A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids. Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children’s attention, and they’re bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.
But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven’t really changed. Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn’t have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be.
Entertaining the toddlers. Cartoon by <a href="https://unearthedcomics.com/comics/pacifiers-of-the-21st-century/">Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics</a>.
Here are six practical tips:
1) Hang out with your kids.
Cleaning the hands. Image by <a href="https://www.public-domain-image.com/free-images/people/african-american-mother-washing-hands-with-her-son">Cade Martin/Public Domain Images</a>.
This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you’ll also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.
2) If it matters, say it out loud.
Teamwork in process. Image by <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Peach_State_STARBASE_140609-A-HF852-674.jpg">Steven Bennett/Wikimedia Commons</a>.
According to the researchers, “Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren’t hearing that message.” So be sure to say it with them. And so they know it’s something they need to keep up with, check in with teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they’re doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.
3) Show your child how to “work it out.”
Playing soccer. Image by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/susieq3c/1425893738/in/photolist-psdzYY-69suVG-ecEGDp-3b15wN-3aVKwH-3aVKzT-3aVKop-c2Q75U-c2Q9nA-5sUveA-7fXfvR-3b1hKj-3b15tu-oMPDgB-psdFAj-pJC6mt-3b1hwS-3b1hy3-3aVxrX-3aVKmP-c2Q9KU-8G8tmA-8UTMfZ-8Pysqs-9akBTG-pJCbon-psbJ5i-pGwHm9-psaZHL-psdBPm-fMxQdm-8G8GrS-8G8tmh-8G8xgQ-8G8GrN-8G8fpo-8G5sFz-8P9Js2-8P9JwB-7c8uxk-7ccizb-7cciGW-7c8vg8-7c8twz-3aV78v-8G5sFK-8G8GrC-8G8KNC-8G5sFr-8G8f35">susieq3c/Flickr</a>.
Walk them through decision-making processes that take into consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.
4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.
Ingenuity for cleaning up. Image by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/104419843@N02/16649116705/in/photolist-rne5mi-8EVRmL-nGzSVF-nnPxWR-nkLoe1-nkLMmU-ffjkXn-nnQuzt-ffjmv6-nj1UGU-fcCqbR-4Psrg1-4gPP9f-8iwGYA-5Y3n1i-ffCFDS-ff7RMG-ff7R8U-dm9YHZ-ffCGCC-feSyPt-dAhKb-ffyA8G-k4vJoT-ffCFQu-i2xWS-ffCFys-ffCFVL-ffjm4i-ffyxWh-ffyzeW-ffjkEa-feSyAp-ff7RWW-ff8FAU-ffjnaR-ff8FKu-ffjk7H-feSzFX-ffCFKj-ffotFK-ff7RHw-ff7Sjj-feSyw8-ffjnqv-ff8G9U-ffyzKU-fcSJK9-ffCFt9-ean9sm">David D/Flickr</a>.
The researchers write, “Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.” So it’s good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding “good” behavior, the researchers recommend that parents “only praise uncommon acts of kindness.”
5) Check your child’s destructive emotions.
An automatic save. Image by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/trixer/3531445744/in/photolist-6o4zMA-66WK4q-bMYMy2-bz5dSm-81n9GM-9jgnfr-2YzwvG-66StMg-5YqYNg-a6cZYs-at2bay-cXhR41-byZWih-6s4odE-dS6y52-cMjzAU-cMjz21-cMjyry-cMjwRj-cMjw1W-cMjvmo-cMjuNN-cMju5y-hSsE4m-iyBTrp-9X7ryx-2PzccJ-iyCEtt-cMjxWL-cMjxnm-bMZbVg-bMZbtM-bz5usW-bMZacH-bMZ7dM-bMZ6te-bMZ5xc-bz5oNw-bMZ3ZZ-bz5mSq-bMYZzV-bMYYKp-bz5i6h-bz5hBh-bz5h5y-bz5ghY-bz5fD9-bz5f9U-bz5eqC-bz5cvN">Thomas Ricker/Flickr</a>.
“The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings,” say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It’s also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they’ll understand are out of love and concern for their safety.
6) Show your kids the bigger picture.
A reflective moment by the ocean. Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/en/child-birds-sea-loneliness-sadness-438373/">debowcyfoto/Pixabay</a>.
“Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends,” say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and entertainment.
The study concludes with a short pep talk for all the parents out there:
“Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it’s something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding.”
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
It’s a bittersweet situation for many adults. You live close enough to your own parents that grandma and grandpa can help out with the kids from time to time. On the one hand, you’ve got the luxury of a village at your disposal. Holidays are a cinch. Yay. But with that close proximity also comes blurry boundaries, which can take on the form of “surprise” grandparent visits during the most inopportune times.
Which brings us to the question: should grandparents be able to drop by unannounced in the first place? If you ask grandfather of two Rick Cognata, who regularly posts grandparent related content on his “Legacy Of A Grandpa” Instagram account, you’ll get a pretty definitive answer.
Should grandparents call before visiting?
In a video posted in early 2025, Cognata shared why making a call first might be a better move, explaining how well it works for his own kids.
“I am on my way to my daughter’s house and guess what? I called first,” Cognata began. “I said, ‘Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m missing them. I just want to pop over. I’ll bring some food, whatever.’”
While this time Cognata’s daughter gave the okay, in the past she’s also told him “No Dad, today is not a good day.” And offering up this bit of autonomy can make all the difference in a grandparent-parent dynamic. Though Cognata shared that it’s not quite the norm.
“I see a lot with my friends that this presents a problem with … us grandparents … that just pop over. Like, ‘This is my kid, they live around the corner from me, I will pop over when I want. My parents did it to me and I do it to them.’”
Cognata concluded by saying that of course, the drop in policy will differ from family to family, but in his own observation, “I hear a lot of my friends’ children saying, ‘I wish they would call.’ So that’s all I’m saying … some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”
Most of the comments agree
By and large, folks generally seemed to agree with Cognata’s stance.
“Totally agree it’s called respect as our children are now adults themselves. ❤️
“ I ALWAYS make contact first. They are a separate family unit to us and have their own life and routines. This has to be respected ❤️ ❤️ ”
“Agreed! Your kids are now your friends and they deserve your respect. Not everyone is up for company ( family) at any given time. They need to have their own space and decide when the timing is right. I expect the same from them. It works beautifully that way! ❤️”
Still, others felt the rule tobe unnecessary.
“It’s sad that family can’t pop over like it was when I grew up. But once an adult child gets married we have to respect how they want to live.”
“When I was younger and into my early married life, we would pop over to people’s houses all the time. I think it’s a southern thing.”
Southerners – do people stop by your house all the time? Photo credit: Canva
Whether or not you totally agree with Cognata’s opinion on this particular topic, it’s easy to see how it brings up a broader shift in how we approach family dynamics. Terms like “boundaries” certainly weren’t as mainstream when we (or our parents) were growing up, and it’s still relatively new territory for everyone. That’s why having open conversations, even online ones, can be pivotal for gaining perspective and possibly finding an approach that’s a win win for everyone.
By the way, Cognata has all kinds of grandparent-related discussions on his Instagram, which you can find here.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Being locked in a metal box with 150 random people all hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet is quite the social experiment, but one many of us do willingly in this age of air travel. One of the most notable parts of that experiment is that you never know who’s going to sit near you on an airplane. Will you get the quiet reader? The Chatty Cathy? The cougher who doesn’t cover their mouth? The sweet-but-over-perfumed old lady? The parent with a baby who screams from takeoff to landing?
Flying can feel like a game of roulette, especially when you find yourself sitting near one of the most unpredictable forces on Earth: a toddler. Tiny tots can make for the most delightful trip ever or the most annoying one, but as one couple demonstrates, the difference sometimes comes down to our own attitude.
A video shared on Reddit reads, “We were on the plane when this baby’s hand kept reaching out and touching my arm from behind…” At first, we see a zoomed-in shot of a woman’s arm next to the window as a little hand reaches around the side of her seat and taps her repeatedly and enthusiastically. Then the camera pans to the woman’s face and the face of the man with her, and their expressions say it all.
Clearly, the child is enjoying the feel of the woman’s arm. Tap tap tap, rub rub, squeeze, tap tap. No hesitation, zero sense of decorum, just a totally oblivious toddler sensory experience. A little annoying? Probably. Pure and wholesome and worthy of a laugh? Absolutely.
