What's rape anxiety? This woman explained it to her favorite men, and they were shocked.
A couple years ago, I had a conversation with some of my guy friends that I’ll never forget.
We were talking about whether there’s such a thing as "a good rape joke" (answer: no), and I mentioned that women tend to have “rape anxiety” in public. They didn't understand the concept, so I explained:
Sometimes, if we’re walking down a dark alley alone, we worry that we might get raped. That anxiety can even happen in more low-risk situations, like if we’re walking to work in broad daylight or even when someone rolls down the window of their car to shout something about our bodies.
My dude friends looked at me like I had just convincingly explained to them that the Earth was flat.
A protestor at a Take Back the Night rally in London. Photo by Charlotte Barnes/Wikimedia Commons.
They had no idea that I experienced this fundamental truth of my existence every day.
They had no idea this feeling was shared, to some degree, with most women (and other marginalized people who are threatened in public spaces). It had never even occurred to my favorite men that many of the people they interact with live with this form of apprehension all the time.
A few weeks later, after our conversation, my friend Eric told me a story.
He said he was walking down the street at night, about 15 feet behind a young woman. At one point, she glanced back at him — and he recalled our conversation. So he started walking slower and decided to take a different route home, in case he was unintentionally making her nervous.
I gave him a hug and felt lucky to have men in my life that take sexual harassment and gendered violence seriously. But even well-intentioned guys may be unaware of how their position of power creates intimidating situations.
To the dudes I love, the dudes who walk me home at night and care about me very much, here’s what your female friend wants you to know when she's talking about harassment and violence:
Photo via iStock.
1. I need you to listen to me.
Resist your impulse to "not-all-men" your way out of the conversation. If I'm talking to you about this issue, it's because I trust you and I think it's an important discussion to have.
Please understand that my experiences may change your worldview a little bit — and that yours might change mine. If both of us approach the conversation with the assumption that we have something to learn, chances are we will.
2. I need you to be aware of how your behavior could unintentionally make the women (and femme and queer people) around you uncomfortable.
Maybe you're trying to chat up a woman at the bar who doesn't seem interested and you're just not taking a hint. Maybe a step in the right direction is realizing that the woman who's glancing back at you while you walk down the street is trying to assess if you're a threat.
When you're more in tune with the harassment that women experience every day simply by existing in the world, the next step is to notice if and how you play a role in those situations. Lots of times your threat is harmless, of course. But it never hurts to think critically about how you treat women, especially those you don't know, in public.
3. I need you to use your privilege as a shield.
Guys, it's exhausting to have to do all of this work ourselves. We really want your help.
The perpetrators of gendered microaggressions, sexual harassment, and sexual violence aren't strangers — they're the men in your classes, your workplace, your gym. So if you see something, please say something.
If a coworker makes an inappropriate comment to you about another coworker's body, please tell them it's not OK.
If you see a dude harassing a female friend at a party or a bar, please tactfully interject yourself into the situation to give her an out.
And, for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE teach your sons, brothers, and friends to do the same.
It may be uncomfortable to start talking about sexual violence and harassment, but it's so, so necessary for all of us.
Those conversations could make a real difference in whether people like me feel safe and comfortable in the world.
That matters.
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A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via 
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
At least it wasn't Bubbles. 
You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. 
An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.