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6 alternatives to saying 'let me know if you need anything' to someone in crisis

If someone is drowning, you don't wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

woman crying with her hand on a rainy window

People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.

When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it's instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

Us: I am SO sorry you're going through this. What can I do to help?

Person in crisis: I honestly don't know right now.

Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything—anything at all.

Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

Us: I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask. I'm happy to help with whatever you need.

And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.

Was it that they didn't really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn't really offer them what they actually needed.

One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they're drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

If someone is drowning, you don't ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. Youjust take action.

Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn't able or willing to ask for it:

1. Make them food

It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don't. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it's not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

If you don't cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or UberEats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

lasagna in the oven

Easy-prep meals people can throw in the oven are great.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Even better—organize a meal train

If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a "meal train," where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

someone scrubbing a pot in a kitchen sink

There are always dishes to wash.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won't want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, "I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?"

The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, "Is this or that better?" rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

woman folding clothes

There is always laundry to fold, too.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

3. Do laundry

Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you're at it.

Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

And if it doesn't feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That's a great way to be of service without feeling like you're intruding.

man pulling food and toilet paper out of the car

Offer to pick stuff up when you're on a grocery run.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

4. Run errands for them

"Hey, I'm heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I'm there?" is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you're going to be running your own errands and see if there's anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

You can also offer to run errands with them. "Hey, I've got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?" They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

woman holding hands with a small child as they walk

Caring for someone's kids is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

5. Provide childcare

If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you're going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can't just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied, and happy is its own form of relief.

6. Ask what they're struggling with and focus your help there

While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that's the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they're having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. "What can I do to help?" may not be as effective a question as "What are you having a hard time doing right now?" They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they're struggling.

One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that needs tending, or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they're dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they're going through, and they're often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you're going to do it, doesn't always apply.

If there's a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to take the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there's a good chance they feel like they're drowning, so don't wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.

Note: This advice is especially relevant now as Californians struggle with the Wildfire Crisis. In light of many losing their homes, possessions, and loved ones, knowing how to help and what to do might be even more difficult. Check out our Community Resource Guide for ways to offer aid and relief to those impacted.


This article originally appeared last year.

brown fish beside coral under body of water

The ocean covers more than 70 percent of our planet—yet there’s so much about it that we don’t yet know. Experts, in fact, believe we’ve only explored about five percent of the ocean so far—meaning that most of it remains completely unseen and undiscovered.

What we do know, however, is that the ocean is truly wise. Not only does it sustain all human and animal life on the planet, the creatures under the sea continue to give scientists insight that can transform human lives as well (just read about the amazing axolotl below to see what we mean).

A happy ocean makes for happy, healthy human beings (not to mention a healthy planet)—so this summer we’re helping our friends at Ocean Wise spread the word that no action is too small—holding a cleanup on a local shoreline, for instance. Learning about our ocean and all its wonders is another step anyone can take for conservation, so buckle in and prepare for a tidal wave of info that will blow your mind.

1. Playing music—specifically, recordings of healthy reef soundscapes—can help grow coral reef populations.

live coralsPhoto by QUI NGUYEN on Unsplash

Healthy coral reef populations are filled with diverse sounds, thanks to the fish, snapping shrimp, and other marine life that live there. Scientists have found that playing recorded sounds of healthy reefs actually attract coral larvae, since the sounds indicate a healthy, vibrant habitat. Using this knowledge, scientists have taken recorded reef sounds, played them near degraded reefs, and in doing so, have increased the settlement rates of coral larvae, helping the coral reefs regenerate.

2. Dolphins like to party with pufferfish.

Photo by Talia Cohen on Unsplash

How’s this for a good time? Dolphins, particularly younger ones, have been known to seek out pufferfish to play games with them, chewing on them and passing them back and forth between each other like a hacky sack. Not only is this entertainment for the dolphins, scientists theorize that they may intentionally be trying to get the pufferfish to give off a neurotoxin called tetrodotoxin (TTX)–which is a chemical they release when threatened. This chemical is highly toxic in large doses–but in small quantities, experts think that it might induce a mild, pleasurable effect in the dolphins, similar to a narcotic. Party on.