This woman could have asked the parent to stop their child from touching her (and she may have eventually). Not everyone finds small children cute and some people have sensory issues of their own that make such encounters more bothersome than it would be for others. But assuming the toddler arm massage was temporary and that the parents saw what was happening and stopped it, the reaction of the couple is a perfect example of finding the joy in life and rolling with the punches.
As the post reads, “Those small hands are a sign of absolute tenderness,” and people are loving the immediate mirthful reaction the pair had to the wee one’s curious little fingers.
An adult touching a toddler’s hand. Photo credit: Canva
“Nothing cuter than seeing a baby flailing their arms and slapping things because they are happy. They have no control. They just know they’re happy.”
“The baby slaps ‘yep this is good arm’ tap tap.”
“My grandma had the softest bat wings in the world. I used to love to touch them. I’m sure she was self conscious about it but I loved them lol.”
“As a parent I would be horrified to discover my kid was doing this but so relieved that they were such good sports about it. These are the types of people we need on airplanes.”
“Same, I’m always concerned how my kid behaves on a plane ride (and he freaking loves being on a plane) but I find most people to be such good sports around him. Love when it works out that way. Though I 10/10 would have snatched that hand away soon as I noticed .”
“The people laughing were so kind! I can imagine some people would lose it if a child did this but they just enjoyed it. “
“Seriously! Seeing the humor in everyday life says a lot about their temperament. They seem like great folks.”
Some people shared their own stories of toddlers similarly pawing at perfect strangers. It’s helpful to remember that these little ones have only been on the planet for a hot minute and they barely have anything figured out yet. The nuances of what and whom to touch and not to touch takes a while, as does having the impulse control to not just reach out and feel whatever looks soft or interesting in the moment.
A toddler looking out of an airplane window. Photo credit: Canva
“When my sister was a baby, she had an obsession with hair. My mom had her on a plane when she was probably 15 months or so and she was practically vibrating about the young woman seated next to my mom. She had Marida hair – massive red curls down to her waist.
Mom leaned over to her and said, ‘I am sorry to bother you, but my baby has a hair fetish. She may try to reach over and touch your hair, just let me know if she bothers you. She won’t pull on purpose, she’s just gonna want to touch it.’
The lady thought it was cute and let my sister hold her hair balled up in her little fists for the whole flight. I think I’ve head this story about 17161626185 times in my life, lol.”
“Little kids like to just touch stuff to learn more about the world around them, but parents need to be constantly paying attention so their kid doesn’t accidentally harass someone!”
“A little kid of around that age did this to me at a restaurant once- he walked up to me, rubbed my bare forearm, and then gave me that same mesmerized look and tapped me with his hand a couple times. I didn’t think too much of it (was more puzzled/confused than anything), but his mom had to pick him up and apologized anyway. Kids are funny haha.”
“Yes this is so adorable. The last time I took a flight with a kid sitting behind me he was kicking my seat for like two hours before I politely turned around and gave a look to his mother and said ‘hey my little friend. I know this flight is long and you wanna get out of this seat but do you mind not kicking my seat anymore?’ Then I gave him a piece of paper and some (like 5 out of my 50) colored pencils and asked him if he could make me a secret drawing and pass it to me quietly and I’d make him one. I’m an artist and I always carry watercolors and colored pencils and sketch books on flights. We ended up passing drawing back and forth for the rest of the remaining 5 hour flight. He didn’t kick my seat again… I suspect it was the poignant look I gave mom. But so he was engaged. Every 20 minutes or so I’d feel a little tap on my arm and a folded up little drawing would appear. I still have them in the pocket of a moleskin somewhere.”
Here’s to grownups joyfully embracing the reality of co-existing with small children, in all their curious, sensory-driven, hands-on glory.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
When we think of parenting we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It’s not as if there’s a magic switch that gets flipped at 18, suddenly making kids no longer need their parents. However, the young adult years are a time when people gradually grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood.
But what happens after that? Once kids have grown and flown, what role do parents play? They’re no longer rulemakers or final authorities, and they certainly aren’t responsible for ensuring basic needs are met, but that doesn’t mean their parenting years are over.
Parenting doesn’t stop when kids grow up
A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportive, active parenting looks like with fully grown children, and it’s a beautiful example of how parent-child relationships ideally evolve over time. “My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children,” wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. “I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response.”
