canva/Photos
The WAIT method is a good way to avoid talking too much. In work meetings, people who overtalk risk losing everyone's attention and diluting their point to the extent that others aren't quite sure what they were trying to say. Even worse, they can come across as attention hogs or know-it-alls. Often, the people who get to the heart of the matter succinctly are the ones who are noticed and respected.
Just because you're commanding the attention of the room doesn't mean you're doing yourself any favors or helping other people in the conversation.
The WAIT method is also a great way to give yourself a breather and let things sit for a moment during a heated, emotional discussion. It gives you a chance to cool down and rethink your goals for the conversation. It can also help you avoid saying something you regret.
A husband is angry with his wife. via Canva/Photos
So if it's a work situation, like a team meeting, you don't want to be completely silent. How often should you speak up?
Cary Pfeffer, a speaking coach and media trainer, shared an example of the appropriate amount of time to talk in a meeting with six people:
"I would suggest a good measure would be three contributions over an hour-long meeting from each non-leader participant. If anyone is talking five/six/seven times you are over-participating! Allow someone else to weigh in, even if that means an occasional awkward silence. Anything less seems like your voice is just not being represented, and anything over three contributions is too much."
Ultimately, the WAIT method is about taking a second to make sure you're not just talking to hear yourself speak. It helps ensure that you have a clear goal for participating in the conversation and that you're adding value for others. Knowing when and why to say something is the best way to make a positive contribution and avoid shooting yourself in the foot.
Girl stops 80s game show host in his tracks as he tries to kiss her
The 80s seems like a completely different lifetime when it comes to what was considered acceptable behavior. Things people deemed acceptable or were just part of everyday expectations for television back in the 60s through well into the 90s would get stars blacklisted today. But there was one game show in the 80s that had moments so cringy that even for the times may have raised some eyebrows though everyone seemed to go along with it, except one brave little girl.
The Canadian show, Just Like Mom ran from 1980-1985 even with the uncomfortable moments between the game show host and young girls. The girls who were aged 7-12 would appear on the show with their mother answering questions about each other and competing in bake-offs to see which pair knew each other best. Just Like Mom was created by Catherine Swing, the wife of the show's host Fergie Olver who would often stand uncomfortably close to the girls and elicit kisses.
Mom hugging crying daughterPhoto credit: Canva
Recently a compilation video of the game show host behaving in a manner people might consider questionable is going viral. In the video the Olver stands near the girls, often putting his hand on their backs, placing his face close to theirs to ask questions. The very first clip shows 11-year-old Lee Ann, Olver hovers over her asking what color her eyes are.
"What color are your eyes?" Olver asks before the child tells him they're blue, to which he responds, "they're not blue, now don't tell me that. Look at me a little closer." Just as the girl leans in slightly, appearing hesitant to do so, Olver quickly kisses the child on the side of her mouth and declares, "they're green."
Dad kissing child on cheekPhoto credit: Canva
The audience sounds as if they didn't know how to react to the bizarre moment. Some people loudly gasp, others uncomfortably chuckle, while a few seem to let out a high pitched surprised squeal. The girl also laughs uneasily while the host remains extremely close. Video clip after video clip shows similar interactions where the host tries to either kiss the girls or have them kiss him but one little girl refused. While it appeared that she was nervous to do so in front of a live audience, on television and refusing a directive from an adult, she stood her ground.
This was a moment where parents can see in real time the benefit of teaching body autonomy and the power of teaching children that no is a complete sentence. Olver originally didn't accept the young girl's "no," attempting to coerce her into kissing him when she was clearly uncomfortable and uninterested in the request.
The host perches himself up close to the young girl and says, "you look like a girl who likes to give out hugs and kisses," to which the girl laughs with discomfort before saying, "not really." That didn't stop him, Olver continued, "not really? can I have a hug and a kiss?" This time the girl gives a very direct answer through nerves by shaking her head no while saying "uh-uh." She's clearly uncomfortable as she bites her fingernail trying to assert authority over her body against someone much older.
At this point the child has been clear. She immediately told the host she didn't give out hugs and kisses and when that didn't work she mustered the courage to say no more directly. Olver was still not accepting of the child's boundaries and continued to apply pressure by questioning her decision, "I can't have one?" Again the child shakes her head and says no but he persists, saying "even if I say...whisper in your ear that Alison you're going to win the show? I still can't have a hug and a kiss?" Alison sticks to her answer so Olver changes tactics, telling the child, "Well I guess you can't win the show then if I don't get a hug and a kiss."
Mom comforting daughterPhoto credit: Canva
Alison stayed firm in her no but the host's behavior resulted in the child's mother calling him a dirty old man. In the end the host appears to have moved on and told the girl she did a good job answering one of the questions, but to top the praise Olver attempts to sneak a kiss. The little girl didn't let that deter her as she quickly dodged his advance.
