This guy has some advice for every dad out there whose kids 'prefer mommy.'

There's a myth floating around that all parents experience love at first sight when their kids are born.

We're told by movies, TV shows, and even commercials that becoming a parent triggers an instant and unbreakable bond between us and our children.

But ... if you want to know the truth? That doesn't always happen.


It's pretty common for new parents to deal with confusing bouts of indifference and postpartum depression, and it doesn't help that babies and young kids aren't always completely comfortable with one or both parents right away.

Biological dads can be at particular risk for feeling a little left out, especially if mom is breastfeeding and they don't want to intrude on that process.

Terence Mentor, who blogs under the name AfroDaddy, opened up about his own struggles bonding with his son in an emotional Facebook post.

His first son was adopted, he says, which meant it was easy for him and his wife to take turns feeding him and pacifying him. His bond with his son was instant.

But Mentor's younger son, now 2 years old, took a little longer to warm up to dear old dad. His son had an instant connection with his mom, however, and when that comfort gap lasted beyond the newborn phase, it was emotionally brutal on Mentor.

Something magical happened last night.But before I tell you what it was, you need a bit of background:Ever since my...

Posted by AfroDaddy on Monday, September 4, 2017

On Facebook, he lamented:

"It is quite a thing to be a dad who can't comfort his child, who is constantly told 'No, I go to mommy', who never seems to have a real, relational moment with his own son."

He felt extremely jealous of the bond his son had with his wife. "It was actually more difficult than I had allowed myself to admit," he explains in a Facebook message. "For the first time, I had real doubts about my ability to be a truly involved dad."

After an agonizing two years, things are starting to turn around. Mentor says his son is finally starting to show some real affection for his dad, celebrating a particularly "magical" milestone in his Facebook post:

"This child, who would cry when I so much as looked his way, came to me [last night] for his comfort and calm. Not going to lie ... I got a little teary eyed."

These feelings of "indifference" can go both ways, of course.

While kids may express a preference for one parent over the other, sometimes new parents just don't feel that instantaneously deep love they expect they should feel for the new baby.

These feelings are actually super-duper normal, family therapist Leslie Seppinni told ABC News. "It's not automatic that you're going to bond with your child. Usually it does take a little while," she says.

It's hard to be patient, but if Mentor has learned anything, it's that you have to push through those tough times by giving loads of affection — even if you're not getting it in return.

You also have to talk about how you're feeling, he says.

"Frankly, dads don't talk about this kind of thing, so I have a suspicion that moms think we don't care that our child doesn't want to be with us or have anything to do with us," he says. "We care. We care a lot."

He hopes his story, which has been shared far and wide, encourages more parents to stop beating ourselves up and just be honest with ourselves and our partners.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
True

Glenda moved to Houston from Ohio just before the pandemic hit. She didn't know that COVID-19-related delays would make it difficult to get her Texas driver's license and apply for unemployment benefits. She quickly found herself in an impossible situation — stranded in a strange place without money for food, gas, or a job to provide what she needed.

Alone, hungry, and scared, Glenda dialed 2-1-1 for help. The person on the other end of the line directed her to the Houston-based nonprofit Bread of Life, founded by St. John's United Methodist pastors Rudy and Juanita Rasmus.

For nearly 30 years, Bread of Life has been at the forefront of HIV/AIDS prevention, eliminating food insecurity, providing permanent housing to formerly homeless individuals and disaster relief.

Glenda sat in her car for 20 minutes outside of the building, trying to muster up the courage to get out and ask for help. She'd never been in this situation before, and she was terrified.

When she finally got out, she encountered Eva Thibaudeau, who happened to be walking down the street at the exact same time. Thibaudeau is the CEO of Temenos CDC, a nonprofit multi-unit housing development also founded by the Rasmuses, with a mission to serve Midtown Houston's homeless population.

Keep Reading Show less

As someone who has given birth to three children and who was raised by a labor-and-delivery nurse, you'd think I'd have a good handle on the physical mechanics of childbirth. But despite knowing all the terminology and experiencing all the details first hand—uterine contractions, cervical dilation, etc.—I'm a visual person, and most of the birth process happens internally. Feeling it and being told what's happening isn't the same as being able to visualize what's actually happening.

Enter high school teacher Brooke Bernal, who teaches consumer sciences. She shared a video on TikTok demonstrating how she teaches her students about childbirth, which she says is her "all time favorite lesson," using a balloon and a ping-pong ball. It's a simple, but-oh-so-helpful demonstration that even helped me get a better grip on the miracle of childbirth. (Without the baby shooting across the room at the end, of course.)

Keep Reading Show less
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
True

Glenda moved to Houston from Ohio just before the pandemic hit. She didn't know that COVID-19-related delays would make it difficult to get her Texas driver's license and apply for unemployment benefits. She quickly found herself in an impossible situation — stranded in a strange place without money for food, gas, or a job to provide what she needed.

Alone, hungry, and scared, Glenda dialed 2-1-1 for help. The person on the other end of the line directed her to the Houston-based nonprofit Bread of Life, founded by St. John's United Methodist pastors Rudy and Juanita Rasmus.

For nearly 30 years, Bread of Life has been at the forefront of HIV/AIDS prevention, eliminating food insecurity, providing permanent housing to formerly homeless individuals and disaster relief.

Glenda sat in her car for 20 minutes outside of the building, trying to muster up the courage to get out and ask for help. She'd never been in this situation before, and she was terrified.

When she finally got out, she encountered Eva Thibaudeau, who happened to be walking down the street at the exact same time. Thibaudeau is the CEO of Temenos CDC, a nonprofit multi-unit housing development also founded by the Rasmuses, with a mission to serve Midtown Houston's homeless population.

Keep Reading Show less
via Jody Danielle Fisher / Facebook

Breast milk is an incredibly magical food. The wonderful thing is that it's produced by a collaboration between mother and baby.

British mother Jody Danielle Fisher shared the miracle of this collaboration on Facebook recently after having her 13-month-old child vaccinated.

In the post, she compared the color of her breast milk before and after the vaccination, to show how a baby's reaction to the vaccine has a direct effect on her mother's milk production.

Keep Reading Show less

Yesterday I was perusing comments on an Upworthy article about Joe Biden comforting the son of a Parkland shooting victim and immediately had flashbacks to the lead-up of the 2016 election. In describing former vice President Biden, some commenters were using the words "criminal," "corrupt," and "pedophile—exactly the same words people used to describe Hillary Clinton in 2016.

I remember being baffled that so many people were so convinced of Clinton's evil schemes that they genuinely saw the documented serial liar and cheat that she was running against as the lesser of two evils. I mean, sure, if you believe that a career politician had spent years being paid off by powerful people and was trafficking children to suck their blood in her free time, just about anything looks like a better alternative.

But none of that was true.

It's been four years and Hillary Clinton has been found guilty of exactly none of the criminal activity she was being accused of. Trump spent every campaign rally leading chants of "Lock her up!" under the guise that she was going to go to jail after the election. He's been president for nearly four years now, and where is Clinton? Not in jail—she's comfy at home, occasionally trolling Trump on Twitter and doing podcasts.

Keep Reading Show less