As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah’s parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning, and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.
I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. ? If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. ?? #ittakesavillage#myvillage#familyiseverything#ittakesavillagetoraiseachild#grandparentgoals#parentgoals#loveyouradultchildren#grandparentslove#parentslove
In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:
“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘it takes a village.’ If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say ‘I’m fine’ or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents/grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words ‘I love you.’ I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. “
It’s true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t desperate for it.
The response was overwhelming
“Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place.”
“Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this.”
“100000000x this!!! Arguably we need you more than ever, now! We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️”
“I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️”
“You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends.”
“All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need.”
“I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday.”
“My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!”
“We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!”
“I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️”
The Today Show addresses parenting adult children. YouTube
Hannah’s video runs counter to the current narrative we often hear online, where baby boomer generation grandparents aren’t taking as active a role in being grandparents as their parents did. A big reason often cited is that baby boomers have more money to pursue their interests than their parents did, so they’re spending their golden years on their own, instead of helping the younger generation.
Building your own village
Though it’s sad to see in the comments how many people don’t have this kind of support, it’s also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There’s no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there’s a need.
It’s always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what’s possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.
Few forces are more powerful than a full-blown toddlertantrum. In those moments, when parents cycle through snacks, bribes, gentle-parenting scripts, and increasingly unhinged negotiations, all to no avail, it’s understandable they’d try almost anything. Including, apparently, summoning a mysterious woman named Jessica.
Having fallen out of popularity since its heyday in the ’80s, “Jessica” has found new life, not in classrooms, but in viral parenting videos.
Across TikTok, desperate moms and dads are shouting the name mid-meltdown and watching in stunned silence as their toddlers abruptly stop crying and look around for this offscreen character.
For Tiffani Ortega, a Florida mom, the tactic came out of sheer exhaustion. Her toddler, Luca, was in the middle of a familiar post-park meltdown while being buckled into his car seat, which he apparently “did not like,” she told Today.
In a viral clip, her husband can be heard saying, “Come here, Jessica. He’s crying. Are you going to stop crying? Because Jessica is coming. You want Jessica to come?”
The result was immediate: Luca was miraculously silent.
Meanwhile, in California, Evanthia Davis had a nearly identical experience with the viral hack. Hearing her daughter Delilah crying inside, she called out, “Jessica!”
Delilah stopped mid-cry and began looking around for Jessica.
“Wow, this worked so well. This will be my new go-to when my baby / toddler cries,” Davis wrote in the caption.
Yet another mom shared that she’s tried the trick three times. Each time, her daughter “magically stops crying and starts looking for the Jessica that does not exist.”
“Jessica, the new HR director of toddlers,” joked one person, while another added, “Jessica must run a strict program because these kids are shook.”
Why the Jessica parenting trick works
As funny as it looks, there’s actually some science behind why it works. As Dr. Deborah Gilboa told Today, toddlers have an impressive amount of “perseverance” and “object permanence,” meaning they remain upset long after the inciting incident.
Why are parents to yelling “Jessica” at their toddlers mid-meltdown? Honestly, there’s some real science behind why it works. What parents are accidentally stumbling onto is called a pattern interrupt. A toddler in a meltdown has a brain completely locked in an emotional loop, and an unexpected neutral stimulus can break that cycle and create a window for redirection. The key word is neutral. It works because it’s surprising, not because it’s scary or threatening. The moment your child feels alarmed or confused by what you’re doing, you have added fear to an already overwhelmed nervous system. That is not a win. That makes it worse. And here’s what nobody in these videos is saying: this stops working fast. Children habituate quickly. Once Jessica is familiar, the novelty is gone and so is the effect. It is one tool for one moment, not a parenting strategy. There are so many versions of this on TikTok. The dad who suddenly starts singing and acting silly and watches his toddler dissolve into giggles is doing the exact same thing, just with humor and connection as the interrupt. The mechanism is identical. The delivery is warmer. My personal favorite is taking them outside. Get down to their level. Touch some bark together. Listen for birds. That is a pattern interrupt too, just one that also shifts the nervous system through nature, curiosity, and connection. Tantrums are developmentally normal. Your toddler is supposed to have big feelings they do not yet have the brain wiring to manage. Your job is not to shut those feelings down. It is to help them move through safely. Save this for the next meltdown. Follow for more and drop your question below. I read them and your question might be the next one I answer. #toddler#tantrum#jessicatrend#parenting#childpsychiatrist
However, as child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins explained in a TikTok video, saying something unexpected, like “Where is Jessica?”, creates a “pattern interrupt.” That surprise pulls the upset kiddo out of the emotional loop, giving parents enough time to redirect their focus.
