The best parenting advice I’ve read in a long time: Someone will always criticize you.

You can’t please everyone!

Laura Willard

Jan 24, 2023

Photo credit: Photo by Juan Cruz Mountford on Unsplash – Parenting children requires some serious balancing skills.

This article originally appeared on 03.08.16

Like most parents, I didn’t know what I was doing when I first became a mom — because I’d never done it before.

I was 27 when our first child joined our family through adoption. He was 10 months old.

I’d read everything I could get my hands on — books, articles, blog posts, and a whole lot more — in the year leading up to his adoption. So I had some solid book knowledge. But real life experience? Nah.

Sure, I babysat as a teenager, and I was a really good parent before I actually became one. However, as most parents know, parenting is very much a learn-as-you-go gig. We use the abstract knowledge we arm ourselves with and apply it the best we can while trying to keep our heads above water.

My husband and I made some mistakes, and we did some things brilliantly.

We faced a lot of challenges — both the regular ones that all new parents encounter and some more complex ones because our son spent 10 months in an orphanage before we became his parents. But we felt pretty good about our family, and we gained confidence as parents.

We thought: “Hey, we like this parenting thing. And we’re decent at it. We’re not the worst. Let’s do it again!”

So less than a year and a half later, I became a second-time mom when we adopted our daughter, Molley.

My daughter and me on her first birthday, about four months after she joined our family.

She was eight months old — and just as amazing as our son. After she was with us for about six months and we’d overcome some serious health challenges, her personality began to develop, and I quickly realized something:

I had no idea what I was doing.

Seriously, no idea.

All of that parenting experience I’d gained with my son did. not. apply. to. this. child.

She was a different person with a totally different personality, and those magical “skills” I’d allowed myself to think I’d developed were basically useless.

She was spirited and clever, kind and thoughtful, inquisitive and skeptical, opinionated and insistent.

And did I mention spirited?

After the first time she threw herself down on the ground in public and proceeded to scream bloody murder — probably when she was around 15 months old — because she wasn’t interested in whatever I’d suggested, I called my mom.

Not my child. But it totally could have been.

“What’s happening?” I asked. “Mattix never did this. What even is going on here?! The world is ending. Send help STAT!”

As moms often do, she imparted upon me some words of wisdom: Kids aren’t carbon copies of each other. And sometimes, we have to do everything differently … even when what we did before worked.

So that’s what I did.

What Laditan wrote is a variation of what many parents have said and believed since, well, the beginning of time.

Yes, it takes a village. And no, we shouldn’t parent in a silo. We benefit greatly from the help of friends and family and sometimes even complete strangers. But when it comes down to it, there’s a wide space between “best parent ever” and “worst parent on the planet” — and as long as we’re trying hard and landing somewhere slightly to the left of the middle, we’re probably doing just fine.

So unless we see actual abuse, we should probably just keep our mouths shut or maybe offer a few encouraging words or a small sign of solidarity to the other parents in the trenches. ‘Cause it’s very likely that they’re doing their best, too.

You know the thing about “good parents?” There’s not just one type.

That’s why I absolutely loved a recent post by mom and author Bunmi Laditan. She’s the comedic genius behind Honest Toddler on Twitter. (If you have young kids and you find humor to be a coping mechanism for the hard stuff parenting throws at you, do yourself a favor and follow her.) She also keeps us laughing, nodding our heads, and even crying a little with her Facebook posts.

But this one in particular is something every parent should read:

She writes:

“If you work, you’re missing your kid’s childhood. If you stay home, you’re wasting your education and not giving them an example of a strong, independent woman. If you’re a strict disciplinarian, your children will be stunted emotionally with damaged spirits. If you practice gentle parenting, you’re raising a future serial killer.
nnIf you homeschool, your child will never be able to succeed in society and will live in your basement playing World of Warcraft and and attend furry conventions forever. If they go to private school, they’ll be elitist snobs. If they go to public school, good luck because they’ll be on heroin before 7th grade and are probably pregnant right now.
nnnnIf you have only one child, they’re going to be lonely and when you die, they’ll have no one. If you have two of the same sex, how sad for you- surely you’ll try for the opposite gender? If you have three or more, you’re contributing to the collapse of the environment, imminent extinction of all protected species and overpopulation with your freakishly large family.
nnnnIf you’re raising a vegan, you’re annoying and your child’s bones are surely brittle as hell. If your kids eat meat, you’re a ruthless murderer and don’t you know sausage causes cancer? If your kids can’t have sugar, you’re denying them a proper childhood. If your kids can have sugar, you’re setting them up for a life of obesity and a snack cake addiction.
nnnnIf you breastfed, it was either for too long or not long enough and please do it under a tarp in a pitch black room because nobody wants to see your sex breasts. If you didn’t breastfeed, your child will never know true love, good health, or a real mother’s love.
nnnnThe moral of the story is, when it comes to parenting, there is always someone who’ll think you’re doing it all wrong so unless they’re paying your bills, just do you.”

After hearing the highest of praises and the lowest of insults when my daughter was younger, that’s the mental space I had to get myself to.

I kept on keeping on, and you know what? It’s going great. We got through our rough period that lasted about three years — until Molley was around 5 — and landed in a really positive place. We have an amazing relationship, and she continues to be a remarkable human being.

