Culture

Family

Nature

Science

Subscribe

101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

By

Annie Wright

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. (“Parks and Recreation,” anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. (“Steel Magnolias,” anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It’s not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via “Friends.”

Add to Google News

Tags

More for You

  • A stranger airdropped photos to this mom at the park and the gesture is moving parents everywhere
    Photo credit: Canva – Kids playing on a playground.
    ,

    A stranger airdropped photos to this mom at the park and the gesture is moving parents everywhere

    “To the random mom who took these without me knowing and airdropped them to me… thank you.” This is the gesture every parent wishes for.

    Adam Albright-Hanna

    Every parent knows the struggle of looking through their phone’s photo library only to realize they are missing from almost every single frame. We are the ones behind the lens, capturing the first steps, the messy faces, and the playground triumphs, but we rarely have proof that we were actually there. As PEOPLE reported, one mother in England recently received a beautiful remedy to this “invisible parent” problem from a complete stranger.

    Elizabeth Green (@likedbyliz), a nurse and mother of two, was enjoying a rare day off at the park with her children, Will and Nora. While she was focused on playing with them on the slide, she noticed another woman nearby who seemed to be giving her children instructions to “get back up there.” Before Green could wonder what was happening, the woman approached her and asked to airdrop a few files.

    When Green opened her phone, she was stunned. The stranger had captured several high-quality, candid photos of Green immersed in play with her toddlers. These weren’t the posed, “everyone look at the camera and smile” shots that parents usually fight for. They were authentic glimpses of motherhood in motion.

    @likedbyliz

    Moms get it ♥️ #momlife #girlhood #childhood #kids #mother

    ♬ Landslide (2017 Remaster) – Fleetwood Mac

    The gesture struck a deep chord with Green, who shared the photos on TikTok to thank the “random mom” for her kindness. The video has since resonated with millions of parents who feel the same longing to be documented in their daily lives. Green noted that while her husband makes a real effort to take photos of her with the kids, there is something uniquely special about a third-party perspective catching a moment you didn’t even know was happening.

    Parenting, Viral, Kindness, Photography, Core Memories
    Kids playing at an outdoor playground. Photo credit: Canva

    Psychologists often talk about the power of “core memories,” those significant experiences that help shape a child’s sense of security and love. According to a study published in PMC, the quality of time parents spend with their children is a primary driver of long-term well-being. By capturing these images, the stranger didn’t just give Green a few photos, she gave her a permanent record of the “quiet” love that builds those memories.

    The comment section of Green’s video quickly became a digital support group for parents. One user shared a story of an older man who nervously approached her at a library to share a photo he took of her with her baby, while a single mother commented that she would “sob” if someone did the same for her.

    It is a simple act of service that costs nothing but a few seconds of time, yet it provides a lifetime of value. In a world where we are often told to mind our own business, this “random mom” proved that sometimes, the best thing you can do is notice someone else’s joy and make sure they have a way to remember it.

    For more fun parenting videos, follow @likedbyliz on TikTok.

    Keep Reading →
  • At her dad’s wedding, a teen’s toast turned out to be for someone else entirely and made the whole room cry
    Photo credit: Canva – A woman hugs the bride at her wedding.
    ,

    At her dad’s wedding, a teen’s toast turned out to be for someone else entirely and made the whole room cry

    “Usually, divorce is hard. But this made it worth it.” A 15-year-old’s wedding speech for her stepmom Beth has the internet in tears.

    Adam Albright-Hanna

    Stepmoms get a bad cultural reputation that most of them don’t deserve. The wicked stepmother is such a durable myth that it takes something pretty extraordinary to cut through it. This cut through.

    At her dad’s wedding, a 15-year-old named Alex stood up to give a toast and proceeded to say something that made the bride cry before she’d barely gotten started. The clip was shared on TikTok by wedding videographer Sky Cinema Films (@skycinemafilms) and has since been watched more than 42 million times across a three-part series.

    Alex started by saying the first word that came to mind when she thought of Beth was “affectionate.” Then: “She doesn’t have one mean bone in her body.” For Beth, hearing her stepdaughter-to-be say that out loud, in front of everyone, was already too much. You could see it on her face.