3. Male humpback whales are total crooners.

A male humpback whale breaches the water.

Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

All humpback whales can vocalize, but male humpback whales actually sing.

During mating season, scientists have observed male humpback whales making sounds that are distinctly different from other humpback calls. Unlike other sounds, these songs have a clear structure, and use small, repetitive “phrases” organized in a specific sequence—in the same way humans sing different verses during a song. Even more amazing? Male humpbacks all sing the same song together in “choruses,” in sessions that last from five minutes to several hours.

4. Axolotls have superpowers (and scientists think it could benefit humans one day).

a couple of animals that are in some waterPhoto by T K on Unsplash

Among biologists, axolotls are known for their ability to regrow lost or damaged tissue. When an adult axolotl loses a limb, they can actually grow it back in just a few months time, thanks to a substance they produce called retinoic acid, which plays a large role in regenerating skin cells. (If the name sounds familiar, it’s because retinoic acid is a derivative of Vitamin A, and it’s commonly found in skin creams.) While we already know that retinoic can make our skin look fabulous, scientists are currently studying whether it could someday help human limbs regrow, similar to the axolotl’s.

5. A healthy ocean can help reverse climate change

green algae underwater photographyPhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

The ocean generates half of the oxygen we breathe and absorbs nearly a third of the world’s carbon emissions. Phytoplankton, the microscopic algae that float near the ocean’s surface, are a big part of the reason why. But there’s another unsung hero—kelp. Unlike phytoplankton, kelp are large seaweeds that grow in dense underwater forests along coastlines, absorbing CO2 and supporting ecosystems. Ocean Wise is helping bring back these powerful carbon sinks one kelp forest at a time.

Help us #BeOceanWise by doing one small thing for ocean conservation in your community (because just one thing can start a huge wave of positive change). Visit ocean.orgfor tips and tricks to keep our oceans healthy because no action is too small.

Art

It took 14 years and 380 global embroiders to make one stunningly meaningful dress

A truly multicultural art project with style touches from 51 different countries.

Photos courtesy of The Red Dress project
Embroiderer Lekazia Turner wearing The Red Dress.

Few things bring people together more beautifully than art. Whether it's music, sculpture, paint or fabric, the arts are a way for us to express ourselves, our cultures and our common humanity. But rarely do we witness one singular piece of art truly encapsulating the creativity of our human family.

At first glance, the dress created for the Red Dress project is quite obviously stunning. It looks as though it could be worn by a royal—though a royal from where? The style, colors and patterns of the dress don't shout any particular country or culture; in fact, we can point to different elements of it and say it looks like it belongs on any continent.

There's a reason for that. The dress is made out of 84 pieces of burgundy silk dupion, which spent 14 years being sent around the world to be embroidered by 380 people from 51 countries—a truly global, multicultural creation.

Of those 380 embroiderers, about a third were commissioned artisans who were paid for their work and receive a portion of all ongoing exhibition fees. The rest were volunteers who contributed their stitches at events in various countries. Approximately 97% of the embroiderers were female.

British textile artist Kirstie Macleod conceived the project in 2009 as "an investigation into identity, with a desire to connect with women from the around without borders and boundaries." The basic design started as a sketch on the back of a napkin and has grown into a tangible garment that is not only a gorgeous work of art but a platform for women around the world and from all walks of life to express themselves and have their voices heard.

As shared on the project's website:

"Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

On Instagram, Kirstie Macleod shared a panel of the dress that was embroidered by two women in Kosovo, who shared some of their reflections on their experiences in the war there.

They stitched words into the birds they embroidered:

"Better one winter in your own country than a hundred springs away."

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little."

"Freedom has come. Love yourself first."

"Love all. Trust some. Hate none."

"A winter is a winter. Be nice, everyone."

"We live in peace now."

The creation of the dress began in 2009 and was completed in 2023. Each woman embroidered a piece of her own story into the dress, which contains millions of stitches. From established professional artisans to first-time embroiderers, the women were encouraged to share something that expressed their personal identities as well as their cultures. Some used traditional embroidery styles that had been practiced for hundreds of years where they are from. Others stitched in meaningful elements of their life stories. Some of the women are also using textile work to rebuild their lives and earn a consistent living.

