48 surprisingly damaging things that men hear all the time.

Sexism hurts men too.

Earlier this December, the Huffington Post put out a wildly popular video in which women young and old repeated the sexist phrases they hear during a lifetime.

With phrases ranging from "you're so pretty" to "what were you wearing that night," the two-minute video captured what it's like to live in a culture that unfairly defines your worth based on the fact that you happen to be a woman.


Now it's the men's turn to explain the things they hear in a lifetime.

All images via Huffington Post/YouTube.

In "48 Things Men Hear in a Lifetime (That Are Bad for Everyone)," another video from the Huffington Post, men repeat the phrases that often shape how they treat women and each other. Although we don't discuss it much, men also feel that they're often viewed through a narrow lens.

Surprisingly, a lot of the comments in this video deal with stereotypes that are similar to what women face, too, just with a masculine spin.

For example:

1. Men are also judged on their looks.

To illustrate how much women are judged by their looks, the "48 Things Women Hear" video begins and ends with comments reflecting this: "You're so pretty" and "You must have been beautiful when you were younger."

While men might not hear this as incessantly as women, they're also judged on physical characteristics that they have no control over, and are often told they need to fit a stereotypical masculine ideal. This means they're judged on things like being tall, being able to grow facial hair ("You can't even grow a beard!"), and "being buff."

Scientific studies point out that women are judged more strongly by their physical attractiveness than their male counterparts, but as this video shows, men experience this too — sometimes to the point of excluding their personality and capabilities.

2. Men are told that they shouldn't do girly things.

We hammer this notion into boys' heads from a young age: what toys they should play with and what emotions they should or should not express.

Anything perceived as "girly" is off-limits. In this way, boys are discouraged from freely exploring what they might truly like.

And this doesn't change as they grow up, either. For example, while women are questioned for drinking "manly" drinks like whiskey, men are ridiculed for picking a poison that's not stereotypically masculine.

3. Men are also taught not to have feelings.

Most men don't dare get emotional, lest someone ask, "Are you on your period?" (See also "Don't be such a pussy" and "You're so sensitive for a guy.") or make insinuations about sexual orientation. Apparently, the same insults that are lobbed at women can be thrown at men for daring to show emotion at all.

Perhaps The Cure's "Boys Don't Cry" says it best:

"I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry"






Real talk, though: Expressing emotion should not equal emasculation. Both men and women would do well to remember that.

4. Women are shamed for their sexuality. Men are encouraged to do the shaming.

"Don't be a slut."

"No guy wants to have sex with a virgin."

Those were two comments featured in the "48 Things Women Hear" video that capture the sexual double standard women face. But in their video, men are encouraged to play into this double standard, too.

Men didn't make these contradictory rules up themselves. Other men and perhaps even other women have passed down such notions for generations. Plus, this video reminds us that men are even judged by similar standards to women in this regard, with people commonly asking a man, "You're still a virgin?"

Then there's the notion that men should feel entitled to whatever they want sexually, perhaps to mitigate the perception that they're virginal and therefore weak:

And the fact that most bad behavior is then excused with this cliche:

Not all men are perpetrators of rape culture, and not all women are victims of it. But both are at a disadvantage when certain notions are pushed on any gender.

"48 Things Men Hear in a Lifetime" shows more than just how sexism affects society's more favored gender. It also shows how men are taught to subscribe to sexist notions in order to come off as more masculine, as a "real man."

And sometimes those notions don't come from men themselves, but from all of us.

We can't solve sexism without men taking stock of their own beliefs and without reflecting on how women play into those beliefs as well.

Let's think twice before we say certain things about how men and women "should" act according to gender.

Watch the entire video below:

More
via bfmamatalk / facebook

Where did we go wrong as a society to make women feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public?

No one should feel they have the right to tell a woman when, where, and how she can breastfeed. The stigma should be placed on those who have the nerve to tell a woman feeding her child to "Cover up" or to ask "Where's your modesty?"

