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  • 6 alternatives to saying ‘let me know if you need anything’
    Photo credit: Milada Vigerova on Unsplash – People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.
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    6 alternatives to saying ‘let me know if you need anything’

    If someone is drowning, you don’t wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

    Annie Reneau

    Upworthy Staff

    When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it’s instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

    Us: I am SO sorry you’re going through this. What can I do to help?

    Person in crisis: I honestly don’t know right now.

    Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything, anything at all.

    Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

    Us: I mean it. Don’t hesitate to ask. I’m happy to help with whatever you need.

    And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.

    Was it that they didn’t really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn’t really offer them what they actually needed.

    One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

    When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they’re drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

    If someone is drowning, you don’t ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. You just take action.

    Six things you can actually do right now

    Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn’t able or willing to ask for it:

    1. Make them food

    It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don’t. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

    Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it’s not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir-fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

    Easy-prep meals are great. Photo credit: Canva

    If you don’t cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or Uber Eats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

    If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a “meal train,” where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

    2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

    Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

    Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won’t want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, “I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?”

    There is always something that needs cleaning. Photo credit: Canva

    The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, “Is this or that better?” rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

    3. Do laundry

    Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you’re at it.

    Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

    There is always laundry to do. Photo credit: Canva

    And if it doesn’t feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That’s a great way to be of service without feeling like you’re intruding.

    4. Run errands for them

    “Hey, I’m heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I’m there?” is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you’re going to be running your own errands and see if there’s anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

    Offer to pick stuff up when you are on a grocery run. Photo credit: Canva

    You can also offer to run errands with them. “Hey, I’ve got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?” They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

    5. Provide childcare

    If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you’re going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can’t just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

    Caring for someone’s kids is one of the most helpful things you can do. Photo credit: Canva

    Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied, and happy is its own form of relief.

    6. Ask what they’re struggling with and focus your help there

    While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that’s the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they’re having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. “What can I do to help?” may not be as effective a question as “What are you having a hard time doing right now?” They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they’re struggling.

    The small stuff matters more than you think

    One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that needs tending, or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

    Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they’re dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they’re going through, and they’re often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you’re going to do it, doesn’t always apply.

    If there’s a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to take the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there’s a good chance they feel like they’re drowning, so don’t wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them, and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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  • Mom has comical response to commenters who complained she was too old for her outfit choices
    Photo credit: Photo by Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash – What happened to dressing your age?

    Mom has comical response to commenters who complained she was too old for her outfit choices

    She made the cardinal offense of being 37 and daring to not dress like a grandma.

    Jacalyn Wetzel

    Upworthy Staff

    Once women reach a certain age, society does something weird. It starts sending messages that you’re simply too old to dress as if you have a social life. In general, it seemed as if society had been moving away from those unrealistic expectations laid upon moms and women over the age of 35, but maybe not.

    Jessica Buwick, a mom on TikTok, found out fairly quickly that people still have interesting ideas about how “old people” should dress when going out in public. The mom, who was 37 at the time, ordered a plethora of outfits to try on in search of one for her son’s graduation after seeing other moms on social media dressing up more for graduations than parents did when she graduated.

    In her silly, lighthearted video, Buwick tried on all of the outfits, but none of them made the cut for various reasons. One was too short and didn’t zip. Another was ill-fitting and confusing. They were obvious catastrophes that just didn’t work, so she made the misfortune into funny content, but people had a lot to say.

    Then the comments got ugly

    While many people laughed along, others took the opportunity to take jabs at Buwick’s fashion choices.

    One commenter decided to point her in the right direction by commenting, “Maybe YOU should have shopped in an age-appropriate section of the store so you don’t look like a SKANK in your clothing, thereby humiliating your poor son.”

    Yikes. That was unnecessarily rude and harsh, but, sadly, it was a common tone as multiple people pointed out how she was going to embarrass her son.

    Her response was absolutely perfect

    However, instead of letting the haters get to her, Buwick decided to follow up with a video of more “appropriate” outfits for an elderly mother to wear while attending her child’s graduation.

    “Apparently I triggered a whole demographic of y’all when I shared my dress options for my son’s high school graduation. A lot of you were horrified with my choices,” she said. “Apparently they were not appropriate for a high school graduation nor for someone of my age…37.”

