She has the perfect question to ask once your partner gets defensive.
Therapist Lauren Consul has one trick to stop arguments before they begin.
Arguments start to take off when one partner begins to get defensive. So, therapist Lauren Consul shared her relationship-saving tip to "stop an argument in its tracks" when one partner goes into self-preservation mode.
Lauren Consul is a couples and sex therapist who’s developed a following of nearly 160,000 people on TikTok and has received over 5.4 million likes. She is an infidelity expert and hosts retreats to help people "survive and thrive" after one partner has strayed.
"The next time you and your partner are talking, and your partner becomes defensive, I want you to do this: Pause, and say, 'I want to understand what happened there. What did you hear me say?'" Consul says in her TikTok video with over 42,000 views.
"This question is key because it does one of two things," she continued. "First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times when we've become defensive, we've interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly. We've run it through a filter, we've told ourselves a story about it, it's triggered something... So we're not actually hearing what our partner says, and it allows for clarification."
@laurenconsul #communicationtools #communicationtools #defensiveness #couplesargument #learnontiktok #cyclebreaker #couplestherapist #relationshiptherapist #marriagecounseling #mytherapistsays #therapytol #tiktoktherapist
"The second thing: If your partner did interpret what you said correctly, it gives you an opportunity to slow things down and understand what is happening for them and address the underlying issue, rather than get caught in a spiral of defensiveness," she continued.
Consul's advice for stopping arguments before they explode is helpful because it clears up any potential misunderstandings. The key is to remember the tactic in the heat of the moment to prevent things from getting out of hand.
The teen’s emotional response hit him like a punch to the gut.
In October 2016, that was a quote from Albert Einstein that sat atop the Facebook page of Tim McMillan, a police officer in Georgia.
McMillan become a sensation after a post he wrote on his Facebook wall went viral in 2016. In his post, he explains how he pulled over a Black teen for texting while driving:
“I pulled a car over last night for texting and driving. When I went to talk to the driver, I found a young black male, who was looking at me like he was absolutely terrified with his hands up. He said, 'What do you want me to do officer?' His voice was quivering. He was genuinely scared," McMillan wrote.
Officer Tim McMillan talks about pulling over a Black teen
Image via Facebook
“I just looked at him for a moment, because what I was seeing made me sad. I said, 'I just don't want you to get hurt.' In which he replied, with his voice still shaking, 'Do you want me to get out of the car.' I said, 'No, I don't want you to text and drive. I don't want you to get in a wreck. I want your mom to always have her baby boy. I want you to grow up and be somebody. I don't even want to write you a ticket. Just please pay attention, and put the phone down. I just don't want you to get hurt,'" he wrote.
“I truly don't even care who's fault it is that young man was so scared to have a police officer at his window. Blame the media, blame bad cops, blame protestors, or Colin Kaepernick if you want. It doesn't matter to me who's to blame. I just wish somebody would fix it."
This story originally appeared on GOOD.
Creating moments like these is why she opened her store in the first place.
Elyse Monroe found the perfect dress, then found out it costs nothing.
Adolescence is a harrowing time for body image and self-esteem all around, but few milestones are as universally daunting as finding a prom dress. Whether it’s due to budget constraints, not being able to find a dress that fits, or both, what should be a fun event is often viscerally dreaded.
This was certainly the case for Summer Lucille. Lucille told Today.com that growing up, “if you weren’t skinny, there weren’t many options, and it was devastating for me because I’ve always loved fashion.”
She recalled, “I went to my prom looking like a church lady in a suit dress with a jacket because it was the only thing that fit. It was a very sad period in my life.”
Wanting to ensure a more positive experience for others, Lucille opened up her plus-size-only dress shop, Juicy Body Goddess, in 2016. The boutique, based in North Carolina, features mostly Lucille’s own designs of formal dresses up to a size 6X.
Juicy Body Goddess really started gaining traction when Lucille set up a TikTok account sharing truly joyful interactions with customers as they try on different styles.
