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101 ways to take care of yourself when the world feels overwhelming.

A therapist shares small ways to practice self-care.

By

Annie Wright

I think that, for most of us, there are times in life when it all just feels like Too Much.

There may be some days, weeks, months, maybe even years when — for whatever reason — just getting through the day or going to work or putting one foot in front of the other feels hard. Really, really hard.

Photo via iStock.

Maybe it’s because you’re wrestling with anxiety, depression, or some other mental illness.

Maybe it’s because you’ve had your heart broken. Maybe you’ve gone through a physical or emotional trauma. Maybe you’re deeply grieving. Or maybe there’s no easily understood reason for why you’re feeling bad.

Whatever the case, I want you to know that it’s OK if you’re going through a tough time.

This doesn’t make you any less lovable, worthy, or capable. This just means you’re human. Being a human can be a messy, hard, confusing, painful experience sometimes.

So if you or someone you love is going through one of these tough times right now, a time where it all just feels like too much, I want to offer up 101 suggestions for self-care to help you or your loved one get through this time.

Photo via iStock.

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. (“Parks and Recreation,” anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch YouTube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from around the internet.

14. Ask for help. From whomever you need it — your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept seven to nine hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 minutes if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire J.K. Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, or school listings, for example.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time, and professionals can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath. Light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read previous emails, postcards, letters, etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically — running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Go free-form in a journal or on a computer. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remind yourself you only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’ll be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 examples of things you’ve overcome or accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 reasons you’re a good, lovable person.

39. Write out a list of 25 things that make your life beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily or weekly, whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the Earth or floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, and Mary Oliver are all excellent.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating, maybe interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage, but maybe sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space, and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch autonomous sensory meridian response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls, or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life, and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old-fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings — all of them! — safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. (“Steel Magnolias,” anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, or something else, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside, set up a chair, and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

This kangaroo dog loves walks.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu. Listen to a playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath, or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God, the universe, the Source, your higher self — whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, try and trust the process.

101. Finally, remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

This list is really just a starting point meant to catalyze your own thinking about how you can best take care of yourself during life’s tough times and to spark your curiosity and interest in strengthening your self-care now and ongoing.

It’s not meant to be prescriptive nor do I mean to imply you need to do all or any of these things to take good care of yourself. You are the expert of your own experience, and I trust that you know what’s best for you.

Also, my hope is that in reading this, you’re hearing me say how normal and natural it is to struggle and to have these tough, hard times. It’s part of being human.

You’re not alone in this.

GIF via “Friends.”

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    Laura then drew upon her professional experience of witnessing other families going through similar struggles: “I spent years watching families board first and slowly unravel before we even closed the door.”

    Both of these factors left her with only one conclusion: “Board last. Sit down. Take off immediately. Baby never knows the difference.”

    “Trust the ex‑flight attendant on this one,” she concluded. “The pre‑board privilege is a trap. I handed it out for years and I’m only now admitting that. You’re welcome. Or I’m sorry. Depending on how strongly you feel about this.”

    Of course, reactions to this stance were mixed

    Some commenters agreed that it would be less anxiety-inducing for parents concerned with “holding people up,” while others worried about keeping families seated together or potentially losing storage space if they boarded last.

    And then came the inevitable question: Why not seat the back row first? 

    Online, you’ll find a slew of explanations, from “it makes the plane tail-heavy” to “back-to-front boarding is actually slower.” However, Japanese airlines like Japan Airlines (JAL) commonly use a back-to-front boarding process, often starting with rear seats, window seats, or specific boarding groups. This method is sometimes combined with window-to-aisle boarding in the name of efficiency.

    So while we may never come upon a universally beneficial boarding order, there are at least a few things parents can do to make the process easier. 

    For example, if both parents are traveling together, they can adopt a “divide and conquer” approach, with one parent boarding early to manage bags and seats while the other lets the kids walk around, expend any extra energy they might have, and minimize sitting time. Bringing a “surprise bag” of snacks and small, new toys reserved only for plane rides can also offer some soothing distractions.

    travel, flying with kids, flight attendant
    A father entertaining his son on a flight with animal puppets. Photo credit: Canva

    And as any parent will tell you, often no matter what strategy you try to implement, sometimes you still gotta adapt to what’s needed in the moment.