It seems apparent that Alison's parents instilled the idea of bodily autonomy in her giving her full permission to say no to adults and anyone else who dares to get in her space without consent. While the experience was probably not one that she would've ever wanted to have, that moment likely gave permission to other young girls watching to tell the host and other like him no. And no is a complete sentence, especially when it comes to someone's body. There's no further explanation needed. No further clarification. The answer is simply no. Well done Alison. Well done.
This article originally appeared in May.
Tired man (left); energized man (right)
The benefits of getting a good night's sleep are too vast to name. Sleep is as essential for our brains as food and water are for our bodies. If you're not getting enough, sleeping better has been shown to elevate your mood, improve your memory, and even boost your physical health. And then there's the obvious: when you don't sleep well, you'll have less energy and generally perform worse on tasks that require any kind of effort or thought.
However, we're all human, and, sometimes, humans sleep terribly. Your infant might wake you up, or a car alarm might go off outside, interrupting your regularly-scheduled REM. It's not always our fault when we don't sleep well, but there might be an interesting way to fix it.
A study from 2014 may have demonstrated the existence of something called "placebo sleep," or tricking your brain into believing you slept better than you did.
a man sitting at a desk with his head on his arms Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
The placebo effect, of course, has been studied relentlessly over the years and has shown that the human body can do amazing, almost impossible things, when the brain gets on board. The classic example is when symptoms of disease get measurably better after a patient takes a "fake" pill. Another study out of Harvard showed that people who were told their jobs qualified as exercise showed improved health and fitness markers compared to people who did the same job. Placebos even work when the person knows they're taking a placebo. It's called an "honest placebo" and is considered a legitimate, ethical treatment method for many ailments.
The researchers in 2014 wanted to find out if the placebo effect could also apply to sleep. So, they lectured a group of participants about the importance of REM sleep and how it can effect cognitive functioning. The participants were then split into two groups and monitored overnight while they slept. The next morning, one group was told they achieved 28.7% REM sleep, which is terrific, and the other group was told they only spent 16.2% of their sleep time in REM, which is below average. The numbers, however, were complete fiction.
Stunningly, the participants who believed they achieved top quality sleep performed better the next day on a series of arithmetic and word association tests compared to the other groups.
In their conclusion, the authors wrote, "These findings supported the hypothesis that mindset can influence cognitive states in both positive and negative directions, suggesting a means of controlling one's health and cognition."
According to Smithsonian Magazine, follow up experiments confirmed the findings.
The key to feeling great and performing as if you had a great night's sleep may lie in simply believing that you did.
There are a lot of ways to "placebo your sleep" in order to generate that belief. For starters, you can adopt a new routine or technique or even supplement in order to prime your brain.
John Cline Ph.D. asserts for Psychology Today that the popularity of sleeping aids like melatonin may be tied less to the fact that they work, and more to the fact that people believe they work. But you don't need to take any supplements or medications. Having a slow evening wind down with a book and an herbal tea, trying a new sleeping position, or practicing some measured breathing might work just as well. Or, rather, they might work precisely because you believe they will.
Can a warm cup of tea help you sleep better? If you believe it, then yes. Photo by Dana Ciurumelea on Unsplash
You could take the concept a step further and alter your morning routine on nights you know for a fact you didn't sleep well. Perhaps it's by using a new coffee brand, doing some stretches before getting out of bed, or meditating before starting your day. Anything that you truly believe might help make you more alert and focused may just work.
One viral social media sleep trend capitalizes on this research perfectly. Researchers have shown that forcing your mouth into a smile has been shown to improve your mood. Turns out, similarly, you may be able to get sleepy by pretending to be super tired. Psychologist Erica Terblanche calls it the "alpha bridge," and it involves gently closing your eyes, fluttering them open just a tad, and then closing them again as you relax and breath. It simulates the feeling of "nodding off" and is said to create the alpha brainwaves that transition your brain from wakefulness to sleep. It's another clever way of tricking your own brain.
@erica.terblanche Here's a skill to help you fall asleep on an airplane or anywhere else for that matter. . Its called going over the Alpha Bridge. #EricaTerblanche #ThriveGuru #motivation #sleeping
It sounds cheesy, but the power of mindset and positive thinking is truly tremendous. Our beliefs and thought patterns can greatly influence our body, our behavior, and our mood. Sometimes, our mindset can even be stronger than actual reality. Now we have the data to prove that it applies to our precious sleep, too.
An Austin Powers impersonator shows up in Chase Hofer's apartment.
