His demand to be listed on his husband's death certificate could make gay marriage legal everywhere.
Sometime in June 2015, marriage equality might become the law in every state.
It all began with a heartbreaking request.
On April 28, 2015, the Supreme Court is set hear oral arguments in Obergefell v. Hodges, the case that could finally make gay marriage legal nationwide. All because the state of Ohio refused to honor Jim Obergefell's wish to be acknowledged on his husband's death certificate.
Jim and his husband John Arthur started dating in 1993. John was Jim's first serious boyfriend and, it soon became clear, the love of his life.
They had been together 18 years when John was diagnosed with ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Both Jim and John knew that John didn't have long to live and wanted to be married before John passed away.
The problem was, gay marriage wasn't legal in their home state of Ohio. But they knew they couldn't let that stop them (emphasis added):
"Obergefell and Arthur devised a plan that July: With $13,000 raised through family and friends, the pair chartered a medical Learjet to Maryland, where they could be legally wed on a Baltimore airport tarmac.
Arthur's aunt, who became ordained online, officiated a 7-1/2-minute ceremony inside the small plane. The grooms exchanged vows and rings." — NBC News
They were finally married, but their home state still didn't recognize their marriage.
They both knew time was running out. So Jim took the state of Ohio to court to try and force them to list him as John's husband on the documents that certified John's death.
But, sadly, John passed away before the case could be resolved.
To honor John's memory, Jim kept on fighting.
Joined by three other plaintiffs from Tennessee, Kentucky, and Michigan, Jim is asking the Supreme Court to order Ohio to recognize his marriage.
This is, by far, the most important marriage equality case to date.
Even more important than the two landmark cases the Court has addressed in the very recent past.
In Hollingsworth v. Perry, the Court dismissed anti-gay groups' defense of California's Prop 8 due to lack of standing (basically, a fancy way of saying that the people who wanted Prop 8 to stand have no reason to care who gets married to whom and should butt the hell out) and re-legalized marriage in California.
In United States v. Windsor, the Court struck down Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which paved the way for the wave of circuit court rulings that made gay marriage legal in 37 states.
But there's a strong chance that gay marriage will become legal everywhere if Jim and the three other plaintiffs prevail.
Which, in the immortal words of the vice president of the United States...
...is a big (bleeping) deal. For millions of Americans.
And if the Supreme Court finally makes marriage equality the law of the land, it will be thanks to the efforts — some big and obvious, some small and unseen — of thousands of people over the course of three decades.
But the fight will end fittingly...
With one man's commitment to honoring the person he loved.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.