    @skycinemafilms

    Viral Emotional Stepdaughter Speech #skycinemafilms #stepmotherstepdaughter #emotionalspeech #bethtok #weddingtiktok #weddingviral

    ♬ original sound – Sky Cinema Films

    Alex went on to describe watching her parents’ divorce and what it felt like to suddenly have the concept of a “stepmom” become real. It was unsettling at first, she said. Then Beth showed up, and that changed. Beth became a partner in crime, a safe space, someone she could tell anything. They’d go shopping together. They’d commiserate about their glasses. The little things, stacked up, had turned into something that mattered.

    Then came the line that the internet has not been able to shake: “Usually, divorce is hard. But this made it worth it.”

    stepparents, wedding, blended family, divorce, viral
    A woman hugs the bride at her wedding. Photos: Canva

    She closed by saying something that holds up outside of weddings too. “Family isn’t always defined by last names or blood; it’s defined by love and commitment. I know Beth isn’t my mom, but I know she will always be there whenever I need her.”

    Children of divorce carry a particular kind of weight, like the loyalty conflicts, the shifting households, the feeling of being torn in two directions at once. What Alex was describing, without quite naming it, was what it felt like to have that weight lifted by someone who didn’t have to do it. Beth chose this. She chose to show up, consistently, for a kid who wasn’t hers by birth, until the kid couldn’t imagine the family without her.

    That’s what the 42 million views are really about.

    You can follow Sky Cinema Films at @skycinemafilms on TikTok.

    Keep Reading →
  • Grandma realized her granddaughter didn’t look like her siblings so she got secret DNA test
    Photo credit: via Christian Buehner/Unsplash and Warren Umoh/Unsplash – The grandmother was suspicious.
    ,

    Grandma realized her granddaughter didn’t look like her siblings so she got secret DNA test

    It was a shocking decision but people are saying she was right to do it.

    Tod Perry

    Upworthy Staff

    A grandmother always felt her middle granddaughter Lindsay, 15, looked slightly different from the rest of the family because she had blonde, curly hair, while the rest of her siblings’ hair was dark “I thought genetics was being weird and I love her,” she wrote.

    But things became serious after Lindsay’s parents “banned” her from taking things a step further and getting a DNA test. If the family was sure their daughter was theirs, why would they forbid her from seeking clarity in the situation? After the parents laid down the law, the situation started to seem a little suspicious. “I told my son and [daughter-in-law] that there was something fishy around her birth she needed to know. They denied it and told me to leave it alone,” the grandma wrote.

    Lindsay wouldn’t give up her quest. She approached her biology teacher, who admitted that it was “odd” for her to have such different traits. This confusion was too much for Lindsay, so she went to her grandmother for help. “She came to me distressed, asking me to buy a DNA test since she needs to know,” the grandmother wrote.

    DNA test, medical lab, grandparents
    The grandmother’s post about her secret DNA test went viral. Photo credit: Canva

    The DNA test that changed everything

     The grandmother purchased a DNA test and it proved their suspicions. “Long story short, she is not her mother’s kid,” the grandmother wrote. “My son got someone else pregnant and her bio mom gave her up.”

    The interesting thing was that Lindsay was a middle child. So, the dad had a baby with another woman while he was with his wife. This revelation begs the question: How did the family suddenly have a baby out of nowhere without people being suspicious?

    “They were on the other side of the country when she was born, and I met Lindsay when she was about 6 months old. Really not hard to hide the whole thing,” the grandmother wrote. “Our family has a history of miscarriages, so it’s common to drop news about a baby late in the pregnancy. They did the same with their oldest and didn’t think anything about it.”

    The big revelation has caused friction in the family. The family no longer talks to the grandmother, which makes Lindsay even more furious about the situation.Should the grandmother have taken such drastic steps if she knew what could happen if her suspicions were true? The commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly supported the grandmother’s decision. The big reason was that Lindsay needed to know her family history for medical reasons.

    “Your son and his wife suck for lying to her until she is 15 about something so important and trying to keep lying to her even after she obviously started to question things. There are medical reasons a person might need to know what their genetics are/are not, and if you hadn’t helped her, she would have found out some other way,” Shake_Speare423 wrote.