The dress is on tour, being displayed in museums and galleries around the world. The photos showing women of various ages and ethnicities wearing the dress are made all the more moving knowing the history of how and by whom it was made.

In May 2025, a book detailing the dress's creation and journey around the world was published and can be found here.

Absolutely stunning. What a wonderful idea to connect women in a way that lets them share their stories and showcases and beautifully honors them.

This article first appeared three years ago and has been updated.

True


Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a picture so incredibly goofy it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. Unplanned triplets 

@murdockmultiples The first of many family reactions to our spontaneous triplet news! Telling my parents we were expecting spontaneous triplets 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 And yes my dad didn’t understand that “Baby B” meant twins at first 😂 #spontaneoustriplets #tripletreaction #triplets #murdockmultiples #murdocktriplets #surprisetriplets ♬ original sound - Murdock Multiples

Pregnancy reveals are always fun to watch, but this one is three times as exciting. In this viral TikTok clip, these new grandparents get exciting news when their adult daughter tells them she is pregnant with twins. But wait–there’s more. In what’s probably the shock of their lives, she then reveals that, on second glance, there’s a third baby in there. As in, spontaneous triplets. Three babies. Unplanned. Their reaction is both adorable and totally real: “I don’t even KNOW people with triplets!” Congrats, grandpa–you’re the people, now!

2. Little moments of morning joy

This week, the All In crew is polling people on the streets of New York City about small, everyday things in the morning that bring people joy, from gorgeous greenery to the early morning sun catching the light in just the right way. Just listening to these is making us feel super relaxed.

3. This teacher doing the absolute most for Pride Month

@joey_.veres Mr. Folnsbee the ally that you are @nadipowers @lanie @Fatty ♬ suono originale - 𝙎𝙊𝙁𝙏𝙇𝙔

Meet Mr. Folnsbee, a high school teacher from Horseheads, New York who’s taking Pride Month to the next level. In support of Pride Month (and, presumably, the LGBTQIA+ students at his high school), Folnsbee lets students bedazzle his head with rainbow gemstones—so much so that it looks like a giant, glittering Pride flag. Talk about setting a good example for the next generation!

4. The "goodnight" trend 

@sydsacks I’ve been cracking up at this trend so I made Peter call his besties to say goodnight 🤪 #goodnight #besties ♬ original sound - syd

Calling a friend and wishing them goodnight is a sweet gesture, right? What if the person you were calling was someone you haven’t spoken to in years, or someone with whom you’re just a casual acquaintance? That’s what people are doing in this new TikTok “prank,” and the results are so funny they’ll have you crying. They’re also so sweet, as the responses range from being confused but polite, to wanting to have a long conversation, to being genuinely concerned for the caller’s mental health. It might be a “prank,” but it definitely shows how much we all truly need human connection.

5. Spontaneous street singing

This could only happen in New York City. Instagram users @sabrinakvictor and @thecoryterrell — who were strangers before this video — shared a moment recently on a chance meeting in NYC when the two started singing the exact same song. Watch as the two of them vibe out to "Impossible" by James Arthur and try not to smile or sing along as you watch them (it's actually impossible). The joy here is actually contagious—and the harmonies are on point.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Internet

Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZFamily baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

@kylies.muse Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Kylie ꩜

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZThree generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

@that1crazy72 Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents ♬ original sound - That1crazy72

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

Women's Health

A gynecologist asked women how visits could be improved. Thousands responded, in detail.

"How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

Many would agree that gynecology visits could be improved upon.

When picturing a doctor’s office, you might imagine a less than warm atmosphere. Those oh-so-lovely fluorescent lights instantly come to my mind. Imagine if a doctor told you, “I want to design our visit in a way that makes you feel most comfortable.” Suddenly that annual check-up doesn’t sound so dreadful after all.

Dr. Ryan Stewart, a urogynecologist at the Midwest Center for Pelvic Health, recently asked women to weigh in on the redesign of his office. Posting the question to X, he wrote: “I have the opportunity to design my office from scratch. I’m asking women. How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

gynecology, gynecologist, women's health, medicine, OBGYNThe gynecologist's office is a vulnerable place.Photo credit: Canva

His tweet ended with “If I’ve ever had a tweet worthy of virality, it’s this one.”

