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Some tips for how to talk to your teen about watching porn. HINT: It's not to tell them to stop.

Porn has never been more available — or raunchier. What's it doing to kids' capacity for intimacy?

Who hasn't watched a little porn here and there?

You'd be hard-pressed to find a person who hasn't watched some porn or who doesn't enjoy it on an occasional basis. Generationally, though, the dynamics of porn have changed. Depending on your age, your ideas of what porn is and how it's affected your actual sex life will vary. But for the newest generations of sexually active youth, things have gotten pretty extreme.

I know of whence I speak, for I have a teenage son.

So what's the big deal with teens watching porn if everyone does it? Well, they are very different from adults. And times have changed.

The problem is that teenage porn use is not just a kid getting ahold of dad's girly magazine anymore. It's unfettered access to as much porn as a kid wants, as frequently as they want it, and with the ability to escalate to more and more extreme types as their brain desensitizes to it. And unfortunately, kids' brains are still very much in their formative years even in their late teens, so it's having an effect on the actual wiring of their sexual norms.

A study published in 2014 from Cambridge University tracked the behaviors of compulsive porn users:

Source: " Your Brain on Porn" based on findings from Cambridge University.

And that's not to mention the effect it has on women's perceived expectations of themselves and their partners' expectations of them because of porn's depictions. When even women's orgasms are shown as a caricaturized performance in service of pleasing a man, something gets really skewed in terms of what women can hope to experience for their own fulfillment.

OK, but what can we even do about it?

You could try frequent, random, and unannounced appearances in your kids' room to make them too paranoid to take advantage of "alone time." Or you could creatively find ways to make sure the family pet is always in there in the hopes that they'd be too wigged out to watch porn while Whiskers McButtonNose is looking on.

Image (text added) by John of Wales/Flickr.

But that seems like a lot more work and way less reliable than just talking with teens about it. Here's how I did it:

I sent my son some links to a documentary about what it can do to a developing teen's brain to gorge on porn (he was about 15 at the time). I asked him to find me and talk to me after he was done watching the documentary — I wanted to let him have some control about when the conversation happened, so it could be more productive and not feel like an ambush.

When he did, we talked about the research. It wasn't the most comfortable conversation in the world, but it also wasn't the worst. I let him know I didn't think it was shameful for him to watch porn, that I know a lot of people do, and that I wasn't going to place any unrealistic expectations on him to never watch porn.

I asked him what points the movie made that really hit home for him. I noted that porn and masturbation do not necessarily go hand-in-hand (SORRY). I also suggested he may benefit from thinking about what parameters he wanted to set for himself, like:

  • Is there a frequency of watching it he doesn't want to exceed in order to feel good about himself? (He decided that a couple of times a week was enough for him, and it was definitely a step back from the frequency he had been engaging in).
  • Is there a threshold of porn extremity he doesn't want to surpass in order to feel like he's not violating his own deeply empathetic nature? (He decided he just had no interest in watching anything that seemed sadistic and made a promise to himself — not me — that he'd shut it down and find something else if something crossed that line.)

The point really was that I can't waltz into my son's private life and think I'm going to dictate what choices he'll make. I mean, I could have had a parental power struggle that escalated into me taking away his computer and Internet unless he does what I say, but I don't think that would have taught him what he really needs to navigate this stuff — self-regulation.

So what happened with my son?

I noticed after our talk that he was spending a lot less time in his room doing ... "room things" and a lot more time with other people. He seems happier and no longer carries the ever-present sense of dissatisfaction and frustration of wondering if his real life will ever match up to what he's being told his sex life should be. He got to make a thoughtful and deliberate choice for himself on his own terms.

GIF from "30 Rock."

When you let a teen know that their porn habits today could affect their ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship — a real one — down the road, some kids will care.

Of course, some kids just won't either. But at least this way, they're getting a chance to make a choice instead of just being railroaded into a lifetime of warped sexual norms without a shot at doing it differently. Porn companies don't care about your kids' health and well-being, so don't let them be the only influence weighing in on this.

It all starts with adults acknowledging the reality of teens' daily lives. We can do this, folks.

And for some more good, research based talk about it all, check out this really enlightening TED Talk by Gail Dines on bringing kids up in a "pornified culture." (Be warned: It's a very frank discussion about sexuality, and the f-word is prevalent throughout.)

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Dogs really do have favorite people, and here's how they decide who it will be

Sometimes their favorite people don't live in their house.

