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Why The Self-Help Industry Is An Enormous Failure
Want to make your life better? Roman Krznaric has some interesting thoughts on how.
12.10.12
The moment he realizes what the gift is 🥲
Many people dream of somehow being able to pay their parents back for the sacrifices made for them during childhood. Whether that’s something physical, like paying off their mortgage, or simply being the best version of ourselves to make them absolutely proud.
For Lindsay Moore, it was finding a “prized possession” her dad once gave up to help the family, and returning it to him once again.
Moore still vividly remembers being only seven years old when she saw her father walk into a comic book store to sell a Dan Marino rookie football card from his first season with the Miami Dolphins.In a now-viral TikTok, Moore’s father is seen reliving this memory as he holds onto a Christmas bag and a family member reads a card out loud.
"Money was tight, so you were selling your most prized possession – at least I viewed it as that," Moore wrote. "I felt your sacrifice and it taught me that I would do whatever necessary to ensure my future family never needed anything. It was a lesson that has stuck with me since that moment."
It was also the moment she became “determined” to pay her father back. Cut to thirty years later, and her father is her Secret Santa. It was the perfect opportunity to fulfill that promise.
"I will never be able to fully repay that debt," her note continued. "Seven-year-old me would be so elated to see that I finally fulfilled that promise I made to myself. Thank you for everything."
As he listened, Moore’s dad began tearing up. Sure enough, he opened his gift to see it was the cherished card he sold all those years ago.
The video concludes as Moore and her father enjoy a warm embrace.
@lindseyswagmom Im not crying, you’re crying
♬ original sound - Lindsey Moore
The sweet exchange certainly struck a chord online.
“When he started crying I LOST IT,” one person wrote.
Another added, “Something about bringing a grown man to tears always gets me.”
A few parents shared their own stories of sacrificing prized possessions.
“As someone who has sold his prized Gretzky rookie to provide for his kids, I appreciate and respect this a lot,” commented one person.
“Just had to sell my signature MacKinnon jersey to pay bills. Sucked so much but kid comes first,” echoed another.
On the flip side, some shared their one experience of getting to repay their parents. One wrote:
“I got to do this for my mom last year. She won a [Dolce & Gabbana] purse one year at work and sold it to buy my prom dress and never thought twice. She never [got] name brand anything. So this year I took her to get her very first name brand fancy hand bag or her picking, my treat.”
But perhaps the best comment belonged to this person, who astutely pointed out: “The card wasn't the real gift to him. It was hearing his impact on you. Priceless.”
We might not all get to reclaim what our parents sacrificed. And that’s okay. There are so many other ways to share just how much of a positive impact they made on our lives. Even saying how much we appreciate them can be an invaluable reward. Yes. Really.
This article originally appeared on 12.23.23
“Compound interest isn't just something to do with money. It works with exercise, too.”
Have you ever heard advice and thought, “That’s too good to be true?” As we all know, that usually means it doesn’t work. However, sometimes, there are simple and easy solutions to problems that once seemed impossible. We just have to look for answers in the right place.
A Reddit user who has since deleted their account reached out to the online forum and asked people to share their life hacks that at first seem to be fake but are a “true lifesaver.” They shared everything from tech tricks to bring back dead laptops to easy ways to trick ourselves into developing powerful, “atomic” habits.
Here are 15 of the best responses to the question: What lifehack seems to be fake, but is it a true lifesaver?
