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Psychologists say these four ‘savoring techniques’ trick our minds into feeling instantly happier

“Savoring is rebelling against yourself.”

By

Cecily Knobler

happiness, savoring, meditation, lifehacks, positivity
Photo credit: Canva – A happy moment in the snow, left, and a quiet time for meditation.

When it comes to happiness, we’ve got to try every angle possible. Some people are born with serotonin-soaked synapses, while others aren’t so lucky. The good news is that, according to Harvard University social scientist and author Arthur C. Brooks, there are techniques that can, in a sense, help our minds quickly move in the right direction.

In a recent clip posted to Facebook, Brooks explains the “four savoring techniques” for elevating one’s mood. As with many of his thoughts on psychological matters—many of which have been covered by Upworthy staffers—he gets straight to the point. As he writes on his website, “Happiness isn’t a destination — it’s a direction.”

1. Behavioral display

“Number one is what they call behavioral display, which means expressing positive emotion with nonverbal behaviors,” Brooks said. “Smile, even if you don’t feel it. You’ll fool your brain. You’ll be happier because of this behavioral display. Smile more. Pretend you’re happier. Go act happier.”

2. Be present

“Second, be present, which is mindfully focusing on the pleasant experience,” Brooks said. “And what that means is saying to yourself, ‘I am doing this thing. I am sitting on the train looking out at a beautiful seascape.’ Being present actually means saying the thing to yourself because you want to bring it from your subconscious into your prefrontal cortex— into your consciousness, where you’re really thinking about something. And the way to do that is by saying it. And it’s really unbelievably effective.”

3. Capitalize the positive

“Number three is capitalizing, which means talking about and celebrating positive experiences with others,” Brooks said. “Don’t just say it to yourself. Say it to other people. Talk about the experience that you’re actually having. Notice things to other people, which makes this even more conscious, even more concrete, even more permanent.”

4. Mental time travel

“And last but not least is what they call ‘positive mental time travel,’ which is vivid reminiscence or anticipation of positive events,” Brooks said. “To savor the past on purpose, by paying attention to the positive parts.”

Savoring is a subject Brooks talks about often. In a clip on Instagram, he shares not only the techniques people can try, but also why they’re worth trying. In the post, he writes:

“Savoring is rebelling against yourself. We’re wired to notice what’s wrong before we notice what’s good. That helped our ancestors survive, but it also means we move through life without fully experiencing the moments worth savoring. Savoring doesn’t come naturally. It’s a conscious act of pushing back against the brain’s constant pull toward worry, vigilance, and the next thing. And in a culture that rewards speed and distraction, slowing down long enough to truly enjoy something requires conscious effort.”

“We’re not evolved for savoring”

In the clip, Brooks discusses how our brains are wired from an evolutionary standpoint to protect our survival:

“We’re not evolved for savoring. We’re evolved to rush through everything and pay attention to the negative. We have brains that were designed, more or less, in their current form something like 250,000 years ago in the late Pleistocene Era. And that was a dangerous time to be Homo sapiens. You had to pay attention a lot or you were gonna be a wild animal’s lunch.

So we have more brain space dedicated to negative emotions than positive emotions. That’s what gives us what we call the negativity bias in our lives. Negativity bias means that life isn’t that great all the time, but we’re more likely to get to tomorrow or more likely to survive the night. That makes perfect evolutionary sense that your suspicious inner troglodyte is trying to survive and pass on your genes. You’re not a saber-toothed tiger’s lunch.”

Prefrontal cortex to the rescue

“But that negativity bias is now maladaptive,” Brooks added. “It’s basically an error that we would do that. That we would not savor, but rather that we’d be suspicious and vigilant and trying to get into the future as quickly as possible. But that’s why we have a prefrontal cortex so that we have decisions. We can make conscious decisions, and even though I have a negativity bias, I can override it with my consciousness.”

Upworthy spoke with licensed therapist Matt Grammer, who agrees that the four savoring techniques are helpful reminders that it’s possible to sometimes short-circuit negativity.

“Savoring gives people the opportunity to slow down to register positive experiences, instead of continuing on in stress response mode,” Grammer said. “It helps people attain equilibrium and improve emotional resilience and stress recovery and satisfaction in relationships.”

“Coding” the positive

Grammer also notes that life can feel tedious when we don’t stop to reframe our thoughts.

“Though people may experience objective positive reality, life seems emotionless and flat, because we are so quick to get to the next step without enjoying or ‘coding’ positive experiences in long-term emotional memory,” he said.

Dr. Ashley Smith, a licensed psychologist and co-founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Health, specifically discussed the “built-in negativity bias” with Upworthy.

“We more readily notice, hone in, and remember bad stuff over good,” Smith said. “In fact, negative things get encoded in our memory almost instantaneously, while positive things take 10 times longer—10 to 12 seconds. That’s where savoring comes in. If you don’t intentionally amplify and savor a positive experience—intentionally focusing on it and how it makes you feel for a full 10 seconds—it’s like it never happened neurologically!”