    Another commenter noted that protecting the parents’ lie wasn’t nearly as important as Lindsay’s mental health.

    “People have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, and depression. You put her safety and comfort ahead of your son’s preferences. Parental rights do not have greater value than a child’s right to access comprehensive medical care, and hiding an adoption does precisely that. Maybe some things, like a child staying healthy, should matter more than a parent’s right to lie, gaslight and manipulate their child as they see fit,” RemembrancerLirael added.

    Reddit took the grandmother’s side 

    The commenters overwhelmingly supported the grandma for putting herself into an uncomfortable situation to protect her granddaughter’s mental and physical health. However, one commenter noted that she could have gone about it in a less polarizing way.

    “Bit out of the norm for the responses here, but you should have gone through your son [and daughter-in-law] and convinced them. Told them that the biology teacher had highlighted that she had traits that didn’t make sense, etc. and convinced them that Lindsey would find out either way,” PhilMcGraw wrote. “It would have allowed them to find a way to tell her without it being forced on them angrily. A DNA test is the absolute worst way to be told. I’m sure they would have much rather told her than let her find out by a DNA test if that is what was coming.”

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

     

    Keep Reading →
  • ‘Devoted granny’ says it’s grandparents’ job to build relationships with their grandkids, not parents
    Photo credit: Canva – A grandmother with her grandchild.
    ,

    ‘Devoted granny’ says it’s grandparents’ job to build relationships with their grandkids, not parents

    Grandparents shouldn’t wait to be told to do their job.

    Tod Perry

    There has been a growing discussion over the last couple of years, mostly initiated by Millennial parents, that their Baby Boomer parents aren’t there for their children. It’s believed that the absentee Boomer grandparent phenomenon stems from the generation’s financial success. In retirement, Boomers have more options to travel and pursue their interests than earlier generations did, which often chose to spend more time with family.

    A common excuse among some grandparents is that they “did their time” as parents and don’t want to spend their golden years raising the next generation. Others will blame their children for refusing to foster a relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

    However, TikTok user Helen Devoted Granny, a grandmother in Devon, England, is going viral for being brutally honest: “I think it’s always the grandparents’ responsibility.”

    Helen’s TikTok page expresses the joy of being a devoted grandparent while questioning those who aren’t there for their grandchildren.

    @hels5071

    Who’s responsibility is it? I think it’s firmly the grandparents responsibility. Being a devoted granny is an absolute privilege and one I cherish #mumsoftiktok #grandparentsoftiktok #familymatters #familydynamics #generationaltrauma

    ♬ original sound – Helen Devoted Granny

    Who is responsible for the grandparent-grandchild relationship?

    “I think it’s always the grandparents’ responsibility,” Helen said in a video. “And as a devoted granny, I’ll explain why I think it’s the grandparents responsibility to always reach out, to be the one saying, ‘Well, can we help with this? Can we come and visit? Can we take them there? Is there anything you’d like me to do? Do you need some support this week? Do you need some support next week? These are my days off.’ Blah, blah, blah.”

    She added, “That’s what I do. I’m a devoted granny, and I feel very strongly about this. And I don’t think kids should be the ones. Your children shouldn’t be the ones who need to facilitate that relationship. It’s up to the grandparents to do that.”

    grandma, grandparents, grandchild, family,
    Grandmother and grandson. Photo credit: Canva

    Helen also has some strong words for grandparents who don’t want to raise kids anymore because they believe that “it’s their time” now.

    “I think if grandparents are coming back with things like, ‘Well, it’s our time now, it’s our time now.’ No, it’s not,” Helen said. “It’s your time to help your kids because it’s really difficult when your children are small. The help that you give them is so needed, and it’s so appreciated that, honestly, it’s your time to be with your grandchildren and to help in every way you can.”

    The folks in the comments overwhelmingly agreed

    Commenters applauded Helen, many of whom were upset that their parents never put any effort into building a relationship with their children.

    “I recently read the following: ‘Active grandparents never want to stop being parents, while uninvolved grandparents never really wanted to be parents in the first place.’ This statement struck a chord,” Azucar wrote.

    “I agree. No support or effort = no relationship,” Naarah added.

