The true story of these shipwrecked boys shows the grim vision of ‘Lord of the Flies’ is just fiction
Are people in general innately good or innately bad? Does humanity skew toward self-service and savagery or compassion and cooperation? People have explored these questions in various ways over the centuries, and while we have plenty of examples of humans acting on both ends of the spectrum, there is still debate to be had about…
Are people in general innately good or innately bad? Does humanity skew toward self-service and savagery or compassion and cooperation?
People have explored these questions in various ways over the centuries, and while we have plenty of examples of humans acting on both ends of the spectrum, there is still debate to be had about how we humans average out. Are we more likely to tilt toward helping or hurting?
An article in The Guardian by Australian writer Rutger Bregman offers a rare insight into an accidental experiment that addresses this question. The article tells the largely-overlooked-but-amazingly-true story of six teenage boys from Tonga who were stranded alone on a deserted island in the South Pacific for more than a year. Rather than devolve into murderous animals, a la Lord of the Flies, the 13-to-16-year-olds pledged not to quarrel—and ultimately built a cooperative, supportive life together.
His full article is definitely worth reading, but Bregman shared the highlights along with some extra details and photos in a long Twitter thread over the weekend. It’s hard to get enough of this extraordinary story, so the thread is a welcome treat after reading the boys’ story.
Let's start with Lord of the Flies itself. Published in 1954, it's hailed as one of the classics of the twentieth century. The author, William Golding, had a very dark view of human nature. In his words: 'Man produces evil as a bee produces honey'. /2— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
I read John Carey's excellent biography of William Golding and discovered that he was a troubled man. An alcoholic. A man who beat his kids and, as a schoolteacher, did sick 'experiments' with children (tried to set them up against each other). /5— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
All my examples concerned kids at home, at school or at summer camp. They didn't answer the fundamental question: what happens when kids are left on a deserted island all alone? That's when my quest for a real-life Lord of the Flies began! /7— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
Wow, I thought. If this really happened, then why isn't it a super famous story? The article did not provide sources. After a couple of hours, I discovered that it came from a book by the anarchist Colin Ward from 1988. He cited an Italian politician Susanna Agnelli. /9— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
But luck was on my side. Sifting through a newspaper archive one day, I typed a year incorrectly and ended up deep in the 1960s. There its was. (Turned out: the reference to 1977 must have been a typo.) /11— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
The boys had been rescued by an Australian captain, Peter Warner, after living on the island for more than a year! 'Their survival story already is regarded as one of the great classic stories of the sea,' the piece concluded. /13— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
So I did a search for his name and was lucky again. In a recent issue of the Daily Mercury, a paper from Mackay Australia, I came across the headline: MATES SHARE 50-YEAR BOND. It included this photo: /15 pic.twitter.com/phqqfnBB36— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
In September 2017 my wife Maartje – who's a photographer – rented a car in Brisbane and drove three hours to the south. And there he was, sitting out in front of a low-slung house off a dirt road. Captain Peter Warner (on the right 😉 ) /17 pic.twitter.com/aAuJck8IfR— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
Through his binoculars, he suddenly saw a boy. Naked. Hair down to his shoulders. This wild creature leaped from the cliffside and plunged into the water. Suddenly more boys followed, screaming at the top of their lungs. /19— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
They boys said they were from a boarding school in Nuku'alofa, the capital of Tonga. But Peter didn't buy it. He used his two-way radio to call to Nuku'alofa. 'I've got six kids here,' he told the operator. 'Can you telephone the school to find out if they're pupils there?' /20— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
In the months that followed I tried to reconstruct what happened on the island of 'Ata. Peter put me in contact with his best friend, Mano Totau, one of the 'boys' in this story. He was 15 at the time. (Photo's by John Carnemolla and Maartje ter Horst). /22 pic.twitter.com/PlvlSqBwyc— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
Then, on the eight day: land! The island of 'Ata: a hulking mass of rock, jutting up more a thousand feet out of the ocean. pic.twitter.com/FYzbjwxKeX— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
In pretty much every way, the Real Lord of the Flies is the opposite of the fictional Lord of the Flies. The kids worked together in teams of two, got a fire started and never let it go out, and stayed friends this whole time.— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
After months of research, I also managed to find the original 1966 re-enactment documentary, that was made after the boys were rescued (with the boys themselves). Here are some pictures (by John Carnemolla): pic.twitter.com/evMwCwl8Bn— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
Peter resigned from his father company and commissioned a new ship. He hired the 6 boys as his crew, and called the new boat the ATA, named after the uninhabited island. I really really love this picture: pic.twitter.com/cSP3Gx5OhS— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
Now obviously, this is just one story, not a scientific experiment. But if millions of teenagers around the globe still have to read the fictional Lord of the Flies, then let's also tell about the one time real kids were really shipwrecked on an island.— Rutger Bregman (@rcbregman) May 10, 2020
The title of Bregman’s upcoming book, Humankind: A Hopeful History really sums up the takeaway from this story. Humans as a whole tend toward kindness. For sure human history is full of dark chapters and cruel atrocities, but it’s more full of hope and collective progress. We tend to focus on the wars and conquests and genocides when we talk about history, but the building of civilizations, the collaborations that have led to discovery and innovation, and the everyday acts of compassion and altruism that we see all around us are arguably our default nature.