“Memory capture”

As for how to put this information to good use, Amberley Meredith, psychologist and author of The Adaptable Sustainable Psychology Collection, shares with Upworthy how to reverse rumination:

“It’s called a ‘memory capture.’ We often ruminate and go over the difficult moments repeatedly. This is about doing the reverse. We take in every sound, every smell. We linger our gaze on each aspect of the moment that we can see. We pay attention to any words being spoken, replaying them gently in our minds. We take time with tastes and sensations, noticing how our body feels in the moment.

Savouring is an art, but with practice it can become a more accessible and spontaneous response over time. And the memories you ‘bank’ can be re-experienced and enjoyed with greater clarity, perhaps as a buffer or reminder of better times during those difficult moments.”

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    ‘Socially illiterate,’ Gen Z teens are attending phone-free parties to break free of their social media habits

    These phone-free parties can be an excellent way to stop doomscrolling and perhaps even improve mental health.

    Cecily Knobler

    Gen Z, born approximately between 1997 and 2010, is referred to by some as “Generation Text.” They were the first group of teens, alongside some younger Millennials, to grow up with cell phones, social media, and texting already part of everyday life by the time they reached age 12. For older Millennials, Gen Xers, and Baby Boomers, our teen years—even into our early twenties—were free of cell phones, texting, and social media.

    Sure, no matter the generation, most teens and young adults experience some form of anxiety. But being tethered to a screen while the brain is still in its formative years has added an extra layer of stress for some members of Gen Z. The good news is that Gen Z is doing something about it.

    Putting phones away for the evening

    According to The Washington Post, students at New York University have been ditching their phones for a little time off. On the paper’s Instagram post, they explain how it works:

    “At the gate, guests slipped their phones into little cloth bags, putting them away for the evening. More than 200 students from New York University gathered at a table nearly as long as the city block. It was cold, but they leaned in to talk with strangers, laughing and trading stories.

    Instead of the socializing that American college culture is known for, many students walk around campus looking down at their phones, scroll through elevator rides, and sit in classrooms glued to their laptops.

    Many college leaders are concerned about the amount of time students spend on screens and social media, worried that it is increasing isolation, loneliness, and anxiety, shattering attention spans, and preventing social connections.

    New York University is one of the places trying to change that, with a global effort that they’re calling NYU IRL — or NYU ‘in real life.’”

    Slows down doomscrolling

    These phone-free parties can be an excellent way to stop doomscrolling and perhaps even improve mental health. (Of course, people of all generations might benefit from putting their phones away for a bit.)

    @usatoday

    There’s a growing phone-free movement among young people – but they’re not letting that stop them from having fun.   USA TODAY youth mental health reporter Rachel Hale (@rachelhalereporting) went to a phone-free party in Brooklyn. A flyer for the party promised “a celebration of social life as it’s meant to be: free from the grip of greedy tech platforms.”   It was nothing like she expected. But by the end of the night, she had talked to more strangers at this party than she had in the past month – and stayed there until nearly 2 a.m.   📸: Alyssa Goldberg/USA TODAY #phonefree #brooklyn #genz #parties

    ♬ Elegance – Projecttexass

    Eventbrite has been monitoring parties and events and reports that these IRL gatherings are becoming more common worldwide:

    “Phone-free events grew 567% globally between 2024 and 2025, with attendance rising 121%, expanding from 5 to 12 countries. These events now span the full calendar year, signaling a shift from temporary reset to sustained behavior. The momentum is most pronounced in the U.S. and U.K., though each market reflects a distinct pattern of growth.”

    In the United States, those gatherings are rising as well. Eventbrite reveals, “While event volume grew by 388%, attendance jumped by 913%, as creators transitioned to larger, communal experiences where average event sizes more than doubled.”

    And it might look different depending on where you live. The research also suggests that, in Denver, a phone-free night could take place on a “packed dance floor.” But across the pond in England, the phones are still switched off, though the activity is much calmer: “Guests hand over their phones and settle into two uninterrupted hours with a book. With soft music, a glass of wine or herbal tea, and a simple grazing box, it’s a form of ‘soft socializing,’ where presence takes precedence over performance.”

    Breathe in, breathe out

    In a first-person piece for USA Today, Rachel Hale describes her experience at a phone-free party after locking her cell phone in a small pouch.

    “Around 11 p.m., someone ushers me outside to the patio,” Hale explained. “A girl in Doc Martens, a white chiffon scarf, and a plaid coat guides us through a somatic ritual. We place our hands on our hearts. ‘This is the first piece of technology we ever owned,’ says Amalia Mayorga, the ritual organizer. ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’”

    That seems to be the purpose: breathing, staying present, and taking just a little time off.

    Hale also told CBS News that she believes there’s a “fear that there’s going to be a photo that’s going to end up of me online tomorrow. Or I can not dance as freely because it might be recorded. But it’s more than just that. It’s also that having this social barrier kind of lowered makes it easier for people to talk to strangers or approach friends they haven’t seen in awhile.”

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  • Anxiety experts explain the fascinating reason 6:30 p.m. is a perfect time to enter the ‘no worry zone’
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    Anxiety experts explain the fascinating reason 6:30 p.m. is a perfect time to enter the ‘no worry zone’

    “It sets a clear boundary at a time when the mind is more likely to drift into worry.”

