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If the holidays are hard for you, doing these 4 things could really help.

I'm at a Christmas party. The people are gracious, the food is scrumptious, the wine is fantastic, and so is the music.

But I’m miserable. Why?

Because in my mind, this is what's playing in a loop: You should be happy. You should be grateful. You should be thankful.

Should be. For many folks, the holidays are a beautiful time of year. A time of rest, connection with loved ones, and celebration. But let's be real: that doesn't mean it's all mistletoe and cheer.

Image via iStock.

The holidays can also be a time of grief, family tensions, loneliness, and facing our own imperfections.

For me, the holidays are brutal because my brother and several friends died this time of year. Since this is traditionally a time of remembrance, I find it doubly hard to bring my heart into the present. Even though I'm surrounded by people at this Christmas party, I feel lonely. Worse: I feel like it's not OK to have these feelings.

Image by Tarang hirani/Flickr.

I know I'm not the only one.

One of my close friends was abandoned by her husband in December, and she's reminded of his betrayal every time the holidays roll around. She actually loves Christmas, but that pain is always awakened in the holiday season.

Even if you haven't experienced a major loss, we're all hit with a set of assumptions and expectations this time of year. That we should black out our calendars for holiday events with people we may not be all that excited to see. That we should be available to participate in activities that can be really draining. That we should spend money. Lots of money. And, all the while, that we should be full of joy.

Image by jpellgen/Flickr.

So what if you're not? What if, like my friend, you’re feeling lonely and hurt? What if, like me, you're aching in grief as you remember the loss of someone beloved?

If this is a difficult time of year for you, understand that you're not alone. The holidays are in no position to create a happy ending where none exists.

Which is why I want to offer these four suggestions to those who need them:

1. Turn off the Christmas carols if you're not in the mood, and don't go to that party if you don't want to.

Because you don't have to get into the holiday spirit. You don't have to feel the way others tell you to feel. You only need to care for yourself and offer yourself to others as best you can.

Image by Tom Lin/Flickr.

The fact is, trying to repress your true feelings and appear cheery and grateful when you're actually suffering doesn't really work. Psychologist Iris Mauss conducted a series of studies in which she found that the more value people placed on feeling happy, the less happy and more lonely they were likely to be. Research also shows that focusing on attaining happiness by fulfilling materialistic desires — a holiday pastime — can increase the risk of depression, can decrease the quality of relationships, and can mean less happiness in the long run.

Go ahead and feel what you need to feel. It's better for you.

2. If you're grieving, understand that the pain associated with it is perfectly natural.

Grieving hurts so vividly because it’s a wail of aching love, repeated to infinity. In this wailing is an opportunity to acknowledge our losses and remember those who have been taken from us. It's also an invitation to stand in solidarity with those who have experienced similar pain, without shame.

Image by Melvin E/Flickr.

3. If the season is making you feel lonely, give yourself permission to be brave enough to reach out to someone.

You might be embarrassed and feel the desire to self-isolate. The tendency to hide can explode amid the holidays because there's so much pressure to appear "perfect." We're brought face-to-face with our imperfections, and this couldn't be more true than with our relationships. Many people have strained or disconnected relationships with their families. Others find that, as the holidays approach, many of their friends aren't really there for them.

Reach out so someone who can be there for you. Just one person. That friend who seems to get you even though you rarely see her? Give her a call. That teacher who stood by your side when your world was falling apart? Reach out to him.

4. If there isn't a specific person you want to reach out to, don't be afraid to choose to be alone with intention.

Spending time in silence can actually cultivate confidence. It can allow you to observe your emotions more objectively and teach you the value of learning to enjoy your own company, instead of buying into the assumption that there's something inherently wrong with spending time alone.

Step into nature and allow it to inform you. Journal your wounds onto the page. It can be hard, I know. But if you choose to stand in your brokenness, it will begin to lose some of its power over you.

Image by Ryan Blanding/Flickr.

None of these activities will make your pain go away, but they will ensure you have the space you need to grieve safely and in a spirit of love.

If we'd just allow ourselves to be brave enough to express how we're really feeling, this season could be a time for authentic connection and healing.

This brings me back to that Christmas party: I remember seeing a friend of mine in the corner, nursing a drink, looking terribly uncomfortable. Her eyes conveyed a deep pain she was clearly trying to mask. I could have approached her and acknowledged her. I could have offered her my presence by standing with her in silence. But I didn't. At the time, I was too self-absorbed and nervous.