Certain conditions or influences may pull certain people away from that default, but as this story shows, people can act with cooperation and mutual support even under the most difficult of circumstances. If you’re struggling to feel hopeful for humanity right now, keep this story in mind. We can always find examples of people acting selfishly, but that doesn’t mean it’s the norm.
The boys, ages 13 to 16, hated their boarding school in Tonga so they stole a boat and set out to sea. They took food and water, but no compass—a choice that makes their story of survival all the more fascinating. They got caught in a storm, ended up lost at sea for eight days, then washed ashore a rocky, uninhabited island.
The first thing the boys did when they realized they were stranded was they made a pact not to fight. For 15 months, they figured out how to find food, how to collect rainwater, how to stay healthy and fit—even how to set a broken bone when one of the boys broke a leg. After they managed to start a fire, they took turns tending it to ensure it never went out.
Search parties gave up looking for the boys, and funerals were held because they were presumed dead. The world moved on while the boys lived an impossibly difficult existence on an inhospitable island, never knowing if or when they’d ever get to leave.
But one day, an Australian sea captain just happened to have taken a detour from his route when a naked boy jumping from a cliff into the water caught his eye. Then he saw several others follow, screaming as they swam toward his boat. They were rescued after more than a year of living alone.
Bergman naturally contrasts these boys’ experiences—a life they built that was marked by cooperation, mutual support, and collective problem-solving—with the frequently-assigned lit class novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding. In that story, a group of boys get stranded on a desert island and basically devolve into murderous animals vying for power. The message from the novel was that, left untrained and unattended, the “darkness of man’s heart” would push children to savagery.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
McDonald’s President and CEO Chris Kempczinski went viral recently after taste-testing the new Big Arch burger. Kempczinski, dressed in a light blue sweater, refers to the burger as “product” (not a burger, mind you) and takes a very timid bite, looking uncomfortable eating his own food. The video inspired the CEOs of Burger King, Wendy’s,…
McDonald’s President and CEO Chris Kempczinski went viral recently after taste-testing the new Big Arch burger. Kempczinski, dressed in a light blue sweater, refers to the burger as “product” (not a burger, mind you) and takes a very timid bite, looking uncomfortable eating his own food.
The video inspired the CEOs of Burger King, Wendy’s, and Kentucky Fried Chicken to take confident bites of their burgers, while Jack in the Box’s mascot, Jack, warned against timid eaters. Just when it looked like the burger wars were flaming out, the Columbus Metropolitan Library in Ohio stepped up with a challenge of its own: make the CEO “eat a book like it’s a hamburger.”
The library’s X feed is known for sharing interesting local history while also having fun.
On March 5, the library issued a challenge to its X followers: If the post reached 10,000 likes, CEO Lauren Hagan would eat a book. The tweet did much better than that, receiving more than 60,000 likes.
10K likes and we get our CEO to eat a hardcover book like it's a hamburger
The CEO of the Columbus Metropolitan Library was challenged to eat a book “like a hamburger”
In a follow-up video in which the social media admin promised the CEO would eat a book, he explained to Hagan how the library got caught up in the burger wars. After a quick cut, Hagan gets into character. “Hi, I’m Lauren Hagan, CEO of Columbus Metropolitan Library,” she says. “Last week, more than 50,000 of you made your voice clear. You’d like me to eat my words. More accurately, the words of our social media admin, who did not tell me about this.” She then grabs a book from the top of a pile and, after a very obvious edit, chomps into something resembling the book, which was probably a block of fondant or compressed cotton candy. Hagan ends the video with a pitch for libraries everywhere: “Check out your library, but remember, read them, don’t eat them.”
The video was funny and well acted, and Hagan and the social media admin looked like they could have been cast in The Office. Commenters overwhelmingly thought the social media admin deserved a raise.
