Some folks in this world just have to be right. All the time. Even when you present them with every fact imaginable that proves they are wrong, they will resort to any rhetorical tactic they can to make it seem as though they are right. If that doesn’t work, they turn to personal attacks.
People like this can be infuriating to deal with because talking to them is like screaming at a wall. Fortunately, communication expert Jefferson Fisher recently shared a two-step method on TikTok for dealing with these impossible people.
Fisher, who has become massively popular online, offers tips “to help people argue less and talk more.”
Fisher’s two-step process for stubborn people
Step 1. Diffuse the situation
“Know that the harder we work to prove that they’re wrong, the more convinced they are that they’re right,” he says. “So what you’re gonna do is diffuse that by just saying something simple as well, ‘maybe you’re right,’ or ‘maybe so.’ That diffuses the whole situation.”
Step 2. Open the conversation up
Fisher says you can encourage the other person to explore your ideas by saying: “‘It’s helpful for me to know that you’re at least considering my thoughts, even if you don’t agree with me.’ Now you’ve made a safe space to have a discussion that’s not threatening their identity. That’s how you talk to somebody who thinks they’re always right. So try that.”
Why identity matters
In his video, Fisher notes that people who won’t admit when they are wrong have developed an identity based on always being correct. That’s why, when they’re confronted with the possibility that they may be incorrect, they will do anything to avoid admitting it.
Research shows that when people feel their identity is being attacked, they perceive it as an affront to their authenticity and value as human beings. This can lead to a physical reaction known as the amygdala hijack, where people feel as if they are being physically threatened. That’s a big reason some people get enraged when discussing politics or religion. If their views on these issues are closely tied to their identity and those views are challenged, it can invalidate their entire sense of self.
The ‘backfire effect’
Fisher explains that the harder we try to prove someone wrong, the more convinced they become they’re right, due to a psychological phenomenon known as the “backfire effect.” When people are shown facts that clearly contradict their views, they often cling to those beliefs even more strongly. That’s because those beliefs are tied to emotion, not facts. When their views are challenged, it triggers defensiveness, and the brain works to protect their self-image rather than reconsider the belief.
Getting through to stubborn people who always think they’re right isn’t easy, but Fisher’s advice can help break through the wall they erect when their beliefs are challenged. It’s good for you and the other person. When you’re never wrong, you never learn from your mistakes, and that can quickly lead to problems far worse than admitting you were wrong.
This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.