"Hard drive in the freezer to get it to spin up one more time. I swear to god I thought it was bullshit until I was out of options and tried it... and the damn thing came back on a few more times and I got the data off of it I needed." — KnightCrusader
"I'm not sure there is a better answer to this question. It is such a goofy solution that shouldn't realistically work. The number of times I've successfully extracted data from a dying drive using this technique is ridiculous. When a good friend of mine gave me this advice over the phone, I remember being genuinely pissed that he wasn't offering any real guidance. He had twenty-plus years in IT at that point and he was my go-to in times of crisis. I was absolutely gobsmacked when it worked." — MJSlayer
"Don’t confuse mental fatigue with physical fatigue. After a long day at my brain-intensive job, I think, “I’m tired, I should lie down.” But really, I’ve been sitting on my butt for eight hours and what I need to recover is physical motion." — From_around_here
"You can’t cough and produce tears at the same time. It only works for a second, but if you need one to keep from crying, clear your throat." — Fermifighter
"I can confirm this helps; if I am trying to hold back tears and feel them starting to slip, I clear my throat several times and it helps me regain control so I can focus on breathing and calming down." — Redheadredeemed
"’Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.’" My therapist told me this and it has changed my life. At the beginning of a work session or project, I think through everything patiently, without rushing. Start working, and before I know it, I am in a groove and time flies by." — BreakfastSimulator
"I like the '2-minute' rule. If it takes less than 2 minutes, just do it right now. It greatly helps for people like myself who are prone to procrastinating. Whether folding a few shirts, making a phone call, putting away groceries, putting something in the kitchen, cleaning something, etc. You put off trivial small things, and over time, they stack up and become too overwhelming to do. If you follow the 2-minute rule you will find that you're more organized and there are fewer annoyances that get in the way of the real things to do." — Musecorn
"If you are one of the types that gets anxious about leaving the iron on or similar stuff, do this. Remove the plug from the socket, point at it, and say out loud, 'Iron is off.' You WILL remember that you did, in fact, turn it off." — Buroda
"Yell at your vacuum cleaner to get your dogs to stop barking at it. Apparently, it helps your dogs realize that you are dominant over the vacuum, so they stop trying to protect you from it. Sounds like BS, but I literally did it once and it was never a problem again." — IAmNotScottBakula
"This works! I felt ridiculous telling my vacuum to sit and stay and 'bad boy' in front of my dog, but after that, dog gave zero f**ks about the vacuum." — Silver_Ells
"Lots of the tiny habits/atomic habits stuff sounds so dumb, but it works for many people. Basically, the idea is that you commit to just doing one pushup a day, or learn to write one foreign language word, or one hug with your partner, or write for minutes, basically one teeny step toward whatever goal you are aiming at. Over time, the ritual gets built in and you can scale it. It's worked really well for me for writing. I write now. Less so for exercise, but hey ho. I still do 5 minutes minimum per day, every day." — AutoReponseUnit
"Baking soda is a miracle cleaner and unpleasant odor remover. You can clean ovens, clear up slightly clogged bathroom and kitchen drains, remove grease, remove stinks from furniture and clothing like shoes, and many more." — TheBassMeister
"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy." — Upstairs-Traffic
"I discovered later in life that I had developed Resting Bitch Face. A little investigation revealed that colleagues often just left me alone instead of making requests because they thought I was busy and probably pissed off with work. I actually love helping people, so I've made efforts to offset it, but if I really DON'T want to be bothered, um, yeah, turns out that works." — DeathBoyUK
"Vodka is the ultimate odor remover. You can use it for BO on clothes or animal urine scent. Put the cheapest vodka you can find in a spray bottle and spray the affected area. Allow to dry. It's like freaking magic. I have gotten odors out that nothing else worked on. Vodka is the ultimate odor remover. You can use it for BO on clothes or animal urine scent. Put the cheapest vodka you can find in a spray bottle and spray the affected area. Allow to dry. It's like freaking magic. I have gotten odors out that nothing else worked on." — Diedbyicee
"If you are thinking about a splurge purchase, wait 3 days. If you're still thinking about it at that point, then splurge away. Otherwise, it was just a passing fancy." — No_Mongoose5419
"Unfortunately, getting vigorous, regular exercise really does help with depression. Doesn’t solve it, but actually does make a difference. I used to get so mad when therapists would suggest it, lol." — Personal_Custard_95
"I have been diagnosed with depression. A walk and some exercise help my MOOD a lot, but it doesn't CURE the mental illness, that's what the meds are for! A walk does help though, and having a dog does help with ‘get up and go for a walk’ because he gets so excited to go around the block." — CooperTucker
"Taking accountability for your actions and apologizing rather than trying to justify them and becoming defensive." — IndianBeauty143
"This one is so huge. The relief you feel when you stop fighting it and just admit when you’re wrong. So much tension and anxiety releases." — Capaldithenewblack
"Compound interest isn't just something to do with money. It works with exercise, too. Invest as little as 10 minutes a day in getting your heart rate up or doing some weights; that is all you need to do. You don't need to bust your ass off 5 hours a week." — PPLifter
"A few of my friends are personal trainers and they love to pump anyone up by telling them that even five minutes of exercise a week can make a difference after enough time. People take on too much at once with exercise and they crash and burn because they're overworking their muscles and hurting themselves. There's a lot more to it than that, but starting small is great." — Nauin
Humanity at its best.
