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Family

A viral editorial saying adults shouldn't high-five children has parents sounding off

Does he have a point?

high five, john rosemond, parenting
via Pixabay

Giving a high-five to a kid who needs one.

John Rosemond, a 74-year-old columnist and family psychologist, has folks up in arms after he wrote a column about why he never gives children high-fives. The article, “Living With Children: You shouldn't high-five a child” was published on the Omaha World-Herald’s website on October 2.

The post reads like a verse from the “Get Off My Lawn” bible and posits that one should only share a high-five with someone who is one's equal.

"I will not slap the upraised palm of a person who is not my peer, and a peer is someone over age 21, emancipated, employed and paying their own way," the columnist wrote. "The high-five is NOT appropriate between doctor and patient, judge and defendant, POTUS and a person not old enough to vote (POTUS and anyone, for that matter), employer and employee, parent and child, grandparent and grandchild."

Does he ask to see a paystub before he high-fives adults?

“Respect for adults is important to a child’s character development, and the high-five is not compatible with respect,” he continues. “It is to be reserved for individuals of equal, or fairly equal, status.”


Rosemond believes that a child should “know their place” and that once they high-five an adult they have no reason to obey them.

Anecdotally, I’ve found that sharing a high-five with a kid has nothing to do with whether they will obey me or not. I coach AYSO soccer and give out high-fives till I’m bruised on game day and come next practice they are all great listeners.

The article got a big reaction on Twitter after it was shared by a user named erin, Ph.D.


A lot of people had no trouble challenging Rosemond's logic.

Others took the opportunity to crack some jokes.


The column made some realize they'd been ruining the nation's youth without knowing it.

Of course, this guy earned his "old man yells at cloud" award.

We have a winner.

To Rosemond’s credit, he begins the post with full knowledge of the criticism he’s going to receive. “I’m talking about adults high-fiving children, and yes, I am about to reveal that I am the Grinch, or so it would seem,” he wrote.

It’s pretty easy to pile on Rosemond for his antiquated views of how we should interact with children. It’s pretty clear that he has a conflated view of what a high-five between two people means. It’s a fun way to give someone simple praise, no more, no less.

It seems that Rosemond missed the mark on finding a way to get to a point that is correct about the parent-child relationship: “Boundaries in relationships are essential to their proper functioning,” he writes.

Then he lays out some commonsense parenting advice.

“Children should not call their parents (or any other adults) by their first names,” he writes. “They should notsleep with their parents. They should not have free access to their parents’ money (yes, I am saying children should not have credit cards). They should not be allowed to view certain movies their parents view.”

Rosemond writes that a high-five isn’t “compatible with respect.” But he should also know that refusing to dole out simple praise may not make one worthy of respect in the first place.

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New study shows spanking hurts kids' mental health and is less effective at teaching lessons

Why is it wrong to hit an adult or an animal but OK to spank a child?

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Yet another study shows that spanking isn't good for kids.

Whether to spank your child or not is one of the oldest debates among parents. Many live by the age-old wisdom that to “spare the rod” is to “spoil the child,” while others believe it’s wrong to resort to violence to punish a child when so many alternatives exist.

It also begs the question: If it's wrong to hit your spouse or pet, why is it acceptable to hit a defenseless child?

The 2021 American Family Study found that support for spanking has declined in the U.S. over the past few years. In 2015, 54% either somewhat or strongly agreed with the practice, but that number dropped to 47% in 2021. Thirty-five percent of respondents disagree with the practice and 18% neither agree nor disagree.

A new research study from the Parent and Family Research Alliance in Australia led by Professor Sophie Havighurst and Professor Daryl Higgins from Australian Catholic University makes a strong case that people should stop using corporal punishment to discipline their kids. The study “Corporal punishment of children in Australia: The evidence-based case for legislative reform” analyzed countless studies on the topic and found spanking ineffective and harmful.

The study was published to urge lawmakers to make corporal punishment in Australia illegal. Sixty-five states across the world have made corporal punishment illegal, protecting 14% of the world’s children.

The study defined corporal punishment of children as using physical force to cause pain, but not injury, to correct or control a child’s behavior.

The most startling meta-analysis published in the study found that "only 1 out of 111 statistically significant effect sizes was associated with a link between 'spanking' and a positive child outcome," while 110 were found to be associated with adverse outcomes.

The one positive outcome was in a 1972 study of children of the U.S. military living in West Germany that found those spanked showed less amphetamine and opiate use as adults.

However, the remaining 110 significant results found that spanking had adverse effects, including: “reducing trust and connection with those they are closest to, lower self-esteem, more internalizing and externalizing behavior problems including aggression, mental health difficulties, and increased risk for later substance abuse, antisocial behavior, and violence.”

A meta-analysis found that when children are spanked, they are less likely to internalize the moral implications of the behaviors that led them to be disciplined. It also found that non-physical discipline was more effective at teaching “alternative behaviors,” “developing a child’s conscience,” and advancing their “emotional development.”

Another meta-analysis cited in the story found that corporal punishment in childhood was associated with mental health problems, low self-esteem and antisocial behavior.

In the end, the studies show that corporal punishment is counter-productive when it comes to raising healthy, happy children. But it will take much more than a study to get people to reconsider their views of corporal punishment because they are deeply rooted in many cultural traditions.

Looking for some non-physical alternatives to discipline your child? Here’s a great place to start from WebMD.

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