    Cecily Knobler

    Anxiety can be a funny thing. It loops through our frontal lobes, and if left unchecked, it doesn’t always willingly see itself out. Psychologists have long studied ways to help quell anxiety, and while potential solutions are certainly not one-size-fits-all, they’re worth exploring.

    One such idea is called the “6:30 p.m. rule,” which, according to a recent piece on MSN, was popularized by journalist Mel Bradman, who was treated for chronic anxiety. The theory is that if we set a certain time each day to tell our minds, “no more worrying,” we can, in essence, “trick” our racing brains into slowing down.

    “No Worry Time”

    In an op-ed for The Guardian, Bradman described her anxiety and said she was intrigued when her Norwegian therapist suggested the technique during a session:

    “I was stuck in a particularly vicious circle of over-thinking, (and) she said: ‘Tonight after 6.30pm is ‘No Worry Time.’ ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Exactly that. From 6.30pm until you wake up the next day, you’re not allowed to worry.’”

    When she pushed back on how that might help her, she relayed the therapist’s words: “‘By giving your brain a rest, and allowing the other parts of you that aren’t driven by anxiety to come back in,’ she said. She told me that anxiety is a bully, and like all bullies, it needed to be put in its place.”

    Bradman continued the practice and says it helped her reframe the idea of worry. “Last year, when I was travelling in Bangkok, I saw a sign in a bar that read ‘No worry zone.’ I loved it. It was a reminder that I could make my life a worry-free zone, and that you don’t have to be held hostage by anxiety – sometimes you can call the shots,” she wrote.

    It’s 6:30 p.m. for a reason

    The MSN article notes that choosing 6:30 p.m. isn’t random:

    “The choice of 6:30 p.m. is not insignificant. After this time, the brain begins its recovery phase: the fatigue accumulated throughout the day often amplifies negative thoughts and rumination. Setting a limit allows you to interrupt this cycle before it takes over, offering genuine mental rest, much like a muscle after exercise. To give you an idea, one study estimates that we have an average of 6,200 thoughts per day. It’s impossible to control them all, but framing them within a specific timeframe is entirely feasible and helps reduce stress.”

    Upworthy spoke with Lisa Chen, a licensed therapist, who explained why this can be successful.

    “This rule works because it provides a cut-off and psychological boundary for anxiety,” she said. “Anxiety tends to seep into any unstructured space, especially in the evening when our minds are tired and our brains are more susceptible to ruminating and over-thinking.”

    It’s about the prefrontal cortex

    “Later in the day, our prefrontal cortex is less effective, while our emotional center, driven by our amygdala, can take over and make us more reactive,” Chen added. “That’s why our worries can feel louder at night, and a 6:30 p.m. cutoff helps create a concrete boundary and routine to shift us out of a problem-focused mode into recovery.”

    Rachel Loftin, a psychologist with Prosper Health, also told Upworthy why 6:30 p.m. is a good benchmark.

    “The ‘6:30 p.m. rule’ works because it sets a clear boundary at a time when the mind is more likely to drift into worry,” Loftin said. “Early evening is when the structure of the day falls away, so thoughts can expand unless something interrupts them. It also trains the brain through repetition. If you consistently stop engaging with worries after a set time, your mind starts to learn that evening isn’t the time for problem-solving, and those thoughts show up less.”

    “It removes the need to decide when to stop”

    Loftin says this can be especially helpful for neurodivergent patients.

    “For neurodivergent adults, that clarity is especially helpful,” she said. “It removes the need to decide when to stop, making it easier to keep rumination from taking over the night.”

    “Finish each day and be done with it”

    Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson may have been on to something when he famously wrote:

    “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

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    A confidence expert shares a simple body language gesture that signals if a person is trustworthy and confident

    Dr. Shadé Zahrai, PhD, explains how neck flexion can impact confidence.

    Emily Shiffer

    Confidence is not always easy to have in social settings, especially when meeting new people. In 2021, a YouGov study found that 37% of Americans reported feeling “not very confident” in new social groups.

    But there may be a simple gesture that can help you appear more confident. During a recent episode of communication expert Jefferson Fisher’s podcast, he sat down with Dr. Shadé Zahrai, PhD, a confidence expert and author of Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success. Dr. Zahrai shared a body language gesture that can help indicate if a person is confident or not.

    She explains the tell-tale sign is in the upper body. “The distance between the chin and your chest,” she tells Fisher.

    What confident body language looks like

    Dr. Zahrai explains why the distance between the chest and chin can indicate confidence.

    “When you’re slouching, when you’re withdrawing, when you feel insecure, yeah sure shoulders go…but it’s also your head that drops,” she says, gesturing her head to tilt downwards. “So if you can just think, ‘Okay, what is the distance between my chin and my chest, and how do I elongate it? Not by looking at the ceiling, but in a natural state, you will naturally feel more empowered.”

    Dr. Zahrai suggests that this also builds a sense of trustworthiness between others that will encourage connection.