Around 1 a.m. on April 24, semi-truck drivers in the Oak Park area of Michigan received a distress call from area police: An unidentified man was standing on the edge of a local bridge, apparently ready to jump onto the freeway below.
Those drivers then did something amazing. They raced to the scene to help — and lined up their trucks under the bridge, providing a relatively safe landing space should the man jump.
Fortunately, he didn't.
The impressive line-up wasn't a coincidence — the drivers were prepared for exactly this sort of situation.Sgt. Jason Brockdorff of the Huntington Woods Police Department told The Detroit News that the response was something local police and truck drivers had actually trained for. But what was unusual was the sheer number of drivers who responded to the call.
"That's a practice we use if we have a jumper," Brockdorff said. "We try to do it every time, to lessen the distance someone would travel if they were to jump. Fortunately, that didn't happen."
The incident lasted nearly four hours, into the early morning. However, once the trucks were in place, the police were able to more comfortably negotiate with the unidentified man.
Eventually, the man walked off the bridge on his own and is currently receiving medical help.
In a pair of tweets, the local police department called attention to the incident to remind people in similar situations of the importance of seeking mental health services (emphasis mine):
This photo does show the work troopers and local officers do to serve the public. But also in that photo is a man struggling with the decision to take his own life. Please remember help is available through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
You can also call a loved one, member of the clergy or 911. There are so many people that can help you make the choice to get help and live! It is our hope to never see another photo like this again.
Working together, the police and everyday strangers saved a life.
Ordinary people heeded the call of service to help a fellow person who was struggling. It's a powerful image that's impossible to ignore, and a reminder of humanity at its best.
This article originally appeared on 04.24.18
This is also a game-changer for the people coming to pick you up.
There's no question that booking and tracking flights has gotten so much easier with the advent of the internet and smartphones, but there's a little-known travel hack that makes navigating your actual flight day even simpler.
TikTok creator Darby (@durbinmalonster) shared the No. 1 flight hack she learned when she worked for the airline industry in a video that's been viewed nearly 10 million times in one day. In the caption, she wrote that she learned this trick seven years ago, so it's remarkable that more people aren't aware of it, but that often seems to be the case with iPhone features in particular.
If you have an iPhone (don't worry, Android users, we'll get to your workaround in a moment), and you want to be able to access to your specific flight updates and all of your flight information—including gate and baggage claim numbers—in one click, all you have to do is text yourself your flight number.
The flight number in the text becomes a link. When you click on it, all your real-time flight info comes up. You can also send it to someone who is coming to pick you up so they have easy access to your updated flight info without having to look it up or download an app or anything.
The only two caveats are: 1) It has to include the airline code, so if your flight was American Airlines flight 387, you'd type "AA387" or if it was Alaska flight 294, you'd type "AS294." And 2) Only use this hack the day of your flight, since airlines will often reuse the same flight numbers. If you do it the day before, you might get updates for the wrong flight.
Watch Darby demonstrate how it works:
@durbinmalonster S/O @Brooke Webster for teaching me this in my bag loading days 7 years ago
Some people were blown away simply by the fact that you can text yourself. Apparently, this is also not common knowledge. As one person wrote, "I’ve learned more on TikTok than 8 years in college."
Some people shared that they text their flight number every time they fly and love it.
"I’ve always done this and made family share with me when they’re flying. My partner didn’t have time between flights once to send his connecting flight in a rush and I was able to find his new flight," shared one person.
"I do this all the time and it’s even better than having the airlines App," offered another. (A lot of people said, "You can just use the airline's app!" but people don't always fly the same airline and there's a good chance you're going to be using your texting app already at the airport, so it's more seamless this way. Plus the benefit of being able to easily text it to someone else.)