If I could do it again, I'd tell her exactly what I'd be much more confident in saying now: the truth.

I'd tell her I hated being at the party, and that every day in the Christmas season is profoundly painful for me. I wouldn't try to make her feel great by pretending to feel great.

I'd try to make her feel loved by being vulnerable. By feeling what I need to feel and being who I can't help but be. And you can, too.

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Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents but Denmark has a solution

"Since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents."

Gen Z; Millennials; technology; cell phones; social media; teens and technology; teens social media
Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents. Denmark has the solution.

Nearly every parent hopes their child will be better off than they are: smarter, more secure, and more well-adjusted. Many parents see this as a stamp of successful parenting, but something has changed for children growing up today. While younger generations are known for their empathy, their cognitive capabilities seem to be lagging behind those of previous generations for the first time in history.

Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath, a teacher turned cognitive neuroscientist who focuses on human learning, appeared before Congress to discuss concerns about cognitive development in children. In his address to the members of Congress, he says, "A sad fact that our generation has to face is this: our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age. Since we've been standardizing and measuring cognitive development since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents, and that's exactly what we want. We want sharper kids."

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.Photo credit: Canva

Horvath explains that the reason this happens is that each generation has gone to school longer than the previous generation. Gen Z is no exception to the longer duration of time spent in school, but they're the first ones who aren't meeting this normal increase in cognitive development. According to the cognitive neuroscientist, the decline is due to the introduction of screens in the classroom, which started around 2010.

"Across 80 countries, as Jean was just saying, if you look at the data, once countries adopt digital technology widely in schools, performance goes down significantly. To the point where kids who use computers about five hours per day in school for learning purposes will score over two-thirds of a standard deviation less than kids who rarely or never touch tech at school," Horvath reveals.

In most cases, the decline in performance doesn't result in better strategies. The neuroscientist shares that the standardized testing has been adjusted to accommodate lower expectations and shorter attention spans. This is an approach that educators, scientists, and researchers went to Capitol Hill to express wasn't working. But not every country is taking the approach of lowering standards to meet lowered cognitive ability. Denmark went in the opposite direction when it realized their students were slipping behind.

France24 recently interviewed educators in Denmark following their seemingly novel approach to students struggling with cognitive development. Since the beginning of the 2025/2026 school year, Denmark has not only been having students turn in their cellphones, but they've also taken tablets, laptops, and computers out of the classroom. No more digital learning for the majority of the school day. Danes went old school by bringing back physical textbooks, workbooks, and writing assignments. The results have been undeniable. Even the students can't seem to deny the success of the countrywide shift in educational approach.

"I think the biggest issue has been that, because we kind of got rid of the books and started using screens instead, that we've noticed that a lot of the kids have trouble concentrating, so it's pretty easy to swipe with three fingers over to a different screen and have a video game going, for example, in class," Copenhagen English teacher, Islam Dijab tells France24.

Now, instead of computers being part of every lesson, Denmark uses computers very sparingly and with strict supervision. One student says that it has been nice not having screen time at school because she loves to read and write. But it wasn't just the lack of attention span children were developing, they were also developing low self-esteem and poor mental health due to the amount of time spent on devices.

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

The data showing the negative impact of screens on teens' brains has prompted a nationwide change in Denmark that extends outside of the classroom. Afterschool activities are eliminating or extremely limiting electronic use. There is also a national No Phone Day that encourages everyone to put away their devices for the day, and Imran Rashid, a physician and digital health expert, is petitioning parliament to ban social media use for children under the age of 15. The no phone movement in Denmark is a nationwide effort that hopes to right the ship before another generation feels the effects.

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Communications expert shares the perfect way to gracefully shut down rude comments

Taking the high ground never felt so good.

upset woman, rude comment, coworkers, conflict, insult
via Canva/Photos

A woman is insulted at her job.

It came out of nowhere. A coworker made a rude comment that caught you off guard. The hair on the back of your neck stands up, and you want to put them in their place, but you have to stay tactful because you're in a professional setting. Plus, you don't want to stoop to their level.

In situations like these, it helps to have a comeback ready so you can stand up for yourself while making making sure they don't disrespect you again.

Vince Xu, who goes by Lawyer Vince on TikTok, is a personal injury attorney based in Torrance, California, where he shares the communication tips he's learned with his followers. Xu says there are three questions you can ask someone who is being rude that will put them in their place and give you the high ground:

@howtoconvince

3 comebacks to gracefully shutdown disrespect #comeback #clapback #emotionalintelligence #communicationskills

Question 1: "Sorry, can you say that again?"

