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A necklace that fights homelessness and 30 other holiday gifts with a bigger purpose.

At Upworthy, we believe a little generosity can go a long way. And that's especially true during the holidays.

So naturally, we wanted our 2016 gift guide to be tailored just for you — our big-hearted readers who can appreciate a great gift that also makes the world a better place.

We rounded up the hippest, neatest, most unique products we could find that give back to a variety of worthy causes in important ways. From empowering women in the developing world and keeping our planet pristine, to helping pets in need and fighting human trafficking, you and your loved ones can feel great about their presents this year knowing your purchase went to a cause near and dear to their heart.

Here are 31 holiday gifts that give back, separated into three sections — gifts for grown-ups, for kids, and for your four-legged friends.

NOTE: Upworthy has no official business partnerships with the companies and nonprofit organizations featured in this guide. We just think they have fantastic gifts that give back.

1. The lounge pants of your dreams: $54

Inspired by the Sanskrit word "Sundara," which means "beautiful," these comfy jammies are just that. Made of 100% cotton with side pockets, these pants are perfect for lounging the day away. Each pair you buy is also handmade by women who are survivors of human trafficking and now work as seamstresses. Get some Punjammies.

2. A dashing tie that helps military families: $95

When you buy one of these stylish ties, you're helping the families of fallen soldiers through the Folded Flag Foundation. According to the company's website, each purchase helps fund scholarships for the children and spouses of those who've lost their lives in service, with $5 donated for every tie. Get the tie.

3. A power source that spreads the light: $79

The adventurous techie on your list is going to love this. The WakaWaka Power+ is a solar charger and flashlight in one. It provides 150 hours of bright LED light with a single charge from the sun. It can also charge a smartphone, camera, and any other gear with a USB port. Every purchase will also provide solar light to a family in crisis or living without electricity through International Rescue Committee. Get a WakaWaka.

4. A colorful cardigan to keep them warm: $128

This soft cardigan is made from Peruvian Alpaca wool, and it’s guaranteed to keep your loved ones feeling warm and fuzzy all season long. 25% of each item sold goes to UNICEF, and those funds help to provide vaccines, oral rehydration salts, and nourishment to children in need. Get the Blue Chakana cardigan.

5. A bracelet for your BFF: $76

For your conscientious bestie, look no further. Article22 utilizes the talents of skilled local artisans in Laos to turn Vietnam War shrapnel into stunning jewelry as part of their Peacebomb collection. These friendship bracelets are helping to clear out some of the 80 million unexploded bombs still littering Laos.  Get your friendship bracelet set.

6. A selfless statement cuff: $64

Your fierce and fashionable loved one will appreciate this bronze statement cuff by Raven + Lily. The cuff is sustainably made made from upcycled metal by female artisans in Kenya. Each cuff sold helps provide women in the Kibera slum area of Nairobi, with a way to earn a sustainable living. Get Raven + Lily's statement cuff.

7. Socks with a message: $45

Give your loved one the gift of a right step forward by gifting them these Conscious Step socks. The trio of socks provides two schoolbooks through Room to Read and 18 months of clean water through Water.Org. Want even more of a good conscious? The socks are created in fair trade conditions with organic cotton.  Get a Conscious Step box of socks.

8. An everyday necklace with great impact: $56

The Giving Keys employs people transitioning out of homelessness to make these meaningful keys, inscribed with messages like "hope" and "dream." The wearer is encouraged to embrace the word on their key and then pass the key on to someone who needs it more. Get a mini-key necklace.

9. Beanies that help Mother Nature: $20

Perfect for your friend who loves the Great Outdoors. To celebrate 100 years of the National Park Service, Pendleton has launched the National Park Collection, which includes towels, shoes, and accessories like these classic beanies. A portion of proceeds from the collection will benefit two park restoration projects from the National Park Foundation. Get the Pendleton beanies.

10. A vibrant clutch: $35

It holds all your necessities — and gives back to girls who need an education. This beautiful clutch from Bloom & Give is made of durable cotton and comes in four bright prints. Each purchase will also help a girl go to school. To date, Bloom & Give has enrolled over 100,000 girls in school. Get a Kayva Clutch.

