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If you're not sure what to say to someone who's experienced something horrible, start here.

Every victim should have an Olivia Benson.It's *so* hard to know what to say to a friend, acquaintance, loved one, (... or stranger!), when you learn about something difficult that's happened to them. Here are some easier beginnings to talk about difficult things.

Now, I know a lot of folks watch "Law & Order: SVU" because it's fun, it's entertaining, and it's reliable. That's why I watch it!

But here's something that I was excited to find ... some really great models of how to speak to someone who's experienced a violation that has hurt them: body, soul, or both.


Hidden gems of "SVU." I love it.

"If you keep it locked inside it doesn't go away."

"You told them what he did to you. You confronted him. No one can take that away from you."

"I know that it's hard to imagine right now, but you survived the abuse. You're gonna survive the recovery."

***break for frisson of emotion***

OK. Continuing...

"I understand the shame and the stigma. But keeping the abuse secret doesn't make it go away."

"Hey, listen to me, this is not on you."

"Healing begins when someone bears witness. I SAW you. I believe YOU."

Sometimes the best answer is the simplest, and that's why I decided to end on this note.

Share this with your friend to let them know you believe them. Or just revel in this helpful dialog created by a really cheesy police show! Up to you.

But, in case you are suffering and haven't heard it yet ... I believe you.

And I'm sharing this message, just in case it reaches someone who needs it today.

This story first appeared on the author's Medium and is reprinted here with permission.

Because you're a girl.

This article originally appeared on 04.14.17


I was promoted a few weeks ago, which was great. I got a lot of nice notes from friends, family, customers, partners, and random strangers, which was exciting.

But it wasn't long until a note came in saying, “Everyone knows you got the position because you're a girl." In spite of having a great week at a great company with great people whom I love, that still stung, because it's not the first time I've heard it.

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Identity

This blind chef wore a body cam to show how she prepares dazzling dishes.

How do blind people cook? This "Masterchef" winner leans into her senses.

Image pulled from YouTube video.

Christine Ha competes on "Masterchef."

This article originally appeared on 05.26.17


There is one question chef Christine Ha fields more than any other.

But it's got nothing to do with being a "Masterchef" champion, New York Times bestselling author, and acclaimed TV host and cooking instructor.

The question: "How do you cook while blind?"

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All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

I have plenty of space.

This article originally appeared on 04.09.16


It's hard to truly describe the amazing bond between dads and their daughters.

Being a dad is an amazing job no matter the gender of the tiny humans we're raising. But there's something unique about the bond between fathers and daughters.

Most dads know what it's like to struggle with braiding hair, but we also know that bonding time provides immense value to our daughters. In fact, studies have shown that women with actively involved fathers are more confident and more successful in school and business.

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Gordon Ramsay at play... work.

This article originally appeared on 04.22.15


Gordon Ramsay is not exactly known for being nice.

Or patient.

Or nurturing.

On his competition show "Hell's Kitchen," he belittles cooks who can't keep up. If people come to him with their problems, he berates them. If someone is struggling to get something right in the kitchen, he curses them out.

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This article originally appeared on 01.27.20


From 1940 to 1945, an estimated 1.3 million people were deported to Auschwitz, the largest complex of Nazi concentration camps. More than four out of five of those people—at least 1.1 million people—were murdered there.

On January 27, 1945, Soviet forces liberated the final prisoners from these camps—7,000 people, most of whom were sick or dying. Those of us with a decent public education are familiar with at least a few names of Nazi extermination facilities—Auschwitz, Dachau, Bergen-Belsen—but these are merely a few of the thousands (yes, thousands) of concentration camps, sub camps, and ghettos spread across Europe where Jews and other targets of Hitler's regime were persecuted, tortured, and killed by the millions.

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Health

What I realized about feminism after my male friend was disgusted by tampons at a party.

"After all these years, my friend has probably forgotten, but I never have."

Photo by Josefin on Unsplash

It’s okay men. You don’t have to be afraid.

This article originally appeared on 08.12.16


Years ago, a friend went to a party, and something bothered him enough to rant to me about it later.

And it bothered me that he was so incensed about it, but I couldn't put my finger on why. It seemed so petty for him to be upset, and even more so for me to be annoyed with him.

Recently, something reminded me of that scenario, and it made more sense. I'll explain.

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