Photo credit: Canva

Dogs really do have favorite people. Here's how they decide

When my sister's dog, Junior, was on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, I was one of his favorite people. This dog would get full body wags every time I came around, and we'd spend most of the day cuddled up with each other. Now my dog, Cocolina, behaves in the same way whenever my sister comes to visit. But what goes into a dog deciding who their favorite person is? Spoiler, it's not always the person they live with.

Like humans, animals have their own personalities. You might rescue a dog thinking it will be the perfect companion, only to have the furry adoptee spend every waking moment following your partner around. You could spend hundreds of dollars on vet checkups, new harnesses, treats, and all the squeaky dog toys you can find, but that still won't be enough to convince a dog to love you. Instead of showering the giver of treats with kisses, they make goo-goo eyes at the pet sitter. It turns out they have their reasons.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Corgi cuddles spreading joy and smiles!Photo credit: Canva

Since our canine friends can't talk, we have to rely on the experts to explain what the deal is with how dogs pick their favorite human. Carol Erickson, a Pennsylvania SPCA animal advocate, gave a brief interview with CBS News Philadelphia to explain her take on how dogs determine their bestest, most favorite person.

"What it comes down to for all dogs is they decide their very favorite family member by who gives the most consistent, high-quality attention, play, and physical affection: ear rubs, scratches, that sort of thing. Dogs get positive associations from being around people who consistently provide positive experiences, including treats, meals, play that they enjoy, and remember also that early association in those first six months can influence who a dog may like better later on," she tells the outlet.

Rover backs up Erickson's claim that the first six months are crucial in determining who will become the dog's favorite person later in life. The website says, "Many dogs bond hardest to whoever cares for them during their key socialization period, which occurs between birth and six months." However, they later note that dogs can still be socialized appropriately even as adults.

The dog-sitting website also explains that it's not uncommon for people who are not the dog's primary caregiver to be their favorite person. Pointing out that physical affection is vital to dogs, if the mailman gives out head scratches daily but the owner doesn't, the mailman may become the dog's favorite person. While physical affection and treats go a long way for some pooches, those aren't the only things that get puppy eyes melting with love.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Joyful moments with furry friends! 🐶❤️Photo credit: Canva

"While positive experiences play a big role, a dog’s favorite person isn’t always just the one holding the treat bag. Dogs also respond to emotional connection, tone of voice, and even body language. Their preferences are shaped by a mix of familiarity, trust, and how well a person understands their needs," explains Elle Vet Sciences. They later add, "Dogs also take emotional cues from us. If a person is stressed, loud, or inconsistent, a dog may be less likely to form a deep bond with them. On the other hand, someone who offers reassurance and stability often earns the title of 'favorite' without even realizing it."

In short, if you want to be your dog's bestie, being consistent with affection, actions, and even training and grooming will get you there a lot faster than treats alone. Dogs aren't trying to be persnickety; just like humans, they enjoy being around people who show them that they enjoy their company—and maybe some treats.

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Jane Goodall leaves behind hope and a survival guide to get through trying times

She offered four solid reasons to stay hopeful.

US Mission Uganda/Wikimedia

Jane Goodall leaves behind hope and survival guide for trying times

Jane Goodall was a wildlife conservationist, zoologist, and anthropologist. Her incredible career spanned multiple decades, resulting in the scientific community and animal lovers alike having a deeper, more thorough understanding of chimpanzees. The conservationist is most famous for living amongst the Gombe National Park (previously Gombe Stream Game Reserve) in Tanzania.

The anthropologist's approach to wildlife conservation was solidified when she founded the Jane Goodall Institute, where she expanded her work to include global advocacy "for human rights, animal welfare, species and environmental protection, and many other crucial issues," according to the institute's website. In their long tribute to Dr. Goodall, the institute reveals that the scientist dreamed about writing books about her work with animals since she was a child. A dream that came true, as the now late conservationist authored over 25 books.

Jane Goodall; hope; surviving trying times; survival guide; chimpanzees; Jane Goodall Institute Smiling woman with grey hair and blue shirt.Nikeush/Wikimedia

Goodall passed away from natural causes in October 2025 while on a speaking tour. She was 91 years old and still extremely involved in the work that has defined her life. While the humanist wrote books for children and adults, her final book, written in 2021 with Douglas Abrams and Gail Hudson, was left behind as a reminder of hope in hard times. The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide for Trying Times just might be one of the most treasured gifts one human can leave for humanity. It's fitting that Goodall helped author it.