She even got me over my hatred of selfies!

Molley is 7.5 now and the past few years of parenting her have been an incredible experience — fun, humbling, interesting, and, of course, hard sometimes. We recently learned after some extensive testing that she’s “gifted.”

Her 7.5-year-old brain has the logical reasoning and comprehension abilities of a child 10 years old, and her vocabulary is many grade levels above that of a typical second-grader. It all kind of makes sense now — all of those hard times we had — and I’m so glad I didn’t let the opinions of others dictate what I did or didn’t do.

Being silly at lunch one day.

Did I make mistakes? Of course I did. Any parent who says otherwise is being dishonest. But I made choices that I felt were best for my child, and in the end, they were generally good ones. Had those strangers who wanted to make me feel like the worst mother ever been successful, maybe we wouldn’t be in such a good place now. I’m certain we’ll encounter bumps and challenges in the future because that’s what happens with parenting and kids. But I know we can handle whatever comes up.

I parented her the way I felt would work best, adjusting as we went.

I did most things differently than I had with Mattix, all in response to her needs. It just so happens that parenting Molley in public was a bit more of a spectacle, as she was a lot more vocal and physical about her displeasure, which she seemed to experience often.

I didn’t allow us to interrupt other people’s dining or shopping experiences. But on the sidewalk, at the park, in the parking lot, at the super-noisy pizzeria where we could barely even hear ourselves talk because it was so loud … we did our thing. If she hurled her sippy cup or dropped her stuffed animal and then promptly hit the deck to really drive home the point about how annoyed she was with me, we waited there until she got up herself, picked up her stuff, and walked on her own.

Sometimes that took five minutes. Sometimes it took 45. It turns out that we’re well-matched in the stubbornness department, and I truly felt that what we were doing was best.

Parenting her at home was quite different, too, but nobody was around to judge that.

I’d noticed things about Molley that were different. She was incredibly verbal by 12 months old — she had hundreds of words and spoke in sentences. By 18 months old, she’d go to her room when she was mad and stay there for hours, waiting me out, declining my offers to join the rest of us.

I was certainly learning as I went, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn’t parent her like a typical child. Because she wasn’t a typical child. And that meant people, especially strangers, had lots of opinions.

I learned a few things very quickly: First, a lot of people want you to know exactly what they think of your parenting skills and style.

The second thing I learned is that there’s no consistency to others’ opinions. One person would walk by us, doing our thing on the sidewalk during a meltdown, and tell me what a wonderful, patient mother I was and how my daughter was going to grow into a respectful, good person because of what I was doing.

Five minutes later, another person would encounter us in the exact same situation and loudly comment about what a terrible mother I was and remark upon me being “the reason kids are so awful these days.”

It happened all the time. The fact that we obviously look so different from each other probably made us stand out a bit more, but I think this is something all parents of spirited children encounter. People would even take photos of us with their smartphones. Now that I think about it, I wonder how many “shame on this parent” Facebook posts we were featured in.

It didn’t take me long to tune out the negative, focus on my children and myself, and put my energy into being the best parent I could be, the opinions of strangers notwithstanding.

Still, it’s not fun to constantly hear you suck because you’re not doing something the way someone else thinks you should.

Parenting is fantastic — it’s the best part of life I’ve ever undertaken — and it’s a lot of work. As rewarding as it is, it can be physically tiring (OMG my kids didn’t sleep when they were babies), and it can be emotionally draining.

My kids and me, shortly after our daughter joined our family. Ohhh, the look of sweet naiveté on my face…

Most of us are doing the best we can. We’re reaching out and asking for help and advice when we want or need it. We’re reading everything we can. We’re adjusting our techniques and reactions when they’re not working. In the interest of keeping it real, some of us will admit we’re crying on the floor of our bedroom closet on occasion.

All of that is because we care. We love our kids. We want to be good parents for them.

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In Partnership With Habitat For Humanity →

Homeowners celebrate the completion of their new home in Cambodia's Siem Reap Province alongside Habitat for Humanity volunteers and staff.

Culture, Family

A safe, stable home can change lives for the better. Here’s how Habitat for Humanity wants to make that possible for everyone.

Better health, better jobs, and a brighter future all start with access to a safe, affordable home.

Sarah Watts

3/25/2026
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.

Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.

A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.

Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.

Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.

Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.

Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.

Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.

Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
- Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
- Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
- Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
- Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
- Shop or donate at your local Habitat ReStore
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.

Visit habitat.org/open-door to learn more and get involved today.
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Photo credit: Matt Hyams/Instagram – A comedian’s reenactments of his wife’s perimenopause symptoms are hilarious and enlightening.

Health, Science

Guy hilariously shows how his perimenopausal wife has transformed into a scent detective

They are on the case.

Evan Porter

4/15/2026

Perimenopause is certainly having a moment. This set of transition symptoms that appear before menopause was first identified in the 1970s and more firmly documented in the 1980s. However, Google Trends shows a massive spike in interest over the past few years. Now, it seems like everywhere you look, people are talking about perimenopause.

After decades of relative silence, social media has given millions of women a platform to finally share what they’ve been going through.

