Cracking jokes at family gatherings, making an insightful quip in a unique situation, or having the ability to laugh during one of life’s stressful moments all signal a well-developed “funny bone.” However, psychologists suggest there’s more to humor than just being “funny.”
For more than two decades, researchers have studied the many different ways individuals use humor. In fact, most people naturally lean toward one or more distinct humor styles. Understanding those styles may reveal more than your comedic preferences—it may offer insight into how you connect with the people and relationships that surround you.
There are 4 basic humor styles
Dr. Rod Martin, a clinical psychologist, led a team that developed the 2003 Humor Styles Questionnaire. It describes four common humor styles that measure individual differences in humor while distinguishing between positive and negative uses of jokes:
- Affiliative humor is the kind that brings people together. These individuals tell stories that create laughs while making sure others feel included.
- Self-enhancing humor is more of a personal, internal experience. These people use humor as a healthy way to cope with life’s ups and downs by finding something funny during those difficult moments.
The first two styles are considered positive because they tend to strengthen relationships and help others feel connected. The next two styles express humor in ways that can have a very different effect.
- Aggressive humor relies on sarcasm, teasing, or placing another person/subject at the center of the joke.
- Self-defeating humor takes the aggressive and flips it inward. In this way, people make themselves the punchline to gain approval or ease tension.
Most people don’t fit exactly into just one category. Instead, psychologists believe we usually show a mix of the styles. Often, the situation influences the tactic, but many people rely heavily on one or two, not necessarily all four.
Why is science concerned with humor anyway?
When researchers examine what people find funny, they’re not really studying jokes. It’s more about understanding what and how humor communicates with others. The ways people use humor reveal how they handle stress, navigate conflicts, build trust, and make others feel more comfortable.
In a 2023 study, the National Library of Medicine examined the influence that humor has on confidence, social interaction, and overall well-being. It found that humor isn’t only entertainment; it’s a specific form of communication.
If people use humor in different ways, could sharing humor styles influence how quickly two people connect? Does it reveal the likelihood of building a better, more successful relationship?
Does humor style affect romantic connection?
The latest research suggests humor does indeed affect romantic connection, but maybe not in the way you might expect. An article in PsyPost described how researchers observed online speed-dating conversations. Putting together 10 different pairings of styles, they found people with similar humor styles were more likely to feel a romantic connection.
Yet, the type of similarity matters.
Participants who shared similar positive humor styles, like affiliative and self-enhancing humor, were more likely to express mutual romantic interest. The couple pairings that involved negative humor tended to perform less successfully. In fact, matches where both people engaged in aggressive humor created the lowest interest in making a romantic future.
How a person is funny matters more than what is funny
When people claim to want a partner with “the same sense of humor,” they’re most likely not thinking about questionnaires and humor styles. The claim is more likely a simple way to describe the feeling of effortless conversations, humor that can ease tensions between them, and the mildly embarrassing jokes that build connection.
Understanding the humor style we most relate to doesn’t help us become funnier. It’s not about finding the neat way to package ourselves into a better category. Instead, it can help us see how we relate to the people around us.
People who use humor to connect, encourage, and lighten life’s hiccups may have an advantage when forming new relationships. Two negative humor styles don’t seem to make a positive one. Instead, it’s the generous, bring-people-together-rather-than-push-them-away style that seems to resonate most.
Perhaps the biggest takeaway isn’t the importance of sharing an appreciation for the same types of jokes, but learning and embracing a better way to treat one another.
Want to know your humor style?
Psychologist Rod Martin’s Humor Styles Questionnaire asks 32 questions to measure where you fall across the four humor styles. You can take it here.