"This will either make them have to awkwardly say the disrespectful remark one more time, or it'll actually help them clarify what they said and retract their statement," Xu shares.

Question 2: "Did you mean that to be hurtful?"

The next step is to determine if they will repeat the disrespectful comment. "This calls out their disrespect and allows you to learn whether they're trying to be disrespectful or if there's a misunderstanding," Xu continues.

Question 3: "Are you okay?"

"What this does, is actually put you on higher ground, and it's showing empathy for the other person," Xu adds. "It's showing that you care about them genuinely, and this is gonna diffuse any type of disrespect or negative energy coming from them."

confused woman, what, woman upset, insulted women, stunned woman A woman throws her hands up in despair.via Canva/Photos

The interesting thing about Xu's three-step strategy is that by gracefully handling the situation, it puts you in a better position than before the insult. The rude coworker is likely to feel diminished after owning up to what they said, and you get to show them confidence and strength, as well as empathy. This will go a lot further than insulting them back and making the situation even worse.

Xu's technique is similar to that of Amy Gallo, a Harvard University communications expert. She says that you should call out what they just said, but make sure it comes out of their mouth. "You might even ask the person to simply repeat what they said, which may prompt them to think through what they meant and how their words might sound to others," she writes in the Harvard Business Review.

no, insulted, stop, wagging finger, angry woman, no way stop A woman wagging her finger.via Canva/Photos

More of Gallo's suggested comebacks:

“Did I hear you correctly? I think you said…”

“What was your intention when you said…?”

“What specifically did you mean by that? I'm not sure I understood.”

“Could you say more about what you mean by that?”

Ultimately, Xu and Gallo's advice is invaluable because it allows you to overcome a negative comment without stooping to the other person's level. Instead, it elevates you above them without having to resort to name-calling or admitting they got on your nerves. That's the mark of someone confident and composed, even when others are trying to take them down.

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Helicopters dump 6,000 logs into rivers in the Pacific Northwest, fixing a decades-old mistake

Forty years ago, restoration workers thought logs were the problem. They were wrong.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest
Photo credit: Canva

Restoration workers now see how "critical" wood is to the natural habitat.

For decades, river restoration in the Northwestern United States followed a simple rule: if you saw logs in the water, take them out. Clean streams were seen as healthy streams, fast-moving water was seen as optimal, and wood was treated like a "barrier" to natural processes, particularly those of the local fish.

Now, helicopters are flying thousands of tree trunks back into rivers to undo that thinking.

In central Washington, one of the largest river restoration efforts ever attempted in the region is underway. More than 6,000 logs are being placed along roughly 38 kilometers, or 24 miles, of rivers and streams across the Yakama Reservation and surrounding ceded lands.

Nearly 40 years ago, Scott Nicolai was doing the opposite kind of work, all in the name of restoration.

"(Back then) the fish heads — what I call the fisheries folks — we stood on the banks, and we looked at the stream," Nicolai, a Yakama Nation habitat biologist, told Oregon Public Broadcasting. "If we saw a big log jam, we thought, 'Oh, that's a barrier to fish. We want the stream to flow.'"

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Fish find shelter for spawning in the nooks and crannies of wood. Photo credit: Canva

At the time, logs were removed in an effort to simplify the habitat. However, it soon became clear that wood provided vital "complexity," creating sheltered pockets for salmon and bull trout to spawn and supporting algae that feed aquatic insects. Logs also slow water, spread it across floodplains, and allow it to soak into the groundwater. That water is then slowly released back into streams, helping keep them flowing and cooler during hot, dry periods.

The consequences of removing this "critical part of the system" (in addition to overgrazing, railroad construction, and splash dam logging) were made all too clear over the years as the rivers dried up and wildlife populations declined.

"We're trying to learn from our mistakes and find a better way to manage," said Phil Rigdon, director of the Yakama Nation Department of Natural Resources.

That's why Nicolai is now helping lead a project for the Yakama Nation aimed at rebuilding river complexity by returning logs to their rightful place. Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used. Logs are flown from staging areas and carefully placed at precise drop locations marked with pink and blue flagging tape.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used.Photo credit: Canva

The wood comes from forest-thinning projects led by The Nature Conservancy and includes species such as Douglas fir, grand fir, and cedar. Although some of the timber could have been sold, it is instead being used as river infrastructure.

