+
upworthy

This guy has some advice for every dad out there whose kids 'prefer mommy.'

There's a myth floating around that all parents experience love at first sight when their kids are born.

We're told by movies, TV shows, and even commercials that becoming a parent triggers an instant and unbreakable bond between us and our children.

But ... if you want to know the truth? That doesn't always happen.


It's pretty common for new parents to deal with confusing bouts of indifference and postpartum depression, and it doesn't help that babies and young kids aren't always completely comfortable with one or both parents right away.

Biological dads can be at particular risk for feeling a little left out, especially if mom is breastfeeding and they don't want to intrude on that process.

Terence Mentor, who blogs under the name AfroDaddy, opened up about his own struggles bonding with his son in an emotional Facebook post.

His first son was adopted, he says, which meant it was easy for him and his wife to take turns feeding him and pacifying him. His bond with his son was instant.

But Mentor's younger son, now 2 years old, took a little longer to warm up to dear old dad. His son had an instant connection with his mom, however, and when that comfort gap lasted beyond the newborn phase, it was emotionally brutal on Mentor.

Something magical happened last night.But before I tell you what it was, you need a bit of background:Ever since my...

Posted by AfroDaddy on Monday, September 4, 2017

On Facebook, he lamented:

"It is quite a thing to be a dad who can't comfort his child, who is constantly told 'No, I go to mommy', who never seems to have a real, relational moment with his own son."

He felt extremely jealous of the bond his son had with his wife. "It was actually more difficult than I had allowed myself to admit," he explains in a Facebook message. "For the first time, I had real doubts about my ability to be a truly involved dad."

After an agonizing two years, things are starting to turn around. Mentor says his son is finally starting to show some real affection for his dad, celebrating a particularly "magical" milestone in his Facebook post:

"This child, who would cry when I so much as looked his way, came to me [last night] for his comfort and calm. Not going to lie ... I got a little teary eyed."

These feelings of "indifference" can go both ways, of course.

While kids may express a preference for one parent over the other, sometimes new parents just don't feel that instantaneously deep love they expect they should feel for the new baby.

These feelings are actually super-duper normal, family therapist Leslie Seppinni told ABC News. "It's not automatic that you're going to bond with your child. Usually it does take a little while," she says.

It's hard to be patient, but if Mentor has learned anything, it's that you have to push through those tough times by giving loads of affection — even if you're not getting it in return.

You also have to talk about how you're feeling, he says.

"Frankly, dads don't talk about this kind of thing, so I have a suspicion that moms think we don't care that our child doesn't want to be with us or have anything to do with us," he says. "We care. We care a lot."

He hopes his story, which has been shared far and wide, encourages more parents to stop beating ourselves up and just be honest with ourselves and our partners.

Pop Culture

Two brothers Irish stepdancing to Beyoncé's country hit 'Texas Hold 'Em' is pure delight

The Gardiner Brothers and Queen Bey proving that music can unite us all.

Gardiner Brothers/TikTok (with permission)

The Gardiner Brothers stepping in time to Beyoncé's "Texas Hold 'Em."

In early February 2024, Beyoncé rocked the music world by releasing a surprise new album of country tunes. The album, Renaissance: Act II, includes a song called "Texas Hold 'Em," which shot up the country charts—with a few bumps along the way—and landed Queen Bey at the No.1 spot.

As the first Black female artist to have a song hit No. 1 on Billboard's country music charts, Beyoncé once again proved her popularity, versatility and ability to break barriers without missing a beat. In one fell swoop, she got people who had zero interest in country music to give it a second look, forced country music fans to broaden their own ideas about what country music looks like and prompted conversations about bending and blending musical genres and styles.

And she inspired the Gardiner Brothers to add yet another element to the mix—Irish stepdance.

Keep ReadingShow less

Kevin Bacon's farm songs have become a social media favorite.

