Remember "Shit [Bros/Crunchy Mamas/Rednecks/Grandmas] Say?" This is kind of like that, but better — because these are real quotations from real people really saying this. They're read for you by some sweet young people who clearly need more work on not breaking character ... but I can totally understand why they have such a rough time.
Maybe you want to tell your friend about the wacky things these coal executives said but you're not sure you'll 100% remember the wording. I worked up this handy little quote graphic for you:
Hang on, I think I've got another one in here somewhere:
This one is an actual photograph of one of Peabody's eco-fabulous mines. Plus unicorn, because I was just too depressed. You're welcome.
Fact Check Time!
We made a list and fact-checked it twice. It's pretty unbelievable, right? But it all checks out.*
That's right, folks. A real-life executive at Peabody Energy actually said, "Coal use increases life expectancy and quality of life." Pardon me while I scoop my jaw off the floor.
*By "it all checks out," I mean that these people actually said these things. What they said, however, is total nonsense. Here's a helpful infographic for you if you'd like to learn more about coal's effect on human well-being. It's less rosy than what the coal executives would have you believe.