This SMM turned this into a beautiful message and I think he should get a raise.
Do you know how much people pay for the following that he gained? You're on the world stage… Use it!
The video brought a satisfying end to the burger wars and reminded people how much they love libraries.
The most popular commenter on a Reddit thread about the video wrote:
“Libraries are consistently great when allowed to be by their local governments and properly funded. I have never met a librarian who wasn’t an absolute gem of a person as long as they were treated respectfully. I feel like it’s the perfect example of letting people do what they love. Every librarian I’ve encountered had such a genuine love of reading and helping people find a book that it was hard not to get excited.”
Can kids predict the future? In 1966, the BBC’s Tomorrow’s World asked a group of 13-year-olds to share their predictions about what life in the year 2000 would be like. As you might expect, it was fascinating. Two decades later, the showrunners did the same thing again. Only this time, they asked the young teens…
Two decades later, the showrunners did the same thing again. Only this time, they asked the young teens of 1986 what they thought life in 2020 would be like. How did Gen X’s answers about the future differ from those of their Baby Boomer predecessors?
The 1966 cohort’s predictions dealt with space travel, robots, and computers. They were concerned about overpopulation and nuclear war.
“That was before the manned moon landings, the microprocessor, strategic arms limitation talks, or test-tube babies,” the feather-haired host shared. “So have the hopes and fears of today’s 13-year-olds changed as they look forward to the year 2020?”
The kids from 1986 offered their predictions:
“Perhaps brain waves to convert into radio waves, sent to someone else, convert back into brain waves. And it’d be like, what would you call it, like a telepathy thing.”
Kids who listened to music on cassette tapes had no concept of the Internet. Photo credit: Canva
“Well, instead of a channel tunnel, you could have something like a space tunnel, where you could go [from] one planet to the other, like bypasses.”
“Obviously, nuclear war worries me, but I don’t think that’ll happen unless they’ve got computers that press the button for them. Because no, I don’t think any human being is capable of actually pressing some button that releases all nuclear arms cuz it just means destruction of the world.”
“I don’t think they’ll be living on Mars yet, but I think they’ll still be living around here.”
“I think they may, unless they have another planet to go to, just there’ll be loads of tower blocks. Or people will be restricted to a certain amount of kids.”
“Probably be computers running the country.”
Predicting the future is hard work. In 1983, most people viewed the home computer as a passing fad.
“But when it comes to wars and things like that, nuclear bombs, and then they’re designing these different gases that can kill people within seconds and things like that. I think that aspect of technology should be wiped out completely.”
It’s interesting how similar many of the issues were between 1966 and 1986. Some of the worries these kids had are still major concerns 40 years later. But how accurate were their predictions of what 2020 would hold?
The kid talking about not living on Mars yet was right. One could make an argument that computers do run the country, but not necessarily in the way a 13-year-old in 1986 would have imagined. They had no concept of the Internet at that point, which made imagining the reality of 2020 impossible. But the threat of nuclear war and questions about whether a person would ever actually “push the button”? That still feels relevant.
“Every thinking person fears nuclear war, and every technological state plans for it. Everyone knows it is madness, and every nation has an excuse.” — Carl Sagan
However, it’s 2026, and there’s nary a space tunnel in sight, so that one was a bust. It’s wild to remember how we assumed things like flying cars and easy space travel would be common in adulthood. (And yet somehow Google Maps still feels like a miracle every time we use it.) It feels like we’re farther from actual telepathy than we imagined in the ’80s, but who knows? With advancements in nanotechnology and the Wild West of AI, even the near future feels entirely unpredictable.
In 1985, wild-haired scientist “Doc” asked a philosophical question in Back to the Future: “Since when can weathermen predict the weather, much less the future?” Thankfully, we’ve drastically improved our ability to predict the weather since then. Predicting the future, however, remains as impossible as it has always been.
The English language is full of idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies that can drive English learners batty. But even for native English speakers, some words and phrases can cause confusion in ways they may not expect. For instance, not only are there English words that mean opposite things depending on how they are used (called contronyms), but…
The English language is full of idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies that can drive English learners batty. But even for native English speakers, some words and phrases can cause confusion in ways they may not expect.
For instance, not only are there English words that mean opposite things depending on how they are used (called contronyms), but there are also words and phrases that have opposite meanings depending on where they are used.
A person holding an American flag and a person holding a British flag. Photo credit: Canva.
