Many couples post videos of their child’s birth at the hospital, but one particular video was overly scrutinized online.
In the social media post, the father-to-be is seated and drinking from a cup offered to him while his partner is actively pushing. The post drew thousands of likes on comments such as “This is a red flag” and “He legit looks like he couldn’t care less.” Amid all of this, a nurse came to the man’s defense.
A nurse jumped in to set things straight
Nurse Jen Hamilton explained why that moment was actually a green flag.
“This is a nurse handing a man a cup of water while his lady is pushing,” said Hamilton. “Do you think we as nurses hand out refreshments while our patients are pushing as customer service?”
Hamilton further explained that the man was likely showing signs of becoming lightheaded and close to fainting after witnessing the birth and feeling growing concern for his partner. She added that nurses were probably telling him to “sit their booty cheeks down on that hard couch and drink something.” If the man were to faint, she explained, nurses and doctors would have to address both his medical needs and those of the mother-to-be.
“So not a red flag. Actually, probably, very much a green flag because he was probably so worried about his lady that he almost fainted,” Hamilton concluded. “Leave him alone!”
Other parents had similar stories
Commenters on Hamilton’s video acknowledged her point, with some sharing their own near-fainting delivery room stories:
“My (firefighter/paramedic) husband who has delivered more than one baby in the field did exactly this after my first round of pushing with our son…He was on the floor with his feet up on a chair while another angel on earth gave him apple juice and a cold washcloth.”
“Poor guy. My husband is a fainter so we prepared for this but miraculously he watched BOTH births and zero fainting! I think the excitement kept him focused.”
“They go through so much emotional and mental stress watching us in pain and being helpless to help. It’s hard on them and I don’t blame them when their brains try to help them out by shutting down.”
“My husband told me while I was pregnant with our first about how he passes out around blood. The OB was like, ‘We will seat him by your head. We don’t want to send him to the ER for a head injury, too.’”
So what is proper delivery room etiquette for a father-to-be?
So what’s the role of a partner in the delivery room when their loved one is giving birth? How can they help, or should they simply stay out of the way? Nurse Juliana Parker spoke with Upworthy to offer some thoughts and guidance.
“Part of our job in labor and delivery is caring for the whole family, not just the mother, and that includes helping partners stay safe and upright,” said Parker. “I routinely tell fathers-to-be, ‘If you feel dizzy or lightheaded, please tell me right away.’”
“The best advice I can give is don’t try to be stoic or push through warning signs,” Parker added. “If you’re not feeling well, say something immediately and get down, on the floor, a couch, a chair, anywhere, so you don’t faint, fall, and hit your head. Partners passing out is more common than people think, and it’s preventable when people speak up early.”
How partners can actually help
Parker said that partners who want to help during delivery should ask nurses what they need and listen to their guidance. Most of the time, it’s best to focus on supporting your birthing partner’s comfort, encouragement, and other needs. However, you should also check in with a nurse to know when to step in and when to step back, especially if they need to assess the birth or set up equipment. In short, follow the nurses’ instructions, don’t get in their way, and if you start to feel faint or emotionally overwhelmed, let them know.
“Letting the nurse know you’re feeling faint is not ‘being dramatic,’ it’s being responsible,” concluded Parker.
This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.