    Clearly, the mom received the message and proved it by donning a floor-length gown with long sleeves to make sure minimal skin was showing. In another outfit reminiscent of The Sound of Music, she burst into song to complete the look. It didn’t make the cut in the end, though, because the sleeve was slightly sheer. The outfit she settled on at the end was clearly more the speed she thought the commenters were expecting.

    So what did she actually wear in the end?

    She took the comments in stride and made others laugh while doing so. Her son’s graduation had already passed, and in a follow-up video she showed the outfit she decided to go with: a cute pair of dress shorts, a tank top and a brightly colored blazer.

    While I’m sure someone will disagree with that outfit choice as well, Buwick seems to have found a perfectly hilarious way to handle the negativity.

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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  • Family stages an intervention for pit bull that only misbehaves when Grandma is around
    Photo credit: Photo by Michael G on Unsplash – Family stages intervention for their misbehaving dog
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    Family stages an intervention for pit bull that only misbehaves when Grandma is around

    “I’m noticing that when your mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse.”

    Jacalyn Wetzel

    Upworthy Staff

    Dogs are toddlers in little furry bodies, or at least that’s how they behave sometimes. They constantly get into things they shouldn’t and act like they’re hyped up on a batch of Pixy Stix when they are excited about something. Their uncontrollable zoomies can have dogs crashing into walls, furniture, and people without a care in their tiny dog world.

    Just like toddlers, pit bulls’ behavior can change depending on who supervises them. In one family, a pit bull named Bishop Ace keeps giving Grandma a run for her money any time she’s charged with babysitting him. Jayla doesn’t have any human grandchildren, and Bishop Ace is her only granddog, so you’d think he would be nicer to his grandma, especially since he knows how to behave.

    Bishop has two very different personalities

    Turns out that the pittie has exquisite manners with his mother, Shauna. He loves cuddling with her and listens the first time he’s asked to do something, but as soon as mom goes to work, Bishop runs amock.

    But Shauna doesn’t believe her sweet little dog could ever do anything as wild as grandma reports, which is exactly why grandma started recording Bishop’s hijinks. This is what seems to have led to an intervention with the hyperactive pit bull.

    “We want to have a conversation with you,” Jayla says. “Because I’m noticing when mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse. You don’t listen when grandma says ‘drop it,’ you run.”

    The intervention did not go as planned

    Bishop Ace refused to make eye contact for much of the intervention, and when Grandma was done speaking, Shauna gave the obviously guilty dog scratches and denied that it was him causing the problem. Even with the video evidence, Bishop Ace is still his mama’s baby and can do no wrong in her eyes, so all of Grandma’s intervention efforts never work. But if you want to see some adorably hilarious “bad dog” shenanigans, you can check out the video from The Dodo below.

    The comments are absolutely sending people

    The commenters loved how Bishop interacts with his family, even if he is mischievous.

    “I love this! The look on his face during the intervention is priceless! He looks over at his mama like, ‘I don’t know what this woman is talking about!’ When mama was holding him like a baby he was looking up at grandma like, ‘Just wait until she leaves!’” Andi wrote.

    “I love how he acted like that wasn’t him in the video when Mom was looking at the phone and showing him how he was acting. This was just too hilarious, and it was so sweet how grandma was holding him and singing Amazing Grace, and he was so peaceful and relaxed,” KWeaver added.

    “Love this video, especially the mock intervention. Grandma is awesome. Bishop just knows which play buttons to push,” Jenny wrote in the comments.

    funny dog videos, the dodo, pit bulls, pibbles, dog videos, funny dogs, bishop ace
    A sweet pit bull. Photo credit: Canva

    At the end of the day, Bishop Ace isn’t a bad dog, just a smart one. He knows exactly who he can push the limits with and who will hold the line, which, honestly, is more self-awareness than a lot of humans have. Grandma Jayla may never win the battle, but she’s clearly not giving up the fight. And as long as Bishop Ace keeps getting away with it, this family is going to keep the rest of us very entertained.

     

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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  • Middle schoolers in New Hampshire created an adorable mini boat that sailed all the way to Norway
    Photo credit: Facebook – The Rye Riptide washed up on the shores of Norway.
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    Middle schoolers in New Hampshire created an adorable mini boat that sailed all the way to Norway

    The project was part of a very unique program designed to “connect students around the world.” Mission accomplished.

