Millennial parents led the charge with gentle parenting, a sharp turn from their Baby Boomer parents' approach. The undeniable tension between how the two generations parent (and grandparent) continues to play out.
A Millennial mom on Reddit caused a stir among fellow Millennial parents after sharing that she is choosing to raise "soft" kids. In her heartfelt post, she explained that her goal as a parent is to do things completely different from how she was raised.
"I'm aware I occasionally do too much coddling. But I was rarely coddled," she wrote. "I grew up in a codependent home where the Matriarch always got what she wanted and my feelings didn't matter. The female elders were always priority. I lived in fight or flight for the first thirty some years of my life. It's taken over twenty years of therapy to undo all the toxicity I learned from my family."
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Instead, she is choosing to raise her kids in a different dynamic, with the goal of "soft, thoughtful, loving compassionate kids."
"I'm raising kids that listen to their bodies," she added. "Yes I'm raising kids that are in tune with their emotions and ask for mental health days. I'm also raising kids that will make compassionate and kind partners. Ones that will listen, hold their partners and care for them when they're done."
The Millennial mom also addressed how her approach to gentle parenting may be viewed as extreme compared to previous generations who parented more harshly:
"Why would we want to be raising hard kids like they had to on the prairie? Just because they're soft and kind, doesn't mean they'll never push through. Literally everything in life is about balance and moderation. Even too much water will kill you. So raise those soft kind kids, but make sure they aren't quitters who never push through."
@thedailytayGENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo
One example of how her parenting approach has paid off came when she asked her teenage son to load the dishwasher instead of playing video games after explaining that she'd had a hard week. His response was full of empathy: "Just because I don't want to do something doesn't mean I can't. You've had a hard day and it's your birthday week. I can load the dishwasher."
Her Millennial parenting perspective garnered a mix of supportive and critical responses.
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People in support of raising "soft" kids
"I don't think Millennials will be blamed for raising 'soft children.' Hell, Millennials were always considered soft and entitled anyway so I'm not sure what's changed other than every previous generation thinks they're tougher. What I think the issues will be are more 'parent by iPad', overconsumption of SM, isolation, inability to handle conflict or regulate emotions, etc. But this isn't unique to Millennials. I'm glad your parenting skills are paying off. Good for you." - mcsmith610
"'Raising soft kids' and 'soft parenting' are not the same thing. You can raise 'soft kids' who understand respect, boundaries and responsibilities, who aren't little narcissist sh*ts." - Other_Bus9590
"You mean considerate thoughtful kids? There is nothing 'soft' about that. Our society is in desperate need of more people like this. Those sound like good neighbors to me." - The_Playbook88
"I know you are using 'soft' to make a point, which is that from the point of view of stoicism, showing weakness and talking about feelings makes a person less capable. However you are clearly raising emotionally intelligent humans who are capable and able to weather the difficulties of modern life. The more parents like you, the better." - Stratix
"Yeah, I figure the world is going to do plenty of 'toughening up' that it seems backwards for a parent to try to preemptively 'toughen them up'. I want my kids to be resilient, not 'hard'. I treat them with kindness and love (as best I can), and when stuff out in the world is hard, I'm there to pick them up and build their confidence in themselves that it's all stuff they can handle, even if it's hard and hurts sometimes. There's also a huge difference between being overly permissive and being 'soft' in the sense of the emotional affect you display. I have firm boundaries, enforce consequences for actions, etc., but to the eye of older generations I would probably be considered very soft on them." - ReturnOfBigChungus
"We treat our children like they are people, then get surprised when they turn around and ALSO treat us like human beings. It's happened to me before, also. I keep waiting for the 'rebellious phase.' I think maybe Boomers were just bad parents, and they made it way more difficult than it had to be." - Aggressive_Mouse_581
"Like others have said, soft doesn't mean weak. They're kind, compassionate and thoughtful. That's how I'm trying to raise my son too. He's not afraid of emotion and if he sees a need he steps in, often without being asked. You're doing your best and seems like you're raising pretty great kids." - MoonlitMousey13
People critical of raising "soft" kids
"The problem with soft kids is the world isn't soft, and if they are they will get taken advantage of, or be unreliable when things get tough to rarely do life go smoothly 100% of the time." - Piemaster113
"That and teaching them that sometimes you don't always do what you want and it's ok to be uncomfortable within reason. Like the post about the dude taking many mental health days and his manager being upset. Like sometimes you just gotta go." - MembershipScary1737
"You can be both 'hard' and emotionally intelligent. I'm not sure anyone benefits from coddling in the long run, certainly not your child. My goal is self sufficient and kind people. I don't see how you can get both (or either) if them reluctantly loading the dishwasher once after you asked is a win." - WingShooter_28ga
"You are conflating soft with kind. I've met plenty of hard people that are also kind (most farmers would drop everything to help a neighbor, but are tougher than a coffin nail). While it's great that you have conscientious kids. Being conscientious isn't a 'soft' trait." - rjwyonch
"These kids have a strong chance of being devoured by a neurotic demanding partner." - dumbanddumbanddumb
"Nothing wrong with raising soft children. When tossed into the harsh hard realities of the real world though? You will not have helped in that angle." - Intelligent_Road2084