    Family time. Photo credit: Canva

    Kermy said that it’s all about priorities, which are easy to see: “If Grandparents can work out how to order expensive gadgets online, buy new cars and book holidays, they are more than capable of picking up the phone and contacting the grandkids themselves.”

    Helen’s TikTok is a clear example of a truth in life: when people care about something, they take initiative. They don’t wait for other people to give them permission. In the end, no matter what side you take in the discussion, her message is clear: relationships don’t build themselves. When it comes to family, those who show up and take initiative are always going to be the ones who matter most. 

    Keep Reading →
  • 5 ways people with perpetually tidy homes see things differently than the rest of us
    Photo credit: Canva – Tidy people have a different way of looking at things.
    ,

    5 ways people with perpetually tidy homes see things differently than the rest of us

    Messy people have more things than places. Neat people have more places than things.

    Annie Reneau

    Upworthy Staff

    Confession: I am not a neat freak, but I’ve always aspired to be one. I love neat and tidy spaces and envy those who have a natural knack for keeping their homes perpetually guest-ready. Because I live in a normal-messy home, I appreciate it when people say “No one’s house is tidy all the time!” but I also know it’s not true. There are people with always-tidy houses. I personally know multiple people whose homes never, ever devolve into cluttered chaos, whose kitchen sinks are always free of dishes, whose tables are never cluttered with stuff and whose master bedrooms look like hotel rooms.

    Knowing that it is possible, I’ve spent years observing my naturally neat friends and family to understand what gives them the seemingly superhuman ability to keep their homes clean 24/7. As one might assume, some of it comes down to a fastidiousness and rigid adherence to routines that some of us simply do not possess. Some of it has to do with how often people are home and how much their home actually gets used. However, those things aside, I’ve figured out a handful of “secrets” in the form of minor habits and mindsets that we messier folks who yearn to be neater can glean from the naturally tidy.

    Messy people think of ‘cleaning up’ as a separate task

    Neat people see it as an inherent part of every activity.

    Though it’s largely unconscious, we all have ways of thinking through completing any activity, from the first step to the last step. Take eating, for example. For a naturally messier person, “eating” starts with preparing the food and ends with swallowing your last bite. Cleaning up is not an inherent part of the eating process—it’s seen as something separate, an activity that has its own beginning and end, its own time frame, its own energy expenditure, etc.

    For a naturally neat person, however, eating means preparing the food, eating the food, and then cleaning up whatever mess you made. That’s the whole cycle of eating. When you see cleaning up as part of the eating process, eating doesn’t “end” until the dishes are finished and the kitchen is clean. Without cleaning up, the eating activity is simply incomplete.

    For some people, this sounds like a “duh” revelation. For some of us, it’s a life-changing mindset shift.

    Messy folks tend to overestimate how much time cleanup takes

    Neat people don’t

    Struggling to accurately estimate how much time a task will take is called “time blindness,” and it’s a common ADHD trait. But even those of us without ADHD can misjudge how long a task will take and form habits around our erroneous assumptions or perceptions.

    For instance, I used to put off unloading the dishwasher because it seemed like a huge chore. All those dishes having to go to all those different cabinets—surely that was something that took a significant chunk of time to do. My brain had it labeled as a “big task” and therefore something I needed to carve out time for.

    Then I timed myself doing it one day. Not rushing at all, just casually unloading a full dishwasher. It took less than 3 minutes, which was a fraction of the amount of time my brain had assigned to the task. Did I feel silly having subconsciously made a mountain out of a molehill? Yes. Did finding out it only took 3 minutes change how I viewed that chore and make it so I didn’t procrastinate it anymore? Also yes.

    For someone who is a little messy, in the future, they can budget time for the entire task. It probably takes around an hour and 10 minutes to cook a meal for a family and eat it. Loading the dishwasher only takes about 10 minutes at most, so budget an hour and 20 minutes instead of an hour and ten.

    Neat people don’t put off small cleaning/tidying tasks that they know only take a minute or two. Messy people can utilize timers to help them figure out what those are, because surprisingly, most tasks don’t take as long as you think they will.