It has also, funnily enough, given a platform to the husbands who support them through these challenging times.

Comedian shares reality with the world

Matt Hyams struck a nerve in late 2025 when he posted his first video about what he affectionately calls his “perimenopausal wife.”

“If your wife is entering perimenopause, I’m going to give you some tips I wish someone had given me at the beginning,” he said in the video. “Number one, stop chewing your food, okay? Just swallow it whole … Maybe you’re thinking, ‘But I might choke and die.’ Good. Even better.”

The joke was a hit and quickly went viral, inspiring him to keep digging for humor. Soon, he was back with a brilliant reenactment of “how my perimenopausal wife looks at me when I’m eating cereal and clearing my throat.” The hilarious skit references how perimenopause can cause sensory overload, or even misophonia—a rage-inducing response to chewing, breathing, or tapping.

Perhaps Hyams’ best, and most accurate, work is his reenactment of his wife’s newfound—and frighteningly precise—sense of smell. Dressed in what has become his trademark wig, he demonstrates how she can identify extremely specific odors thanks to perimenopausal changes to her senses:

View this post on Instagram

Women chime in and applaud the accuracy

Perimenopause can affect a woman’s sense of taste and smell. In some, these senses fade or even seem to disappear. In others, it can cause “olfactory hallucinations.” And in still others, people can detect real, powerful smells that others barely notice.

“If you ask a Harvard researcher, they’re going to say, ‘We don’t have enough data to support that.’ If you ask someone that talks to women every single day, they’re going to say, ‘Absolutely,’” Atlanta-based nurse practitioner Daniela Ezratty told Gloria.

The comments section under Hyams’ video proves the point perfectly:

“I’ve always had a heightened sense of smell but now I can smell things from the future”

“I found a gas leak at work. Apparently it was such a small leak that no one else could smell it and they had to bring in a gas detector to find the source.”

“I can smell what they had for dinner 3 days ago, 4 houses away.”

“I can’t smell anything except the huge imaginary cigarette that gets blown in my face and wakes me out of a blackout sleep at 3am.”

“COFFEE!! IT DOES SMELL LIKE TUNA and it makes me emotional”

Coffee that smells like tuna is a common complaint, and it’s not an olfactory hallucination. Certain chemical reactions during the roasting process can produce oils that smell fishy, especially to people with heightened senses of smell.

Hyams’ other videos use comedic reenactment to show how perimenopause can cause overwhelming mental load, fatigue, brain fog, hot flashes, and more—and they’re far more entertaining than reading WebMD.

View this post on Instagram

Skits help women—and even men—feel seen

“I seem to have hit the perimenopause train at the right time, with the right tone, and the right amount of respect for the struggle,” Hyams told Upworthy. “I’m coming at it from my wife’s perspective, validating her opinions and her reality. So I think women, which make up 88% of my followers, were so happy to see and hear it.”

It’s an accessible and fun way for women to gently teach their partners what they’re going through. Hyams said women tell him all the time that they send the videos to their partners, and those conversations often improve their relationships.

But it’s not just women who appreciate his handling of a sensitive topic. Even OB-GYNs say supporting a partner through perimenopause isn’t easy—it takes a lot of love, patience, and self-education.

View this post on Instagram

“I also get messages from men thanking me for making them feel less alone,” Hyams said.

As for the real wife behind the wig, Hyams said she likes the videos and gives final approval before he posts anything. That’s definitely the right call.

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Photo credit: Canca – Dermatologist explains why you absolutely must wash new clothes before wearing them

Health, Science

Dermatologist explains why you absolutely must wash new clothes before wearing them

Only 22% of Americans say they always wash new clothes before wearing them.

Jacalyn Wetzel

4/14/2026

It is not unheard of for someone to grab something off the rack to wear immediately after purchasing. In fact, this is a fairly common occurrence in the United States. But a dermatologist warns that this behavior could be damaging to your skin.

Cleveland Clinic dermatologist Dr. Shilpi Khetarpal tells WDIV 4 that she recommends everyone wash their clothes before wearing them. “There’s a few reasons why. The first is that many bright colors can bleed onto skin or other fabrics before the first wash. So when you wash them at home first before wearing them, you’re preventing that from transferring onto your skin,” she tells the outlet.

Two women shopping. Canva Photos

Anyone who has purchased dark blue or black jeans knows just how annoying it is when the ink bleeds onto other clothing, furniture, and skin. This isn’t new information for most people, and those with very sensitive skin are likely more apt to pre-wash new clothes to avoid skin irritation. Those without hypersensitive skin may feel more inclined to keep yanking those tags off and stepping into unwashed new clothing.

Khetarpal and other dermatologists say, not so fast. Skin irritation doesn’t only occur because someone has sensitive skin. Still, a recent survey conducted by Tommy John reveals that only 22% of Americans always wash new clothes before wearing them. Other things are going on in the construction and packaging of new clothing that might give others pause.

According to Dr. Khetarpal, some manufacturers add formaldehyde and other chemicals to keep clothes from wrinkling or molding when shipping. There’s also the concern of fungus, bacteria, and other things lingering on clothing from people handling the items or trying them on.

