A big discrepancy exists between how know-it-alls see themselves and how others see them. The average know-it-all probably thinks people respect them more because they are always right. However, research shows the opposite: folks who can admit they’re wrong and say, “you are right,” are seen as more likable and competent than those who think they know everything.
A 2022 study from the University of Houston found that after reviewing a fight online, participants rated those who could admit they were wrong as more likable and competent than those who did not.
People like those who can admit they are wrong
“Oftentimes, we’re trying to save face, especially on social media networks, where a lot of people can see our interactions; so, we might refuse to admit we’re wrong, because we’re afraid people are going to look down at us,” lead researcher Adam Fetterman, director of the Personality, Emotion, and Social Cognition Lab at the University of Houston, told Greater Good. “But, instead, what people like is intellectual humility—that someone is willing to change their opinion when they’ve heard new information.”
The funny thing is that the person who won’t admit they are wrong does so, at least partially, to appear strong and intelligent. They want to be seen as competent, smart, and as someone who makes good decisions. However, research shows that taking a stand when you’re wrong makes you look less competent because you have poor critical-thinking skills and, most likely, a huge ego.
Good listeners are more likable
People who show intellectual humility by admitting when they’re wrong and someone else is right are more likable because they show they are good listeners. Studies show that being a good listener is one of the most likable traits you can have. Intellectually humble people also show they are open to new ideas, instead of being close-minded. A study from Baylor University found that after just 30 minutes of interaction, people rate those high in intellectual humility as more likable than those low in it.
“The ability to admit we’re wrong helps us to update our beliefs in a more fact-oriented manner,” Fetterman continues. “So, let’s say, if we find out we’re wrong about COVID-19 or vaccines and can admit we’re wrong, maybe we’re going to end up in a better place.”
But that doesn’t mean that we should intentionally go around telling others they are right; you have to be genuinely intellectually humble. “If someone admits they’re wrong very quickly, you might think, ‘Hey, wait a second. We haven’t really even talked about this; you’re not even thinking or really engaging in this conversation,’” Fetterman continues. “That’s probably not a good idea.”
When you tell someone they are right, it goes a long way because it shows you are a good listener, intellectually curious, and open-minded. You also have no problem taking yourself down a peg and giving the other person the respect they are due. Ultimately, people are much more impressed by someone who can admit they are wrong than by someone who will go to great lengths to demand they’re correct. In the end, know-it-alls seem to know everything, but the fact that they aren’t very popular.