    Messy people think of cleaning as all or nothing

    Neat people utilize tiny time chunks for mini maintenance

    A messy person will pop something in the microwave for two minutes and then zone out or stare at it while it cooks. A neat person will pop something in the microwave and then use those two minutes to wipe down the counter, unload the dishwasher, or sweep the kitchen floor. They’ll fold laundry while watching a show and go put it away during a commercial break. They utilize small snippets of time to do little cleaning tasks, which all add up to maintaining a neat and tidy space without having to take big chunks of time to organize or clean.

    Think of it as two minutes here and there, when there is nothing else to do, instead of taking up the entire morning on Saturday, when you could be out having fun.

    Messier folks tend to overlook little messes here and there, so they build up until suddenly there’s an overwhelming mess to deal with. It helps to think of cleaning and tidying not as one big chore that is either done or not done, but rather as a conglomeration of tiny tasks that can be done any time you have a minute or two. Eventually, using tiny time chunks to mini-clean becomes habitual.

    woman, phone, shock, mess, messy room, cleanliness,
    Woman in a messy room talking on the phone. Photo credit: Canva

    Mess makers set things down

    Neat people put things back

    “Clean up as you go” is a mantra to internalize if you aspire to have a perpetually neat home. If a neat person is baking, they will take out an ingredient, measure what they need, then put that ingredient back where they got it. They do this every time, so when the baked good gets put in the oven, all that’s left to do is clean the dishes they used in prep (which is, of course, seen as an inherent part of the baking task). And this isn’t just in the kitchen. They do the same thing with their toiletries in the bathroom, their clothes when choosing an outfit, etc. Everything gets put back rather than put down, preventing a mess from the get go.

    A woman upset about her messy house. Photo credit: Canva

    If a messy person is baking, they’ll take out an ingredient, measure what they need, and then set the ingredient down on the counter. Once the baked good gets put in the oven, there’s then a whole counter full of ingredients and dish mess to clean up. And because “cleaning up” is seen as a separate task, there’s a gearing up of energy that’s required as well as a separate time commitment, which makes procrastination more likely.

    The key here is to recognize that putting things back where you got them really doesn’t take any more time than setting them down but saves tons of time and work later.

    Messy people have more things than places

    Neat people have more places than things

    “A place for everything and everything in its place” is a mantra that neat people live by religiously and messy folks may not even realize is possible. If a neat person doesn’t have a place for something, they find one or make one by getting rid of something else. If a messy person doesn’t have a place for something, it sits on a table or countertop or entryway or some other placeholder for an indeterminate amount of time, often moving from surface to surface before eventually being shoved in a drawer or closet to be dealt with later.

    Part of living like a neat person is being honest with yourself about the space you have and embracing inflow and outflow of things that enables you to live comfortably in that space. Messy people almost always have too much stuff for their space and therefore not enough places to put things. (This is true no matter how large or small your home is, sorry to say.) Neat people keep things pared down so that everything can have its own place. Regular purging of excess stuff and not holding onto things “just in case” is a huge key to staying neat and tidy.

    I can’t say that I perfectly implement all of these things all the time, but I can say that being aware of these mindsets and habits and attempting to live more like my “neat freak” loved ones has made a big difference in my home and how I feel about living in it.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

    Keep Reading →
  • Dad follows his daughter during her 5 a.m. jog for the sweetest reasons
    Photo credit: Canva – Running in the dark raises safety concerns.
    ,

    Dad follows his daughter during her 5 a.m. jog for the sweetest reasons

    “I have whatever the opposite of daddy issues are.”

    Erik Barnes

    Upworthy Staff

    A woman going out on an early morning run is showing everyone what being a good father looks like. Social media fitness influencer Orey shared a TikTok praising her father’s protection and motivation to achieve her goals.

    “I have whatever the opposite of daddy issues are because my dad drives behind me during my 5 A.M. runs to make sure that I’m safe,” said Orey in the video’s caption. In the video, Orey gives her dad a fist bump through the open driver’s seat window before running off into the dark streets as her dad monitors her from his car.