11. A worldly windbreaker: $80

This windbreaker might be reminiscent of the 1980s, but it's actually all about the future. Made by Cotopaxi, a certified B-corporation, purchasing this jacket will help fund grants that focus on alleviating poverty, health care, education, and livelihood development around the world. Get the windbreaker.

12. Girl Power T-shirt: $35

1973 was a historic year for women's rights. It was the year the Supreme Court decided on Roe versus Wade — that every woman should have the right to safe, legal abortions. For every 1973 T-shirt sold, Prinkshop will give 30% of the profit to the National Institute for Reproductive Health. Get the T-shirt.

13. Sunglasses that help give sight to others: $149

TOMS has been at the forefront of "one-for-one" giving, and their sleek, new sunglasses line is no exception. We love this throwback design mixed with the modern TOMS feel, a hand-finished frame, and 100% of all the UVA/UVB protection you'll ever need. With every purchase TOMS will help give sight to a person in need through sight-saving surgery, prescription glasses or medical treatment. Get the glasses.

14. Guilt-free sneakers: $130

These minimalist kicks are from Veja, which sources its materials from organic cotton farms and wild rubber producers and production takes place in fair trade factories in Brazil. Bottom line: When you purchase these sneakers, you're buying eco-friendly and fair trade footwear. Get Veja's Velcro Pierre sneakers.

15. A pin to take on the future together: $10

Pins are everywhere this season so why not gift one that gives back? This lovely Together pin from Just Peachy stands up for women's rights and health care for all. When you purchase the pin,  50% of total sales will be donated directly to Planned Parenthood. Get the Together pin.

16. An umbrella that fights for freedom: $23

When it rains, it pours, so protect those who need it. The ACLU is more crucial than ever right now to help defend the rights and liberties of people across the country. Every umbrella purchase supports the ACLU. Get the freedom umbrella.

17.  Earbuds that help others listen: $70

For the music fan in your circle. LSTN created a pretty pair of rose gold earbuds that provide high quality audio. The wireless ear buds have a battery life of over 10 hours and come with a nifty vegan leather pouch. Even better: Your LSTN purchase helps give hearing aids to someone in need through the Starkey Hearing Foundation. Get the rose gold earbuds.

18. The perfect pouch for bookworms: $15

Because we all have a Jane Austen fanatic in our lives. 100% of proceeds from this purple pouch will help fund the renowned New York Public Library. NYPL is the largest public library system in the country, so your purchase is helping a grand institution keep people reading. Get the library pouch.

19. Sweet treats: $30-$120

Get freshly baked cookies delivered in flavors such as lemon sugar, peanut butter chocolate, and triple chocolate chunk. A Cookies for Kids' Cancer purchase will support research at the best pediatric cancer centers across the country. Get the cookies.

20. Body lotion with heart: $8-$28

'Tis the season for dry skin, so keep your friends protected with body lotion. The ingredients in Lush's Charity Pot alone will make them feel amazing with fair trade olive oil and shea butter. And Lush donates 100% of proceeds from the lotion to environmental, animal, and human rights orgs. To date, they have donated over $17 million to great causes. Get the Charity Pot body lotion.

21. A book written by girls, for girls: $20

Girls Write Now is after-school initiative that just published its newest installment of poetry and essays — "(R)evolution: The Girls Write Now 2016 Anthology" — written by the young women who participate in the program. Proceeds from the book help empower underserved teen girls by pairing them with mentors who are professional writers. Previous anthologies have won awards and have been praised by literary figures such as Roxane Gay, Janet Mock, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Gloria Steinem.
Get "(R)evolution: The Girls Write Now 2016 Anthology."

22. Art fighting hate: $10 (and up)

Illustrator Jeff Couturier wants you to donate to some important charities, including ACLU, NAACP, and Planned Parenthood. When you make a donation, email him the receipt and he'll create an original illustration for you. "When it comes to hate and intolerance, I don't want to make a little dent with my small donation. I want to kick the door down with a few million friends," he said of the project. 100% of what you donate goes directly to the cause of your choice and you'll receive handmade art for your friend. It’s truly a win-win. Get the original art.