“You never know who tried on the garment before you bought it, so you don’t know about germs on their skin, nose, mouth. In fact, a few studies have been done looking at bacteria and viruses lingering on clothes after they have been tried on—fecal bacteria and nasal viruses were commonly found. Lice, scabies, and even bed bugs can also live on clothing for a few days,” Dr. Jami L. Miller, Associate Professor of Dermatology at Vanderbilt Health and Medical Director of the Dermatology Clinic at Vanderbilt Health One Hundred Oaks, tells Southern Living.

Woman shopping for clothes. Canva Photos

A 2014 study completed by Stockholm University in Sweden tested 31 different clothing items. The scientists found “Quinoline and ten quinoline derivatives were determined in 31 textile samples. The clothing samples, diverse in color, material, brand, country of manufacture, and price, and intended for a broad market, were purchased from different shops in Stockholm, Sweden. Quinoline, a possible human carcinogen, was found to be the most abundant compound present in almost all of the samples investigated.”

Quinoline was classified as a “possible human carcinogen” in 2016 by the Environmental Protection Agency, linking it to “tumor-initiating activity on the skin” of female mice. The agency points out that while it is listed as a possible carcinogen for humans, it is used in medicine safely. One study shows the compound works well as an antiviral without the adverse effects mentioned above.

Woman loading washing machine. Canva Photos

While it all sounds very scary, Dr. David C. Gaston, Assistant Professor of Pathology, Microbiology, and Immunology at Vanderbilt Health, tells Southern Living, “The risk of obtaining a communicable disease from clothing in a retail store after being tried on by another person is vanishingly small and essentially non-existent if the clothing is new.”

The scientific consensus is to wash new clothes just to be on the safe side, but if you don’t have sensitive skin, you’re most likely fine-ish.

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Photo credit: Canva – A woman having tea.

Health, Science

Mental performance coach reveals 4-minute ‘GRIT’ morning routine to make every day a success

Ever wake up in the morning, and you’re not sure what you want to get out of the day?

Tod Perry

4/13/2026

Ever wake up in the morning unsure of what you want to get out of the day? One day rolls into the next, and it’s easy to lose track of time and go on through our daily routines without any real purpose. That’s why, if we want to achieve our dreams and live the best life possible, it’s important to have a clear idea of what we’re working towards and to affirm it every morning.

Dr. Cindra Kamphoff, a certified mental performance coach who has worked with the Minnesota Vikings, USA Track & Field, and several Fortune 100 and 500 companies, created a 4-minute practice you can do every morning to have a successful day. She calls it the GRIT morning routine. “This simple GRIT routine gets my day started on the right foot!” she wrote on LinkedIn.

How to start your day using Dr. Cindra Kamphoff’s GRIT morning routine

To perform the GRIT routine, Kamphoff says that you should focus for one minute on each of the following:

1. Gratitude

“For one minute, remind yourself what you’re grateful for, the good things and the tough things,” she said in a YouTube video. Kamphoff told CNBC to envision a highlight reel of everything that has shaped your path. Think about the people you love, the blessings you’ve had in life, and the challenges that you’ve overcome to be the person you are today.

Gratitude is extremely important because it’s at the root of living a satisfied life. If you don’t appreciate the things you have in life, then it’s almost like not having them at all. A 2024 Harvard study found that gratitude is associated with greater emotional well-being, lower risk of depression, better sleep and heart health, and may even extend people’s lives.

A woman drinking coffee. Credit: Canva

2. Remember your purpose

“R is remember your purpose, or your ‘why.’ For one minute, remember and remind yourself why you do what you do,” Kamphoff says. If you haven’t found a specific purpose yet, that’s okay. Your purpose can be as lofty as creating a great movement that changes the world or as small as learning to be 1% kinder every day. Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, says that finding purpose may feel overwhelming, so it’s best to boil it down to a simple question: “What can I do with my time that is important?”

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have you heard of Carl Jung before??
♬ original sound – The Self Help Planner

3. Set your intentions

“For one minute, state at least three intentions. These are the ways you want to show up today, less about what you want to do but who you want to be,” Kamphoff says. She says to consider “who you want to be” and how you “want to show up” in the world, whether at home or at the office. Some examples include: “I will be a more patient parent” or “I will do everything in my power to avoid being distracted.”

4. Talk to yourself powerfully

“The last step is T, which is to talk to yourself powerfully. For one minute, tell yourself who you really are,” she says. She suggests that people talk to themselves with statements that include “I will,” “I can,” or “I am,” she told CNBC. If you are going to a job as a teacher, tell yourself, “I am the best teacher these kids have ever had,” or if you have a mile-long to-do list, tell yourself, “I can accomplish everything on my list and more.”

As the great Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Every morning, we begin our own journey, and the most important thing is to take that step in the right direction. With the GRIT morning ritual, hopefully, finding that direction and staying on the path is a lot easier.

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Photo credit: Unsplash – A woman in her underwear

Health, Science

Waxers, doctors, and nurses share their unfiltered inner thoughts about your ‘privates.’

They’re professionals, but they’re also human beings.