Besides having an eye for fashion, Lucille is a masterful hype woman, making others feel beautiful with her enthusiastic, heartfelt praises. She clearly loves what she does. Here's one of many, many examples:
@juicybodygoddess I had to get her number so she can model🤩 #plussizefashion#plussizeboutique#birthday#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
Juicy Goddess’s TikTok presence is how 18-year-old Elyse Monroe found out about the store. Monroe and her family drove nearly six hours for a consultation, determined to find the perfect dress.
Lucille shared with People that Monroe was initially “nervous and shy,” but after trying on a sparkly, form-fitting purple gown, everything changed.
"When she got into that purple dress, she lit up," Lucille told People.
There was still a budget problem, however. Monroe’s family could only afford to pay $400. The dress was $700.
Thankfully, Lucille had one more surprise up her sleeve.
A now viral TikTok video shows the Monroe family approach the register, asking how much the dress would cost.
Lucille can be heard saying, “This dress is $700…but it’s free.”
Yeah, as you can probably expect, this leaves the teen and her family a bit emotional. Watch below:
@juicybodygoddess I didn't cry until I did edit #plussize#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess#plussizefashion♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
The video has had an overwhelming number of responses. Many commiserated with their own painful prom memories and applauded Lucille for her generosity. Some were even inspired to perform their own act of kindness by donating. Lucille told People that since posting the video, there has been $12,000 worth of gift card purchases. Yowza.
This is such an amazing example of what can happen when we celebrate uniqueness, spread generosity, and prioritize making everyone feel worthy of praise.
If you’d like to purchase a gift card from Juicy Body Goddess, click here. Or, if you wanna just follow along on some gorgeous fittings, you can find the Juicy Body Goddess TikTok here.Spoiler alert: They’re totally fine with it.
Childless people over 50 discuss their decision.
People who decide not to have children are often unfairly judged by those who chose a different life path. People with children can be especially judgmental to women who’ve decided to opt out of motherhood.
“You will regret it!” is one of the most common phrases lobbed at those who choose to remain childless. Why do people think they’ll have such awful regrets? Because they often say they’ll wind up “lonely and sad” when they’re older.
They also say that life without children is without purpose and that when the childless get older they’ll have no one to take care of them. One of the most patronizing critiques thrown at childless women is that they will never “feel complete” unless they have a child.
However, a lot of these critiques say more about the person doling them out than the person who decides to remain childless. Maybe, just maybe, their life is fulfilling enough without having to reproduce. Maybe, just maybe, they can have a life full of purpose without caring for any offspring.
Maybe the question should be: What’s lacking in your life that you need a child to feel complete?
Studies show that some people regret being childless when they get older, but they’re in the minority. An Australian researcher found that a quarter of child-free women came to regret the decision once they were past child-bearing age and began contemplating old age alone.
People revealed the reasons they’ve decided to be childless in an article by The Upshot. The top answers were the desire for more leisure time, the need to find a partner and the inability to afford child care. A big reason that many women decide not to have children is that motherhood feels like more of a choice these days, instead of a foregone conclusion as it was in previous decades.
Reddit user u/ADreamyNightOwl asked a “serious” question about being childless to the AskReddit subforum and received a lot of honest answers. They asked “People over 50 that chose to be childfree, do you regret your decision? Why or why not?”
The people who responded are overwhelmingly happy with their decision not to have children. A surprising number said they felt positive about their decision because they thought they’d be a lousy parent. Others said they were happy to have been able to enjoy more free time than their friends and family members who had kids.
Here are some of the best responses to the Askreddit question.
"I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way.
"Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own." — IBeTrippin
"Nope. It was never something I wanted. No regrets." — BornaCrone
"I have mixed feelings. I don't care much for children and I think it would have been disastrous for us to have them. I was also able to retire at 52. Pretty sure that wouldn't have happened with kids. So yeah, absolutely the right decision.
But I love my family and I do wonder what it would be like to have my own, to teach my child the things I know and not to be without someone who cares about me at the time of my death.