    @oreyfit

    he’s a GOOD man savannah !!!! #run #runningmotivation #running #fyp #runningcommunity #runninginspiration #runhappy #runnergirl

    ♬ chest pain by malcolm todd – Sir Malcolm Tott | Fan Account

    Why early morning runs can be dangerous for women

    Most outdoor joggers prefer to get their run in early in the morning to avoid traffic and pedestrians that would clog up city streets. It’s also a more comfortable time to run for people who live in warmer climates that get significantly hotter during the day, such as in Los Angeles where Orey resides. Unfortunately, though, such runs aren’t always safe.

    Running outdoors when it’s dark can be risky, especially for women. There have been several news stories over the years about primarily female runners being harassed or assaulted while alone on the streets or in a park. While there should be a conversation on how to permanently ensure the safety of the public while they exercise, it’s currently necessary to actively find ways to protect yourself. Or, in Orey’s case, reflect upon how special it is that someone steps up for you.

    What other people shared in the comments

    The commenters on Orey’s TikTok shared similar stories from their parents:

    “My dad finds parking in the Bronx for me and moves his car when I come home. ”

    “I didn’t have my dad, but my mom would follow me to work when I would have to be there at 5 A.M. to open and stay until another employee showed up.”

    “My dad would walk to the beach a block from our house at 2 A.M. after his night shift to check on me on my night ‘walk’ and walk me home…I was in my 30s. ”

    Orey has built a following on TikTok by sharing relatable and accessible videos of her fitness journey, especially with running:

    @oreyfit

    Replying to @Monique Miller some running tips 🩷 #fyp #run #running #runningmotivation #runningtips

    ♬ original sound – orey 🤍

     

    Parents often protect their children through limitations, even when they’re grown. They might say, “Don’t do that at night,” or “That’s too dangerous of a commute,” or “You could get hurt; best to forget about it.” While well-intentioned, that approach can create a boundary in the relationship and a lack of trust in an offspring’s ability to be independent. If Orey’s dad had that mentality, it could create resentment from Orey and he would still be worried for her if she decided to run before dawn.

    Why participation beats protection

    Instead, Orey’s dad did something great parents do—he participated. It’s special when anyone inconveniences themselves to support their loved one’s goals. If he was going to feel restless knowing that his daughter was going to run at 5 a.m., might as well go along with her, right?

    Supportive and participatory phrases might sound like, “Let me drive you there and back,” “Let’s make a plan together in case the worst happens,” or “Can I do it with you?” This approach not only creates peace of mind for the parent but also strengthens the bond with the child as a wonderful side benefit. And it isn’t just applicable for parents and their kids, but also between spouses, partners, and friends, too. You not only help keep them safe as they pursue their goals but are actively there when they achieve them.

    It’s an unfortunate reality that safety is never 100% guaranteed, but providing protection in tandem with support creates something special between loved ones. That alone is worth an early alarm each morning.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

    Keep Reading →
  • Mom blasted for not wanting to go to her kid’s parent-teacher conference. Is she in the wrong?
    Photo credit: @mamasreadingjournal/TikTok – "Am I a bad mom for not wanting to go?"
    ,

    Mom blasted for not wanting to go to her kid’s parent-teacher conference. Is she in the wrong?

    This was a surprisingly heated debate.

    Heather Wake

    Upworthy Staff

    Parent-teacher conferences are considered a crucial tool in a child’s education and development. They help both parents and teachers get on the same page about a student’s progress, strengths, and areas where improvement is needed. What’s more, it helps parent maintain a participating role in this aspect of their child’s life, making them hopefully feel supported and cared for.

    That said, with all the mandatory activities that parents today have to manage on top of their work and other household responsibilities…not to mention all the various ways parents are constantly inundated with information from schools…it’s understandable why some parents might question whether or not these one-on-ones are actually necessary. Or at the very least…if it could be sent in an email.

    The video that started the controversy

    For mom Tatiana (@mamasreadingjournal), the dread of having to go to her kid’s parent–teacher conference was so strong that she posted a TikTok video asking if other moms and dads felt the same way. “Do you go to your kid’s parent-teacher conferences every year? Am I a bad mom for not wanting to go? Like I’m gonna go, but I really don’t wanna go, you know?” she asked in the clip, just before quipping, “sorry if his teacher finds this, it’s not you, I swear, it’s me, I’m lazy.”