    “And you will naturally convey more of that big trust energy that we’re seeking,” she adds. “The idea is when you’re showing up as the person you want to be, people then respond to that.”

    She notes that it has a snowball effect and can feel contagious to people you interact with.

    “They respond more positively to that, which then makes you feel, ‘Maybe I really do deserve this. Maybe I do have a voice that is valued’,” she shares. “And then you show up more like that, and then they respond. So we almost create our environment based on how we choose to show up.”

    According to Dr. Zahrai, this gesture is a term called “neck flexion.”

    What is neck flexion?

    The source for Dr. Zahrai’s confidence body language suggestion comes from a 2025 study published in the journal Psychophysiology. Researchers found a direct correlation with neck flexion (the act of lowering the head) to negative impacts on feelings of power (i.e. confidence) as well as lower moods.

    Dr. Zahrai expanded on this during another podcast appearance delving into neck flexion research, where she explained that it “leads us to feel more insecure, more doubtful of our ourselves. All we need to do is lengthen this distance right here [as she’s signaling with her fingers between her chin and chest], and we will start to feel more powerful.”

    How to feel confident besides body language

    Body language may be one aspect to feeling more confident, but these are a few more tips from the American Psychological Association (APA) that may help boost your confidence:

    Try self-affirmations

    Research supports self-affirmations for better personal and social well-being. You can do this by reflecting on your core values, identity, and positive traits.

    Celebrate your successes

    Confidence without impostor syndrome can be achieved by reminding yourself of both big and small personal “wins”—things like receiving an email with positive feedback or not moving on too fast when someone congratulates you.

    Build your resilience

    Building resilience is an important part of building confidence in yourself. The APA notes that there are four parts to building resilience: connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning. These include things like continuing to connect with others through empathy, taking care of your body, moving towards goals, and learning from the past to build a more confident future.

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    Happiness expert shares the ‘real science’ in placing a hand over your heart to lower anxiety

    Sometimes the simplest actions can help your mental health.

    Cecily Knobler

    Navigating ways to address anxiety can be one of the most beneficial lessons a person can learn. Sometimes we can “trick” the very neurochemicals that send signals throughout the synapses of our brains. In doing so, we might (at least at times) help calm ourselves down when we detect danger.

    A clip of Dan Harris, the 10% Happier podcast host who is often deemed an expert on happiness, has been making the rounds where he gives a “three-step reset” for anxious feelings. During his appearance on radio host/podcaster Elvis Duran’s show, Harris shares what one can do when they begin to spiral.

    First, recognizing that the spiral is happening in the first place is essential. “Notice this is happening,” Harris says. “I’m in a moment of anxiety.”

    Hand on heart

    The second step might be rather surprising to some, especially since it’s steeped in science. “Step number two, and this is where it gets a little cheesy, is… hand on the chest. You can put your hand on your heart. You can hug yourself. A lot of data show this triggers the parasympathetic nervous system. In other words, the aspects of your nervous system that are activated when you’re resting. So it just relaxes you.”

    Talk to yourself like you would a friend

    And third is self-love, in the same way you would love a dear friend. “Say to yourself what you would say to a good friend. Using your own name. I’ll say to myself, usually, ‘Dude. I know you’re worried about losing everything and living in a flop house. But that’s irrational. You’re totally fine. And even if it did happen, you’d still have your wife and son. And all of your friends. And your purpose on earth to help other people. You’re good.’”

    Harris adds context. “Moments like that, if you’re in the car or on the way to a terrible job, or you’re leaving a domestic situation… that stinks. Again, I can’t fix all of that for you. But I can help you navigate regulating your nervous system. Deep breaths, as mentioned, and talking to yourself in a supportive way. Especially if you’re alone and there’s nobody to share your problems with. You can be your own support system.”

    He adds, of note, that simply because these tools can be helpful, doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t reach out for external assistance. “Doesn’t mean you don’t need other people—you do. But you have a lot within your own mind and heart right now that can help you.”

    Three step reset

    On Duran’s Instagram page (and posted elsewhere, as well), the three reset steps are written clearly in the comments:

    “1: Notice you’re spiraling and call it out. ⁣
    2: Put your hand on your heart (yes really!)—science shows this calms you.⁣
    3: Talk to yourself like you would your friend, using your own name.”

    Cortisol reduction

    Upworthy spoke with Dr. Anna Elton (LMFT), who relayed how helpful heart-touching can be in times that are perceived to be stressful. “Research shows that even simple self-touch can reduce cortisol and buffer stress responses by signaling safety to the nervous system. It increases body awareness, helping you feel more in touch with your body and more connected to yourself, while shifting attention away from anxious thought loops.”

    Ancient practices

    Therapist Caitlin Blair helped explain to Upworthy further how it works. “Any practice where you are bringing awareness into your body, such as placing a hand on the heart, can help bring you out of a thought spiral and feel more grounded. Many ancient practices such as yoga have used the hand over heart to feel connected to their bodies and spirits.”

