These stories of 'coming out' to family over the holidays may give you courage — or pause.
Mom, dad — it's not a phase.
Thanksgiving is a time to take a step back and focus on what we're thankful for...
Image by TheCulinaryGeek/Flickr.
... and for some of us, it's also a time to get super anxious about introducing our same-sex significant other to our families.
My wife, Sam, and I were dating for a few years before we started spending holidays together. She would join me at lesser holidays with my family: Easter — because she's Jewish — birthdays, and impromptu BBQs. She was my "college friend" or "roommate," depending on who was asking. We always laughed about how ridiculous it was. We thought my extended family must know we're a couple.
The author and her wife, Sam, on Long Island, Christmas 2013. Photo courtesy of Laura Leigh Abby.
Eventually, after I came out to my parents, I let them reveal the truth to my family at their own speed, which worked for me for a few reasons. Waiting made it clear that this wasn't a phase and Sam wasn't going anywhere. And because aunts, uncles, and cousins already knew Sam, I knew their opinions of her wouldn't be based just on our romantic relationship. By the time Sam and I were ready to share holidays, everyone knew we were a couple, and aunts had stopped asking me during Christmas dinner whether I'd met a nice boy.
Which isn't to say it was easy. Like so many others who want to come out to their families, I was concerned about upsetting the family dynamic.
Last Christmas, my friend Clark was nervous about bringing his boyfriend, Andrew, to spend the holidays with his dad's family. The couple had celebrated with Clark's mom in the past, but Clark's dad's family includes a medley of football coaches, Army rangers, and state troopers. He was worried there might be some awkward moments.
Andrew (left) and Clark. Photo courtesy of the couple.
"I knew they were all nice guys, and they understood I was gay, but I had never introduced them to a boyfriend," Clark told me on the phone. But he ended up being reminded of how much he has to be thankful for. "I quickly realized how socially aware, smart, and progressive my family is. Bringing Andrew to spend the holiday with them let me see their true selves and appreciate the people they are."
Travis, 29, remembers going to his dad's house for Thanksgiving when he was 18. "I had come out to my mom, but not to my dad yet," he told me via email.
Travis and his moms. Photo courtesy of Travis Cronin.
"Halfway through dinner, he looked at me and said, 'So I finally got Facebook and saw on your page that you're interested in men.' I turned beet red and before I could really respond, my dad said, 'Well I'm sure you already know, but I love you,' and gave me a hug. All the anxiety rushed out of my body."
Whether coming out happens over time, unintentionally, or is a well-planned holiday announcement, Clark's and Travis' stories reveal that family can truly amaze us with their empathy and devotion.
It's a feeling I know well: The first year that Sam and I decided to alternate holidays, I spent Christmas at her mom's house in Florida. What we didn't know was that it would be her mom's last Christmas. The next year, Sam wasn't just mourning; she was also worrying about how her younger brother would spend the holiday. That's when my mom stepped in. "He'll come here," she insisted.
Just like that, I was brimming with gratitude for my wonderful, big-hearted family. That holiday, a new tradition was born: Now, every other year, when we drive out to Long Island to spend Christmas with my family, Sam's brother comes, too.
GIF from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."
Of course, families aren't always so supportive.
Kaitlyn, 27, comes from a religious Baptist family. She told me via email that when her parents found out she was gay — on her mother's birthday — her father gave his blessing, but her mother was upset. She wouldn't look at or speak to her. As Kaitlyn recalls, her mother said, "I want to forget this day ever happened."
For many who are considering coming out on special occasions or holidays, this can be a real fear: that not only might your family reject you, but that you'll ruin the festivities, too.
In Kaitlyn's case, time helped heal those wounds.
It's been almost 10 years since she came out, and she says her mother has come a long way since then. "This past year, she has completely changed," says Kaitlyn. "She truly believes not only in gay rights, but transgender rights, too."
Image by Brett Sayer/Flickr.
It's important to come out to your family when it feels right to you.
If your timeline doesn't include holiday declarations, you should trust your instincts and go at your own speed.
Maybe this means coming out slowly and individually to your family. Maybe this means first bringing your significant other as a friend. Whatever you decide, know that we all deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support us. If your family isn't able to do that, reach out to friends who can.



A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
Gif of baby being baptized
Woman gives toddler a bath Canva


An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.