    @thisthatlifeandmore

    Do we really have to go every year? Like let the teachers go home #parentteacherconferences #everyyyear #teachers

    ♬ original sound – Tatiana🫧 | This & That

    Considering Tatiana is already in communication with her kid’s teacher through an app, she also couldn’t help but wonder why “this can’t be an email?” A very, very relatable thought for anyone in the 21st century. Tatiana’s confession was met with…a lot of concern. Clearly, people do, in fact, feel pretty strongly about this topic. And a common point brought up was how a child might feel if their parent doesn’t show an interest in their education in this particular way.

    The comments did not hold back

    “Your child is worth the effort, showing up to things like this is showing up for them,” one person wrote.

    Another asked, “I guess the question is why aren’t you interested in learning from your child’s teacher about how their learning journey is going, if they’re a good friend to their classmates, etc? I see how it can be an inconvenience but being a parent means being involved in their life at school as well.”

    A few teachers also weighed in, who admitted that even they didn’t exactly love parent-teacher conferences. Still, one advised, “always go. As a teacher it builds the connection we have with the parent, helps communication to overall support the child.”

    Another teacher was a little more blunt, saying, “Girl, we don’t want to go! But you create so much work for us if you don’t go. We gotta document so many attempts of trying to get you in. Also, your kid wants you to go. I see HS kids sad that their parents don’t care to go. It’s important I swear.”

    The conversation didn’t stop there

    There was even a heated sidebar debate as to which parent, if only one, should be attending said parent-teacher conference: the stay-at-home-parent (SAHP), or the parent who works. Some argued that the SAHP should be the one to go as part of their at-home responsibilities. Others argued that SAHPs are the ones in regular correspondence with teachers, and therefore it’s the other parent that needs to get caught up.

    But all moral judgments aside, this mom wasn’t necessarily saying she planned on skipping out. She was merely sharing a feeling that quite honestly a lot of folks can probably relate to. Even the most involved parent on the planet could get overwhelmed with the ever increasing amount of random school events that seem more or less mandatory. That goes double for parents who already have demanding schedules or social anxiety, which has to describe at least 99.9% of parents, right? It more so sounds like she was looking for commiseration than anything else.

    To that point, Tatiana did make a follow-up video sharing that she “did not know” that not attending a parent-teacher conference results in more work for the teacher. She assumed it meant they’d “get to go home earlier if I didn’t go.” Honestly, fair assumption.

    @thisthatlifeandmore

    Replying to @The Next Ten Minutes

    ♬ original sound – Tatiana🫧 | This & That

    She also clarified that she did in fact go to the conference, and had always planned to go. However, she tells Upworthy that “outta my 15 minute slot we talked about my kid’s actual performance for maybe two minutes. Even my husband was shocked how much we chitchatted vs discussing actual grades and progress.”

    But regardless, while she still feels that there’s “too much weight” put on this particular event, she will “go every year with bells on.”

    “A mom who’s willing to accept feedback and adjust their attitude. We love to see it,” one astute viewer said.

    This goes to show a few things. One, it’s a reminder of how so many aspects of education could stand for a revamp to fit with modern times. Two, productive conversations really can lead to better understanding. And three, parenting comes with going to a lot of things that you’d really rather not go to. Be it a parent-teacher conference or a Peppa Pig pop-up.

    Not to mention, it can almost always be an email instead.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

    Keep Reading →
  • Mom turns texts from teenage son into an emo ballad, and it has no right to be this good
    Photo credit: mandimoonda/Instagram – Parents are turning their teens' angsty text messages into catchy pop-punk songs.
    ,

    Mom turns texts from teenage son into an emo ballad, and it has no right to be this good

    Parents are wondering if they all have the same kid after hearing this.

    Evan Porter

    Kids say a lot of hilarious things. It starts when they’re little and are just learning how to talk and string sentences together, and the unintentional comedy continues all the way into the overdramatic and angsty teen years.

    As parents, we often wish we could remember these little nuggets of gold forever. Now, a new trend is turning teens’ most emotional and unhinged words into unforgettable earworms.

    One mom turns texts into unbelievably catchy pop-punk song

    Mandi Mansour, a hairstylist from San Diego, recently posted a Reel on Instagram of herself rocking out in the car while singing along to a song of her own creation.