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  • Father of 3 shares how he finally understood wife’s ‘mental load’ when she left him alone for 8 days
    Photo credit: @ced/Instagram (used with permission) – A dad with his young son filming a TikTok video.
    ,

    Father of 3 shares how he finally understood wife’s ‘mental load’ when she left him alone for 8 days

    “I had no idea it felt like this.”

    Annie Reneau

    Upworthy Staff

    Parents today share responsibilities more equally than in past generations, but studies show childcare still falls disproportionately on women’s shoulders. Some families choose one parent to take on the lion’s share of child-rearing and/or domestic duties, and if that works, great. Other couples work similar hours and have to figure out how to equally split home duties, but however the household is structured, mothers most often tend to be the “default parent” and household manager.

    That means it’s mostly moms who are constantly thinking about managing the million little details of parenting. The big things like feeding, bathing, transporting, teaching life lessons, and such are fairly easy to share equitably. But the invisible work: keeping track of routine doctor and dentist appointments, communicating with teachers and caregivers, keeping extended family updated, figuring out what clothes to keep and get rid of as kids outgrow them, keeping the family calendar up-to-date, and more. That’s all part of the “mental load” of parenting that moms tend to carry, often without their partners even being aware they’re doing it.

    That’s why one dad’s confession after getting a taste of solo parenting has gotten a huge reaction. Cedric Thompson, Jr., a former NFL player and dad of three daughters, shared a video explaining that he didn’t really understand the mental load his wife was carrying until she went to visit family in the Philippines for eight days, leaving him home alone with the kids.

    “I’ve been a single dad for 8 days because my wife is in the Philippines and I had no idea it was this tough,” he said with a sleeping child cradled in his arms. He explained that he was prepared for the cleaning, the transporting kids back and forth, the unexpected sickness, the feeding, and the sleeping. “But one thing I was not prepared for was the mental load,” he said. “I had no idea it felt like this. To think about things that need to be done that haven’t been done or things that I need to plan to do is so draining that I don’t even have the energy to take care of myself at all.”

    This is why dads need to step into moms’ shoes once in a while

    “And now that I understand this, I have so much empathy for my wife,” he said, “and I truly understand what she means by this ‘mental load’ and how draining it is. This has really opened my eyes and made me ask myself, what more can I be doing? What has been going on that I haven’t been seeing and it’s right in front of me? How can I step up the way that my wife needs me to instead of doing things that I think are helping?”

    “I know I can’t always take the mental load away, but I can definitely make it lighter.”

    There’s a significant difference between assisting and managing, and when you’re the sole parent for a while, you’re forced to take on the management role. Eight days isn’t very long, but it’s enough to get a taste of being the one who has to think about all the things all day. It’s a lot. As Thompson wrote in the caption, “The endless planning, remembering, and organizing is exhausting in ways I never understood before. The most profound lessons come when we walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a little while.”

    Some people asked what he’s been doing this whole time when his wife is home, but it seems some of those folks might be missing the point. This is an involved dad and husband, not a slouch. But even those who want to and try to share the load equally don’t always know how to help with the mental load of the default parent because it’s mostly internal. And trying to explain it and figuring out how to ask for help with some of it just adds more work, not to mention we don’t even always know ourselves what we need help with. Stepping into the shoes of the default parent is really the best way to get a feel for what might be helpful without adding more to their plate.

    The “mental load” is invisible, so it’s nice to have it seen and validated

    Some commenters weighed in with thoughts and tips for lightening the mental load:

    “How do men not understand their wife’s workload and bandwidth while literally sleeping next to her and living in the same house? Does she really have to leave the country for him to understand her contributions? Men have to do better.”Pro tip: when your wife asks you what she should make for dinner, she’s trying to share the mental load with you. So just give her a straightforward answer.”

    “I love this…it’s called validation, empathy, and love Thank you for sharing this. The realization and verbalization of it makes the load lighter. Sometimes mental heaviness is worse than the physical.”

    “Really appreciate this post and how you explained yourself. The ‘mental load’ is that never-ending list running through our minds every single minute of the day. It’s the constant inner monologue of everything that needs to get done, the overwhelming pressure of how to get it all done, and the invisible timeline that gives you anxiety when you don’t meet it—even though you set those standards yourself.

