Leslie Harter-Berg from Vancouver, Washington, lost her husband, Ryan, in 2019 when he died suddenly after an aneurysm and stroke. The couple was in Palm Springs, California after visiting Disneyland with their two sons, Wit (then 3) and Rory (1), when he passed away. “So I flew back from Cali as a single mom, solo business owner and widow, a term I thought only applied to old ladies,” she told Newsweek.
In 2022, she found love again with a new man, Sol, and in 2023, they had a son, Rhys. “I feel very blessed and lucky that I was able to find love twice,” she told People. “I can only imagine Ryan telling me not to waste this one life I get.”
The perfect way to celebrate her husband’s life with her children
But she still wanted her two oldest sons to understand the amazing man their father was and to experience him in some way. So, every year on his birthday, they would do something Ryan loved, such as watching a classic film or playing with LEGO.
In 2021, while going through Ryan’s belongings, she found a bucket list he had written in a high school journal. It paints a vivid picture of a young man’s hopes and core beliefs about family, friendship, and adventure. Since the bucket list was discovered, they have done something on it every year on Ryan’s birthday. Here’s the list:
- make a list of things to do before I die
- Make an independent film
- go on a road trip
- get a 4.00 GPA
- Go skydiving
- have a band (good)
- play in a concert
- Get married
- have kids
- stage dive
- make a website
- bungie jump
- take piano lessons
- learn to ride a unicycle
- live in a mansion
- play chess in a park
- Read the whole bible 5X + ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐
- go surfing
- learn to draw japanimation
- go jetskiing
- go snowmobiling
- drag race in a car
- invent something
- run in a marathon
- Be the best man at a wedding
- go to a public facility dressed as a pirate
- go to an art museum and appreciate
- ride in a taxi
- Build a 3 foot card tower
- live a riteous life
- learn to spell
- own a nice computer
- own a comfy couch
One year, the family accomplished #26 in his life by dressing up as pirates and going out in public, and #16 by playing chess in a park. April 2, 2026 will mark the fifth year that the family has been checking things off his list.
“My kids look forward to it every year!” she told Newsweek. “Especially as they get older and closer to the age Ryan was when he made it, I think it’s meaningful to get a glimpse into who their dad was.”
“He lives on in his quirky little list”
So far, the kids’ favorite activity on the list has been one of the most challenging.
“My kids’ favorite was probably building the three-foot-high card tower, which proved almost impossible,” she told Upworthy. “One of my friends was determined, and it took about three hours to finally get the cards to stay in place. We threw a big party and ate Ryan’s favorite snacks.”
After more than six million people saw her TikTok post about the bucket list, many contacted her to help her family complete it. One said they’d let them borrow their mansion to cross off #15.
“Someone on Lake Michigan said he’d be in Japan and my kids and I could experience mansion life to cross off Ryan’s ‘live in a mansion’ bucket list item,” she said. “Tempting, but we opted not to take him up on it. It has been so sweet to see how the Internet has rallied to want me to help complete it. A web design firm reached out, offering to build a website, another item on his list. Many people in the comments said they’d want to check off Ryan’s items too, which means so much. He lives on in his quirky little list.”
To learn more about how she worked to overcome her grief, check out her new memoir, You’re So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment.