23. A bottle of wine that helps feed the world: $59

OneHope is an award-winning Napa winery, so you know this bottle of sparkling wine is going to taste great, as well as give back. In the last six years, OneHope has donated over 1.1 million meals to children, along with providing monetary donations, shelter, and vaccines. Every Bottle of OneHope gold sparkling wine equals 15 meals for children in need. Get OneHope gold sparkling wine.

24. A cool cat that fights hunger: $45

Maximus the Cat from Cuddle + Kind is peak kitten cuteness, hand-knitted with cotton yard. His favorite quote — “Start each day with a grateful heart” — is a perfect holiday reminder to all of us to stay thankful, even during the toughest of times. When you buy Maximus, you'll be providing 10 meals to children in need through the World Food Program's School Meals Program. Get Maximus the Cat.

25. A ukulele that keeps America informed: $40

What's more charming than a kid playing a little four-string Hawaiian guitar? NPR's DIY wood ukulele kit is super easy to assemble and made-ready to stain or personalize, whichever way you please. This gift's proceeds will benefit NPR, a public radio station that provides all Americans with thoughtful programming known for broadening horizons. Get NPR's ukulele.

26. A baby hat that helps Haiti: $25

Silky and snug, Haiti Babi's hat is made from the same warm pima cotton as the company's blankets — yet it's durable enough to survive the three Ts: “teething, tumbles, and tantrums.” When you buy this hat, you'll be helping provide a living wage to the Haitian women who make them. Get Haiti Babi's baby hat.

27. The fire hydrant that fights for dogs: $20

Your pup will be all over this smiley toy from PrideBites. It squeaks, it floats, and its sales help fund the Jason Debus Heigl Foundation, a group fighting back against animal cruelty and neglect in all its forms. Get the dog toy.

28. "Ugly" holiday doggy T-shirt: $16

Don't forget — your pets aren't immune to the changing seasons either. Bundle up your little furball with this "ugly" holiday T-shirt (that looks like a sweater). Proceeds from the sale benefit the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, an American animal rights organization. Get your pup's "ugly" holiday sweater.

29. Veggie toys good for your (cat's) soul: $9 each

Your cat might not like eating veggies but will definitely enjoy these eggplant- and radish-shaped toys, which are handmade in California using 100% organic catnip. Like the dog shirt above, your purchase of these toys helps PETA fight for animal rights. Get the veggie cat toys.

30. Delicious dog peanut butter: $10

Dogsbutter — yep, peanut butter for dogs — is a healthy way to take your treat-giving game up a notch. It’s made from peanuts and flaxseed, minus any sugar, salt, or hydrogenated oils you may want to avoid, and it works wonders when you're trying to get your pup to swallow some medicine. What's more, for each item you buy, an equal amount of food is provided to a pet shelter, so dogs in need will also benefit. Get Dogsbutter for your four-legged friend.

31. Starchaser cat toy: $23

Is your cat slowly destroying your sofa? This scratch pad with catnip — which comes with a motion-activated LED ball on a circular track — will keep your kitty occupied for hours (instead of ruining your furniture). Your purchase will help the Animal Rescue Site provide food and care for our furry friends in need. Get the Starchaser cat toy.

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Neuroscientists say a simple trick will help you learn any new skill a lot faster

Learning a new skill? Here's how to quickly level-up.

guitar, learning a skill, neuroscience, music, exposure, passive exposure, gardening
via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A woman learning how to play guitar.

Learning a new skill, such as playing an instrument, gardening, or picking up a new language, takes a lot of time and practice, whether that means scale training, learning about native plants, or using flashcards to memorize new words. To improve through practice, you have to perform the task repeatedly and receive feedback so you know whether you’re doing it correctly. Is my pitch correct? Did my geraniums bloom? Is my pronunciation understandable?