Within the pages of the book, Goodall lists four reasons for hope: human intellect, the resilience of nature, the power of young people, and the indomitable human spirit. In the book, Goodall drives home the point that even in the most trying times, hope isn't something that happens blindly.

Jane Goodall; hope; surviving trying times; survival guide; chimpanzees; Jane Goodall Institute Discussion of chimpanzee behavior with an iconic photograph backdrop.World Economic Forum/Flickr

“Hope is often misunderstood. People tend to think that it is simply passive wishful thinking: I hope something will happen but I’m not going to do anything about it. This is indeed the opposite of real hope, which requires action and engagement,” she says.

In response to the back-and-forth dialogue between Goodall and Abrams in the book, Abrams explains the zoologist's approach to hope by adding, "She says that people who wonder how you can have hope in seemingly hopeless situations, like a death camp, confuse hope with idealism. Idealism expects everything to be fair or easy or good. She says it's a defense mechanism not unlike denial or delusion. Hope, she says, does not deny the evil but is a response to it. I was beginning to see that hope was not just wishful thinking. It did take the facts and the obstacles into account, but it did not let them overwhelm or stop us. Certainly, this was true in many seemingly hopeless situations.”

Hope is a theme throughout a lot of Goodall's writings and interviews. When speaking to Democracy Now in 2016, she was asked how one person can make a difference, and her response may help others who feel as if they've been working towards change without reward or results.

"Well, the thing is, it's not about one person. Can they make a difference? Everybody, every day, does make a difference. And if we think about the consequences of the choices we make, what we buy, what we eat, what we wear, and we start making the right ethical choices, then when that's multiplied by a thousand, a million, a billion, several billion times, and we see the world moving towards change. So the most important thing is to give people hope."

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.


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Joy

People share words they inexplicably love, and it's a beautiful way to boost your vocabulary

Some words are simply pure joy to say, like onomatopoeia.

Image via Canva/Zinkevych

People share their absolute favorite words.

Without words, communicating with each other would be a lot more difficult. According to Merriam Webster, there are estimated to be about one million words in the English language (although there is no official count).

Some words are simply pure joy to say, like onomatopoeia—words that are a vocal imitation of the sound they are associated with it, such as "buzz" or "hiss." While other words hold special meaning or a silly backstory, some words can make you physically cringe.

Over on Reddit, linguistics lovers and grammar enthusiasts created a rich conversation delving into words that just hit. Here are 43 words that they absolutely adore:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Everybody has a favorite word. I have 2. Falafel & wicker. Just because they're fun to say." - AngelicDaemon420

"Onomatopoeia because of it's cadence and the idea of a word sounding like the thing it describes. It's like poetry in my ears." - MuckleRucker3

"I could never pick just one. There's like a top 10 or top 20. Some of them are starling, decanted, apoplectic, crestfallen, hubris." - rgtgd

"Scallywag and crocodilian are two of my favorite words. Also, the name Talleyrand is also great." - Hoppy_Croaklightly

"Cahoots." - looking4truffle

"Spleen and squeegee. They're both just fun." - scipio0421

"Indubitably and brouhaha." - lucidwrld4

"Mellifluous. Mellifluous means flowing like honey, Latin origin." AshevilleRen, Pristine-Pen-9885

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Petrichor. I just find it so niche and precise." - dreamrock

"Facetious and abstemious because they both have all the vowels, in order. But I also like discombobulated, just because." - Horror_Bake4106

"When I was a teenager, my favorite word was spaghettification (what they believe happens inside a black hole). Now I lean towards onomatopoeia." - illizzilly

"Murmuration and defenestrate, for both the way they sound and their meanings." - jeekle

"Plethora. It means a lot to me." - Fosad

"Entendre, it just flows nicely. Also a fan of juxtaposition for the same reasons. No meaning, simply phonetic." - duh_nom_yar

"Tomfoolery. It's just so old-timey, as in 'what manner of tomfoolery is this?' And it has never become trendy again..." - AuNaturellee

"Skedaddle makes me laugh when I say it. Schadenfreude.... I love German words." - Royal_Ad_6026

skedaddle, skedaddle gif, you better skedaddle, skedaddling, skedaddle funny skedaddle gif Giphy

"Defenestration! Because of course we need a specific term for being shoved out a window. Also sphygmomanometer, but medical terms seem like cheating." - aequorea-victoria