    Heather Wake

    Upworthy Staff

    This story brings a whole new meaning to the word friendship.

    In October 2020, the middle schoolers of Rye Junior High, in Rye, New Hampshire, bid a bon voyage to their handmade mini-boat, which set sail off the coast of New Hampshire to who-knows-where.

    Measuring only 5.5 feet, the “Rye Riptides” was indeed a small ship. It ran crewless, but carried a bountiful cargo of colorful artwork made by students, along with a GPS tracking device that reported the boat’s location … sometimes.

    Cut to 462 days and 8,300 miles later, and what started out as a simple science project became a surprise discovery for some Norwegian sixth graders, and a fun new connection across the Atlantic.

    Rye Junior High had partnered with Educational Passages, a nonprofit organization that aims to connect students around the world to the ocean and each other. Once the kit arrived, the kids started building while learning about ocean currents, science and math. However, science teacher Sheila Adams shares that the more artistic, right-brained activities equally found their way into the curriculum. “The students needed to use their writing skills to inform others about their mini-boat project, describe our school and town to people of other languages, just in case, and write requests to get the boat deployed,” she said in a release.

    Then the pandemic nearly derailed the whole thing

    COVID-19 nearly threatened to knock the Rye Riptides off its course. The boat had been constructed, but not yet decorated, when students were moved to taking class online. Then, there was the matter of launching the boat. Which Cassie Stymiest, Executive Director of Educational Passages, noted was “challenging with all the restrictions in place.”

    Luckily, creativity, resourcefulness and a little technology saved the day. Working remotely, each piece of art was done at home, then scanned, printed and made into a collage. Then, Ms. Stymiest connected with the Sea Education Association (SEA), which set the Rye Riptides on its journey.

    Would the boat make it to Europe? Rye student Solstice Reed wasn’t so sure. “Honestly, I thought it would sink,” she admitted to the Portsmouth Herald. Considering the boat was cruising the ocean waters during hurricane season, the skepticism was well-founded. During the more tumultuous periods, the GPS signal only came in intermittently. And for a long while, there was nothing but radio silence.

    The little boat that did

    But then, at long last, on the small Norwegian island of Smøla, the Rye Riptides successfully made it to dry land. Sure, it was a bit dismantled and covered in barnacles, but inside, all the adorable trinkets remained intact. The Smøla students peered with wonder into their bounty of photos, signed facemasks, fall leaves, acorns and state quarters, gifts sent out almost two years ago.

    Isn’t your inner child just squealing with delight right now?

    The voyage of the small boat went viral in a big way, sailing across social media, and making headlines.

    Human connection found its way across the sea in the most wholesome and magical way. It’s really cool to see that educational programs like this exist, impacting both the hearts and minds of young students. Mission, successful.

    To help support Educational Passages on even more wholesome adventures just like this one, consider donating here.

    This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

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  • At 83, Paul McCartney reveals 10 songs that are the ‘soundtrack to his life’
    Photo credit: via Raph_PH/Wikimedia Commons – Paul McCartney live on stage.
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    At 83, Paul McCartney reveals 10 songs that are the ‘soundtrack to his life’

    He didn’t forget John Lennon.

    Tod Perry

    Sir Paul McCartney, 83, has lived a life that’s full of music, from listening to his father James play dancehall songs on the piano as a child, to joining a skiffle group with John Lennon as a teenager, to becoming the biggest band of all time with The Beatles. Then, he forged a solo career as a member of Wings and under his own name that has yielded more number-one hits than any other songwriter.

    McCartney’s music has been a cornerstone of pop culture for over 60 years, but what are the songs that formed his musical taste? Paul recently revealed the ten songs that have “soundtracked my life” to the BBC’s  Vernon Kay on his show Tracks Of My Years, which premieres on May 25 on BBC Sounds and iPlayer.

    The full episode hasn’t been released, but the BBC revealed the 10 songs that Paul chose, in no particular order.

    John Lennon – “Imagine” 

    In 1971, a year after the breakup of The Beatles, John Lennon released what would become his signature song, a wistful (and slightly acerbic) plea for humanity to envision a world without religion, war, or possessions, and to live in harmony. “When we came to not writing together, I think it was difficult for both of us,” McCartney once said of Lennon. “But, y’know, he still did ‘Imagine.’ He still did one of his best things ever.”