    It’s the feeling of failing if you don’t check every box. Walking into a room and forgetting why you’re there, only to lose your mind later when you finally remember—but now you’ve got ten other tasks at hand. It’s the frustration when you realize that everything you just cleaned is already dirty again.

    Sometimes, it’s not even about what men do or don’t do; it’s the weight of our own thoughts that get to us. But when someone helps lighten that load, even just a little, it means everything.”

    “I love this. But to answer your question, the way you take the mental load away is you pretend you have to do it alone even when she comes back. Because that’s the reason she has mental load. Because she feels like she has to do most of it alone, even if you’re always there to “help”. That’s why I hate the word help. It implies that this is all her job. You’re doing well but keep digging deeper I do appreciate this post.”

    What exactly does the parental “mental load” entail? Here’s a partial list.

    And yes, there is a need to go deeper. As one commenter pointed out, “You are operating the day to day under a structure she put in place,” so a lot of the mental work was already done before she even left. And parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, so getting familiar with a specific list of “mental load” items that non-default parents might not think about can be helpful. Someone offered this helpful—if utterly daunting—list of some of those items:

    “Planning teacher gifts for the holidays and the end of school. – getting that parent’s contact info for that play date. – researching, budgeting, and scheduling summer activities and when to sign up for them the January/Feb prior. – finding that in network pediatric ophthalmologist for an eye appt. Research that new dentist, schedule your kids vaccines, review the medical records, schedule that well child visit. – researching, scheduling, and budgeting the school and extracurricular schedule in the summer for the fall and in October for the winter/spring. – making time to be the family historian (researching, budgeting, and scheduling a family photographer 2 times a year, researching how to pick/buy outfits for the whole family, selecting and printing any prints, creating and ordering a photo book, organizing photo files, and physically organizing keepsake storage).

    Teaching your kids about their heritage with activities. Research your family tree. – be the memory maker and plan fun activities for the family. Book those theater tickets, schedule that museum trip, plan that day trip to hike that waterfall, plan that vacation, schedule 3 farm trips a year, prep for activities leading up to the holidays. – 4 times a year audit your household belongings. What do you need to sell? What do you need to donate? What remaining needs a better storage system? Research the products that will help you stay organized and buy them. follow home organizers on social media. – Check your kids shoes. How are they fitting? Research and order/consign new clothing. – trim your kids nails once a week and cut their hair as needed (or schedule their hair appt). – plan your kids birthday party 2 months in advance, research activities, food, party favors, and decor ideas. create the invites and send them out 5 weeks in advance. 2 weeks in advance order the cupcakes, decor, party outfit, and gift wrapping.

    Check in with guests food allergies, rsvps, and buy the gifts. 1 week in advance wrap the gifts, assemble the party favors, and take some cute photos of the birthday kid in their special outfit. Pack a bin of supplies you’ll need for the day of the party (scissors, wire and cutters, tape, paper goods, trash bags, matches, etc). – buy those tickets to your kids concert. – keep that first aid kit stocked up. – keep up weekly with school/teacher correspondence and volunteer at your kids school. – back to school shopping. – holiday planning.

    Buy Halloween costumes at the end of September, plan a pumpkin farm day trip. Schedule any Halloween parties. The weekend before carve pumpkins. Take pictures day of. Buy nutcracker tix in October/ November, plan gifts, budget, and order. Research decor ideas, get desired supplies, and make them in Nov. meal plan and coordinate with family for thanksgiving. Set up decor and buy gifts, Christmas outfits, and wrapping supplies Black Friday. Wrap gifts, take kids out separately to pick out presents for their siblings. Research and schedule holiday outings as a family. Take pictures. Design, order, and send cards. Meal plan. Coordinate with the relatives.

    Buy valentines cards for your kids class at the end of Jan. – talk to your kids about safety and abuse prevention 2-6 times a year in addition to “as needed”. – read the latest parenting books, listen to parenting podcasts, follow parenting accounts on social media. – plan kids craft projects. – take your kids to the library and keep up with the borrowed books. rsvp, order, and wrap a birthday gift for all the kid birthday parties. Write a nice note in a card about the child. – write thank you notes after birthdays, end of school, end of activities, after the holidays, and as needed.”

    There you go. Not even an exhaustive list, but a solid start. Thanks to Ced for the reminder that the more we start putting ourselves in other people’s shoes as parents and partners, the better off the whole family will be.