Experts say distraction techniques like this can be helpful in the moment, especially when emotions are running high. Redirecting attention, introducing something novel, or even changing the environment can help de-escalate a tantrum long enough for a calmer interaction to follow.
Of course, like all good magic tricks, it probably won’t work forever. Once your toddler catches on that Jessica never actually arrives, her power may fade.
Until then, she remains a surprisingly effective, slightly chaotic ally for parents everywhere. And hey, in the middle of a grocery store meltdown, we’ll take what we can get.
Deep cleaning and decluttering a home is a daunting task—especially for empty nesters. After spending a lifetime creating memories and living together under one roof, doing a big declutter can take an emotional toll.
It’s a milestone that many empty nesters know the sting of. And in a cleaning community on Reddit, a 51-year-old mom and recent empty nester shared her experience cleaning and decluttering her home after entering this new phase of life.
“In my entire life, my house has always been messy. I mean, I didn’t have a disaster-level situation going on, but if someone dropped by unannounced, it would’ve been super embarrassing,” she shared. “When my kids were younger, we had a housekeeper because I just couldn’t keep up. Now that we’re empty nesters, I realized I never really learned how to keep house.”
She explained that the book Unf*ck Your Habitat: You’re Better Than Your Mess played an integral part in helping her declutter—and offered eight helpful tips to fellow empty nesters looking to organize their new lives.
1. Put stuff away, not down.
Her first tip is the key to decluttering.
“Whatever you have goes right back where it’s supposed to go when I’m done with it,” she notes.
2. Do laundry every day.
And she doesn’t just wash and dry her laundry when doing it.
“Just one load, start to finish. Wash, dry, fold, and put away,” she shares. “Also, no chair or floor laundry. It gets put in the hamper or hung back up. No clothes are ever out.”
3. I make the bed every day.
The benefits keep on giving by doing this, she notes.
“It just makes my bedroom look cleaner and I smile every time I come in my room,” she writes. “Plus we aren’t fighting over the covers when we get in because the bed is straightened out.”
4. Do a quick daily clean-up of commonly used spaces.
She cleans the places that she and her husband use frequently.
“I keep a stack of cleaning rags in my master bath because it’s the only bathroom that’s used every single day. Every night, I spray the counter, wipe everything down, put everything back (that my husband leaves out), and wipe the mirror,” she explains. “I also wipe down the toilet. I find that I don’t need a huge, big cleaning of this space because I’m keeping it up daily. Same goes for the kitchen.”
5. Dishes are always put away, cabinet or dishwasher.
No dishes in the sink or stuck in the dishwasher.
“Dishes are finished in the dishwasher? It’s emptied and dirty ones are placed inside while waiting for the dishwasher to get full,” she notes.
“Shoes are put away immediately upon walking in the house,” she shares.
7. Knock out small tasks.
There is no time to waste.
“If it takes less than 5 minutes clean it while you’re waiting for something else to get done,” she writes.
8. Take no days off.
Rather than assign certain days for cleaning, she is constantly doing it throughout the week.
“Lastly, I do not have scheduled cleaning days. I just do something all the time,” she explains. “My life is kind of unpredictable, we love traveling or going out for the day so my so called cleaning schedule would be shot to hell every time. It’s better this way, because now I never feel behind.”
Editor’s Note: This story originally contained a typo in its text. It has since been corrected.
This article originally appeared [time-difference] ago. It has been updated.
Parents of newborns know they are in the middle of a joyous and stressful era. But far too often, the people they run into choose to frame things negatively when talking to them about their young child. They’ll say things like, “Don’t worry, it gets better” or “Boy, do you have your hands full.”
That’s why Steph Morrison’s video on TikTok touched so many hearts. It’s about the fantastic things that can happen when people choose to see things in a positive light instead of a negative one.