Evan Edinger moved to the United Kingdom 13 years ago. He shares videos on YouTube about his experience as an American living in the U.K., including linguistic differences. For instance, saying the food in London is “quite good” may sound like a compliment, but it would likely be received as a bit of an insult by Londoners.
“English is full of words that quietly flip meaning when you cross the Atlantic,” he says. “Words that you think sound polite or a compliment, like this one, can really land you in hot water if you use them across the pond.”
“Quite”
That’s because Americans generally use “quite” as an intensifier. If something is “quite good,” we see it as better than just “good.” For Brits, “quite” is often used as a dampener, so “quite good” can mean less good than simply “good.”
“With all due respect…”
Other opposite meanings are less subtle, like the phrase “with all due respect.”
“I’ve lived in this country for over 13 years, and I’ve only found out this year, Brits do not mean this when they say it,” shares Edinger. “When an American says, ‘With all due respect,’ it’s usually just a polite way to pad out some criticism. ‘With all due respect, I think we should do it this way instead.’ Basically, ‘I respect you. I do. But I do disagree with you in this instance.’ In Britain, they say the same words, ‘with all due respect,’ but the implication is that they actually don’t respect you or your opinion at all. The amount of respect that you’re due? That’s in question. ‘With the respect you’re due,’ which, of course, is nothing.”
Can we just all admit that when someone says "With all due respect" they don't respect them at all?
It’s a bit similar with “I’ll bear that in mind.” In the U.S., that usually means you’ll consider it and might actually do it. In the U.K., it more often means you have no intention of doing it and have probably already forgotten it.
“Though diving deeper into the data, it would appear that Americans in the Northeast are significantly more likely to share the British stance,” Edinger adds. “I think that makes sense, actually. But overall, American culture prioritizes direct communication. If they like your idea, an American will probably tell you. Same as if they dislike it, you’ll know. As a lot of British culture emphasizes indirectness and not causing offense, expressions like, ‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ act as a polite way of refusing an idea without outright saying it to soften the blow.”
To “table” something
If you’re an American and you hear “let’s table that discussion,” it means, “Let’s not talk about this now. We’ll come back to it later, if we have time.” For Brits, it means, “Let’s talk about this right now.”
“This is one expression that causes a lot of confusion in international meetings,” says Edinger. “In British English, to table a motion or an issue means to bring it forward for discussion. For instance, if an item is tabled in parliament, well, it has been figuratively put on the table to be addressed immediately.”
In the U.S., it’s the opposite.
“In both houses of the United States Congress, the motion to table is used to kill a motion without debate or further discussion,” he says. “Quite interesting that both countries’ political bodies have the same word that means quite literally the very opposite. It’s quite literally the difference between, ‘Well let’s talk about this immediately. It’s really important,’ and ‘Let’s never speak of this again.’”
A “moot point”
For Brits, a “moot point” is a point that’s debatable—something that can be argued either way, which aligns with its original meaning. A moot was an Anglo-Saxon assembly or court, so a moot point is one that would be argued there.
For Americans, a moot point isn’t debatable—it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter. There’s no point in debating it at all anymore. (Or, as Joey on Friends would say, “Like a cow’s opinion.”)
How did we end up with such an opposite meaning? Edinger explains:
“Often, an important part of law school is arguing hypothetical cases in a moot court for practice. It’s similar to a mock trial. So, a moot point would be a point brought up in a moot court. During the 19th century in America specifically, this evolved more to focus on the hypothetical nature of the moot point.”
Edinger points out that even the Supreme Court of the United States uses the term “moot question” to refer to a question that has no bearing on an issue.
Solicitor
In the U.S., when we hear the word “solicitor,” we usually think of a door-to-door salesperson or someone who knocks on the door trying to persuade us to buy something or believe something. People often hang “No Solicitors” signs on their front porches to deter them.
A “No Solicitors” sign in the U.K. might be confusing, as a solicitor is not a salesperson but “a qualified legal professional who provides specialist legal advice on different areas of law and is responsible for representing a client’s legal interests.” Americans would call them lawyers, but in the U.K., a lawyer could be anyone working in a law-related role.
Public school
A solicitor in the U.S. probably went to public school, and a highly regarded solicitor in the U.K. also probably went to public school, but the term means something completely different in each country.
In the U.S., a public school is a free school funded by the government that anyone has the right to attend. In the U.K., a public school is one of the prestigious, selective, and expensive private boarding schools attended by the children of wealthy families. The famous Eton College is a public school in the British sense, but not at all in the American sense.
In Britain, the secondary school you attended is often considered a lot more important than the university you attended.
