Letting out your inner weirdo is an admirable relationship tier.
At some point in a long-term relationship—especially after you’re living together—there comes a time when all pretense is laid to the wayside. When regular closeness and new levels of comfortability allow both partners to really let out their fun, playful, messy, immature, and perhaps even a bit feral side that would otherwise stay dormant or hidden.
If you’re currently in a long term relationship and wonder if other couples are as weird with one another behind closed doors as you are, read on. Recently someone asked partners:
Judging by these super cute, sweet, interesting, and ultimately very relatable answers, we can probably all assume that being weirdos is actually a sign of a very healthy relationship…even if we wouldn’t dare let anyone else see us that way.
Tons of couples shared about having their own language of sorts, especially those that involve animal sounds, apparently…
“My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”Photo credit: Canva
“We have full conversations in ridiculous accents and once spent a whole day arguing in pirate voice without breaking character.”
“Sometimes we’ll be in different parts of the house and she’ll bark, and I’ll bark back and we’ll bark at each other for about 10 seconds before it goes back to silence, with no discussion involved.If we’re in the same room sometimes she’ll make a bark noise and I’ll look at her like HEY, no, shake finger this is a safe space.”
“My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”
“My ex and I would meow at each other. We’d have full non verbal conversations with each other by meowing.”
“My partner and I hiss at each other. A lot.I had a good laugh at my partner's expense last week, when he told me that he accidentally hissed at a coworker and had to explain why. He hissed at me in response, of course. As is the custom.”
“We have a hand signal for when we want to leave a social situation. Sometimes we’ll give it to each other from across the room or if it’s too obvious, the person who wants to leave will hold the other persons hand and do the signal inside their palm.Also, we regularly will pick food from a menu while out to dinner based on the knowledge that We will be swapping plates half way through lol”
And of course, many couples reported seeing the occasional jab as a way of saying “I love you…dummy.”
“Our love language is roasting and insulting each other."Photo credit: Canva
“We get mean but try to be silly about it, but we KNOW we're joking. It would actually upset our oldest who has autism. He couldn't tell we were joking and we'd need to stop and reassure him. Eventually he got in on the joke and he'd start saying things like ‘guys! Not in front of my beef stew!’ Or whatever he had or was eating/doing.”
“Our love language is roasting and insulting each other. We have our own boundaries we don’t ever cross, but the very few times we’ve let it slip in front of others they’re always pretty shocked at how we speak.”
Others noted how physical intimacy now involved play, laughter, and a certain comfort with what might be considered a tad gross elsewhere. We’re not talking about sex here, but about the familiarity that comes from being in proximity over a long period of time.
"It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”Photo credit: Canva
“Fake wrestling before sleeping. We know for a fact I can't overpower him but it's a question of whether my flexibility can beat his strength. I always try to poke his butt with my big toe to defeat him.”
“We shower together, and afterwards she rubs lotion on me. It actually started because her sister said men don't know how to lotion, so I told her to show me. It's not sexual really, just quality time together.”
“A friend of ours pointed out that I had taken a slightly long route through the living room so I could lightly rub my fingertips across my GF's back as I walked by, the friend thought it was odd. I said I just wanted to let my GF know I was there…I have no real answer for it. It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”
“She’ll spend up to an hour combing my entire body for white heads, black heads, and anything poppable on my skin, popping them. She enjoys it so much that I've had to remind her to slow down as she'll accidentally cut me with her nails.”
“We race to slap the other on the ass after sex and declare ‘good game.’”
The really sweet stuff came from couples who found little bonding rituals even within the mundane, and those who could actually claim their SO as their BFF. Sure, we might not want a romantic partner to be our end-all, be-all person. But at the same time, time and time again we see that the most successful couples are those who truly are friends.
"Hubs and I do everything together as a team."Photo credit: Canva
“We cook a big artichoke for each of us in a pressure cooker and we add butter and lemon and we sit in bed and binge watch TV shows while eating our artichokes in silence. This is kind of our decompression routine that we do after stressful work days or busy weeks. It's really nice.”