For tribal leaders, the work carries even deeper meaning. During the helicopter flights, they gathered along the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Tribal leaders gathered by the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.Photo credit: Canva

"It was very simple: to bring what was rightfully part of this land back to us," said former tribal chairman Jerry Meninick.

The aftermath of the original restoration project illustrates how human concepts, such as the belief in the superiority of "cleanliness," can be limited and sometimes cause more harm than good. The miracle of nature, however, is that when left to her own devices, she can heal herself.

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Communication experts say highly likable people do 10 things in conversations to build relationships

Make a lasting impression in every chat.

likable, likable person, likable people, conversation, conversation tips
Photo credit: Canva

Likable people say these things during conversations to build better relationships.

Making friends and developing deeper, stronger relationships starts with good conversation. Sometimes that means small talk at work, while other times it's the kind of conversation that really takes off at a party.

Some people are naturals when it comes to easy, flowing conversation—especially highly likable people, who tend to attract others and often hold the key to mastering genuine conversation. From their gestures to the way they articulate questions, there's a lot others can learn from them.

Communication experts who spoke to Upworthy say there are 10 things highly likable people do during conversations to build stronger relationships.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

1. They listen without distraction

Listeners often make the best conversationalists.

"That means not looking at your phone or scanning around the room to see who you want to talk to next," says Kerri Garbis, CEO and founder of Ovation Communication. "Focus on the person in front of you only. Make eye contact. This fosters a relationship because when you are fully present, it signals respect, interest, and helps others feel valued versus like they are competing for your attention."

2. They collect data

Being inquisitive about what people need during conversations is key to building stronger relationships.

"If you take a moment to ask your colleague or even friend, 'What are you worried about? What's the biggest concern facing you right now?' you can get great data on how you can help them - in a way that taps into something urgent and top of mind for them," says Kate Mason, PhD, an executive communications coach and author of Powerfully Likeable: A Woman's Guide to Effective Communication. "They'll remember your thoughtfulness and the actions you took."

3. They balance the conversation

Highly likable people never make it all about themselves.

"Sometimes conversations can be 'lopsided' where it's more about the other person than about you," says Rob Volpe, a communication expert and author of Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time. "While that can be okay, you aren't there to be their therapist. Sometimes the context and topic may make it off balance, but if it continues and you aren't feeling seen yourself, feel free to say something like 'I'd love to share my thoughts on this' or 'May I share something I'm dealing with at the moment?'"

4. They mirror their conversation partner

Taking cues from body language can foster deeper relationships.

"It's a subtle way to make someone comfortable because they recognize themself in your actions," says Jennifer Anderson, a communication expert who works with entrepreneurs. "Your energy should match the energy of your counterpart. Think relaxing-in-lounge-chair energy vs. about-to-deliver-a-presentation energy. Those are two very different conversations. If you paired them up, there's definitely about to be some awkwardness."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

5. They skip pre-planned questions

While coming to conversations prepared with questions may help you feel less anxious, highly likable people usually don't use them.

"Often people have questions in their back pocket, like about the weather or sports, but the most likeable people in the room are those who can be present in conversations and ask follow-ups based on what someone is talking about," Garbis says. "This builds a relationship by making conversations feel relational and not transactional."

6. They are self-aware

Highly likable people are masters of self-awareness, especially during conversations.

"Self-awareness of your judgment is key to building relationships," Volpe says. "We all carry biases which can block our view of the person standing in front of us. When you catch yourself being judgmental, have some grace with yourself and get curious about the other person as well as where your judgment is coming from. This clears one of the biggest obstacles to having empathy with others."

7. They respond with affirmation

Highly likable people make others feel seen and heard.

"No matter what is coming out of the person's mouth, make it clear that you're not judging or competing with them," Garbis notes. "If they say: 'I went skiing this weekend,' don't jump in and say that you also went skiing. Say something like, 'Wow, that sounds exciting, tell me more about that.' You can respond with validating statements like: 'That makes sense, or I can see why you're so good at that, or I can see why that matters to you.' This reduces defensiveness and nervousness, and it makes people feel safe to be themselves and creates relationships faster."

@justaskjefferson

it’s been great catching up! #communicationtips #communicationskills

8. They remain calm

Bringing a sense of calm rather than chaos to a conversation can put everyone at ease.

"Calm is the most powerful communication flex you can do," Mason says. "If you can stay calm, especially in a heated conversation, you actually end up looking trustworthy, reliable and unruffled - all very powerful things to be remembered for."

9. They remember names

Highly likable people personalize conversations by using the other person's name.