For instance, attending prestigious "public schools" like Harrow, Winchester and Eton signals you are of a "higher class".
To make matters even more confusing, what Americans call public schools, Brits call state schools. In the U.S., we usually use “state school” to refer to public universities.
Momentarily
If a pilot announces, “We’ll be landing momentarily,” Americans understand that to mean “very soon.” But for Brits, that sentence might be confusing, since “momentarily” means “just for a moment.” As in, maybe the plane will touch down and then immediately take off again.
It’s the difference between “in a moment” and “for a moment,” which may not seem huge but could lead to big misunderstandings.
It just goes to show that even when we speak the same language, there’s plenty of room for miscommunication.
Actress and author Mariel Hemingway has quite the legacy. Her grandfather was the famed Pulitzer Prize– and Nobel Prize–winning author Ernest Hemingway. In fact, her family is full of writers, actors, painters, and opera singers. Like her grandfather, she came by her own talents at a cost. Many of those gifts in acting and writing…
Actress and author Mariel Hemingway has quite the legacy. Her grandfather was the famed Pulitzer Prize– and Nobel Prize–winning author Ernest Hemingway. In fact, her family is full of writers, actors, painters, and opera singers. Like her grandfather, she came by her own talents at a cost. Many of those gifts in acting and writing came with deep mental anguish.
While Hemingway continues a successful career onscreen—she was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar as a teen for her role in Manhattan—she is also a writer. In exploring her complicated family struggles, she never seems to shy away from stripping away any semblance of ego. This is reflected in her work, where she bares vulnerable parts of life: mental health, depression, and most recently, aging.
In a recent Instagram post, she shared a close-up photo of her face—no smile and perhaps just a dash of makeup. With Sheryl Crow’s “If It Makes You Happy” underscoring the photo, she wrote:
“I have been talking about aging lately.
But today it is not aging.
It is wrinkles.
The lines around my mouth I swore I would never have. The soft crepe skin at my neck that seems to appear overnight. The mirror catching me in light I did not ask for.
Some days I do not care.
Other days it feels like a punishment.
I eat well. I move my body. I take care of myself. I do the things we are told will protect us.
And still… time touches my face.
There is a voice that whispers, Why this? Why me? Why now?
I know it is fashionable to say we earned our wrinkles. That this is graceful. That this is beautiful.
And yes… part of me knows that is true.
But another part feels something deeper.
What I realized is this.
The ache is not about the wrinkles.
It is about identity.
Somewhere along the way we start to believe the mirror is telling us who we are.
That youth equals value. That smooth skin equals worth. That beauty equals belonging.
And that is the lie.
Because there is a woman inside of me who has not aged one day.
She is calm. She is radiant. She is grounded. She is sovereign.
She does not disappear because my skin changes.
She was never my skin.
She is my rhythm. My breath. My voice when I stop performing.
Time changes the body.
But it does not touch the throne.
When I remember that, something softens.
I stop fighting the season. I stop punishing myself for nature. I stop confusing appearance with identity.
This is not about pretending you love every wrinkle.
It is about remembering you are not the wrinkle.
It is not what you add.
It is what you remove.
Remove the belief that beauty is youth. Remove the fear that aging equals invisibility. Remove the story that your value lives in your face.
When there is nothing left to remove, the Queen remains.”
Fans respond
Her prose has clearly resonated with fans. More than 92,000 people liked the post, and over 5,000 have commented so far. Famous and non-famous Instagrammers alike chimed in to share how touched they were.
Go-Go’s guitarist Jane Wiedlin exclaimed, “Yes! Exactly what you said. We are not allowed to age, at the same time men are elevated as they age, for their sage wisdom.”
Comedian Chelsea Handler simply wrote, “Beautifully said.”
Another woman shared a personal anecdote: “Last Sunday was my 70th birthday. I looked into the mirror and cried tears of joy. Lines and dark spots? No! They were tears of joy, gratitude, and for my life. If you make it this far, it’s for a reason. Life is so worth living. Who cares what I look like? I’m covered in paint every day anyway!”
Hemingway is far from the first woman to openly discuss the beauty standards seemingly placed on women in society.
In a recent appearance on the podcastHow to Fail with Elizabeth Day, actress Kate Winslet didn’t hold back. “We’re so conditioned, women in our 40s, to think, ‘Okay, well, I’m creeping closer to the end,’” she said. “You know, you think you go into menopause and you’re going to stop having sex, and your boobs are going to sag, and your skin’s going to go crepey, and all these things.”