“We read out loud to each other at night- short stories, magazine articles but usually longer books - historical fiction or even non fiction.”
“We have an imaginary roommate whom we blame for all the bad stuff (dishes left in sink, laundry on floor etc) instead of arguing about it with each other.”
“I was teased recently because hubs and I do everything together as a team. We grocery shop together, if a pipe breaks we work to fix it together, we do housework together. Not as a dependency, we just generally like being around each other and adulting is way more fun together than solo.”
“I like to grocery shop with my wife. We get chicken nuggets from the hot bar afterwards. 😀”
But by and large, the most common “shocking” thing that couples did was sleeping in separate beds. Which is kind of wild, given all the research we have indicating that it really does offer plenty of health benefits. If you’re still having reservations, take a peek at some of this anecdotal evidence below.
“Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack."Photo credit: Canva
“We do this. Everyone is happier. We sleep better which equates to less crankiness. We will have a ‘sleep over’ on weekends when we don't have to be up for work. We'll also snuggle in the morning if we both are up in time. It's a great set up.”
“Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack. It also gives you independent space to retreat to, and you get to decorate your own space. We found it does not at all reduce intimacy. In fact it can increase it. But let me tell you. The judgement for this. Damn.”
Bottom line: everyone is weird. And maybe part of finding love is finding someone who lets you be your weirdest, most authentic self. If you have found that person, congrats, and take comfort in know that when no one is watching, other couples are out there being just as silly and carefree. What a beautiful thing.
Canva Photos & Konami
People have found a really great active listening technique in a super strange place.
There is an art to being a good listener. Physically using your ears to hear what someone is saying, and your brain to process it, is only part of the battle. You also have to show the person you're talking to that you're listening and that you care. Asking questions is a great way to keep the conversation flowing and let your talking partner know you're engaged. But what if you're socially anxious, shy, or just can't think of anything to say? It's harder than it seems, especially when meeting new people!
The solution is easy. Just take a page out of Solid Snake's book. Who's Solid Snake? Just a former Green Beret, special ops solider, spy, assassin, and the protagonist of the popular Metal Gear Solid video games. You might wonder what the heck Solid Snake, aka David, knows about active listening. It turns out, quite a lot.
The "Solid Snake conversation method" is taking the world by storm. It's part trend, part meme, and 100% effective.
Solid Snake is here to help your social anxiety! Giphy
You don't need to know anything about video games to understand where the method comes from. Suffice it to say, Metal Gear Solid is a plot-heavy game series, full of cut-scenes that feature lots of dialogue and exposition.
It's become a bit of a joke in the gaming world that Snake, a man of few words, tends to fall back on one particular conversational technique over and over: He repeats, or echoes, bits of what the other characters say. It adds emphasis to important points, creates good conversational pacing, and allows the plot and dialogue to continue on smoothly.
Here's a (made up) example:
"Snake, we've got to get the blueprints!"
"The blueprints?"
"Yes, the bad guys are constructing a devastating bomb!"
"A bomb?"
"Indeed! You'll find the prototype in that bunker over there."
"A bunker?"
You get the idea. You can watch it in action here.
- YouTube www.youtube.com
Why does this random video game character speak in this strange cadence? And why are people stealing it to use in real life?
You might think this dialogue is just a clunky tool for exposition or the result of bad writing, but you'd be wrong!
The Metal Gear Solid games are written and developed in Japan by a team led by legendary developer Hideo Kojima. Though translated into English and created in part for an American audience, the games feature a lot of bits and pieces of Japanese culture.
Frequent repetition and conversational echoes are extremely commonplace in Japanese. It's part of a polite active listening technique called "Aizuchi," which refers to frequent interjections to show interest, engagement, reassurance, and politeness.
Aizuchi includes interjecting with words or phrases (or their equivalents) like "I get it," "Yeah," "Really?" or even repeating back parts of the original speaker's words, a la Solid Snake.