It was groovy, baby. Chase Hofer woke up one day and decided to hire an Austin Powers impersonator to just, well, come over. And that he did, creating a brilliantly funny and equally awkward exchange between two guys just hanging in an apartment. (Albeit one of them was dressed head to toe as the infamous English ladies' man.)
For those unfamiliar with the Austin Powers franchise, comedian Mike Myers created and played the character in a series of three films directed by Jay Roach. The gist was that Powers is a British international spy who loved crushed velvet suits and "shagging" and wasn't ashamed of either. The purposely cringe-heavy dialogue created hours of fun, and the '60s spy satire was blatant.
In the clip, Hofer opens the door to find "Austin Powers" (as played by actual impersonator Richard Halpern) dressed in his trademark blue velour suit, frilly white shirt, and thick black glasses. They shake hands, and Halpern immediately says, "You must be Chase, baby! What a grip you have. You must live alone!" They laugh uproariously.
Halpern asks, "So what do you want me to do? Like what I would do at a party?" He then begins laughing maniacally, pacing and yelling out some of his catchphrases—most notably, "Oh, BEHAVE." After turning to his smartphone, he remembers a line that would only work if looking at a woman's chest area: "Oh, you make a lovely couple." This lands awkwardly, as he tries to explain that it's a "boobie" reference. Hofer assures him he got it, though it's a "different time."
@chase_hofer Yeah baby yeah
From there, the awkwardness just gets better. Halpern is now lounging on the couch. Hofer asks, "Did you watch the Super Bowl?" He answers, "Oh yeah, yeah sure I did." Hofer follows this up with, "Are you more of a soccer guy since… U.K.?" He yells, "Soccer, I don't even know her!" Hofer attempts to feign a laugh, but it putters out pretty quickly.
The room is incredibly quiet for a bit, followed by a little more forced banter. The clip ends with the two of them watching a rap performance on TV in complete silence.
The comments on both Hofer's TikTok and Instagram page are also truly observant and funny. One points out the commitment to the bit: "Dude has the car and everything."
Austin Powers impersonator arrives at Chase Hofer's apartment.Photo Credit: Kenneth Webb, TikTok
Another jokes, "When the Austin Powers impersonator thinks YOU'RE the weirdo."
On Instagram, a person references the rap performance they're watching, noting, "The 2016 XXL freshman cypher at the end is pure gold. PURE GOLD."
Upworthy had a chance to chat with Hofer, who shares how the idea sparked. "I came up with the idea after doing it with a magician! The magician was a friend of mine. So I thought it would be great to do it with this Austin Powers impersonator that my friends have worked with."
Said aforementioned impersonator has been playing Austin Powers for ages. "Austin was played by this man on Instagram known as 'Austin Powers Impersonator.' He's been doing this professionally for more than 25 years."
(Note: On Richard Halpern's Instagram page, he lets it be known that he's L.A.-based and "ready for YOUR event.")
We asked if Halpern had been given a heads up. "Basically, I gave him the rundown that it'd just be us two, and then I rolled non-stop for 30 minutes. So it was basically all improv."
As for Myers himself, Hofer is a fan. "I have not met Mike Myers! Big fan though. I felt like I was watching him a couple of days ago!"
As popular as this clip has become, some wonder if this cringe humor would be too much for younger generations. On the Reddit thread, "Does Generation Z enjoy the Austin Powers movies or find them offensive and outdated?" the OP writes, "I recently watched Austin Powers with my nephew. He found half of it funny, but the other half he didn't really get. Some jokes he thought were racist and not funny. This made me wonder, Gen Z, do you like these movies, or do you find them offensive and outdated?"
The OP adds, "Personally, I found these movies really funny. I love that Mike Myers has the laugh-per-minute dialed up in these movies. There's constant jokes… nonstop jokes. Definitely some of the jokes lost their luster from when I was 19 years old. But the jokes are still there."
A scene from Goldmember, part of the Austin Powers series. www.youtube.com, Nizzinny, Newline Cinema
This thread received nearly 3,000 comments. One Redditor wasn't bothered at all, noting that being offensive is the POINT. "That seems funny to me because Austin Powers is a direct parody of the old Bond movies, so the overt sexual and offensive jokes are part of the satire."
Another points out that it's all relative, writing, "The weird thing is that despite Austin being a complete and total horndog, he's also weirdly more respectful than a lot of characters at the time or since. There's a scene in one of the movies (I can't remember which one) where the female co-lead is finally willing to sleep with him after he's been unsuccessfully hitting on her most of the movie, and he respectfully turns her down because she's drunk as a skunk and he has the decency to not take advantage of someone who's inebriated and thus can't consent."
Perhaps Dr. Evil (also played by Myers in the Austin Powers films) said it best when he pointed out in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery: "I've been frozen for thirty years, okay?"