However, a new study by researchers at the Institute of Neuroscience at the University of Oregon shows that you can speed up these processes by adding a third element to practice and feedback: passive exposure. The good news is that passive exposure requires minimal effort and is enjoyable.

"Active learning of a... task requires both expending effort to perform the task and having access to feedback about task performance," the study authors explained. "Passive exposure to sensory stimuli, on the other hand, is relatively effortless and does not require feedback about performance."


woman reading, woman book, young woman, studying, new skills A woman reading a book.via Canva/Photos

How to pick up new skills faster?

So, if you’re learning to play the blues on guitar, listen to plenty of Howlin’ Wolf or Robert Johnson throughout the day. If you’re learning to cook, keep the Food Network on TV in the background to absorb some great culinary advice. Learning to garden? Take the time to notice the flora and fauna in your neighborhood or make frequent trips to your local botanical garden.

If you’re learning a new language, watch plenty of TV and films in the language you are learning. The scientists add that auditory learning is especially helpful, so listen to plenty of audiobooks or podcasts on the subject you’re learning about.

But, of course, you also have to be actively learning the skill as well by practicing your guitar for the recommended hours each day or by taking a class in languages. Passive exposure won't do the work for you, but it's a fantastic way to pick up things more quickly. Further, passive exposure keeps the new skill you're learning top-of-mind, so you're probably more likely to actively practice it.

What is passive exposure?

Researchers discovered the tremendous benefits of passive exposure after studying a group of mice. They trained them to find water by using various sounds to give positive or negative feedback, like playing a game of “hot or cold.” Some mice were passively exposed to these sounds when they weren't looking for water. Those who received this additional passive exposure and those who received active training learned to find the water reward more quickly.

gardening, woman gardening, gardening shears, leaning gardening, weeds A woman tending to her garden.via Canva/Photos


“Our results suggest that, in mice and in humans, a given performance threshold can be achieved with relatively less effort by combining low-effort passive exposure with active training,” James Murray, a neuroscientist who led the study, told University of Oregon News. “This insight could be helpful for humans learning an instrument or a second language, though more work will be needed to better understand how this applies to more complex tasks and how to optimize training schedules that combine passive exposure with active training.”

The one drawback to this study was that it was conducted on mice, not humans. However, recent studies on humans have found similar results, such as in sports. If you visualize yourself excelling at the sport or mentally rehearse a practice routine, it can positively affect your actual performance. Showing, once again, that when it comes to picking up a new skill, exposure is key.

The great news about the story is that, in addition to giving people a new way to approach learning, it’s an excuse for us to enjoy the things we love even more. If you enjoy listening to blues music so much that you decided to learn for yourself, it’s another reason to make it an even more significant part of your life.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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2,000 people sing directly to ICE agents in Minneapolis, beautifully imploring them to come together

The "singing resistance" choir shows the power of incorporating art into peaceful protests.

singing resistance, singing protest, ice protest, minneapolis, non-violent resistance
Courtesy of @dougpagitt/Instagram

The "singing resistance" is growing in Minneapolis and beyond.

From the night the Sons of Liberty dumped hundreds of chests of tea into Boston Harbor in 1773, Americans have protested government policies and actions they disagree with in various ways. Some have staged peaceful sit-ins, while others have rioted in rage. Millions have marched to make their voices heard, carrying signs and chanting slogans that express their displeasure with what's happening in their country.

But occasionally, a unique form of protest stands out. Several weeks into the ICE operation in Minneapolis, in which the federal government sent 2,000+ agents and officers to carry out "the largest immigration operation ever," and which has led to disruptions at schools, conflict between federal agents and the community, and the killing of U.S. citizens, thousands of Minnesota residents have taken to the streets in protest. Among them is a growing band of singers who, instead of calling out the government with shouting and chants, are calling in the federal agents with songs and signs, inviting them to join the resistance.

