Everyone has that person in their life who casts everything in a negative light. You go out for a great meal, only to hear them complain about the service. They never highlight anyone’s positive qualities, just their faults, and the only joy they seem to get comes from putting down the things you love.
It’s like they are programmed to be antagonistic about absolutely everything. The problem is that, whether they’re friends, family members, or co-workers, we’re stuck dealing with people who drain our energy and have a knack for ruining a good time.
Fortunately for us, communication expert Jefferson Fisher recently shared a three-step reset method on YouTube for dealing with these impossible people. Fisher, who has become massively popular on social media, offers tips “to help people argue less and talk more.”
How to deal with negative people
Here is Fisher’s three-step reset method for dealing with negative energy:
1. Don’t absorb the negativity
“Don’t absorb what they said,” Fisher says. “Instead, we’re going to call it out. You’re going to say it out loud. That means when you claim it, you control it. Meaning, you control your own reactions to it. That’s the takeaway there.”
Examples include:
“This feels tense.”
“This feels heated.”
“I’m sensing some negativity.”
2. Call out the truth, not the tone
“When that happens to the negative energy, you’re going to send it right back by having them repeat it,” he says. “How? It’s very similar to how I recommend handling insults. See, they can’t repackage it in the same way again when you ask them to repeat it the same way. They can’t say it the same way. Then they just look terrible.”
3. Protect your presence
“You cannot control another person’s mood,” he adds. “You cannot make somebody happier. That is their choice. … Big takeaway: you are making sure that your mind acknowledges the negative energy, but it neither matches it nor tries to attach to it. That’s the difference. That’s how you handle the negative energy.”
Here’s the whole video:
Why are some people so negative?
A primary reason some people are overwhelmingly negative is that they are extremely fearful and hyperfocus on the negative aspects of life.
“In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected by others, the fear of not being loved by others, and the fear that ‘bad things’ are going to happen,” Raj Raghunathan, PhD, writes in Psychology Today.
Humans also have a negativity bias, which means we’re more primed to respond to negative than positive stimuli. That’s why we remember insults far more often than praise and are more likely to recall negative moments than positive ones.
Why all the negativity? It’s a survival technique. People who can detect danger and harmful situations are much more likely to survive than those who focus on the positive. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to make a conscious effort to see the good in the world.
Even though negative people can be a burden to be around, taking Fisher’s advice and refusing to let them affect our presence can turn them into a reminder to reset and refocus on the positive in life.
