The Most Depressing — And Funniest — 'Sh*t People Say' I've Seen

Remember "Shit [Bros/Crunchy Mamas/Rednecks/Grandmas] Say?" This is kind of like that, but better — because these are real quotations from real people really saying this. They're read for you by some sweet young people who clearly need more work on not breaking character ... but I can totally understand why they have such a rough time.

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Maybe you want to tell your friend about the wacky things these coal executives said but you're not sure you'll 100% remember the wording. I worked up this handy little quote graphic for you:


Hang on, I think I've got another one in here somewhere:

This one is an actual photograph of one of Peabody's eco-fabulous mines. Plus unicorn, because I was just too depressed. You're welcome.

Fact Check Time!

We made a list and fact-checked it twice. It's pretty unbelievable, right? But it all checks out.*

That's right, folks. A real-life executive at Peabody Energy actually said, "Coal use increases life expectancy and quality of life." Pardon me while I scoop my jaw off the floor.

*By "it all checks out," I mean that these people actually said these things. What they said, however, is total nonsense. Here's a helpful infographic for you if you'd like to learn more about coal's effect on human well-being. It's less rosy than what the coal executives would have you believe.

Heroes

We all know that social media can be a cesspool of trolly negativity, but sometimes a story comes along that totally restores your faith in the whole thing. Enter the KFC proposal that started off being mocked and ended up with a swarm of support from individuals and companies who united to give the couple an experience to remember.

Facebook user Tae Spears shared the story with screenshots from Twitter, and the response has been overwhelming.

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via Twitter / ESPN

Madison Square Garden in New York City is known for having hosted some legendary performances. George Harrison's Concert for Bangladesh in '71, Billy Joel's 12 sellouts in '06, and Carmelo Anthony's 62 points in a 2014 victory against the Charlotte Bobcats, just to name a few.

But it's hard to imagine one person holding the legendary arena in the palm of their hand quite like Pete DuPré, better known as "Harmonica Pete," did on Veterans Day.

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Many of us are too young to remember the hijacking of Pan Am Flight 73 of 1986, much less any details about it. But thanks to a viral Facebook post from Misfit History, some attention is being shed on an incredible heroine who saved many American lives in the standoff.

The post reads:

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via Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq. / YouTube

Whenever life becomes too tedious or stressful, it seems that the human psyche has a release valve that turns on and we just go, "F it."

I give up. I no longer care. I got nothing left.

It's a wonderful moment when we go from being at our wits end to being on the other side of the madness. Because, after all, as Mark Manson, author of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" says:

You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact.
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