"Omg this is so much easier than flight tracker," wrote another.
"Ty but I prefer printing my boarding pass at the kiosk and spending the rest of the time frantically trying to relocate my boarding pass and rechecking the info on it and asking ppl where my gate is," another person joked.
If you're an Android phone user, there's a similar hack that's just one extra step. You can type your flight number into Google, grab the link that comes up, and text that to yourself. Any time you want to check your flight status, just click the link in your texts. And if someone is coming to pick you up, you can text them that same link so they can track your flight in real time.
Technology can make our lives so much better when we actually know how to use it. Thank you, Darby, for the valuable lesson.
This explains why mixing blue and red paint always gave us "muddy eggplant" instead of vibrant purple as kids.
One of the first things most of us learned in art class was that red, yellow and blue are the primary colors. All other colors could be made from some combination of these three, we were told, plus black and white for tints and shades. We probably even remember mixing various amounts of red, blue and yellow together to make the secondary colors of orange, green and purple.
Except making purplewas always a problem, wasn't it? Did anyone ever make a vibrant purple mixing red and blue together? No. It usually came out a sort of muddy eggplant color instead of the bright iris purple we were looking for. As artis Anna Evans shared in a recent Facebook post, "I used to get very frustrated trying to mix purples, they always came out the colour of dried blood. It was not purple." After hours of research on color theory, she added magenta to her palette and never looked back.
There's a reason for that. We've basically had the primary colors for pigments wrong.
Instead of red, yellow and blue being the primary colors for paints, magenta, yellow and cyan are more accurate. This isn't really a new idea—CMYK has been used for printing for over a century—but for most of us, the RYB = primary colors equation has practically been as unquestionable as 2+2=4.
Color theory can get a bit complicated, especially since color works differently with light (additive color) than it does with pigments (subtractive color), but in some ways this new color wheel simplifies things on both fronts.
The CMY color wheel (outside) with the older RYB color wheel (inside)
EugeGreco/Public Domain
The reason our red and blue paint mixing experiments always created muddy purple is because there's actually yellow in most red pigments. Yellow and magenta can actually be mixed to make red. In addition, cyan and magenta can be mixed to make blue, so the idea that nothing can make red or blue because they are primary colors isn't actually true.
What makes this color wheel simpler than the RYB one is that red, blue and green are the primary colors for light, while cyan, magenta, and yellow are secondary. For pigments, in the CMY color wheel, it's just the opposite. That's easier than trying to wrap your head around light colors being so different than pigments when it comes to primary and secondary colors; all you have to remember is that they're swapped.
If all of this sounds bunk and you're absolutely sure that red, blue and yellow must be the primary colors because that's what you learned and have always believed, check out artist Jazza's experiment in which he tries to make cyan and magenta out of red, blue and yellow. It's quite entertaining.
However, there is some controversy over this whole concept in the art world. While some have been thrilled to realize why their colors didn't always come out the way they wanted them to using the RYB color wheel and have found CMY to be much more color-mix friendly, there are arguments for not throwing the RYB baby out with the bathwater. It's not so much that it's entirely wrong as that our definition of primary colors might need a bit of revamping.
For a more in-depth and nuanced view of what primary colors actually are and why there are arguments for considering both RYB and CMY as primary colors, check out Florent Farges' excellent explanation of the whole primary color controversy here:
If there's one takeaway from all of this, it's that when it comes to pigments, yellow clearly reigns supreme. All hail the almighty yellow!
At 16, they accused him of something he didn't do and left him on the streets.
On March 16, 2024, Upworthy shared the story of a Redditor named Fancy-Anywhere-4733 (FA for short) who had an incredible dilemma: How do you respond to your family 37 years after they threw you out of the house as a 16-year-old for a bogus reason?
Now, he has shared his response, which is full of honesty, strength and grace.
First, here is some background (you can read the whole story here).
FA’s mother died when he was 12 years old and 2 years later, his father married a woman named Ashley with two kids, Mark (14) and Emily (12). “I got along with Ashley and Emily really well, but Mark, not so much so,” FA recalls. The following year, this rivalry came to a head when both boys fell for the same girl, Lisa, that FA began to date, much to Mark’s annoyance.