According to Niko Smith at FluentU, "Perhaps you already use some of these interjections in conversation. While your friend is [telling you a story]... you might nod a few times or throw in a surprised 'No way!' or 'What happened next?' [Aizuchi] works in a similar way, but it’s more relentless. As the listener in a conversation, you might find yourself doing just as much talking as the speaker."
Smith adds that in America, young people are often taught specifically not to interrupt or speak while someone else is talking. In Japan, doing so frequently—in the right way—is a sign of respect and interest.
Better yet, Aizuchi doesn't require the listener to be particularly brilliant in conversation, charismatic, or creative. Even socially awkward people, or anyone who clams up in social situations, can muster a few polite interjections!
This technique exists outside of Japanese culture, too. In fact, it's a well-known wat to keep conversations flowing effortlessly, give you time to think about what you're going to say, and make your conversation partner feel heard and appreciated.
It's no surprise that people familiar with the game have been trying the technique in real life for years. In 2023, a viral 4chan post helped popularize the idea, and more recently a (now deleted) post on X went super viral referencing how effective the "Solid Snake conversation method" is for meeting new people.
The technique is hitting home with young people, especially gamers and the chronically-online, which makes for a really productive and much-needed discussion.
Gen Z has grown up with social media taking the place of many in-person interactions, screens everywhere, and of course, the COVID years. All of these factors affect the way they communicate with each other, especially in real life:
Maddy Mussen writes for The Standard, "Gen Z slang is all about shutting people out. It’s an inside joke, the more unintelligible the better. It’s in keeping with its etymology. When your whole modus operandi is being exclusionary, it doesn’t make for a lot of meaningful conversation."
It would be an unfair blanket generalization to say young people only speak in brainrot and have no idea how to operate in the real world. But Gen Z is racked with social anxiety to a far greater degree than previous generations. They need all the tools and practice they can get when it comes to operating in the real world and speaking to people they don't know well.
If they, or anyone else, can take a useful tip from their favorite video game character, there's nothing wrong with that at all.
I taught preschool in a migrant town. There's one myth that needs to end.
It seems that around every election season we hear about undocumented immigrants and how they're simultaneously stealing our jobs and collecting government benefits. This idea is common in farming communities and the surrounding areas since these communities tend to be rural with scarce job opportunities and poor wages. It's a phrase I heard most of my adult life and that I eventually learned was simply a myth to garner votes or support for certain policies.
For a few years, I taught "More at 4," a preschool program for low-income families in a small town in North Carolina. The town is full of fields with rows of crops growing everything from tobacco to strawberries. Old school busses packed with watermelons and trucks sprinkling tobacco leaves on the two-lane highway was the norm to see on my sleepy drive to work. Agricultural communities are usually heavily populated with migrant farm workers and their families.
Leafy harvest: Tobacco leaves hang to dry.Photo credit: Canva
Every spring and summer, the fields were lined with men and women picking fruit and vegetables with a speed that would rival a Marvel superhero. Every fall, my classroom would fill with adorable brown faces who would giggle at my Spanish when I clumsily told them to wash their hands. It always came out sounding more like a spell from Harry Potter than a directive in a language I didn't speak. Jedi was one of those students, a 4-year-old who was usually full of smiles until she wasn't.
My assistant teacher and I noticed a few months into the school year that Jedi was not as talkative and starting to sit by herself. This little girl loved to chat and play in the dramatic play area, pretending to be the mom while directing other kids in Spanish. Sitting alone was unusual for her, and we quickly realized that it was more than an upset stomach when she started crying every time it was time to eat. The language barrier made calling her mother tricky, but with the help of one of our bilingual students we made it work and quickly learned upsetting health news.
Children learning the alphabet with teachers.Photo credit: Canva
Most of Jedi's molars were rotting and broken. Her mother explained through our 4-year-old translator and the Google Translate app that the little girl's teeth had been hurting for some time. She had been giving her over-the-counter pain medication in the morning, hoping it would get her through the day. That worked for a while, but the cavities got worse over the months.