    It’s not just the heart, she adds. “Other similar practices may include adding a hand on your abdomen or belly, where a lot of folks hold their stress, or focusing on their breathing. Anyone who considers themselves an over-thinker or compartmentalizer can really benefit from these body-based practices to reduce stress.”

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    Photo credit: Canva (Bulat Silvia) – Woman sees the solution to the maze.
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    People reveal how much happier they are after ditching these 7 so-called ‘required’ things

    “I find such peace in not forming opinions about a lot of things.”

    Mark Wales

    Upworthy Staff

    There can be a lot of pressure to do what our communities and peers expect of us. Some people find absolute bliss by letting go of peer pressure. Imagine the joy in doing less of what is “required” and more of what’s right for you.

    A question was posed in a recent r/AskReddit thread: “What’s something you didn’t realize was optional in life until you saw someone simply not doing it?” Comments ranged from common-sense opinions to valuable life lessons. It’s a curious thought about what things we might be engaging in that aren’t actually serving us. Perhaps you will remove a few of these from your behavioral patterns.

    rally, opinions, behavioral change, mindset shift, emotional well-being, life improvement, self-awarenesss
    People at a demonstration rally. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    My opinion is necessary on this

    A few quick keystrokes, and our thoughts and opinions are easily shared on a seemingly endless stream of topics. Often with little repercussions, someone might even find themselves telling a professional how to apply their field of expertise properly.

    “That you don’t actually have to have an opinion on everything. Watching someone say “I don’t know enough about that to comment” made me realize silence is an option too.”

    Here were some clever responses to that way of thinking:

    “I find such peace in not forming opinions about a lot of things.”

    “it’s cheeky but liberating for me when people ask, ‘what do you think about […]?’ and I reply, ‘I don’t’”

    “Social media has been the biggest driver of people thinking they have to have an opinion on everything & it has destroyed the fabric of society.”

    “Some things are really, really complicated and I’m not being paid to figure them out”

    social event, self-libation, invitation, friends, excuses, appointments, parties, unhealthy routines

    People at a party. Photo credit: Canva

    It’s important to attend the events to which I’m invited

    Maybe it seems like a form of rocket science to uncover the best way to excuse ourselves from something. But, perhaps it’s actually simpler to say “no thank you” than come up with an elaborate excuse.

    “Saying ‘thank you for the invitation, but I/we won’t be able to make it!’ to a social invite without providing a detailed explanation about WHY you can’t attend.

    These responses sum up the idea nicely:

    “Usually the person you’re talking to doesn’t even care that you don’t have a reason. They were just wanting to hear yes or no”

    “BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOU, KAREN!”

    “when I was young my mom taught me that “No.” is a complete sentence.”

    “Yes and this also applies to work if you’re using to or vacation. You earned that time, you don’t have to explain why you want to use it. Same with canceling appointments.”

    worry, problems, lifestyle cleanup, behavioral pruning, cognitive learning, social pressure, conformity bias

    A man worried on a bench. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    Worrying about everything

    It’s easy to get wrapped up in fear and worries. But how many things do we actually have the ability to change? On top of that, how many things are actually interfering with our lives and overall happiness?

    “The world doesn’t end if you burn a pizza, or if the water spills over when boiling pasta. That guy who cut you off isn’t the worst part of your day, the staff member at the store checking your ID isn’t a bad person. You can just “not” react to those things, and life gets a whole lot easier.”

    Redditors seemed to settle into this concept rather easily:

    “I was irritated that an accident on the freeway made me late for my first day of a new job. I took a step back and realized the people involved in that accident likely wished that my issue was their problem that day.”

    “I try and teach my little niece this – ‘whoopsie daisies!’ and ‘no big deal, we’ll clean it up! are common phrases my sis and I use.”

    “Growing up my dad always said ‘don’t sweat the small stuff.’ Used to piss me off because he usually said it when I was arguing with my sister LOL. But now I think it’s actually such an important view to have.”

    “I stress myself out about trying to do the best I can, trying to fight executive disfunction, being fast and efficient and right the first time. I really need to let that go and relax more.”

    neighbors, community influence, socail modeling, herd behavior, perceived norms, normative behavior, social expectations

    Sipping coffee and not answering the door. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    When you’re home, make yourself available

    To some, this may be a novel concept that we are not at the beck and call of people. Perhaps it’s reasonable and fair to get back to others when it’s most convenient for us.

    “Was casually speaking to my neighbor and she mentioned the neighborhood was getting hit hard by solicitors lately. I told her a few were selling internet plans, no name wireless, and pest control services, she looked at me like I had a horn between my eyes and asked me why I was opening my door to strangers. Made me really think about how programmed we are to answer the door, to anyone and everyone who may or may not be nefarious. So, I just stopped, because it IS weird I would open my door to someone I’m not expecting.”

    People responded with their own thoughts about not answering the door:

    “The doorbell and phone ringing are requests for your attention/time. You get to decide if you grant those requests”

    “And you don’t have to hide from them either! Look out your front window, realize it’s a salesperson, wave, and then ignore them til they leave.”

    “Years ago I realized that my door, much like my phone, is for MY convenience, not the world’s.”