Evan Porter

Upworthy Staff

4/8/2026

Look, let’s just get it out there: It’s uncomfortable any time you have to get fully or partially naked for a medical exam or cosmetic procedure. Right? It’s natural and part of the process, but while you know that the person on the other end is a professional who’s just there to do their job, they’re also a human being. Getting naked in front of them in any other context would be extremely weird, and it’s hard to completely shut that part of your brain off no matter the setting.

It’s amazing how body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are “dissatisfied” with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had “concerns” about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there’s something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we’re weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.

The prompt asked, “Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?”

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people’s unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

Young women having fun at a sleepover. Photo credit: Laura Woolf via Flickr

“Gonna chime in as a doctor – and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before.” – feelgoodx

“I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in.” – Wild-Clementine

Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they’re clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable.” – tlotd

“Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work.” – Important-Tackle

“never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me.” – pastelmorning

“Nothing surprises me, I’m mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch.” – noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician’s office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it can be.

A cucumber sits next to a tape measure. Photo credit: charlesdeluvio via Unsplash

It’s bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually affect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

This shame or embarrassment unfortunately extends into the medical arena, as well.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist, getting breast exams, or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions. For their part, men are prone to skipping prostate exams, testicular exams, or conversations about potentially embarrassing topics like erectile dysfunction or bladder problems. None of these things are fun or comfortable, but they’re critical for our health!

Experts say sharing your vulnerability with your doctor or cosmetic professional can help. Letting them know you’re nervous or embarrassment can signal them to offer you comfort measures. It also helps to be really direct and detailed with what you want or what you want to discuss.

According to Cedars Sinai, “Does sex hurt? Tell your doctor exactly where you feel the pain. Notice that your poop stinks? Try to describe the odor in detail.” If you’re too embarrassed to talk about it, try writing it down. At some point though, you’ll have to get the exam. Just get through it, it gets easier once you build a relationship with your doctor (or waxer!) over time.

If you’ve ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You’re totally normal!

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: Courtesy of @miss.mad.hatter/TikTok – Therapists can be great at helping us understand how our brains work.

Health

Therapist shares 3 life-changing quotes she uses ‘almost daily’ with her patients

“Your nervous system will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven every day of the week.”

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

4/6/2026

Millions of Americans seek the help of therapists for mental health struggles, and many more could use some psychological care but aren’t getting it due to affordability, lack of access, or other barriers. One of the positives to come out of the social media era is professionals sharing thoughts, opinions, approaches, and tools that the public might find helpful. While “TikTok therapy” is certainly not a replacement for actual therapy, you can sometimes find some useful nuggets.

For instance, clinical therapist Hattie Awe, LPC, shared a video laying out three things she tells her patients all the time, and judging by the four million views and 124,000+ saves of the video, people are finding it helpful.

@miss.mad.hatter
Therapist rant
♬ original sound – Hottytot

“I am a therapist in higher level of care, and these are the three quotes that I use almost daily with the patients that I work with,” Awe begins. “It’s more of a fact, the first one, but your brain has never existed and will never exist to be happy. Your brain has no rationale of what that means, and your brain strictly operates off of safety and knowing. which doesn’t always align with what we want out of life.”

Neuroscience backs this up. Evolutionary psychologists say our brain’s primary goal is survival, not happiness. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to be happy—of course we do. It means our brain isn’t hardwired for that. It’s wired to keep us safe and secure, which means it’s naturally prone to focus more on the negative than the positive.

Brain Mind GIF by University of California Giphy

Awe says that idea connects to the second quote that she probably uses more than any other: “Your nervous system will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven every day of the week,” she says. “Your nervous system will gravitate towards the things that we know, the things that we see, the things that we’ve done over and over and over again because to the brain that’s safety. It doesn’t matter if the outcome is something that we don’t want, as long as our brain knows what’s coming, as long as we know what this is, as long as this is familiar, there’s a safety in that, which is why we might find ourselves doing the same shit, engaging in the same toxic relationships, engaging in the same behaviors over and over and over again, not knowing why we keep doing it, because it’s safe to the brain.”

Somatic therapist Sarah Alpern used a similar phrase, “Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven” to explain why we might resist change even when it’s good for us and why we tend to gravitate toward the same patterns, behaviors, and situations even though they may be harming us. Predictability feels safer than change.

“Change for the better represents uncertainty, and our brains perceive uncertainty as a potential threat,” Alpern writes. “It disrupts the familiar patterns and forces our nervous system to adapt to new circumstances, which can be scary and uncomfortable.”

Change is often seen as a threat by the nervous system. Photo credit: Canva

Understanding this can help us recognize when our instinctual brain functions are fighting us and why.

“That leaves me to my third favorite little tidbit, little quote, which is you literally cannot hate yourself in the loving yourself,” says Awe. “There is no criticizing your way to confidence. There’s no shitting on yourself into a version of yourself that you enjoy. It doesn’t exist. and you’ve probably learned all of the lessons of life that you need by hating yourself. You might as well get to the fun part of life where you learn all the lessons of life by loving yourself.”

“So validate the past versions of yourself,” she continues. “Validate the functions of the brain and the fact that it’s never really cared if you were happy. Validate how easy it is to fall in the habits of cyclical behavior, given the fact that our nervous system and brain is drawn to it. Have acceptance for that and be able to move forward. But we can’t act like the person before us doesn’t exist. And we can’t hate her for existing.”