When Beyoncé dropped two songs from her upcoming album of country tunes, Renaissance: Act II, she may not have expected to make history, but that's exactly what happened. Her first single from the album, "Texas Hold 'Em," shot to the No.1 spot on the Billboard country music charts, making her the first Black female artist to hit that top spot. The catchy tune also topped the Billboard Hot 100 the last week in February 2024, a week after it debuted at No. 2.

Presumbaly, Queen Bey didn't expect her song to become an Irish stepdance hit, though that's also exactly what happened. And surely she didn't expect it to be sung by Kevin Bacon to a bunch of farm animals, yet that also has happened.

Perhaps we should all have expected that, though. There's a precedent here, after all.

Keep ReadingShow less
Photos by Daniela on Unsplash (left) and Rens D on Unsplash (right)

Peeling garlic is notoriously challenging.

If you ever cook with fresh garlic, you know what a challenge it can be to remove the cloves from the skin cleanly, especially if you're starting with a full head.

There are various methods people use to peel garlic, with varying levels of success. Doing it by hand works, but will leave you with garlic-smelling fingertips for the better part of a day. Whacking the head on the counter helps separate the cloves from each other, but doesn't help much with removing the skin.

Some people swear by vigorously shaking the skinned cloves around in a covered bowl or jarred lid, which can be surprisingly effective. Some smash the clove with the flat side of a knife to loosen it and then pull it off. Others utilize a rubber roller to de-skin the cloves.

But none of these methods come close to the satisfaction of watching someone perfectly peeling an entire head of garlic with a pair of tongs.

Keep ReadingShow less

Teen with size 23 feet receives new shoes from Shaq

Any adult responsible for raising a teen will tell you that not only do teens eat a lot and sleep nearly as much as they did as infants, they also grow quickly. Sometimes it feels like their growth spurts are literally happening overnight. You go to sleep with a squeaky voiced teenager that's still shorter than you only to wake up to what appears to be a fully grown man wearing your child's clothes.

It's no wonder that parents can have a hard time keeping up with the ever changing clothes and shoe sizes that come with a growing teen. But Tamika Neal's son has surpassed what would be considered the average height and weight of a 16-year-old, which means he's also outgrown sizes carried in the stores.

According to Cincinnati Children's Hospital, boys aged 16 are typically between 5-foot-3 and 6-foot, weighing between 104 to 180 pounds. Jor'el Bolden is a towering 6-foot-5 and 380 pounds with a size 23 shoe.

Keep ReadingShow less
via Erin Bailey Law (used with permission) and Monstera Production/Pexels

Erin Bailey has taken a hard stand on sleepovers.

A mother who’s a criminal defense attorney is going viral on TikTok for a hard stance she has taken on her children going to sleepovers. For Erin Bailey of South Carolina, the answer is a big no. The reason? There are too many variables that could make her children vulnerable to sexual assault.

Bailey has a practice in Georgetown and is ranked among the Top 100 Criminal Defense Lawyers in South Carolina by the National Trial Lawyers.

"I don’t allow my children to go to sleepovers. I’m a criminal attorney and here’s why,” she opens the video. “First and primary is the S.A. [sexual assault] risk. While you may feel like you know the parents who are hosting the sleepover really well, and you know and love and trust them, that's exactly who's committing S.A.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Harold Krichel, Wikipedia/Representative Image from Canva

Anne Hathaway hilariously tries to sit in a tight latex dress during Fashion Week in Milan

Anne Hathaway might have played fashion-oblivious Andrea Sachs in “Devil Wears Prada,” but nowadays, in real life (or at least on the red carpet) she’s more on the level of Miranda Priestley—turning heads at every event with showstopping looks.

However, no matter how high her status as a fashion icon rises, the “Princess Diaries” actress still holds onto her humility.

Case and point: she has no problem sharing what it’s really like to wear certain designer dresses. Spoiler alert: it’s not quite as effortless as the fashionistas make it look.

Keep ReadingShow less