One of the things that makes humans unique is our ability to talk about a wide range of topics, from the mundane to the complex. But that doesn’t mean conversations are always easy. Some of us are naturally gifted verbal communicators, while others have to work at it.
Conversation is a skill that can be honed and improved like any other. Even the introverted or socially anxious among us can improve in this area with some specific tools. That’s why people are loving the “F.O.R.M.” framework shared by a TikTok creator, which he says helps him always keep a conversation flowing.
The man, who goes by Dyllionaire, said that conversations don’t usually die because people run out of things to say, but because they run out of things to ask. Here are his four “elite questions” he says you can ask at any point in a conversation.
The F.O.R.M. framework for asking questions in conversation
FEELING
Dyllionaire says he asks questions like, “What was that like?” “How did that feel?” “Cool. How was that?” to move conversations along.
When someone shares something that they’ve done or that happened to them, ask them how they felt or feel about it. Some people might think asking about feelings feels too personal, but unless it’s a really sensitive topic, it’s a perfectly reasonable—and human—question to ask.
ORIGIN
“If someone tells you that they paint, play pickleball, they got a new job, or something that they do, instead of moving past it, you say, ‘What got you into that? How long have you been doing that for? What did you do before? Have you always done that?’” Dyllionaire says. “Almost no one asks the question, and the people that do become way more interesting to talk to, I promise.”
REFLECT
Dyllionaire calls this one “a little bit sneaky,” but basically all you’re doing is taking the last part of what someone says and reflecting it back to them as a question.
He gives the example of someone saying, “My mom was a little bit weird about it.” You’d follow up with, “Your mom was a little weird about it?”
“Nobody wants to be misunderstood, and everyone is excited to be able to open up to people, but most people don’t pry anymore,” he says. “This is a really good way to get people to continue to open up without being too nosy.”
MORE
“Tell me more,” might be the simplest and most effective way to keep a conversation going. It’s an easy way of expressing interest in what someone is talking about, which makes them feel good.
“I use at least one of these in every single conversation I have,” Dyllionaire says.
Asking questions also helps you form bonds with people
Studies show that asking the right questions can help people form closer bonds between loved ones and strangers alike. The key to the “right questions” appears to be self-disclosure, or sharing things about ourselves.
People sometimes fear getting “too personal” when chatting with people, but talking about personal things is what brings people closer together. And that feeling of being closer to people releases feel-good endorphins in our brains, similiar to the effects of opioids.
So, not only can using the F.O.R.M framework help you feel less awkward in conversations, but the questions you ask may ultimately make you feel happier about talking with people in the first place.
You can follow Dyllionaire on TikTok for more conversation tips.