"Vapid, it just sounds vicious when used. Cacophony is another fun one to say. My all-time favorite to say is French for butterfly- papillon." - Familiar-Year-3454

"Serendipity and tranquil/tranquility. They both sound like exactly what they mean." - nutcracker_78

"Overmorrow. The day after tomorrow." - isobel-foulplay

"Rancor. It always sounds so badass when people say it." User Unknown

"Phosphorescent. It’s a shame you can’t work it into many conversations." - jnadols1

"I like how awkward 'awkward' looks." - Etherbeard

awkward, awkward gif, awkward word, awkward word, awk, awks Awkward Ed Helms GIF by The Office Giphy

"Luxuriate is a great verb with a great vibe :D." - LittleNanaJ

"I love the word 'dialectic'—both pronunciation and meaning." - Jedi_Temple

"Tintinnabulation. I remember learning this in junior high when we read Poe’s The Bells. It’s a great descriptor. His use of words to so clearly describe each type of bell fascinated young me. Tintinnabulation was a word I had never seen before. And since back in the dark ages we had to read aloud in class and memorize poems this word fascinated me. I fell in love with poetry because of this word." - ReadNapRepeat

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Dudes get real about why it feels 'embarrassing' to give flowers, and it's eye-opening

More conversations like this, please.

Photo credit: Canva

Maybe it's not just men being lazy.

“I hate giving flowers because of how it makes me feel.”

This was a confession recently given by a man (Safe Elghorab) which turned into a very vulnerable, yet very insightful—not to mention very healthy—conversation about the connection between affection and masculinity.

“How does it make you feel? Let's talk about it!” responded his friend Yaqoub Adiver, a content creator who also posted the video.

“Just always ask why,” chimed in the third friend, Chui, from offscreen.

@yaqoubadiver A moment of introspection with @Safe Elghorab @Chui⭐️ @Chui2.0 #flowerarrangement #deepconversations #withtheboys #yaqoubadiver #somalitiktok ♬ original sound - Yaqoubadiver

Elghorab then dived in, sharing how it feels “embarrassing” and totally unfamiliar since growing up, he never received flowers as a token of appreciation. Typically speaking, that’s a gift only bestowed upon girls.

“We didn't grow up with that type of love and affection,” Adiver affirmed, adding that now, in adulthood, it feels “out of character” to then go and show love in a way they were never taught exists.

“This ain't love for me,” he said.

Practical, basic necessities, on the other hand, like food, shelter, and clothes, feel “normal” and familiar. Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab discussed how food in particular, especially in POC communities, was a vital love language.

“That's the way of showing love or appreciation to someone coming into your home. Or even, within our cultures, if you're going to someone else's home, you usually bring something to share. That's the way of showing love for us in our culture,” said Chui.

That said, Elghorab didn’t hesitate to hold out a bouquet to Chui and tell his friend, “I got this type of love for you though.”

men, mens health, flowers, psychology, conversations, vulnerability, confessions, relationships A man hold flowersPhoto credit: Canva

It didn’t take long for this video to go viral on TikTok, with tons of people commending Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab for being able to have such an open and honest conversation.

“This is the kind of conversation men need to keep having with each other.”

“This is healthy masculinity 👏🏻”

“THE BOYS ARE HEALING 🥹🥹🥹”

“This is community. THIS IS BOYS BEING BOYS. These are the type of relationships I had growing up and they helped shape me into a man and I’ll never forget those relationships ❤️

Another viewer said, “Let’s talk about the fact that there’s a group of young men preparing flowers and talking about it. Not just grabbing a random bouquet from a grocery store and giving it no thought. Appreciate you!!” making a nod to an age-old complaint among women.

@bannersbysofia #bf #fyp #flowers ♬ original sound - Bannersbysofia

However, keeping the previous conversation in mind, maybe it’s not that “no thought is given,” and rather, it’s just unfamiliar territory.

It’s clearly inspiring and refreshing to a lot of people that more and more men are getting vulnerable in this way. Not only because it gets them in touch with their feelings (a practice not commonly encouraged even a generation ago) but also offers the women in their life a new level of insight. Both factors encourage more understanding and compassion, which something the world desperately needs right now.

At a time when so many people raising young men are concerned about "redpilling," toxic masculinity, and reverting back to truly troubling patriarchal views in search of belonging, it’s comforting to know that not all hope is lost.

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