Mom pushes two children in a stroller. Photo credit: Canva
“The sweetest thing just happened,” Morrison begins in her video. “I was just finishing my walk and we were just pulling down our street and this old man, he stopped so we could walk by because we’ve got the double-wide stroller that takes up the whole space, and he goes ‘Wow! You’re going to have a lot of fun.’”
The comment blindsided Morrison because it reframed how she looks at being a parent.
“I don’t know why I’m getting emotional telling you now. But most people say, ‘You’ve got your hands full’ and it’s my biggest pet peeve, but he was so sweet and I could, like, see the memories flash through his eyeballs as he said that to me: ‘You’re going to have a lot of fun.’”
“Like, dang! That’s the type of vibe and energy I’m going to bring to motherhood,” she continued. “I was having a really great time with the kids already, so I don’t know why I’m crying while telling you this. But if you’re a mother out there, I hope you’re having a lot of fun, too, because why not?”
Everyone knows that parenting can be hard. But it’s also filled with joy, laughter, hope, possibilities and new experiences. The elderly man’s comments were a great reminder to Morrison and her followers to focus on the joy and possibilities of being a parent instead of the challenges and hard work.
The video struck a chord with mothers in the comments who shared similar experiences.
“An older man in the grocery store stopped me when my son was 8 months old and said, ‘Young enough to still talk to the angels, put in a good word for me!’” Rachel wrote.
“My only son is 7 months old. I can’t have any more kids due to life-threatening complications at birth. The other day, a man said to me, ‘He gets to have you all to himself. Isn’t that so special?’” Happy_Gilmoree added.
A grocery shopping with a young toddler. Photo credit: Canva
CaitlinPrice25 hit the nail on the head. “Society makes us feel like kids are a burden,” she wrote. “Just a little change of perspective can make all the difference.”
A positive mindset can make life much easier for parents, but it’s also great for their children. Children look to their parents and model their behavior; those with a positive attitude are likely to raise happy, optimistic children.
“A mother’s ability to model positivity becomes a powerful tool in shaping a child’s character, fostering qualities such as kindness, compassion, and a positive outlook on life,” The Motherhood Center in Houston, Texas, writes.
The story also reminds everyone, whether they are parents or not, of the importance of leading with positivity when dealing with others. The man could have said something cliché such as “I hope you’re getting enough sleep,” but instead, he reminded Morrison of the joy of parenting, and she made his remark her north star. That’s the power of positivity.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Louis, who lives in Redruth, Cornwall, was born with a condition that left him with half a functioning heart. Since birth, he has undergone three open-heart surgeries, starting when he was just nine days old. As he approached his fourth birthday, Louis needed another operation to insert a stent into his pulmonary artery, a procedure that brought the family to Bristol Children’s Hospital.
“We call him our mountain-mover as he loves to defy the odds.”
— Jodie Hood
Jodie, overwhelmed with emotion, explained the impact of Louis’ spontaneous song. “He started singing from the movie Sing on his iPad—it was incredibly moving,” she said.
A dream trip to Disneyland Paris
With Louis’ condition demanding continuous medical care, his family lives with the daily uncertainty of what the future holds. But amid the challenges, they are hoping to create joyful memories. Louis dreams of a magical trip to Disneyland Paris, and with his love for all things Disney, his family is dedicated to making this happen.
To fund this dream, Louis’ grandmother, Sharon Van Beusekom, started a JustGiving fundraiser to help cover the expenses for Louis and his family. The goal of £8,000 would not only pay for the trip but also account for the costs associated with Louis’ special medical needs during travel.
“Louis has one big dream: to visit Disneyland Paris… memories that will bring comfort and happiness no matter what the future holds.”
— Sharon Van Beusekom
“Whether we have a few months or a few precious years, we’re living with the constant fear of losing him,” Sharon shared. “Louis is such an amazing little boy with a zest for life and a smile that lights up every room. He deserves this chance to make happy memories with his family.”
The Hood family has been through incredible challenges, especially with the recent loss of a young friend, Faith, who had the same condition as Louis but sadly passed away at just 22 months old. This heartbreaking reminder of the fragility of life has further motivated them to fulfill Louis’ wish, despite the challenges ahead.