It's a different approach to take, tapping into the humanity of individual agents instead of confronting the government as a whole. But 2,000 people have added their voices to the "singing resistance," forming a massive choir. They gather at a church to practice their songs, then take their message to the places where ICE agents are staying, singing:

We walk the same ground

We've been torn apart

Put down your weapons

And sing your part


The effect of combining the arts with our constitutional right to peacefully assemble is powerful, and the signs the singing resisters are holding are, too: "Please ICE agents. Join Us." "Love > Fear," "Choose Humanity. Quit ICE." "Stop the Violence." "We Are Family." "Be the hero that walks away." "The time is always right to do what is right." "You, too, are here to love and be loved."

The Singing Resistance Instagram account shared the heart of the message the singers hope to send to ICE agents, imploring them to quit their jobs and join "the side of love and humanity":

"Under federal occupation, Minneapolis has been going through immense pain, rage, and grief. But when they come at us with violence, we fight back with love. We still have space in our hearts for ICE agents who are willing to walk away from the path of violence and take accountability for harm they’ve caused. We paid ICE agents a visit today to call them home."

Another song they sang says:

It’s okay to change your mind
Show us your courage
Leave this behind
It’s okay to change your mind
And you can join us
Join us here anytime

The idea of inviting agents and officers to join a resistance movement isn't without precedent. Singing resistance organizers shared that they were inspired by the Otpor! civil resistance that helped overthrow Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic in 2000. Otpor! members would chant, "You may not join us today, but you can join us tomorrow," when they were arrested by the police. Ultimately, when hundreds of thousands marched on Belgrade, most of the police and military joined the opposition and refused to follow Milosevic's orders to fire on the protesters.

According to an Ipsos poll conducted on January 30 and 31, 2026, a full 62 percent of U.S. adults feel ICE’s actions go too far, compared to 13 percent who think they don't go far enough and 23 percent who said it was about right. That disapproval is four points higher than the week before, indicating that the ICE operations are unpopular with Americans, even those who normally support the Trump administration's policies.

People from all over the United States shared words of encouragement for the choir, expressing how moved they are by the singing resistance:

"I love how the singing is both dissent/resistance and it feeds hope and replenishes energy. It is so soul-nourishing. I’d love to be a part of this! Sending my love and care to you all from Maryland as a MN born and raised woman. Sing on!!!"

"I think the music resistance is very effective and moving. Thank you for all your fine efforts from way over here in upstate New York. Thank you for standing up for all of us in the country."

"We are one chord, beautiful beautiful voices thank you so much for sharing Minnesota. I’m a musician and singer here in Eugene, Or, and when I hear hundreds of you singing like that, I cannot tell you how healing it is for me how powerful and indeed how brave."

"I have a song in my heart again! After weeks of crying crying in despair, thank you for singing us into a hopeful future of healing, reconciliation, and RESISTANCE❤️

"This is more revolutionary than so many know."

"Prince left his legacy forever. Minneapolis strong."

"This reminds me of Estonia's singing revolution and I'm here for it. ❤️❤️"

The Singing Resistance account has shared a toolkit and songbook and organized a virtual training on how to organize a local singing resistance choir for those interested in doing something similar.

The right to peacefully assemble and voice our disagreement with our government is guaranteed in the Constitution, and there are many creative ways to do it. When people are singing in harmony in the street, it not only gets attention, but it's hard to criticize or confront that kind of peaceful protest. (Imagine the optics of trying to break up a peacefully singing crowd.) Will the choir's earworms calling to their humanity really make a difference with any ICE agents in Minneapolis? Time will tell. In the meantime, people around the world are hearing them loud and clear and joining the harmonious chorus of non-violent resistance.

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I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences
Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers/YouTube

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.

The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually get—I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.

The Never Ending Story Atreyu GIFfrom The Never Ending Story GIFs


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

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British etiquette expert shares 5 simple tips for people who think they're 'above small talk'

"You don't hate small talk. you're just terrible at it."

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends
Photo credit: Canva

Two men having a conversation

You probably heard plenty of people say they hate small talk. You might even consider yourself someone who loathes it. One of the most common arguments against small talk is that it’s “superficial,” energy draining, and doesn’t foster a real human connection.

Well, according to British etiquette enthusiast and content creator on all things conversation-related (not to mention author) Michael Baker, “You don’t hate small talk. You’re just terrible at it.”

