We so often ask, “If you could go back in time, what would you change?” While it can be good to reflect, this bittersweet question suggests roads not taken and irreversible choices. The fact is that things aren’t always permanent. One woman beautifully explains how.
Under the social media name Evan Bnormal, Evan Brady explores relationships, career, health, and other advice by talking to people across many generations. Like many social media content creators, he approaches people who look like they might have a story to tell. What sets him apart is the genuine care he shows the people he interviews.
Find people you love
In one Instagram post, Brady stopped a woman named Karen Balmer. Dressed in flowy white pants and a golden yellow checkered top, with silver hair, stylish bangs, and cute glasses, she had a sunny disposition. When Brady began to ask, “If you were in your twenties, what would you do—,” she cut in with a joke before he could finish. “It’s very presumptuous, isn’t it? ‘If’ I was in my 20s?”
She then smiled and answered the question in earnest. “Well, I wouldn’t have gotten married to the guy I married. I would have found people I love. Like quirky, wild people. I’m living my life back to front to do what I should have done in my 20s now, so it’s cool. It’s much better getting older.”
Brady asked what she does now, and Balmer replied, “I’ve got a little property, so I rent it out to unemployed people. And I do some modeling. Teaching some art. And just everything I love.”
He noted how happy she looked. “Why would you not be?” Balmer answered, without skipping a beat. “I have the perfect life.”
Follow your gut
Then Brady asked, “What made you have that change? Why did you decide to live your life back to front now?”
Again, Balmer answered with raw honesty. “Well, I married the wrong guy, didn’t have children. I went to uni at 42. Then I went back to uni at 50 and went back again at 60, which is a bit older than most. So I just realized I just wanted to do what I want to do.”
She explained, “I think I followed conformity to my parents when I was young. I tried to be what people expected me to be. So that’s what I would advise all young people: Follow their gut. Don’t do what anybody thinks, just follow what you want. And that’s what I’m learning to do now, and that’s why I’m happy.”
Brady then asked, “Is there a certain moment you realized you found what you wanted?” Balmer answered, “I think one of the things is being choosy with your friends. If somebody makes you feel great every time you see them, then they’re good people. If you come away thinking, ‘Oh, I ought to go to that, maybe I shouldn’t dress like that,’ they’re not your friends. You know in your gut, you come away, and you think, ‘I wish I had done that. I wish I hadn’t done that.’”
A switch in the brain
They both laughed when Brady reiterated that “having a friend shouldn’t be a job.” Balmer agrees. “God, no. I’m starting just to be free to be myself.” The major takeaway is that we should give ourselves permission to be who we are and not hold ourselves back. “That’s all it is. The switch in your brain, you just switch it on.”
The two then introduced themselves. Balmer, showing her cheeky sense of humor, clarified, “I’m not the typical Karen,” and they both laughed. “We’re redefining Karen!” said Brady.
With almost 385,000 likes on Instagram and well over 3,000 comments, it’s clear that Balmer’s words resonated with many people. One commenter wrote, “This is the definition of ‘unlearning’ which I feel is something valuable for all of us!”
Many were inspired that she continued her education. “Uni at 42! Back at 50 and 60! Love that! I’m planning to go back now at 43! It’s never too late if we are still alive and healthy! You are a lovely Karen!”
‘Every flower blooms in its own time’
On the subject of friendship and surrounding ourselves with love, this Instagrammer shared, “Same, Karen. I now surround myself with ‘quirky, wild people’ who don’t judge and overthink every move and how they are perceived. Freeing.”
Summing it up nicely, another commenter wrote, “There is a quote that says ‘every flower blooms in its own time.’ And this beautiful conversation shows exactly that for me. It’s never too late to find your passion, your people and the right environment for yourself to start blooming and just be and love yourself.”