To get FA back for dating his crush, Mark planted some of Emily’s panties in his dresser drawer for his stepmother to find on laundry day.
A distressed teen afraid of his future.
“I had no answer as I'd never seen [the underwear] before,” FA wrote. “Of course, no one believed me. No matter how much protesting I did." Mark added to the lies by saying that FA often stared at Emily and once said he wanted to marry her.
FA’s father threw him out of the house for being a "perv" and he was forced to live on the streets, doing whatever he could to get by. After decades of hard work he created a new life. He had a good job, was married with 4 kids and had finally found real happiness.
Recently, at the age of 53, his stepsister, Emily, whom he hadn’t spoken to in years, emailed him. Emily revealed that Mark got drunk and admitted that he set FA up and the news has been like a “bombshell” was dropped on the family.
“After sharing this revelation with Mom and Dad. Dad started crying, like really crying,” Emily wrote in the email. “I've never seen him cry before. I believe it because he has been carrying around a lot of guilt all these years. Obviously, now knowing the truth, he is now having to deal with the consqueses of his actions. However, after several hours of talking, we all came to the conclusion that we needed to find you and make amends. I have spent hours trying to locate you, in the hopes that I could reach out and extend a heartfelt apology for the years of misunderstanding and mistreatment and hurt.”
A woman writing an email late at night.
via Muzuno K/Pexels
Receiving the email was an incredible shock, and FA wasn’t sure whether he would respond at all. “I'm, however indifferent to the idea,” FA admitted. “Like, I have no ill feelings towards [Emily]. She obviously was young and had no real say in the matter. But with lots and lots of therapy, I learned to let go of that hate and anger and to let go of them. As well with all the love I receive from my wife, kids and in-laws, it's all I really need.”
FA received countless comments from people who suggested some ways to respond to the to the email. Two days later, he shared his response to Emily in a new post:
Dear Emily,
I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me, but I must be honest with you. The years of pain and hurt caused by the lies and manipulation by Mark and the betrayal by Dad have left deep scars that will never be truly healed. While I understand that you are now aware of the truth and are genuinely sorry for what has transpired, I find it difficult to simply forgive and forget.
The betrayal and abandonment I experienced at the hands of my own family have left me with a sense of distrust and resentment that can never be overcome. The damage that has been done has impacted me in ways that you may never ever fully and truly understand, and the idea of trying to reconcile now feels like an insurmountable task.
I have spent years in therapy trying to come to terms with the pain and deep trauma I endured, and I have worked hard to build a wonderful life for myself that does not rely on the presence or approval of those who turned their backs on me.
While I am grateful for the apology and the newfound awareness of the truth, I do not feel compelled to rekindle a relationship that was built on lies, deception and betrayal. Especially after all these years.
I have found peace and closure in distancing myself from those who caused me harm, and I do not see the need to reopen old wounds in the name of reconciliation. While I believe in the power of forgiveness, that isn't something I can give.
I wish you all the best in your life, I really do, but I must prioritize my emotional health and self-preservation above all else. I hope you can respect my decision and understand that the wounds of the past will take a lifetime to heal. I would appreciate if you pass this fact on to the others and please don't reach out again. I must look to my future and not my past.
Sincerely, [FA]
A man writes an email on his laptop
"This is a good response. You are letting them know that the door is closed, and you didn't give them any information on whether you have a family," Primierofilho wrote in the comments. "That’s (one of) my favorite parts of [FA's] beautifully eloquent reply. By denying his ex-family any information of how he is doing, they don’t get to know which way to turn their feelings," Darkstormchaser added.
One of the most powerful parts of FA’s letter is the clear reason why he will never be able to forgive them. Even though he believes in forgiveness, doing so would unravel a lot of the work he’s done to heal after the incredible, nearly insurmountable pain they have caused him.
Forgiveness was simply a bridge too far and FA should be proud that he drew up clear boundaries with his family. There was no reason why he should trade an ounce of his peace of mind in exchange for giving solace to those who abandoned him as a teen.