    You can follow Ced on Instagram here.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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  • Hospice worker passionately debunks the myth that childfree people will ‘die alone’
    Photo credit: Canva – Do childless people die alone? A hospice worker says "no."
    ,

    Hospice worker passionately debunks the myth that childfree people will ‘die alone’

    It’s all about the relationships you build, family or otherwise.

    Evan Porter

    The decision to have, or not have, children is complex and deeply personal. There are countless factors to consider, including finances, lifestyle, and your individual values.

    Many people who’ve weighed all the options find themselves pretty certain they don’t want to have children. But one stubborn societal myth sticks in their craw and gives some of them pause: the idea that people without children will inevitably die alone.

    It’s dark, heavy, and a little difficult to think about. It also happens to be completely false—at least, according to someone who works with death up close every single day.

    Viral post resurfaces

    A viral Reddit post on the topic was recently resurfaced by popular childfree influencer and organizer Zoë Noble, who shared it on Instagram.

    “For two decades I have been a professional who works with older adults. People in their 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, even over 100,” Noble reads from the post.

    The original poster, a senior living and hospice care worker, wrote about how narcissistic parents who are estranged from their children are often alone in their dying days. But the post also piqued the curiosity—and fears—of the childfree community.

    “Multiple times in this post, child free adults have expressed their fear that this is their future: dying alone because they have no children,” Noble reads. “Speaking from two decades of caring for older adults, I have worked with many child free adults who spent the final years, months, and days of their life surrounded by a loving and caring community. … Having a loving community around you who cares about you is more important than whether you have kids or not.”

    “I’ve served many child free people who were doted on by a number of significant people in their life,” Noble continues. “They received excellent care and had devoted advocates. They were doing better than folks down the hall who did have children, 5 or 6 kids even. I promise.”

    “No one way to live a happy and fulfilled life”

    The post’s message is both a powerful myth-buster and a source of comfort for many.

    Contrary to popular belief, most people who choose not to have children of their own free will do not come to regret it later in life.

    “The takeaway from all this isn’t that having kids is good or bad–it’s that there is no one way to live a happy and fulfilled life,” The Guardian‘s Arwa Mahdawi writes of these research findings. “Parenthood isn’t for everyone and it should always be a choice.”

    “Cold regret”

    People without children are more likely to experience what Noble calls a fleeting feeling of “cold regret.”

    “They might sometimes fantasise about how their life would have turned out if they’d had children, and the special moments they’re missing out on – while still knowing they made the right choice for themselves and their life,” she writes.

    Some may be sure of their decision but still have a gnawing fear in the back of their minds about their final days. More commonly, “you’ll die alone” is used as a threat or warning to childfree people about remorse that rarely comes.

    Commenters weigh in

    The social media post received nearly one million views, and Noble runs a large community of childfree adults who were eager to weigh in.

    “I am a death doula and hospice volunteer and have seen first hand that having children does NOT guarantee having people around when you die. The absolute most important thing is the community that someone has built around them. … Family relationships are a bit more complicated and fraught with complex issues that don’t always guarantee presence.”

    “I am a hospice nurse and I second this 100%! Some people I’ve cared for that didn’t have children had a more loving and supportive group of people around them toward end of life than people with kids. Community and friendship matters.”

    The message even resonated with parents—a reminder that a lifelong, loving relationship with our children is far from guaranteed if we’re not willing to put in the effort.

    “Beautifully said. I do have children, and I still couldn’t agree more with your sentiments. It’s all about investing in your relationships and your community. Sadly, many people are disconnected from their own children.. due to not investing in a relationship with them.”

    Crucially, a tight-knit, loving community that will show up for you in your final days is not something people—childfree or otherwise—stumble into. It has to be intentionally built over time.

    “The difference is not whether you have children. The difference is whether you have a community of people who care about you and will show up for you,” Noble reads from the Reddit post. “The way to build this community is to show up for them, consistently, for the next few years and as long as you are able. Invest in people and relationships. Grow bonds of companionship and trust. It doesn’t matter who; only that you like and trust each other.”

    It’s good advice for anyone who may be afraid of dying alone, whether you have no children or a whole gaggle of them. It’s also the kind of reassuring embrace some people need to make the decision they know in their hearts is right for them.

    Keep Reading →
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