Therapy can help people better understand how their brain works. Photo credit: Canva

People in the comments of her video shared how helpful they found Awe’s concise breakdown of these concepts.

“There is no criticizing yourself into confidence HITS.”

“u just linked up like 12 different concepts in my brain thank u.”

“This was gold! How much do I owe you?”

“I just listened to this three times through to let it sink in. I’m in a transition phase and finding it hard and I needed to hear this. Thanks!”

“I love that by being happy, you’re basically being a rebel against your own brain and nervous system.”

Lady Gaga Rebel GIF by Apple Music Giphy

Other therapists weighed in on her video as well, some with quotes they frequently share with their clients:

“As a fellow staff with youth in higher level of care, I can confirm that this way of thinking is their only way to get through everyday . It’s so black and white and everyday is such a struggle trying to get them back to baseline.”

“Along with your third quote, something I’ve said to clients is something to the effect of ‘if talking to yourself that way/thinking that way worked, it would’ve worked by now.’”

“I’m a therapist, and a quote I use frequently is ‘you can be comfortable or you can grow, but you can’t do both.’”

“Psychiatrist here…. ‘Acceptance does not require approval’ is one of my favorites. I feel like acceptance is such a huge part of life but it’s such a struggle for so many people.”

A two-minute video definitely won’t cure anyone’s mental health issues, but even short tidbits like this can sometimes help shift our perspective and allow us to see the workings of our brains in a new and helpful light.

You can follow Awe at @miss.mad.hatter on TikTok for more.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: Canva – Big changes start small.

Health, Life Hacks

Struggling to make time for self-care? These 15 micro-habits take 2 minutes or less.

Boost your energy, calm, and focus with these small, easily achievable actions.

Kat Hong

4/6/2026

Most of us have a self-improvement checklist. Exercise more. Stress less. Sleep better. Be more present. It’s a lovely list. But it can also be quite mean and vague. And it tends to sit there, quietly judging us, while we scroll our phones in bed at 11 p.m.

However, you don’t need an elaborate morning routine or a 45-minute meditation practice to shift how you feel. Science keeps arriving at the same surprising conclusion: tiny actions, repeated consistently, change lives. Not because of magic. Because of biology.

Instead of a grand, sweeping declaration like, “Stress less” (what does that even mean?), start small. These 15 micro-habits take two minutes or less. Some take ten seconds. All of them have real research behind them. Begin with one. See what happens.

Morning habits for a strong start

Photo credit: Canva – Jot down the messy, unfiltered stuff.

1. Write it out

Before you pick up your phone—before the news, the texts, the notifications—grab a notebook and spend two minutes writing down whatever is on your mind. Not a diary entry. Not a to-do list. Just the messy, unfiltered stuff, like the dream you just woke up from or an event later you’re nervous about. Psychologist James Pennebaker spent decades studying what happens when people do this, and the results are striking: expressive writing reduces anxiety, improves emotional processing, and even strengthens immune function. Think of it as taking out the mental trash before the day fills back up.

2. Get moving, even a little

To change your day (on a micro level, at least), you don’t need a gym. You need two minutes and an open space. Go nuts! Jump. Sprint up your stairs. Do jumping jacks in the kitchen. Anything to warm up those muscles. Researchers at Victoria University found that just two minutes of all-out effort triggers the same cellular adaptations in your muscles as a 30-minute workout. Surprisingly, your body genuinely cannot tell the difference.

3. Anchor your identity

Spend 60 seconds stating—out loud or on paper—one true thing about who you are. Not a wish. A fact. Think along the lines of, “I am someone who shows up.” Or, “I take care of the people I love.” Neuroscientists have confirmed that self-affirmation activates brain reward pathways and buffers against stress. So, this is more than a pep-talk: it’s a reminder of who you are.

4. Savor that first sip

Before you gulp your coffee or tea, pause. Wrap both hands around the mug. Notice the warmth radiating from its contents. Breathe in the smell. Then, take one slow sip and actually taste it. Woohoo, that’s it! Research shows that even brief moments of sensory awareness lower cortisol and reduce anxiety. Who knew? Your morning drink has been waiting to do this for you the whole time.

5. Catch ten seconds of sunlight

Step outside, or at least to a window, within the first hour of waking, and let natural light reach your eyes for ten seconds. Andrew Huberman has spent years explaining why this matters: morning sunlight triggers a healthy cortisol spike that wakes up your immune system, sets your circadian clock, and produces serotonin. Skip it regularly, and your body’s internal timing slowly drifts. Ten seconds. That’s all it takes.

6. Visualize a good day

Close your eyes for one minute and picture one thing going well today. Not perfectly and not the entire day. Just one thing, well. The research here comes from the sports world, where mental rehearsal has been studied extensively. Studies show that imagining yourself performing an action fires the same neural pathways as actually doing it.

Mid-day habits to ease stress

Photo credit: Canva – The antidote is choosing, for once, not to hurry.