In an Instagram post, Baker argued that those who see small talk as “beneath them” are failing to see it as a “test” (for compatibility, connection, shared values, etc.), which will inevitably lead to getting “left out.”

He then gave five tips to help folks shift that mindset and make small talk work for them. Honestly, even those who aren’t adamantly against small talk might find themselves guilty of some of these mistakes and could benefit from making these tweaks.

five, five fingers, five tips, man, advice, help Young man holds up his hand to show five.Photo credit: Canva

#1 Avoid answering questions too literally

Perhaps in an attempt to be authentic, or to avoid taking up all the oxygen in the room, people might use responses that are accurate and succinct, but not exactly conversational. This doesn’t give the other person anything to “bounce off of,” which is what’s really being asked for.

To remedy this, Baker suggests to always give a real response plus a “hook.” He gave the example of saying “Mostly work, but I’m trying to teach myself how to play guitar. Chaos!” when asked, “What have you been up to?” rather than saying “Not much, just working.”

#2 Don’t ask questions like it’s a job interview

Baker says ask “open-ended, low-stakes” questions like “what’s keeping you busy outside of work?” to invite a sense of “play.” Conversely, asking things like “where are you from?” invites a sense of formality, pressuring people to “perform.”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women having a conversation at a coffee shop. Photo credit: Canva

#3 Allow depth to come in naturally

Since the thought of shallow conversation might seem uncomfortable, those who are small talk-averse might find themselves immediately asking overarching existential questions like, “What drives you?” Baker argues that one must trust that “shallow comes before depth,” and must be used as a “warm-up act.” Otherwise, people are put on the spot unnecessarily, which obviously doesn't foster connection.

#4 Initiate conversation instead of only speaking when spoken to

What may seem like “politeness” can come across as unapproachable. The good thing is: this is an opportunity for some “low-pressure,” even “lightly self-deprecating” observations. Baker used the example of saying, “That snack table’s dangerously close to me.”

#5 Treat small talk as the “main event”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women talking as the leave a yoga classPhoto credit: Canva

This might be the biggest tip of all. Here, Baker reminds us that for the majority of human interaction, small talk is the way in, and therefore should be “respected.” Virtually no one is going to say, “Let’s network,” but odds are they’ll easily comment on the weather. It’s our job to learn what they’re really saying with this mundane phrase.

Because, at the end of the day, “if you keep waiting for ‘real’ conversation, you’ll miss all the real opportunities,” Baker writes.

After reading these tips, you very well might still loathe the idea of small talk, which is totally fine. It doesn’t have to be for everyone, nor should it. But what Baker really presents here is a way to reflect on whether or not our attitudes are preventing us from making valuable connections. If we suspect that might be the case, then it could be worth experimenting with some of these tools.

If you’d like even more tips, Baker has a guide aptly titled Let’s Not Make It Weird, which you can check out here.

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Experts explain why sloth-like 'slowmaxxing' can actually fix your brain

This is the best social media trend in years.

slowmaxxing, slow living, slowing down, calm, comfort, mental health, wellness, mental wellbeing, psychology
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"Slowmaxxing" is all about doing one thing at a time, as slowly as possible, to re-train your nervous system.

Many of us live in a constant state of urgency. Technology and societal advancements have made progress and communication nearly instant, so the pressure to be "always on" and always productive has skyrocketed. We multi-task constantly, so much so that many of our lives can be perfectly summed up by our overloaded web browsers. The average person has five to ten browser tabs open at any given time, with many juggling dozens or even hundreds at a time. We've got a work spreadsheet, a potential dinner recipe, a PDF form for the doctor, and a bill-to-be-paid all sitting there staring at us while our phones and chat apps buzz and ping.

Not surprisingly, this level of chaos is not good for our brains, and it's only made worse by the rise of algorithmic, short-form social media content that has wreaked havoc on our body's dopamine reward system.

But some people are claiming they've found a solution, and the experts seem to agree that it can help. It's called "slowmaxxing" and it's beautiful in its simplicity.