    McCartney has routinely played songs written primarily by Lennon in concert, including “A Day in the Life,” “Give Peace a Chance,” and “Help!”, but he won’t touch “Imagine.” “There’s no shame in doing [Lennon’s] songs,” McCartney said. “In fact, I considered doing a major tribute to John…But then people started saying, ‘Why don’t you do ‘Imagine?” And I thought, ‘F***ing hell, Diana Ross does ‘Imagine’.’ They all do ‘Imagine’. That’s when I backed off the whole thing.”

    The Beach Boys – “God Only Knows” 

    “God Only Knows,” written by Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys and Tony Asher, appeared on the band’s 1966 masterpiece Pet Sounds and is often cited by McCartney as one of his favorites. “I just think it’s a great song—melody, harmonies, words, you know,” Paul said. “I love it, you know. …It’s my favorite Beach Boys song.”

    “Brian Wilson sort of proved himself to be like a really amazing composer,” McCartney added. “And I was into chords and harmonies and stuff at that time, and we ended up [in] kind of like a rivalry. [The Beatles would] put a song out and Brian [would] hear it, and then he’d do one, which is nice. [It was] like me and John [Lennon]. You know, you’d kind of try and top each other all the time.”

    Bob Dylan – “Tambourine Man” 

    Released in 1965 on Dylan’s Bringing It All Back Home, an album that merged his earlier folk sound with his growing interest in rock ‘n roll, “Tambourine Man” is one of his first songs to introduce psychedelic imagery. It’s often believed the song is about a drug dealer, but the tambourine man in the story may actually be Bruce Langhorne, a session guitarist, who brought a giant Turkish drum to a session.

    McCartney recently ribbed Dylan for not playing the song in his live set. “I’ve been to see a couple of shows of Bob’s, and I couldn’t tell what the song was that he was doing,” McCartney said, according to Music Radar. “Now, that’s a bit much because, I mean, I know his stuff and, you know, I get it if he doesn’t want to do ‘Mr Tambourine Man,’ you know, maybe he’s fed up with that, but I would like to hear it. And I’ve paid.”

    Prince – “Kiss” 

    The Purple One had a big hit in 1986 with this cheeky, minimalist funk track about how he doesn’t care if a woman is “rich” or “cool”; he just wants her “extra time” and her “kiss.” The song topped the charts, beating out number two, “Manic Monday” by The Bangles, which was also written by Prince.

    In 2016, shortly after Prince’s death, McCartney snuck Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” into his set while performing in his hometown of Minneapolis, Minnesota. 

    The Human League – “Don’t You Want Me” 

    “You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar….” the song begins, and you either quickly change the station or roll up the car windows and scream, “Don’t you want me, baby? Don’t you want me, Oooooooooooh.” Evidently, McCarney is a roll-up-the-windows-and-belt-it-out kinda guy. Who knew?

    The Kinks – “You Really Got Me” 

    In 1964, The Kinks released a monster with their third single, “You Really Got Me,” which, with its revolutionary distorted guitar sound, helped spark the rock era and served as a blueprint for heavy metal and punk. The song was released at the peak of Beatlemania, and both bands shared several bills in their early years, but didn’t really hit it off. “Paul McCartney was one of the most competitive people I’ve ever met. Lennon wasn’t. He just thought everyone else was sh*t,” Kinks’ frontman, Ray Davies, recalled. 

    Elvis Presley – “All Shook Up” 

    It’s hard to understand how big an impact Elvis’s 1957 hit “All Shook Up” had on a teenage McCartney. He and his friend, Ian James, struck out trying to meet girls at a fairgrounds, and he remembers going back home, and the two listened to the song to cheer themselves up. “The blues had gone. The headache had gone. We were like new people,” McCartney said, according to American Songwriter. “I just love that song so much for being able to do that. There’s just good moments like that, very reminiscent of the kind of moments you had when you were just starting a band.”

    Buddy Holly – “That’ll Be The Day” 

    “That’ll Be the Day” has a big role in the Beatles’ history. It was routinely played by The Quarrymen, their earlier skiffle incarnation, featuring McCartney, Lennon, and George Harrison. It was also the first song they recorded as a demo in 1958 with Lennon on lead vocals. The recording would later be featured on The Beatles’ 1995 release Anthology 1. 