7. Slow down on purpose

Once a day, pick one task that doesn’t actually need to be rushed, and deliberately don’t rush it. Walk a little slower. Eat a few bites without looking at a screen. Wash those dishes at a snail’s pace. Researchers who study “hurry sickness” (yes, it’s a real clinical term) have found that chronic time urgency keeps your amygdala on high alert, flooding your system with cortisol for hours. The antidote is choosing, for once, not to hurry. Your nervous system will slowly get the message that not everything is an emergency.

8. Leave your phone out of the bathroom

This one isn’t glamorous, but it matters. Studies have found that phones carry roughly ten times more bacteria than toilet seats. Besides, neurologists note that bathroom scrolling creates dependency, fragments attention, and eliminates one of the last quiet spaces in the day. The bathroom used to be a sanctuary. Reclaim it.

9. Sigh or hum out loud

A Stanford study published in 2023 found that the “physiological sigh”—a double inhale through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth—reduced stress hormones more effectively than mindfulness meditation in head-to-head trials. Alternatively, try humming. Humming for 60 seconds stimulates the vagus nerve through vibration, effectively shifting your body from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest.

10. Run cold water over your hands

When anxiety peaks, hold your hands under cold running water for 30 seconds. Cold water on the skin activates what physiologists call the “diving reflex,” triggering the vagus nerve to slow your heart rate and engage the parasympathetic nervous system. It’s an ancient mammalian stress response that still works remarkably well.

11. Unclench that jaw

Right now, check: are your teeth touching? Is your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth? Most of us spend hours a day with our jaws subtly clenched, and researchers now recognize this as a nervous system pattern, not just a dental one. The simple act of letting the jaw go slack, teeth apart, sends a signal to your brain that the perceived threat has passed.

Evening habits for rest and connection

Avoid bright evening light. Canva

12. Dim the lights

Around sunset, switch off your overhead lights and use softer lamps instead. The reverse can be catastrophic: a 2021 study in PNAS found that just a few weeks of bright evening lighting can delay your circadian rhythm by two to three hours, disrupting sleep, memory, and mood.

13. Hold a smile for five seconds

Yes, even a fake one. A landmark 2022 study involving nearly 4,000 people across 19 countries found that deliberately holding a smile—even without genuine emotion—makes people feel measurably happier. The science behind that? Facial muscles feed information back to the brain, meaning your mind will get the message. So, hold that grin for five seconds.

14. Give one genuine compliment

Before the day ends, tell someone something specific you admire about them. Not a generic compliment, like “great job.” Dig for something real. Maybe they handled a tricky moment with poise, or put in some extra effort while crafting that company-wide email. It could be as simple as, “Hey, your sandwich looked incredible during lunch.” Cornell researchers discovered that we consistently underestimate how much our words mean to others, and that compliment recipients feel far better than givers ever predict. The kicker? The givers feel better, too.

15. Finish your shower with 30 seconds of cold

A Dutch randomized controlled trial of over 3,000 people found that ending a shower with just 30 seconds of cold water reduced sick days by 29%. Going even further, there was no difference between 30, 60, or 90 seconds: the benefit kicks in almost immediately. This little dose of freezing also produces a lasting surge of dopamine and norepinephrine. So, while it’s unpleasant for about five seconds. Then it isn’t, and you feel great.

Don’t go overboard, okay?

Despite the headline of this article, you don’t have to do all 15. How about you just pick two? Try them for a week and notice what shifts. The point here isn’t perfection; it’s incorporating the smallest acts into your daily routine and watching them compound into tangible benefits. Remember, your nervous system is paying attention, even when you think nothing is happening. Feed it something good to work with.

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Photo credit: Photo by Nati/Pexels – If you feel "old" practically overnight, there may be a good reason for that.

Health, Science

Study discovers people don’t age steadily, but in dramatic bursts at two specific ages

This explains SO much about your 40s.

Annie Reneau

Upworthy Staff

4/5/2026

Aging is weird. You’re trucking along, enjoying your middle-aged life, finally feeling like a real adult, when you look in the mirror one day and gasp. “Where did those wrinkles come from?” “Is that skin on my arm…crepey?!?” “Why am I aching like that?”

Somewhere in your mid-40s, you start noticing obvious signs of aging that seem to arrive overnight. You assumed it was a gradual process that you just hadn’t noticed, but it sure as heck felt like it happened really fast.

The science behind the ‘overnight’ changes

New research indicates that may very well be the case. A 2024 study from researchers at Stanford tracked thousands of different molecules in people age 25 to 75 and found that people tend to make two big leaps in aging—one around age 44 and another around age 60. These findings indicate that aging can actually happen in bursts.

“We’re not just changing gradually over time. There are some really dramatic changes,” said senior study author Michael Snyder, Ph.D., a geneticist and director of the Center for Genomics and Personalized Medicine at Stanford University. “It turns out the mid-40s is a time of dramatic change, as is the early 60s. And that’s true no matter what class of molecules you look at.” The researchers assumed the mid-40s changes would be attributed to menopausal or perimenopausal changes in women influencing the overall numbers, but when they separated the results by sex they saw similar changes in men in their 40s.