If you're not fluent in Gen Z brainrot vernacular, the suffix "maxxing" just means to optimize that aspect of your life. "Looksmaxxing," for example, is an intense form of grooming, diet, exercise, skincare, and fashion to get the most of our your appearance. "Slowmaxxing," then, is living life as slowly as possible.

The idea of slow living is nothing novel, but "slowmaxxing" really began to take hold in the last few years after a since deleted Tweet went hugely viral:

"You need to be reading long, fat books. You need to be making 48-hour chocolate chip cookies. You need to spend hours watching wildlife, you need to spend 15+ min making your coffee. You need to breathe in and out. You need to be slow."

Millions viewed and shared the post, and it has since been iterated and re-posted on Instagram and TikTok countless times. The sentiment, it seems, has really struck a nerve with people who feel burnt-out and overloaded.

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Doing things slowly sounds great. It sounds cozy, comforting, and calming. But what it does to your brain may actually be critically important.

First, we have to understand what our "fast-paced" lifestyle is really doing to our psychologies, and why it feels wrong and uncomfortable for so many of us when we try to rest.

"When someone spends years in a high stimulus environment, with all the constant pings, rushing to get here and there, attempts at multitasking, their nervous system becomes so adapted to urgency that resting actually feels unsafe," Stephanie Steele-Wren, a licensed psychologist and owner of PsychologyWorks tells Upworthy. "The brain essentially learns that stillness is an unfamiliar concept and becomes suspicious if you aren’t always doing something."

That's why slowing down and resting isn't merely as simple as sitting down to read a book, or laying on the beach once or twice a year. When you're not well-practiced in the art of stillness, those moments of rest feel uncomfortable or even scary. Sometimes, even incredibly simple mundane inconveniences like waiting for a glass of water to fill up or standing in a short line for coffee can be excruciatingly frustrating.

"Intentionally slowing down is less about relaxing and more about recalibrating how our nervous systems respond to the environment," Steele-Wren says.

The good news is that it's easy to try slowmaxxing. Any screen-free task that you focus on without multi-tasking for an extended amount of time is great training for your brain and nervous system:

  • Making and drinking your morning coffee as its own activity (perhaps while staring out the window)
  • Soft hiking, or leisurely strolling through nature and taking in the sights, smells, and sounds with no emphasis on distance, exercise, or destination
  • A walk around the block with no music or podcast
  • Cooking at your own pace and savoring the colors and flavors of the ingredients
  • Enjoying slow, screen-free meals—maybe on a patio where you can people watch or listen to the birds
  • Reading a book for long stretches, appreciating and re-reading the prose and not rushing to check it off your To Be Read list
  • Listening to music as a primary activity and not background noise
  • Walking next to or behind "slow walkers" instead of zooming around them
  • Not racing through yellow lights, and being content to catch the next cycle

The concept is simple, but slowmaxxing may feel uncomfortable or difficult at first. That's a strong sign that it could do you some good.

"If slowing down feels uncomfortable, that discomfort is okay. The brain is simply reacting the way it has been trained," says Steele-Wren. She says grounding tasks like using a fidget spinner can be useful if your body is feeling overwhelmed by the need to do something during moments of stillness.

"A helpful approach that helps over time is to start with very very small doses of slowing down. Maybe that is sixty seconds or so of intentional slowness, such as brushing your teeth mindfully, folding laundry without a podcast and no streaming services on in the background, or drinking one cup of coffee without picking up your phone."

She adds that it takes practice and consistence to re-train the way your body and brain react to slowness and come out of "24/7 survival mode."

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The benefits, once you've begun to re-regulate, are enormous. One of the biggest laments of many adults is how quickly time goes by, and that it seems to go by faster and faster as we age. Ironically, slowing down and doing less may be one solution.

"Make a conscious effort to slow down. Take a few moments to release your attention from activity and take in the reality of where you are and what you’re doing. You might find that your day becomes longer as a result," writes author Steve Taylor for Psychology Today. "By living slowly, we experience much more reality, since we become present. We also find life much less stressful, and more fulfilling."

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