She continued, “First of all, so what? And secondly, it’s just conditioning. You know, I think women, as they get older, become juicier and sexier and more embedded in their truth and who they are. More powerful and more able to walk through the world and care less.”
It can seem easier said than felt. Luckily, many women are feeling more empowered to get raw thanks to celebrities using their voices.
Swedes are known for their delicious and creative-looking, tiny candies avialable at the godisvägg (wall of candy) at their local grocery store. Just grab a bag, fill it up, and pay by weight. Some of Sweden‘s most popular pick-and-mix candies are, of course, Swedish Fish, Ahlgren’s Cars (a small automobile-designed marshmallow candy), Salmiak (salty licorice),…
Swedes are known for their delicious and creative-looking, tiny candies avialable at the godisvägg (wall of candy) at their local grocery store. Just grab a bag, fill it up, and pay by weight. Some of Sweden‘s most popular pick-and-mix candies are, of course, Swedish Fish, Ahlgren’s Cars (a small automobile-designed marshmallow candy), Salmiak (salty licorice), and Polly candies that combine chocolate with a soft center.
However, if you’re a child in Sweden, you’ll have to wait for Saturday to enjoy a bag full of the local godisvägg. That’s because, according to the Swedish tradition known as Lördagsgodis (Saturday candy), they only eat sweets once a week. It’s a sweet tradition but has a rather dark past.
In 1946, as part of the Vipeholm dental study, the Swedish government forced mental patients in its hospitals to eat caramel and other sweets to observe their effects on teeth. After high sugar consumption was linked to tooth decay in the 1950’s, the Swedish government recommended that people eat sweets only once a week.
At the time, trust in government was high, and the growing social safety net required the population to work together to maintain high public health standards. Plus, when the public takes good care of their teeth, it’s a lot easier for the government to pay for healthcare.
The tradition also makes it easier for parents to say “no” to sweets and gives kids something to look forward to on the weekend.
“Mostly, it’s a tool for managing candy, so that there’s no asking about candy during the week, and if they do, ‘It’s not Saturday.’ So, it’s a really a good way to control the sugar,” Therese Larri, a Swedish parent, told the BBC. “But then, it’s an event. They get to choose where we go, which store we go to, and then they take their time. It feels like a big part of the fun is to choose and plain, ‘What am I Gonna get?’”
The Lördagsgodis tradition is also better for people’s teeth because, according to research, it’s better to eat a pound of candy in one sitting and then brush your teeth than to spread the candy over a week and brush every night. The Vipeholm dental study found that sticky sweets eaten between meals cause far more cavities than larger amounts of candy eaten in one sitting. That’s probably a big reason why Swedish people have some of the best teeth in Europe.
Dentistry Today found that Sweden has the fourth-best teeth in Europe, based on a study of 24 European Union countries, plus England and Switzerland.
The Lördagsgodis tradition and the science behind it could be a great way for parents in other countries to talk with their children about candy. Simply ask them: Would you like a little candy throughout the week, or one big day to gorge on an entire bag? If they say they’d take more candy, that’s the lesson of Lördagsgodis: If you can delay your gratification for a few days, you can have all the candy you like.
As Millennials entered adulthood, they ushered in an ideology that was pretty much the antithesis of their Boomer parents’ views in every way, shape, and form. But now, with yet a few more years under our belt, many Millennials are starting to see that maybe, just maybe, the Boomers were reasonable with a few things. …
As Millennials entered adulthood, they ushered in an ideology that was pretty much the antithesis of their Boomer parents’ views in every way, shape, and form. But now, with yet a few more years under our belt, many Millennials are starting to see that maybe, just maybe, the Boomers were reasonable with a few things.
That was certainly the sentiment shared by those who watched a video posted by educator Angie Williams (@the.teacher.chic), as she jokingly tried to school her mother Chris Andresen (who also happened to be a retired teacher) about how to approach the “millennial teaching” method. All to no avail.
For instance, Williams tries to explain that teachers don’t use terms like “boys and girls” to get students’ attention, but instead incorporate “inclusive” language, like “team” or friends.”
“But…they’re not my friends,” Andresen astutely quips.
Moving on to giving student feedback, Andresen looks at a piece of artwork and says, “I’m so proud of you.” Williams corrects her, saying, “you don’t wanna make it about you, you wanna make it about them and their artwork.”
“You… can tell I’m proud of you!” attempts Andresen. Williams then shakes her head, saying, “that’s still about you,” to which Andresen immediately blurts, “damn fine work!” Close enough.