Support began pouring in, with friends, family, and well-wishers rallying around Louis. The family’s story gained traction online as well, with more than 2,000 Reddit users expressing their admiration and support. One commenter, @u/Hayes4prez, noted, “Pretty tough kid, I hope he’s up playing again soon.” Another user, @u/masteremrald, commented, “Four open heart surgeries at such a young age is crazy. Amazing to see how he is able to stay positive after all that!”
Jodie even participated in sponsored runs to help boost the fund. “This is our way of giving him something to look forward to,” she said, “and we are so grateful to everyone who has helped make this possible.”
In a wonderful update, Louis and his family were able to make their Disneyland dream come true on December 16, 2024, a date that serendipitously marked four years since his second heart surgery at just three weeks old. “Today 4 years on you got to realise your dream of being at Disney,” his mother wrote in an Instagram caption. “Thank you for making this happen everyone. Dreams do come true. For us our little miracle started to weave his magic each time he survived against the odds and this is just a magical way for us to celebrate his heartaversary ❤️❤️❤️❤️”
According to Jodie’s Instagram, Louis turned four and a half on May 25, 2025. “I am so grateful we were brave enough to fight against their 5% chances of survival,” she wrote in a caption. “4 and a half years of magic and it’s a real honour to be your mummy. Big few months coming up.”
In November 2025, Louis successfully underwent the Fontan Procedure, his fourth open-heart surgery and the one his family had feared most. The recovery wasn’t without complications — Louis developed pneumonia — but four weeks later, his cardiologist gave him a clean bill of heart health and cleared him for a phased return to school. He’s back to his pre-surgery weight, his chest is clear, and in classic Louis fashion, he announced to his cardiologist that he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.
Despite society having made a lot of progress when it comes to same-sex relationships and alternative families, it’s not so commonplace that many queer parents are still presented with questions about their lifestyle from straight people.
And while queer parents probably (rightfully) grow tired of answering certain questions day in and day out, having open conversation helps break through the lack of understanding which causes stigma and misconceptions in the first place. In a now-viral video shared to their Instagram, lesbian moms Allie and Sam Conway answer commonly asked questions they get as a queer married couple with twins.
What’s it like to be lesbian parents?
Of course, they started with the age-old question:
“Who’s the real mom?”
Though people by and large are able to differentiate biological connection from emotional connection (like with adoptive parents or step-parents to take on an active role in their step children’s lives), this is still a question that same-sex parents face regularly. And it’s a fairly harmful one at that, as it implicitly undermines the non-biological parent’s role in the family.
Allie also told Upworthy that the usual response to this answer is “oh my gosh! That’s amazing!” Which makes her—and us—”smile so much.”
Next up:
“Who’s the dad?”
To which they replied: “there isn’t a dad.”
This is also a question fused with negative connotation, as it suggests a father figure is necessary for raising well-adjusted kids. But research shows that kids born to same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of straight couples, indicating that what’s really necessary for a child’s development is two healthy, loving parents. That’s it.
Okay, this next one actually had an answer that surprised some folks:
“Who carried them?”
Though Sam wanted to be the one to get pregnant, Allie agreed to try after Sam’s “long fertility journey” of three IUI’s, three embryo transfers and multiple chemical pregnancies with one miscarriage.
However, the couple used Sam’s eggs, and Sam did the breastfeeding.
How the heck did that happen, you might wonder. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. So did lots of viewers. Sam underwent induced lactation, which tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and producing breast milk—it’s something often utilized by adoptive mothers.
What is induced lactation?
Induced lactation replicates the natural hormone process that happens when a woman gives birth. In this process, women are often given hormone supplements, such as estrogen or progesterone, to mimic the effects of pregnancy. This process may go on for months. About two months before the expected birth, the woman is then given a breast pump to stimulate lactation.
“Mummy and other mummy,” Sam quipped. “We’re rotating all day,” Allie added.
Without proper understanding, stigma persists. That’s how myths like “queer parents turn their children gay” or “children of two-mother families are more likely to be bullied” continue. And while it’s certainly not the responsibility of parents like Allie and Sam to educate folks on the realities of queer parenting, it’s great that they do offer genuine insight.
And thankfully, they are usually met with positive reactions from people, Allie tells Upworthy. Which only further encourages them to answer more question and offer glimpses into “different types of families.”
At the end of the day, families are made up of people who love and support one another. Everything else is just window dressing.
Check out even more heartwarming family content from Allie and Sam on Instagram and YouTube.