    Chuck Berry – “Maybelline” 

    Berry greatly influenced the Beatles’ music, especially the way he turned his songs into stories. “From the first minute we heard the great guitar intro to ‘Sweet Little Sixteen,’ we became fans of the great Chuck Berry,” McCartney said, according to Far Out. “His stories were more like poems than lyrics – the likes of ‘Johnny B Goode’ or ‘Maybellene.’”

    It’s no surprise the rock ‘n roll pioneer made it to McCartney’s top 10, although many wondered why a Little Richard song wasn’t in there, too. McCartney routinely sang Little Richard songs in the early Beatles years, including a rousing version of “Long Tall Sally.”

    Gene Vincent – “Be-bop-a-Lula”

    “Be-bop-a-Lula” was the first record McCartney ever purchased, and it would stick with him forever. “Yeah, it was the first record I bought, you know, and in those days, I think this with the Beatles, you know, it made us realize how special it is for people to buy records because we didn’t have much money. And you think about your purchase … so precious, man. It was all your money that week would go on that record,” he recalled in an interview with Ronnie Wood of The Rolling Stones. “It was in the film The Girl Can’t Help It. We finally saw him sing it, you know, with the Blue Caps and stuff, so I just loved it. It’s just such a beautiful record, you know.”

    McCartney has a new album out, May 29, The Boys of Dungeon Road, featuring “Home to Us,” a duet with Ringo Starr.

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  • Cat owner put a first-person camera on its collar and accidentally filled the world with delight
    Photo credit: @mr.kitters.the.cat/TikTok – View of the world through the eyes of a cat.
    ,

    Cat owner put a first-person camera on its collar and accidentally filled the world with delight

    Mr. Kitters’ point of view is incredibly entertaining.

    Annie Reneau

    Upworthy Staff

    Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a cat? To watch the world from less than a foot off the ground, seeing and hearing things humans completely miss, staring out the window for hours while contemplating one of your nine lives?

    Well, thanks to one person, we need wonder no more, at least about the what-they’re-seeing part.

    The TikTok channel Mr. Kitters the Cat (@mr.kitters.the.cat) gives us a cat’s-eye view of the world with a camera attached to Mr. Kitters’ collar. The result is an utterly delightful POV experience that takes us through the daily adventuring of the frisky feline as he wanders the yard.

    In a video titled “Spicy cats,” which has accumulated tens of millions of views on TikTok, we begin with the cutest cat sneeze ever. Then we hear Mr. Kitters’ meow as we walk with him through the grass before the scene switches to a thrilling, yowling cat chase he witnesses across the yard (while tucking himself even more securely under the bush he’s in).

    The best is seeing his kitty paws as he walks and then digs in the mulch. And there’s apparently something very exciting that needs to be pounced on right along a chain link fence.

    The comments are as good as the video

    The commenters made their delight known.

    “I love how he saw the cat fight and was like that’s not my business today,” wrote one person.

    “WHEN HE DIGS WITH HIS LIL PAWS,” declared another.

    “People: Cats only meow at humans.” Mr Kitters -Meows at everything-” wrote another.

    And of course, countless people responded simply to the sneeze with “Bless you.”

    Mr. Kitters has other POV videos as well. This one demonstrates how chatty he is and shows his black cat buddy as well.

    It really sounds like he says, “Let me in,” doesn’t it?

    And this “extreme sports” video is riveting.

    For those who can’t get enough, here is WAY more Mr. Kitters:

    Why does this captivate so many of us?

    It’s funny how something as simple as putting a camera around the neck of a cat can draw in tens of millions of people. We’re all so curious about the lives of the creatures we see every day, and the adorable quirkiness of cat behavior is a big part of why we keep them as companions in the first place. Seeing the world through their point of view is just one more way we can enjoy and learn about our pet friends.

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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  • Millennial mom is stunned when grandma compares parenting in the 80s to now
    "My anxiety could not have handled the 80s."
    ,

    Millennial mom is stunned when grandma compares parenting in the 80s to now

    Taylor Wolfe couldn’t believe her mom slept soundly without any kind of baby monitor.

    Heather Wake

    Upworthy Staff

    Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be, and probably are, doing it all very, very wrong.

