Bert and Ernie are gay just like I've been telling you forever.
Let me tell you how I feel whenever I see my favorite people's names trending on Twitter: Conflicted.
You know the feel? You log on to see which blue verified checkmarks are mad at each other today and you see that someone you've loved since your childhood (or are very into right now) is blowing up social media.
You want to click, but it's like "what if another one of my childhood heroes is dead?" or worse "what if another one of my childhood heroes is a truly terrible person and I now have to come to terms with that?"
And then some days you log onto Twitter and both Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are trending separately and you think "I hope they've finally come out of the closet and are living the best little lives they can considering they are puppets who live in a basement."
Well, good news: According to a Sesame Street writer, Bert and Ernie are (officially) gay!
That's not just something I made up as an excuse to call all my friends to say "I told you so" this morning.
Mark Saltzman, one of Sesame Street's former writers, told Queerty that the relationship between the bright yellow puppet who just wants to chill and the bright orange puppet who loves playing the trumpet in the middle of the night* has always been more than platonic.
Saltzman told the outlet that he wrote the characters around his relationship with his late partner, famed editor Arnold Glassman.
"I remember one time that a column from The San Francisco Chronicle, a preschooler in the city turned to mom and asked āare Bert & Ernie lovers?ā And that, coming from a preschooler was fun," Saltzman said.
"And that got passed around, and everyone had their chuckle and went back to it. And I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didnāt have any other way to contextualize them. The other thing was, more than one person referred to Arnie & I as āBert & Ernie.ā
Saltzman, who says he identified more with Ernie (even though he looks more like a Bert), added " I donāt think Iād know how else to write them, but as a loving couple."
Sesame Workshop's not on the same page, but what's the harm of letting Bert and Ernie be gay?
On Tuesday, the non-profit behind the show released a statement saying that Bert and Ernie have always been best friends.
While some praised the org for "clearing it up," others had important questions. Like why a gay relationship isn't appropriate for children to learn about. Or why we immediately have to reduce any romantic partnership to sex or "an agenda." After all, plenty of muppets have heterosexual significant others and no one bats an eye. (Why Bert and Ernie can't afford a two-bedroom is also a very good question.)
In a world where representation matters (a lot), it's important to remember that Bert and Ernie can teach kids more than one thing.
Of course, I'll also accept this very good take:
*That's how you know it wasn't just a "roommates" situation, by the way. I don't know about you, but no roommate I've ever had would hesitate to evict me if I played some kind of wind instrument at 3am. My husband on the other hand? He's got to put up with me.
- Her son came out. She called a gay bar for advice. The delightful conversation went viral. - Upworthy āŗ
- Elderly military veteran comes out as gay in his obituary - Upworthy āŗ
- How to stop waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning - Upworthy āŗ
- How to stop waking up each night at 3 or 4 in the morning - Upworthy āŗ
A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via 
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
At least it wasn't Bubbles. 
You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. 
An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
āBut the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?ā
āYou can just say you're a superhero.ā
āI would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!ā
āI would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.ā
āThis one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.ā
āI would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!ā
āEvery time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.ā
āKeep them. Tell people what to do. Theyāll do your bidding.ā
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.