Andresen is also amazed to hear that teachers today never sit. “Aren’t you tired?” she asks.
When it comes to discipline or displaying authority, Williams encourages her mom to only use “positive language,” adding, “We say what we want them to do.”
Andresen translates this as “close your mouth, shut up, and get in line” and “don’t fall on the scissors.”
To the latter, Williams suggests instead that she say, “make a safe choice with your body.”
“Well, what are you going to say if the stab themselves in the eyeball?” Andresen retorts.
“Was that a safe choice with your body?” Williams replies. “Is that a dumb question?” Andresen responds. Williams then seemingly wins the arguemtns, saying “there are no dumb questions,” elaving Adresen looking utterly befuddled.
Still, the seemingly unanimous sentiment in the comments was that Andresen was totally the reasonable one here.
“They are not my friends. 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 Your mom is great!!!! Don’t fall on the scissors 😂😜”
“Mom wins here. She is 100% right!!”
“I bet this made her so happy she’s retired!! 😂😂😂”
“I’m team mom.”
Screenshot
“Nope. On mom’s side with this one. The vague talk is one reason they act the way they do. Yes. I currently teach.”
“I think more teachers need to use ‘damn fine work.’ I would have felt so good about my progress!!!”
“I’m a teacher. And I am definitely on your mom’s side. No one’s telling these kids to stop anything! It is actually a huge part of the problem!”
While Williams and her mom were clearly just making the video in good fun, it does point to a very real issue that teachers are facing. In addition to excessive administrative tasks, battling cellphones for attention, and depressingly low wages, many educators lament not having much power to contend with classroom behavior issues. So maybe Andresen blunt ““close your mouth, shut up, and get in line” feels a bit refreshingly structured.
No one is necessarily saying we should go back to hitting kids with rulers, but maybe there is something to be said about just letting them know running with scissors is a bad idea. Class dismissed.
On a hot Sunday in July, Carole Wade took the mic at a Dallas senior living facility where my mom lives. I happened to be visiting for the karaoke event, and the list of residents who couldn’t wait to put their stamps on their favorite tunes was so long, the event had to be extended.…
On a hot Sunday in July, Carole Wade took the mic at a Dallas senior living facility where my mom lives. I happened to be visiting for the karaoke event, and the list of residents who couldn’t wait to put their stamps on their favorite tunes was so long, the event had to be extended. ABBA’s “Mamma Mia,” David Lee Roth’s “Just a Gigolo”—you name it, they sang it.
When it was Wade’s turn, the microphone was brought to her table. She took it in her hands as though it was an extension of her fingers as the music cued up. Then, as she began to effortlessly sing “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac, the room got still. Frozen. All eyes were on her, and most of those eyes were wet. The lyrics, so beautifully fitting:
“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’ ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, Even children get older, I’m getting old too.”
A man sitting at our table took notice of how emotional I had become. He leaned over to say, “Never stop feeling the music.”
I had the honor of chatting with Wade, who at 85, has been singing nearly her whole life. She got started in the business as a backup singer in Elvis impersonator groups in Dallas and surrounding areas. In and out of bands, playing Deep Ellum clubs and local hotels, she shares, “I’ve been singing since I was a small child. I’ve loved music all my life.”
As luck would have it, she was at a jam session when she started harmonizing with other musicians. They would soon form her most recent band, Psychedelic Oatmeal. They officially stopped playing gigs when she was in her 70s, but they remain close. (She notes her bandmates were all much younger.)
Carole and her band mates. Carole Wade
They covered classic rock tunes from Stevie Nicks, The Eagles, Janis Joplin, and Led Zeppelin. Songs like “Me and Bobby McGee,” “Seven Bridges Road,” and “Whole Lotta Love.” She laughs that most of the men in the band couldn’t hit those Zeppelin high notes made famous by Robert Plant, so she took on the challenge—with great success.
They even branded themselves at gigs, making little Ziploc bags of oatmeal and glitter, which they would throw to the audience at shows. That is, until a club owner asked them to stop, as the oatmeal was mixing with spilled drinks, “creating goo.”
Rare footage of Psychedelics Oatmeal.
Wade makes clear that music is her therapy. “If you’re down on a certain day, it will bring you up.” She has lived a full life, with two grown sons who are both excelling in life. But music, and the friends with whom she makes it, brings her that extra piece of joy and purpose.
Michael Hatcher, the Resident Services Director at The Reserve at North Dallas (the senior facility in which this event was held), has seen firsthand how music soothes seniors. It reconnects them to their purest selves, no matter how hazy their memories might become. Hatcher shares, “They remember the music, and the time. It’s a vessel for anyone of age. It can be used to bring someone out of the deepest sun-downing and back to life.”