    What’s especially fascinating is that our data and best-practices have gotten so much better over time. Parents in the 80s had no idea that crib bumpers were dangerous, just like their parents didn’t know that using whiskey as a sleep aid probably wasn’t the best idea! We know better, and yet, we’re burdened by the overwhelming amount of knowledge and potential dangers around us.

    Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, nails this conundrum perfectly as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent.

    The conversation that hit a collective nerve

    In a clip posted on TikTok, Wolfe and her mom sit side by side on the couch and have a fascinating discussion.

    First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)

    “What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.

    “Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it’s healthy!”

    “I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.

    …Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?

    “I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says. Wolfe asked her mom how she slept without a baby monitor and knowing for certain, at every instant, that she was safe? “We just slept” her mom deadpanned.

    Her mom’s answers are something else entirely

    Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.

    “If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.

    Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.

    Without missing a beat, Wolfe’s mother says, “It’s summer, I still have you.”

    Cue the tears!

    Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure on parents.

    From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.

    Parents today are feeling it too

    That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.

    “Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.

    Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom.”

    “it’s almost like all the technology, and it’s advertising, leads to so much unnecessary anxiety” someone added.

    Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”

    It’s no wonder that parents’ mental health is, collectively, in the toilet. We’re more stressed today about money, work-life balance, getting into good schools, signing up for activities that gobble up all our time… everything.

    So what can modern parents actually do?

    Experts say there are ways parents can manage the stresses of modern life, though. Reducing phone and social media use, for starters, is a good way to avoid ruminating on all the potential dangers of the world. Parents are also challenged to push themselves out of their comfort zone by allowing their child more freedom and independence than they’d normally be comfortable with. For example, letting your kids walk to school or go buy something from a store without your help.

    I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.

    This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

    Keep Reading →
  • Father of LGBTQ kids has a perfect response to homophobic new neighbor who tried to shame him
    Photo credit: Photo by Jasmin Sessler on Unsplash – Dad responds to rude neighbor with rainbow flags.
    ,

    Father of LGBTQ kids has a perfect response to homophobic new neighbor who tried to shame him

    It was a colorful response, to say the least.

    Heather Wake

    Upworthy Staff

    Sometimes, when we encounter unsavory behavior from others, a response is warranted. But the real art is responding in a way that’s clear, strong, and yet still peaceful. For an example of this, look no further than Xander’s dad, who was on the receiving end of hate from his neighbor. Rather than spewing back the same amount of vitriol, his colorful comeback had courage, wit and just the right amount of flair.

    As Xander tells us in the video, the retort came after the neighbor told his dad that having two gay kids (Xander’s sister Claire is a lesbian) meant he “failed as a parent.” “So dad took a moment then replied with this…” the onscreen text reads. Next thing you know, Xander’s dad can be seen filling his backyard with huge (like, parade-level huge) rainbow pride flags. A dozen of them at least.

    The video ends with the words: “No, saying things like that does.”

    Then it happened again with even more flags

    In another video, we learn that the not-so-friendly neighborhood watch told his dad that he wasn’t allowed to fly “gay flags” anymore.

    But rather than accept defeat, or resort to cruelty, he simply looked at the rules, only to discover that his house was actually outside the map by 2 meters (6.5 feet). So up the pride flags went! And even more this time!

    Flag responses seem to run in the family. In another video, Xander explains that his neighbor (where have all the friendly ones gone?) said he couldn’t sell his house because of the small window-sized trans flag hung near the roof. So Xander got an even bigger one that covered the entire back side.

    Are gay people more likely to have gay siblings than straight people?

    In another video, Xander introduced his sister, who is a lesbian, raising the question: is it more likely for gay people to have a gay sibling than a straight person? Research says yes. Gay women and men are more likely to have gay siblings than straight women and straight men. Somewhere between 7 to 16% of gay people also have a gay sibling.

    Why the pride flag still matters so much

    Pride Flags have long been a nonviolent way to stand up for the LGBTQ community. And yet, they still manage to whip up plenty of heated controversy, particularly at schools. The original eight colors all had a specific meaning, and only one color (pink) denoted sexuality. Meaning that the pride flag was and is just as nuanced and dynamic as the people it represents.

    The flag has taken on many different forms over the years as it evolves to speak for more marginalized communities, but it remains a peaceful and artistic form of protest. One that always seems to get the message across.

    This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

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