    The lyrics? Her own teenager’s frantic and melodramatic text messages.

    It’s amazing to watch how messages like “Can I get Canes or Taco Bell? I know you said no, but I’m starving,” and “Can I have ten bucks? … Can I have seven dollars?” become such a catchy and convincing song. Of course, old early-2000s emo is the only musical style perfectly suited to capture the frantic angst, and the final product is honestly a banger. (The vocal run during “seven dollars” is absolutely priceless.)

    A great detail from the video is how Mansour is driving and singing the lyrics without even looking at the screen. She’s clearly listened to her personalized song on repeat dozens of times and can’t seem to get enough of it.

    Video is part of a trend making clever use of an AI music app

    Mansour’s video isn’t the only one like it, not even close. These “emo songs” have become a huge viral trend over the last couple of weeks, with parents using the AI music app Suno (and similar ones) to turn these “lyrics” into full-blown songs, usually in the pop-punk genre.

    It’s hard to say exactly where the trend originated, but Marcus Leshock, a reporter for WGN-TV, was one of the early prominent participants. Hundreds of thousands of parents followed suit shortly after.

    Trend has parents asking: “Do we have the same kid?”

    No matter how many clips you watch, all texts from the teenagers seem to fall into two buckets: wanting food and asking for money.

    The series is an amazing glimpse inside the mind of the modern American Gen Z or Gen Alpha kid. It’s all Starbucks, açaí bowls, Raising Cane’s chicken—all fast food, really—e-bikes, and, of course, the classic requests for cash.

    This is one of the first times we have such thoroughly documented evidence of how teens and preteens really think. About 85% of 11- to 13-year-olds have a cell phone capable of texting, with many getting their first phone under the age of 10.

    Simply put, we’re in the frontier days of kids being able to text directly with their parents at all times. And the results are definitely something these moms and dads will want to remember when their kids are grown and self-sufficient.

    Thanks to these infectious and unforgettable choruses, they most certainly will.

    Turning texts into emo songs is really the best kind of AI trend. It draws humor from real-life experiences that connect all of us (well, all of us with moody teens), and uses a little assist from the technology to make it memorable and fun.

    No one’s trying to top the Billboard charts here, but the commonalities between the songs really go to show that none of us are in it alone. Raising a teenager is tough, exhausting work—but it’s bringing parents all over social media a lot of comfort to know the challenges they’re dealing with are extremely common.

    And those big feelings and dramatic outbursts just so happen to be perfect fodder for the type of songs many of us grew up loving.

    Keep Reading →
brain, happiness, psychology, brain science, neurochemicals, oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, calm, wellbeing, mental health
Health

The 4 brain chemicals that make you feel amazing, and simple ways you can trigger each one

Pete Holmes, stand-up comedy, funny
Pop Culture

Pete Holmes makes it anything but weird in conversation with Upworthy

haircut, hair style, bad hair day, bad haircut, bad stylist
Culture

Woman who crashed out after awful ‘wolf’ haircut is saved by ‘angel’ sister’s amazing styling

alzheimers, dementia, aging parents, marriage, viral
Culture

When she told her mom with Alzheimer’s she’d been married for 40 years, her reaction said everything

Parenting, Viral, Kindness, Photography, Core Memories
Family

A stranger airdropped photos to this mom at the park and the gesture is moving parents everywhere

Get stories worth sharing delivered to your inbox.

Advertisement

Featured

All Featured Stories →
stepparents, wedding, blended family, divorce, viral
Family

At her dad’s wedding, a teen’s toast turned out to be for someone else entirely and made the whole room cry

Adam Albright-Hanna
Grief, Love Stories, Nature, Tribute, Viral
Culture

A hot air balloonist revealed man’s ‘secret’ forest he created as a tribute to his wife

Adam Albright-Hanna & Upworthy Staff
dna tests, paternity tests, grandmothers
Family

Grandma realized her granddaughter didn’t look like her siblings so she got secret DNA test

Tod Perry & Upworthy Staff
online fraud, tik tok, scams
Culture

Woman cleverly track downs the name and address of the person who stole her credit card

Tod Perry & Upworthy Staff