And boy was he right. His tweet nearly instantly received thousands of replies. Turns out, there are a lot of ways to improve a visit to the gyno.

Including:

Empathy toward sexual trauma

This includes starting the exam off asking if a patient has any trauma, and not dismissing feelings of discomfort, according to commenters.

Improved intimacy

As part of improved privacy, many advocated to not be asked if an intern can observe while the intern is still in the room.

"It's hard to say no to them," one person wrote.

Another added "I'm sitting on the table in the gown and [the gyno] brings in this young guy and says 'you don't mind him observing this do you?' I consented but have been pissed off ever since and never went back to her."

One person mentioned that their current doctor recently swapped the thin, exposing paper gown for spa style robes, adding both privacy and a dash of luxury.

Diverse posters

This suggestion comes aptly timed, as the diagram (above) of a black fetus recently inspired a viral conversation. Many were noting that they had never seen one in medical imagery before.

One person remarked, "I am 53 years old and have never seen myself represented in anything in a doctor's office, even pamphlets. Change that!"

Mental health screenings

Waiting until the clothes are ON to disclose important info

"Don’t discuss care or diagnoses when people are naked," pleaded a commenter in a now-deleted tweet. "I remember how much more respected and comfortable I felt when a new gynaecologist introduced himself to me while I was clothed, did the exam, then had me get dressed and meet him in his office to discuss care! Much better!"

Bottom line: It's already a vulnerable time. Let people have a moment to get comfortable.

One person added "I have always had to specifically ask to be able to talk to my doctor clothed first. Even when I hadn't met that doctor yet. I feel like that should be default, not up to me to ask for. It's such a power imbalance already, don't add unnecessary vulnerability."

Ditching the pink

To some, it's mildly annoying. To others, it's even triggering.

One person tweeted, "I went through a breast cancer scare, & EVERY women's medical office I went to–pink EVERYWHERE. I was at a really terrified moment in my life, & pink, pink, pink. I 100% can't stand it anymore."

Offering pain meds

Potentially painful procedures like IUD insertions or cervical biopsies typically only offer medication upon request. This Twitter user suggested offering them, making it clear that the patient has the option.

More accessibility in the exam and waiting rooms

Tables that lower for those with mobility issues as well as higher waiting room chairs were among the most frequently suggested items.

And lastly … a variety of speculum sizes

gynecology, gynecologist, speculum, OBGYN, women's health, pap smearSpeculums may be metal or plastic, but they're always cold.Photo credit: Canva

""A wide variety of speculum sizes, and introduction to the exam room including a play by play of how the visit will go," wrote one person in a now-deleted tweet. "Most people never get this and the office staff never ask if it’s their first exam and most people wouldn’t disclose fear or stress if they have it."

The general consensus: and while you're at it, warm them up too.

Dr. Stewart’s tweet did receive constructive criticism asking for more inclusion

Dr. Stewart welcomed the insight, sending a follow-up tweet that read:“Folks have [correctly] pointed out that I [incorrectly] said “women” when what I should have said was “folks who may need gynecologic care.” I named the practice with this in mind @midwestpelvis, but I find that I still have a lot of internalized/implicit bias.”

This viral thread might have started a trend. Soon after another medical practitioner tweeted:

“Love urogynecologist Dr. Stewart asking for input on ideal office design and wanted to ask the oncology community something similar: given that no one wants to come to a cancer doctor…what makes the experience MOST comfortable?”

Though Dr. Stewart describes his philosophy online as “I want you to leave every appointment feeling as though you’ve learned more about yourself,” it’s lovely to see that he is equally invested in learning about his patients as well.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

Images via Wikipedia

Elder Millennials reveal the different childhood experiences they had compared to young Millennials.

Millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996, are a generation with wide-ranging childhood experiences. Millennials born in the early 1980s, also known as 'Elder Millennials," had vastly different upbringings than those born in the 1990s.

In a Reddit forum for Millennials, member @_NoleFan6 posed the question: "Elder millennials (81-84), what are some things that separate you from the core/late millennials?"