Breasts were made to feed babies. Yes, they also have a sexual function but anyone who has the maturity of a sixth grader knows the difference between a sexual act and feeding a child.

Keep Reading Show less
popular
Instagram / JLo

The Me Too movement has shed light on just how many actresses have been placed in positions that make them feel uncomfortable. Abuse of power has been all too commonplace. Some actresses have been coerced into doing something that made them uncomfortable because they felt they couldn't say no to the director. And it's not always as flagrant as Louis C.K. masturbating in front of an up-and-coming comedian, or Harvey Weinstein forcing himself on actresses in hotel rooms.

But it's important to remember that you can always firmly put your foot down and say no. While speaking at The Hollywood Reporter's annual Actress Roundtable, Jennifer Lopez opened up about her experiences with a director who behaved inappropriately. Laura Dern, Awkwafina, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong'o, and Renee Zellweger were also at the roundtable.

Keep Reading Show less
popular

Life for a shelter dog, even if it's a comfortable shelter administered by the ASPCA with as many amenities as can be afforded, is still not the same as having the comfort and safety of a forever home. Professional violinist Martin Agee knows that and that's why he volunteers himself and his instrument to help.

Keep Reading Show less
popular
Courtesy of Macy's

In many ways, 18-year-old Idaho native, Hank Cazier, is like any other teenager you've met. He loves chocolate, pop music, and playing games with his family. He has lofty dreams of modeling for a major clothing company one day. But one thing that sets him apart may also jeopardize his future is his recent battle against a brain tumor.

Cazier was diagnosed in 2015. When he had surgery to remove the tumor, he received trauma to his brain and lost some of his motor functionality. He's been in physical, occupational, and speech therapy ever since. The experience impacted Cazier's confidence and self-esteem, so he's been looking for a way to build himself back up again.

"I wanted to do something that helped me look forward to the future," he says.

Enter Make-A-Wish, a nonprofit organization that grants wishes for children battling critical illnesses, providing them a chance to make the impossible possible. The organization partnered with Macy's to raise awareness and help make those wishes a reality. The hope is that the "wish effect" will improve their quality of life and empower them with the strength they need to overcome these illnesses and look towards the future. That was a particularly big deal for Cazier, who had been feeling like so many of his wishes weren't going to be possible because of his critical illness.

"In the beginning, it was hard to accept that it would be improbable for me to accomplish my previous goals because my illness took away so many of my physical abilities," says Cazier. His wish of becoming a model also seemed out of reach.

But Macy's and Make-A-Wish didn't see it like that. Once they learned about Cazier's wish, they knew he had to make it come true by inviting him to be part of the magical Macy's holiday shoot in New York.

Courtesy of Macy's

Make-A-Wish can't fulfill children's wishes without the generosity of donors and partners like Macy's. In fact, since 2003, Macy's has given more than $122 million to Make-A-Wish and impacted the lives of more than 2.9 million people.

Cazier's wish experience was beyond what he could've imagined, and it filled him with so much joy and confidence. "It is like waking up and discovering that you have super powers. It feels amazing!" he exclaims.

One of the best parts about the day for him was the kindness everyone who helped make it happen showed him.

"The employees of Macy's and Make-A-Wish made me feel welcome, warm, and cared for," he says. "I am truly grateful that even though they were busy doing their jobs, they were able to show kindness and compassion towards me in all of the little details."

He also got to spend part of the shoot outdoors, which, as someone who loves climbing, hiking, and scuba-diving but has trouble doing those activities now, was very welcome.

Courtesy of Macy's

Overall, Cazier feels he grew a lot during his modeling wish and is now emboldened to work towards a better quality of life. "I want to acquire skills that help me continue to improve in these circumstances," he says.

You can change the lives of more kids like Cazier just by writing a letter to Santa and dropping it in the big red letterbox at Macy's (you can also write and submit one online). For every letter received before Dec. 24, 2019, Macy's will donate $1 to Make-A-Wish, up to $1 million. By writing a letter to Santa, you can help a child replace fear with confidence, sadness with joy, and anxiety with hope.

Believe
True
Macy's