    “My intercom is on private. I disabled my doorbell, and less than five people know my full address. I also only speak to one neighbour. Makes for a peaceful life.”

    habits, reading, books, optional norms, myth-busting, self-permission, optional norms, hidden freedoms

    Closing the book. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    When you start something, you must see it through to the end

    Sometimes it’s hard to put things down. Just because we “started” doesn’t necessarily mean “stopping” makes us a quitter.

    “This was a revelation to me, when a friend casually mentioned that he’d started reading a particular book, but it didn’t grab him, so he stopped. I pushed back because I’d somehow got the idea that if a book didn’t interest me, that was a fault in me for not getting it/trying hard enough/being smart enough, but he was like ‘it’s the authors job to make me want to keep reading’.”

    Commenters agreed that it’s worth stopping before finishing:

    “The same goes for TV series, movies, videogames, etc. If you’re not enjoying it or you’ve had enough you can just stop.”

    “And a book can be great but still not for me. Sometimes I just can’t get into it at that point in time or ever.”

    “Just because you invested money into it doesn’t mean you need to see it through to the end. Do something else.”

    “Yes! For a long time I felt this need to finish any book I picked up and I forced myself through some that truly just did not mesh with me.”

    care instructions, ironing, convenience, dishwasher, complicated tasks, emotional resilience, stress reduction, mental expansion

    Care instructions. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    Things have more value if they’re complicated

    There’s something to be said for having the time and patience to work through a challenge. However, filling up our lives with complicated tasks isn’t necessarily the best plan for a more enjoyable life.

    “I call myself a Darwinist about my belongings. If you can make it through the washer/dryer, or the dishwasher, then you get to survive. Saves a whole lotta hassle, and reduces expectations.”

    These were some of the opinions people had around making life less complicated:

    “I’ve got this great ironing hack called ‘Don’t buy clothes that need ironing.’”

    “For me, it’s ‘if I can’t throw it in the dishwasher, I don’t want it in my kitchen’. Gasp in horror that I don’t follow your 5-step knife care routine, but I really dgaf.”

    “Yup, I still remember the exact Sunday night years ago when I was ironing my dress shirts for work thinking to myself ‘Why am I wasting time outside of work doing work related stuff?’ That was the last time I wore clothes that needed ironing to work.”

    “I know of people who iron their sheets. It doesn’t have to be like this. We can break the cycle.”

    family matters, wellness outcomes, mindful living, best friends, bullies, poor relationships, unhealthy people, psychological thriving

    An awkward hug. Photo credit:u00a0Canva

    Stay true to your friends and family, no matter what

    This one might be a bit more complicated than most. However, everyone has the right to determine if a friend is bringing value to the relationship.

    “My closest pals through me a little party and they asked who I wanted to come and I left someone off the list that we’d normally invite. They asked and I just said: unless you guys really want her here, or if it will cause an issue, I don’t want her to come. We all know how she’ll act and I just want to have a nice time. Everyone agreed though: we’re all tired of her behaviour. So we didn’t invite her and had a wonderful time.”

    These were some thoughts by other Redditors:

    “Yep my mil has a huge problem with me not wanting to see or speak to their bigoted racist family. I want nothing to do with them.”

    “I just hope your not dropping family because of their views / ideologies / politics, but because of how they treat you.”

    “Dropping toxic friends and, most especially family, out of your life. “What do you mean you’re not inviting A**hole Uncle Frank to Thanksgiving?” “Yup!” It is soooooooo good!”

    “But who’s going to complain about the Obamacare royalties if Uncle Frank doesn’t show up????”

    Calvin and Hobbes, boy, flying, freedom, animation, spring, animated, funny, humorous

    Calvin flies with the birds. media1.giphy.com

    Experts agree that letting go of these issues can make for a happier life

    Learning how to adapt to what actually works in our lives is a valuable tool supported by science.

    A 2025 study in BioMed Central found that hanging out with peers who engage in problematic behaviors increases depression. Learning how to protect ourselves against adopting behaviors that don’t actually serve us strongly supports emotional growth and self-esteem. A 2025 study in the Wiley Online Library found that positive self-view protected individuals from engaging in harmful behaviors. Learning how to curb unproductive habits can lead to more happiness. A 2022 study in MDPI showed that treating yourself kindly and being mindful of your emotional state and personal needs contribute to overall well-being.

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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  • Woman quits 6-figure job to live on cruise ships and discovers complicated reality 2 months in
    Photo credit: abroadthattravels/Instagram – A woman left her six-figure career behind to live on cruise ships full-time, but shares pros and cons.
    , , ,

    Woman quits 6-figure job to live on cruise ships and discovers complicated reality 2 months in

    It’s not all glitz and glamour all the time.

    Evan Porter

    Upworthy Staff

    We’ve all thought about it. Almost every one of us has been at the beach, at a resort, or on a cruise and thought, “Wow, I really wish we could just stay forever.” The dread of going back to “real life” hits hard on that last day of vacation, and it’s hard to stop your mind from wondering what exactly it would look like to just… stay.