They continued, "I’m just curious what makes my fellow elder millennials identify more with Gen X? Some things for me are: Being old enough to remember the tail end of the 80s, seeing Terminator 1 before Terminator 2, M.A.S.K. (iykyk), woodgrain VCRs, roller racer, going to see 1989 Batman at the theater, seeing Bo Jackson play, and not accessing the internet until ‘97 (I was 14). How about y’all?"

Many Elder Millennials could relate. They offered up 16 of their childhood experiences and how they differ from younger Millennials.

teddy ruxpin, teddy ruxpin toy, teddy bear, teddy bear 80s, 80s bearTeddy Bear 80S GIFGiphy

"Teddy Ruxpin. I'm a 1982 baby, and the Teddy Ruxpin craze was big when I was around 3 years old in the mid-'80s. I had talking Teddy, his talking friend Grubby, his books, his cassette tapes, his toy air ship and figurines, pajamas, underwear... People who are a few years younger than me don't really know what I am talking about when I mention him." —@KevinTodd82

"Being a latch key kid. And when young millennials don’t understand the turn it up to 11 phrase." —@geopimp1

"I’m an elder and my sister who’s 10 years younger is a core so I see Millennials as her generation not mine really as far as how we grew up. She was in grade 4 when 9-11 happened and I owned my own home. She is who taught me to take a selfie and I still have never used a filter. There’s just so much difference." —@Trick-Coyote-9834

my little pony, saturday morning cartoons, cartoons, 80s cartoons, morning cartoonsMy Little Pony 80S GIFGiphy

"We’re basically the in-between crew. We grew up like younger Gen X (80's Saturday cartoons and toys, landline phones, dial-up internet, tapes) but we hit our teenage and college years just as all the new techs exploded. So we remember life before smartphones and social media, but we adapted to it way faster than Gen X did. Basically, we were young enough to go through the whole switch from analog to digital, so we remember life before the internet but adapted to the online world pretty easily. We relate to Gen X and millennials in different ways, kind of the best of both. That’s why some of us like the term 'Xennials', which is those born between ’77 and ’83 or 84'." —@CedricBeaumont

"Tv before ratings. It was a free for all." —@merylbouw

"tamagotchi. pokemon. grunge." —@WOLFMAN_SPA

"Patchouli oil smell." —@rollbackprices

grunge, grunge music, nirvana, kurt cobain, alternative rockkurt cobain nirvana GIFGiphy

"Grunge. We were a little too young for the breakout albums in 1990-91, but we were the perfect age for the follow-ups in 1993-94 and the broader explosion of 'alternative rock' music in the mid 90s. Sadly, people who are even a little bit younger did not share in this experience, and that’s a bad thing because the music industry took a turn for the worse in the late 90s." —@Appropriate-Topic618

"Never had computer is or video games growing up. Literally grew up outside with no electronics." —@Humbly2022

"Being aware in the 90's." —@DiskSalt4643

90s, 1990s, the 90s, millennials, cluelessAlicia Silverstone Reaction GIFGiphy

"Being an adult when I got my first email address, and 9-11 happened. (A very young one, but still.) Having a truly analog childhood." —@Wild-Sky-4807

"Remembering Desert Storm and the USSR listed on maps in first grade textbooks. Princess Diana's death. MySpace top 8. Making your own websites on angelfire. AskJeeves. Dogpile." —@Ready-Player-Mom

"Michael Jordan. Michael Jackson. Mike Tyson. Michelangelo." —@Due-Set5398

michael jordan, jordan, michael jordan gif, miachael jordan nba, bullsChicago Bulls Dunk GIF by NBAGiphy

"I’m (82) an elder married to a core (88). Music, pop culture and especially kids programming are the main difference. We remember the 90s very differently - I was already too old for the Disney 90s surge of Aladdin and Lion King while she was too young to follow Jordan and the Bulls. I outgrew TGIF by the time Boy Meets World went on the air but she was too young to understand why boys loved Step by Step." —@Quick-Angle9562

"I think the biggest difference is cell phones/social media. Late millennials had smart phones in hs. We didn’t have text messages, and had to wait til after 9 to talk for free." —@walkhardd

"Watching Jurassic Park in the movie theatre 🥹." —@organicbabykale1