"But again, absolutely the right decision and at 55 I'm very happy NOT to have them. This is reinforced every time I'm exposed to other people's kids." — ProfessorOzone
"My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learned that the whole 'well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older' line is complete bullshit. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets." — joevilla1369
"I don't necessarily regret not having them, but I regret the fact that I wasn't in a healthy enough relationship where I felt I COULD have children. I regret not being stronger to leave the abuse earlier, if I had been stronger, I think maybe I could have had the choice at least. So yeah... I have regrets." — MaerakiStudioMe
"No. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to marry my husband. He had two sons from his first marriage and a vasectomy. He was worried because I was so young (comparatively, he's 10 years older). I did think it over seriously and concluded that a life with him compared to a life without him but (perhaps!) with a baby I didn't even have yet was what I wanted. It worked out for us, we've been together for 26 years. As a bonus I have 9 grandchildren. All the fun without the work of the raising!" — Zublor
"Not one bit. I have never believed that I would be a good parent. I have a short temper, and while I don't think I would have been physically abusive, my words and tone of voice would be harsh in a very similar way to my own father. I wasn't happy growing up with that kind parent and I wouldn't want to subject any child to that kind of parenting." — Videoman7189
"No and I found a partner who feels the same. We are the cool aunt and uncle." — laudinum
"54 yrs.old. I've lived the past 30 years alone. Presently my dog and I are chillin' in a nice hotel on a spur of the moment vacation. I'd maybe be a grandfather by now?! I can't imagine what it would be like to have family. I picture a life lived more "normally" sometimes. All sunshine and roses, white picket fence, etc. but I realize real life isn't like that. No I don't regret being childfree or wifefree for that matter. My life can be boring at times but then I look back at all the drama that comes with relationships and think I've dodged a bullet. I spent 20 years trying to find a wife to start a family. Then I realized the clock had run out, so fuck it, all the money I'd saved for my future family would be spent on myself. Hmmmmm...what do I want to buy myself for Christmas?" — Hermits_Truth
"Nope. I never had the urge to change diapers or lose sleep, free time and most of my earnings. Other people's kids are great. Mostly because they are other people's. When people ask 'Who will take care of you when you're old' I tell them that when I'm 75 I will adopt a 40-year-old." — fwubglubbel
"I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance.
"And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way." — GrowlKitty
"Dual income no kids = great lifestyle!" — EggOntheRun
"Over 50 and child free. My only regret is that my wife would have been a great mother, and sometimes I feel like I deprived her of that, even though we both agreed we didn’t want kids. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed her into that decision. She works with the elderly every day and sees a lot of lonely folks so it gets to her sometimes. I was always afraid I’d screw up the parenting thing, so I was never really interested in the idea. I’m a loner by nature though." — Johnny-Virgil
This article originally appeared on 02.08.22
"I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate it when I have it.”
“Now I cherish every scream, every dirty hand print, and every spill.”
Very often, the right choice isn’t easy. Co-parenting is a prime example of this—no matter how amicable a break-up is, single parents inevitably lose time with their children after a divorce and must deal with the resulting loneliness that happens once the child leaves to spend time with the other parent. Knowing that you’ve made the right decision doesn’t necessarily take away the pain.
That’s why one dad’s video sharing his own experience of his child’s empty room is resonating with other single parents over on TikTok.
The dad, whose name appears to be Angel but goes by @ainjole on the platform, confessed in his video’s caption, “I think the hardest part of coparenting (for me) is dropping my daughter off with her mom and coming home to silence.”He continued, “Of course when she’s rowdy and loud, I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate it when I have it.”
The video itself shows Angel closing the door after his daughter, Penny, leaves to be with her mom. He is left behind with a mess of toys scattered on the floor—remnants of the fun they shared together.
As heartfelt piano music from Pixar's “Up” plays, Angel picks up the toys, sweeps and dusts, makes the bed…removing any traces of the past few days.
The video ends with Angel lying alone on the bed, surrounded by carefully arranged stuffed animals, just before he turns off the light.
@ainjole I think the hardest part of coparenting (for me) is dropping off my daughter with her mom and coming home to silence. Of course when she’s rowdy and loud, I wish for peace and quiet, as does every parent when they’re overwhelmed. But then I hate when i have it. #fyp#coparenting#coparentingstruggles#dadsoftiktok#dadtok#singledad#girldad♬ beauty of pixar - nilsodinson
The father later wrote in the comments, “Now I cherish every scream, every dirty hand print, and every spill.”