"Never ever tell people you are terrible at remembering names," Garbis explains. "This will tank the conversation because it signals you don't matter, nothing you say matters, and that you aren't worth remembering. It makes a person mentally check out of the conversation. Use good tricks like repeating a person's name at the beginning and again at the end. If you forgot by the end, say something like, 'It was so fun to hear about your skiing adventure. By the way, I'm Kerri, it was so nice to meet you, and can you remind me of your name? I don't want to forget it?' They'll be so grateful you repeated your name too!"

10. They use humor where they can

Finally, highly likable people make sure to infuse conversations with laughter.

"It's a great connector," Anderson notes. "Don't try to be a standup comic, just find the lighthearted observations and details that you can share in conversations. Humor is never a weapon; judgy and mean-spirited comments convey weakness, not confidence. You'll risk alienating your conversation partner if you come in with a full roast of your friends or coworkers. If all else fails, everyone loves a Dad Joke."

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Man's perfect parody of 'toxic' manager's vacation guilt-trip is hilariously relatable

"I’m glad you’re back, but it was very busy for the rest of us!"

workplace, workplace comedy, toxic boss, pto, workplace culture, viral video, comedy sketch
Photo credit: Canva, Comstock from Photo Images (left, cropped) / Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo)(right, cropped) / SkaHero42 from pixabay (text box)

Man's parody of a "toxic" manager is painfully relatable.

Ah, that boss—you know the one. When you return from a hard-earned vacation, using the paid time off you’re legally allowed, he walks over to your cubicle and hits you with a series of passive-aggressive comments. Now, instead of feeling re-energized, you’re walking around with an unfair feeling of guilt and discomfort, as if you’re in the doghouse for breaking a non-existent rule. Not cool.

Actor-comedian Ben Sweeny satirizes this unhealthy workplace dynamic in a hilarious—and hopefully not too relatable—video titled "your toxic manager when you get back from vacation." It’s part of a series starring his character Corporate Sween, aka "CEO of Corporate America," known for his generally unpleasant office behavior. Some of these laughs may sting, but they’re worth it.

"I personally never took vacation when I was in your shoes"

In this clip, Corporate Sween confidently struts into an employee’s office, flashing an enthusiastic smile, and very quickly starts grilling them about how their PTO has affected everyone else. "Wow, look who’s back from PTO! Paid. Time. Off," he says, eyes wide. "How was vacation? Yeah, you got some good rest? You got some color! Yeah, you’re looking great. So, listen, I’m glad you’re back, but it was very busy for the rest of us while you were out lollygagging [sic] last week, okay?"

The guilt-trip is heavy: "So I need a very big week from you now that you’re back from vacation," he says. "I personally never took vacation when I was in your shoes, but I guess we’re of a different generation. I guess we’re built a little bit differently." He then checks the employee’s computer, awkwardly requests that they "lock in," and departs the room after one final, uncomfortable throat clear.

"It's just a skit, it's just a skit"

The video earned a big reaction across social media, especially on Instagram, where people seemed to feel very seen. Here are some of the top comments:

"I endured 20 years of this and eventually just thought it was normal 😂"

"I'm on PTO and I'm not looking forward to this…"

"This happened to me just a few days ago coming back from the Holidays, worst feeling ever"

"Lollygagging must be included in corporate dictionaries around the world 🙌🙌🙌"

"Time to take another vacation"

"The aggressive head nod, the upside down smile and lack of blinking. This man could put Pennywise in a PIP"

"It’s just a skit, it’s just a skit…"

"May God deliver me from ever working for this type of company again 😂"

"'Whatchya got cooking today?' Sir, this is not a Wendys"

"Good time to go back on PTO🤣"

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Sweeny has released a treasure trove of other office-cringe-comedy videos, touching on topics like holiday breaks, exit interviews, pay cuts, and productivity. But the PTO clip may touch an even deeper nerve, given that a lot of people don’t know how to handle a passive-aggressive comments from their real life manager. In 2019, Priceline surveyed more than 1,000 full-time U.S. employees, learning that 24% of Gen Z respondents felt guilty about taking a vacation, followed by Millennials (19%), Gen X (16%), and Baby Boomers (8%).

On LinkedIn, career coach Brittany Bishop wrote that, by doing three key things, we can set ourselves up to enjoy PTO guilt-free: "Give [yourself] permission to take the time off," "prepare for the time away in advance," and "actually [leave] work for others to do" and trust that they can make it happen.

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