    Some bold folks actually do it. Cruise ships, in particular, are a popular destination for people who want to permanently live on “vacation” because they can be relatively affordable and come with built-in food, adventure, and entertainment.

    Emma, who is in her thirties, recently decided to pull the trigger and do exactly that. Earlier this year, she quit her six-figure job in order to live full-time aboard cruise ships.

    Emma’s partner of several years makes a living gambling on cruise ships as a professional poker player. Emma, who goes by A Broad That Travels, says he would be gone for weeks or months at a time sailing, and she finally had enough of all the time apart.

    “There was a point in time where we were just apart for more than half the year while he was cruising and I was doing my corporate grind, and it was really difficult,” she says. “There were some cruises and some adventures he was doing where I was like…we have to do this together.”

    So she decided to leave her six-figure career in corporate tech sales behind and join him. Though they had cruised a lot together, the couple had their first cruise as a part of their new lifestyle just two months ago, the first of a four-month stretch of non-stop cruising.

    “At the end of the day, if you’re not with the ones you love and you’re not doing something you enjoy, then what’s the point?” she says. “What’s the point of having a job that makes you a lot of money if you can’t enjoy the perks?”

    Everyone wants to know how Emma manages the finances of only working part-time and living on a cruise ship, and the answer is unique and fascinating: “The finances of the cruise actually work really well because we get free cruise offers from the casino. All we pay are port fees and taxes, which are minuscule in comparison to the standard costs of a cruise.”

    (Emma’s partner, Cael, for his part, also vlogs about the inner workings of his life as a poker player and how he’s able to get so many free cruises.)

    Living on Royal Caribbean cruises, sailing to exotic ports, partying, eating incredible food. They’re living the dream. Right?

     

    Except Emma says that, while living aboard cruises is fun and adventurous, the lifestyle comes with its challenges. Two months into her journey, she was hit by some of the “dark side” of full-time cruising.

    Many people who choose to live permanently on cruise ships are older and retired, or have enough savings to live off of for a while. Emma is young and still working part-time in data analytics and studying for her MBA, which poses some unique hurdles.

    “Too much of a good thing is challenging,” she says. “It’s fun and it’s really difficult.”

    Emma says the overstimulation—the constant noise, music, people, crowds—is a lot to handle. Finding a quiet space on the ship other than her tiny room to work or study has proven to be almost impossible. About four to six weeks in, she says in a video update, she found herself wanting to go home.

    “I think the biggest misconception is that people think it’s going to be just fun non-stop and that I’m on vacation the entire time,” she says. “I work and go to school, so I’m quite busy!”

    She says it’s challenging to get up every day to work, study, eat normally, and exercise when the entire cruise atmosphere is built around excess and partying.

    The lifestyle can also, surprisingly, get lonely. Emma says that it’s fun meeting people and making friends aboard the ship, but almost all of them disembark at the end of the week, never to be seen again. It’s hard to build community and lasting connections.

    “I’m definitely missing community engagement, things like that,” she says.

    On the cruise, everyone is a stranger, all the time. The other high-status cruisers Emma and her partner meet are often much older, so making friends their own age is a challenge.

    However, Emma says that they have found ways to make it work, and they’re adjusting to their new way of life.

    One thing that’s helped is making connections and friendships with the staff aboard. Those are the only other people that are doing anything close to resembling “living normal life.”

    They’ve found other ways to find community, family, and friendship as well: “We [recently] sailed with family for a 10-day cruise and had a blast! It’s really great to spend time with family after being away from home for so long.”

    She adds that the longer they stay aboard Royal Caribbean cruises, the more they start to see some of the same familiar faces.

    “We also ran into some friends on a cruise last month that we met on a cruise in the summer of 2024 going from Miami to Spain,” she says. “We ended up hanging out with them most of the cruise and catching up. We’re starting to notice a little bit of a community of frequent cruisers!”

    In the end, living permanently aboard a cruise ship (or any kind of vacation environment) seems appealing, but it’s not for everyone. The lifestyle shift can be jarring, and it can be a huge adjustment.

    “A few people have said it’s their dream to do what I’m doing and think there’s no way anyone could have any difficulty with the lifestyle,” Emma writes. “While it is fun a lot of the time, and it is an amazing experience, there are also many aspects of living on a cruise ship that are difficult for me. Travel is often glamorized and I don’t think people like when I break even a small part the illusion.”

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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  • Philosopher Socrates offered the perfect advice for anyone struggling with self-identity
    https://www.canva.com/photos/MAGycAdElhk-beautiful-woman-looking-at-herself-in-mirror-indoors/Socrates shared advice on how to find self-identity.
    ,

    Philosopher Socrates offered the perfect advice for anyone struggling with self-identity

    He shared his ancient advice to “find yourself.”

    Emily Shiffer

    Struggling to find a sense of self is part of the human condition. What makes each person unique and “themself” is a complex topic in psychology and philosophy.

    According to the American Psychological Association (APA), identity is defined by two major aspects. The first: “A set of physical, psychological, and interpersonal characteristics that is not wholly shared with any other person.”

    And the second: “A range of affiliations (e.g., ethnicity) and social roles. Identity involves a sense of continuity, or the feeling that one is the same person today that one was yesterday or last year (despite physical or other changes).”