The touching video struck a chord in single parents. Angel is clearly not the only one to experience deep sadness during that first silence after a child leaves.
“Damn that’s so accurate. Tired. Sad. Relieved. It’s a weird feeling,” one person wrote.
“Dam bro I do that every Monday don't have the heart to clean Sunday night after I drop them off,” another added. “The mess reminds me of them.”
One wrote “I miss my daughter everyday till I have her again.I always snuggle with her favorite teddybear till she comes back.”
Several shared how it’s a feeling that never completely goes away.
“I still cry to this day when my kids leave with their dad and it’s been 2 years. It’s something you never get used to,” confessed one parent.
Another added, “Been doing it for 16 years. It’s always rough. I’ve done the lay in their bed in the dark countless times.”
Several others tried to encourage Angel by reminding him that he’s still making the right decision.
“I’ve been doing it for 10 years now and it doesn't get any easier, but just know 2 happy homes is better than 1 toxic home,” one person shared. “Proud of you.”
Despite feeling sad, Angel seems to be taking things in stride, writing in the comments that “it’s painful to see them go but even more special when they come back.”
Kudos to Angel for sharing this vulnerable moment. This is something that many single parents go through, and while nothing replaces time spent with loved ones, maybe through open conversation there can be a little less loneliness surrounding the subject.
The parrot could not survive in the wild without its beak, which is used to build nests, fend off predators and eat.
Brazilian veterinarian gives parrot a second chance at life.
A parrot in Brazil got a lucky break when it was rescued after someone found it with a severely damaged beak. In fact, most of its little beak was completely gone. Birds use their hard beaks to eat, fend off other animals and build nests, and their mouths are essentially their hands while their feet are busy walking, scratching or holding twigs.
Plus, I don't know if you've paid much close attention to birds, but they don't seem to have a lot of dexterity with their tiny little bird legs. They sort of walk around like peg-legged pirates even though I'm pretty sure birds have knees. (I'm not a bird scientist or a zoologist if that wasn't clear.)
Luckily for this parrot, Renascer ACN, an animal rescue and rehabilitation facility in Planura, Brazil, had a doctor on staff who not only knows if birds have knees but also knew how to make a prosthetic beak.
"Bird beaks are made mostly of bone—they're just a specialized modification of the upper and lower jaw bones shared by almost all vertebrates. The outside of a bird's beak, however, is covered not in skin, but in a thin, shiny sheath of keratin, the same protein that makes up your hair and fingernails," Rebecca Heisman shares on the American Bird Conservatory website.
Heisman also points out that since the beaks on birds are made of bone, they cannot grow back if they're broken off.
According to PetMD, birds who are missing portions of their upper and lower beak are typically unable to adapt and survive, which is what makes this parrot so lucky. While many other veterinarians likely would've recommended humane euthanasia, this bird was spared that fate thanks to a creative doctor.
The bird's upper bill was almost completely gone and its lower bill was broken when Paulo Roberto Martins Nunziata, the founder of Renascer ACN, first saw the bird. Nunziata began working with veterinarian Maria Ângela Panelli Marchió, who specializes in animal orthopedics and creates animal prosthetics out of resin.
“This parrot was found in a terrible condition and had totally lost its beak. Together with veterinarian Maria Ângela Panelli Marchió, we rescued it as soon as we found out,” Nunziata told Bored Panda.
Panelli Marchió reconstructed the lower beak using polymethylmethacrylate and shaped it by hand to the broken bone. But for the upper beak, she had to create the entire prosthetic out of the same material and attach it using metal brackets into what was left of the top beak. The metal holds the new beak in place, and since it's made of resin, it's extremely hard—just like a real beak—and should last for years.
But while the beak reconstruction was a smashing success and is nearly indistinguishable from a natural beak, releasing the parrot wouldn't be safe.
“Today it has a normal life. However, it just can’t be returned to its natural habitat because even though the prosthesis is resistant, there’s a risk of it falling over time, as these animals use their beaks for everything,” Nunziata explained to Bored Panda.
Surprisingly, the reconstruction only took one surgery due to the quick-setting nature of resin, and now this sweet parrot can have a normal life as some lucky person's pet.