Since our program was for low-income families, nearly every child had Medicaid, so at first we didn't understand why this sweet girl hadn't seen a dentist. It was during that conversation that we learned the children of migrant workers don't qualify for Medicaid or any other federal government assistance. Jedi didn't have a social security number and her birth certificate was from Guatemala. In order to receive Medicaid, which would've fixed her broken, infected teeth, she needed to be a U.S. citizen.
Child upset in colorful classroom.Photo credit: Canva
I watched helplessly as the girl's mother cried, explaining to a child no older than her own—who then translated the message to me—that they didn't know what to do. We promised to find a way to help the family and went to work. That afternoon, during regular pick up, Jedi's father came to the door with cash in hand. He was covered in sweat and dirt from the field. The worried dad explained that he didn't have a lot of money but could pay to help his daughter. After a brief back and forth with the translator app, he put his money away and left.
My assistant and I worked for a couple of weeks calling government agencies, angrily telling them it wasn't fair that they wouldn't help. She was just four years old and we were having to feed her applesauce, pudding, and yogurt because she couldn't chew. We called every agency we could think of and then went down the list of every dentist in town. We explained the situation over and over, hoping someone would do something.
Little one's big feelings on display.Photo credit: Canva
Just when we were about to give up, we found a children's dentist who agreed to evaluate her teeth. He determined that her teeth were infected, several needed to be capped, and a couple of the broken ones needed to be pulled. This amazing dentist made sure she left with antibiotics and an appointment that same week to start the work. The dad was able to pay him with cash on a weekly basis until it was paid off, and Jedi got her smile back.
Her first days back at school were like show-and-tell. She would take bites of food and then break into a wide grin while showing off her silver caps. That sweet girl would never know the hours we spent on the phone or the anguish her parents went through while trying to get her care. At the time, Jedi's mother was pregnant with what turned out to be a baby sister, also without care.
Young patient getting a dental check-up.Photo credit: Canva
While some states have expanded their Medicaid to include undocumented children and pregnant people, federally they're not covered, according to Healthinsurance.org. Currently there are only six states that expand state-funded Medicaid to undocumented people and 14 states that expand it to undocumented children who live in families that meet the income requirement. But even in the states that offer some form of state-funded Medicaid to undocumented individuals, the restrictions include income, and in some states, age.
In Illinois and New York, the only undocumented people that qualify for state-funded Medicaid are those under the age of 18 and those over the age of 65, though in New York undocumented pregnant people are also eligible. Washington state has an enrollment cap for undocumented individuals over 18 while California, Oregon, and Minnesota have no restrictions outside of income.
This means that the vast majority of undocumented immigrants are not eligible to receive government benefits. Immigrants who are in the U.S. lawfully are eligible for benefits under certain circumstances.
Pregnant woman cradling bellyPhoto credit: Canva
According to KFF, "In general, in addition to meeting other eligibility requirements, lawfully present immigrants must have a 'qualified' immigration status to be eligible for Medicaid or CHIP (Table 1), and many, including most lawful permanent residents or 'green card' holders, must wait five years after obtaining qualified status before they may enroll. They may enroll in Marketplace coverage and receive subsidies during this five-year waiting period."
"Some immigrants with qualified status, such as refugees and asylees, as well as citizens of Compact of Free Association (COFA) nations, do not have to wait five years before enrolling. Some immigrants, such as those with temporary protected status, are lawfully present but do not have a qualified status and are not eligible to enroll regardless of their length of time in the country. Individuals with Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) status are not eligible for Medicaid or CHIP, and implementation of a Marketplace coverage expansion for them remains subject to ongoing litigation," KFF adds.
While there is often concern around undocumented people getting more benefits than the average struggling American citizen, it simply isn't true. It's a myth meant to evoke feelings of scarcity and unfairness to sway people to support policies they may otherwise feel uncomfortable with.