A man sings “Just a Gigolo” at The Reserve karaoke day.
There is much research to support this. Bannerhealth.comquotes music therapy coordinator Tammy Reiver for Banner Hospice in Phoenix: “Music holds the power to increase dopamine levels (happy hormones), decrease symptoms of depression and pain, and improve a person’s quality of life. Pleasing music plays an important role at every age, but for aging adults, the benefits are even greater.”
As for Wade? She jokes that she and a few other musicians at the senior home have plans to start their own band. She certainly has the chops for it—and the fans.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
Millennials have never shied away from sharing their feelings about their Boomer parents (and their grandparenting abilities) on the Internet. Millennials are once again uniting to discuss a similar observation about their Boomer parents’ frustrating phone use. On Reddit in a thread generational differences, Millennial member Old-Beautiful-3971 shared their frustrating experience with their Boomer parents…
Millennials have never shied away from sharing their feelings about their Boomer parents (and their grandparenting abilities) on the Internet. Millennials are once again uniting to discuss a similar observation about their Boomer parents’ frustrating phone use.
On Reddit in a thread generational differences, Millennial member Old-Beautiful-3971 shared their frustrating experience with their Boomer parents who are perpetually on their phones.
“My parents are on the very young end of being ‘boomers’. For some reason they’re both acting like me when I was 20… that is to say, gluuuued to their phones,” they wrote. “I tried to have an important conversation with my dad this morning and he did not once look up (and I’m certain he was scrolling through Instagram videos).”
Self Portrait Reaction GIF by The Garcu00edas Giphy
They went on to add, “The only difference is that when I was 20 he could, and would often say ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you. Put that thing away.’ But if I said that to him now he’d get defensive and probably yell at me for being disrespectful. What the heck??? ”
The passionate post got a rousing response from fellow Millennials who have experienced the same thing with their Boomer parents.
“I have noticed it too and it makes me feel even weirder for having developed in the habit of flipping my phone face-down with my hands folded on top of it to let the person know that I’m listening for that they have my attention,” one commented. “And to think that it’s coming from the generation that tells everybody else that phones and TV will rot your brains.”
Turn It Off Reaction GIF by Robert E Blackmon Giphy
Another shared, “My parents are visiting me right now. My dad is glued to his phone, even at the table during meals. Never once participating in the conversation except to point at the salt. This is the same man who would have screamed at me for bringing a book to the dinner table.”
Others could commiserate about the role-reversal. “I’ve noticed this with my parents. It seems like I’ve switched places with them. I’m trying to use the online world less where as they are using it more and more,” one commented.
Some Millennials noted that their Boomer parents’ phone use has impacted other activities they attempt to do together. “It’s become so difficult to watch a movie with my parents. I tell them to put away their phone. Sometimes movies take two days to finish,” another shared.
Creators Club Phone Addiction GIF by Dylan McKeever Giphy
Many Millennials also shared how they communicate with their parents when they notice it. “I am witnessing that as well, my boomer mom and my almost gen z brother visit and they are both glued to their phones. I try and ask if they can put them away because I don’t like my little son to see people like that. I do scroll but never when I am with him,” one Millennial shared.
Another added, “I stopped visiting my boomer mom for awhile. I told her to her face that I couldn’t stand the fact that I took the time to drive to her, which I really hate driving, it scares me and I’m not very good at it, and spend MY time with her only for her to be on her phone most of that time. I stopped calling her too because of all the times she’d put me on hold to take another call and then tell me that she’d have to call me back, but she never did. I still rarely call her. I just text so it’s less intrusive and hurtful for me. Now when I visit, her and her husband stay off their phones. They turn the TV down and only put quiet music on instead of blaring whatever crap they were watching. I did thank them for it.”
However, a Gen Z commentor was quick to point out that Gen X is guilty of the same habit. “My gen x parents are hella addicted to their phones (I’m 22 for context),” they wrote. “I’m not saying i’m not, but it’s really hypocritical when they’ll be bitching at me about ‘playing on my phone too much’ when they’re literal ipad kids lol. the reality is, screens and social media are addicting to ANYONE, regardless of age.”
Other Millennials pointed out that it’s not just certain generations that are addicted to their phones. “I’m guilty of it as well. Everyone is at risk of screen addiction in this era,” another noted. And another Millennial quipped, “Phones are addictive, that doesn’t just like go away with oldness .”
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