@suddenly_susan_
The accuracy 🤣 #40s #genxtiktok #womenover40 #relatable
♬ original sound – Stephaniepisme

“This suggests that while menopause or perimenopause may contribute to the changes observed in women in their mid-40s, there are likely other, more significant factors influencing these changes in both men and women. Identifying and studying these factors should be a priority for future research,” said study author Xiaotao Shen, PhD, a former Stanford Medicine postdoctoral scholar who now teaches at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore.

Aging happens in bursts, scientists find. Canva Photos

What’s behind these ‘bursts?’

The study included 108 participants who submitted blood and other samples every few months for several years. The scientists tracked age-related changes in 135,000 different molecules—nearly 250 billion distinct data points—to see how aging occurs.

The study may shed light on the reasons for jumps in certain diseases and maladies at certain ages. For the 40-somethings, scientists found significant changes in molecules related to alcohol, caffeine, and lipid metabolism, cardiovascular disease, and skin and muscle. For those in their 60s, changes related to carbohydrate and caffeine metabolism, immune regulation, kidney function, cardiovascular disease, and skin and muscle were found.

Lifestyle is a factor

The study authors did note that lifestyle might play a role in some of these changes. For instance, alcohol metabolism may be influenced by people drinking more heavily in their 40s, which tends to be a period of higher stress for many people. However, the researchers added that these bursts of aging in the mid-40s and early 60s indicate that people may want to pay closer attention to their health around those ages and make lifestyle changes that support greater overall health, such as increasing exercise or limiting alcohol.

The research team plans to study the drivers of these aging bursts to find out why they happen at these ages, but whatever the reasons, it’s nice to know that the seemingly sudden onset of age-related woes isn’t just in our imaginations.

It’s understandable that we worry about aging, as physical signs of aging remind us of our own mortality. We also have all kinds of social messaging that tells us youth is ideal and beautiful and old is bad and ugly, so of course we give aging the side-eye. But none of us can avoid aging altogether, so the more positive and healthy we are in our approach to aging, the better off we’ll be, no matter when and to what degree aging hits us.

This story originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Photo credit: Canva – Can living as if it were the past actually help reverse aging?

Health, Science

In 1979, eight old men lived as if it were 1959 for a week. Their aging reversal was extraordinary.

Even their hearing and vision improved.

Annie Reneau

4/1/2026

It may sound like a scene from a sci-fi film, but it’s not. In 1979, eight men arrived at a week-long retreat in a converted monastery in New Hampshire. As soon as they stepped foot in the door, they traveled 20 years into the past. The newspapers and magazines lying around were from 1959. Fifties music played on the radio. Old episodes of The Ed Sullivan Show aired on the black-and-white television. The entire environment was set up to feel like a 20-year time jump.

The men, who were in their late 70s and early 80s, were instructed to live for the week as if it really were 1959. They were to speak in the present tense, as if what they were seeing, reading, and living was the present day. Events in the newspapers were to be regarded as happening in real time, not as part of the past.

Living as if it were 20 years earlier seemed to make the men age backwards

What was the point of all of this? Dr. Ellen Langer, a Harvard University psychologist, wanted to see how the mind affected the body when it came to aging. To study this question, she created an environment that took participants back to a time when they were younger.

“We were going to take old men, put their minds back in time, and see the effects on the body,” Langer said in a 2024 interview. “What we found in a week: Their vision improved, their hearing improved, their memory improved, their strength, and they looked noticeably younger. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I had ever heard of an elderly person’s hearing improved without any medical intervention.”

Another study group, with a tweak to the instructions, also showed improvements

After that week-long experiment, another group of old men stayed a week in the same environment. This time, however, they didn’t live as if it were 1959, but rather reminisced about that time in their lives. They used past tense language instead of present tense. That group also showed improvement in aging symptoms at the end of the week, but to a lesser degree than the group that had fully immersed themselves in the past.

“The study had a problem in that I didn’t have the funding to do several relevant control groups — a vacationing group and so on — but the results were startling,” Langer said in 2018. “Most people did not think that older people were going to have improved vision, improved hearing, and look younger.”

It may have been a small study, but Langer’s research has continued in the decades since. She has become known to many as the “mother of mindfulness” for her ongoing work on the mind-body connection. She has published several books focused on mindful health, mindful learning, mindful creativity, and more.

“We have no idea what our limits are”

Much of Langer’s research focus comes down to how we think about what is and isn’t possible. She shared on the Mighty Pursuit podcast that the attitude of “It’s all downhill from here” as we get older “can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

“We have no idea what our limits are, and we’re severely limiting ourselves across the board,” she shared. “Fifty years of data show that many of the things we think we can’t do any longer actually can be reversed…Most of our abilities, we don’t know how far we can actually push things.”

How much effect does mindset have on aging? Photo credit: Canva

“Most of what people believe, what they’ve been taught and read about, they’ve learned mindlessly, they’ve learned as absolute fact,” she said in another interview. “And, as I said before, because everything is always changing and the context is changing, absolutes need to be questioned. And I question them. You say something ‘has to be’ and my first — almost mindless — knee-jerk reaction is, well, ‘Why?’ And, ‘How might it be other?’”

What if we all asked ourselves those questions when we start having limiting thoughts? How much could we improve our lives by being mindful of the stories we tell ourselves and adopting a mindset of possibility?

You can learn more about Langer’s research on her website.

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