    The APA adds that it is also “derived from one’s body sensations; one’s body image; and the feeling that one’s memories, goals, values, expectations, and beliefs belong to the self.”

    Greek philosopher Socrates addressed the human struggle with self-identity and self-knowledge—”to know thyself”—and he offered a simple sentence to help.

    Socrates’ advice on self-identity

    According to Socrates, the key to self-knowledge starts in your brain:

    “I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think. To find yourself, think for yourself.”

    In the book Socrates and Self-Knowledge, author and professor of Philosophy and Classics at The Pennsylvania State University specializing in ancient Greek philosophy, Christopher Moore, theorizes that Socrates based “knowing thyself” on questioning one’s self.

    He writes, “a person can be said to have self-knowledge whenever he knows the truth of a statement in which there is reference to himself.”

    However, this does note solely require self introspection. Moore argues self-knowledge is actually best achieved with the help of others. “Socrates, at the end of his long speech in Plato’s Phaedrus, urges his friend to dedicate his life single-mindedly to ‘love accompanied by philosophical talk’,” adding that “self-knowledge comes about through conversation with others, and
    that self-knowledge is akin to knowledge of others.”

    Moore concludes: “Socratic self-knowledge means working on oneself, with others, to become the sort of person who could know himself, and thus be responsible to the world, to others, and to oneself, intellectually, morally, and practically.”

    How to tap into your inner-Socrates

    In a podcast episode with Yale psychology professor Dr. Laurie Santos, fellow Yale professor and philosopher Tamar Gendler explained how to apply Socrates’ lessons into your personal life to help better understand your self-knowledge. She explains that, according to Socrates, self-knowledge is a paradox.

    “To know ourselves is to not know ourselves,” says Gendler. “It is to know that in many ways we do not have direct access to our motivations, that we do not have direct access to what it is that we are actually responding to when we do something. And it’s an endless process of engaging in Socratic self-question.

    To tap into that inner-Socrates, she says there is an inner dialogue looks something like this:

    “Why do you think that?”

    “Is it possible that you think that for a different reason?”

    “Is it possible that even though you assume you value that, actually that’s just an old habit that you haven’t questioned?”

    “Is it possible that you think you’re responding to a person, and in fact you’re responding to a stereotype about people of that kind?”

    Dr. Santos adds that harnessing your inner-Socrates isn’t always comfortable, and involves “intentionally questioning why you think certain things, and why you take certain actions. It also involves admitting that you probably aren’t as smart as you think you are.”

    Keep Reading →
  • Philosopher Plato shared two things humans should ‘never be angry at’ for a more peaceful life
    Photo credit: Canva & Wikipedia – An angry woman, left, and Greek philosopher Plato.
    ,

    Philosopher Plato shared two things humans should ‘never be angry at’ for a more peaceful life

    Channel anger with the help of Greek philosophy.

    Emily Shiffer

    Americans are struggling with anger. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines anger as “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.”

    According to a 2025 report by the APA, 45% of Americans reported feeling angry or irritable.

    Anger was an emotion that Greek philosopher Plato, who lived from 428 to 348 BCE, knew well and studied closely. He offered wisdom to those seeking answers on how to live a more peaceful life.

    Centuries later, his sage insights are still helping people today. He offered a simple, single sentence to those seeking guidance.

    Plato’s advice on anger

    According to Plato, “There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

    Plato did not shy away from discussing anger in his works on the human experience. He expanded on the Greek term thymos (also spelled thumos), describing it as an “internal psychological process of thought, emotion, volition, and motivation.”

    Plato saw anger as part of human “spiritedness” and “passion.”

    In an essay on Plato and anger, philosopher Gregory Sadler writes, “Anger arises from a perception not only that some harm has been done, some inconvenience has been imposed, some wish, desire, or intention has been frustrated — but all the more from a sense that some wrong has been committed, that someone or something is unjust.”

    Rather than deeming anger morally right or wrong, Plato’s stance is more focused on what humans do with it.

    How to deal with anger

    Plato explained that there are two ways humans can view anger when it arises: through the lens of “what they can help, and what they cannot.”

    Sadler notes, “For Plato, the goal is not total inirascability, an inability to grow angry — nor is it a godlike self-mastery that would preclude any angry responses whatsoever. There are situations in which one ought to grow angry, and act out that anger — when morally this is the right thing to do.”

    The work comes in deciphering when to act on anger and when not to. In short: reason.

    The APA notes that using logic is key to defusing anger:

    “Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is ‘not out to get you,’ you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective.”

    This is part of what the APA calls “cognitive restructuring,” explaining that it is important to focus on rationality: “For instance, instead of telling yourself, ‘oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,’ tell yourself, ‘it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.’”

    The APA adds, “Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way.”

    By turning these “demands” into “desires,” peace can be achieved.

    “In other words, saying, ‘I would like’ something is healthier than saying, ‘I demand’ or ‘I must have’ something,” the APA says.

    For more support, check out the APA’s resources on anger.

    Keep Reading →
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