Tempted to pull out your 'peen' in public? Ask these 4 questions first.

If you’re reading this, congratulations! Your hard work and dedication have paid off, and you’ve finally made it to the top of your respective field. You set a goal, you put your mind to it, and here you are, ready to take on anything that comes your way. Here’s to many years of continued success.

With that in mind, a quick reminder before we continue:

Nobody wants to see your dick.


Seriously. Nobody.

Is this a sweeping generalization? Sure. In fact, there’s probably somebody out there in this crazy world who would enjoy access to your penis from time to time (although probably as more of a means to an end than actually sitting back and admiring it like it's a Renoir).

But in this particular context, with regards to the position of power that you now occupy, it’s in your best interest (as well as that of literally everyone who works with you) to operate under the assumption that nobody in the whole wide world wants to see your stupid dick.

You may not have noticed during your climb to the top, but your dynamic with others in your field has undergone a significant change. You may feel like the Zack Morris of your industry, but you’re actually Mr. Belding  —  keep that in mind at all times.

Whether you’re an accountant, television host, or stand-up comedian, you’re now in a tremendous position of power, and to paraphrase the immortal saying, with great power comes great responsibility not to pull your dick out whenever you freaking feel like it.

Oh, and just because we're talking about powerful dudes here doesn't mean that men with less authority get a pass. No matter who you are or what position you hold, no one wants to see your dick ever at all. Just keep that simple advice in mind and you’ll be well on your way!

Here's a handy Q & A to briefly recap what we’ve just discussed:

Q: I’d like to have sex with my coworker, but she’s not showing me the same level of interest. Should I pull out my dick, sweeten the deal a bit?

A: No, you should definitely not do that. Pulling out one’s penis without any sort of encouragement is not only a deal-breaker, but it has also literally never been a deal-maker. Nobody has ever been glad they saw someone’s penis in hindsight.

“I had no interest in him whatsoever, but when he got me alone, locked the door, and pulled his penis out, I was like ‘Wow, that looks great  —  let’s do this’” is a statement that has never been uttered in the history of humanity. Yours will not be the penis that ends that streak.

Q: I just told a joke referencing a noteworthy television character from the '90s. An intern laughed and said that I was hilarious. Time to pull my dick out?

A: First of all, congrats on the joke. Second, no, it is not time to pull your dick out. Laughing at a joke you told, in and of itself, is not a sign that someone you work with wants to see your penis. Do not assume that it is.

Q: My new position comes with my very own personal assistant. When do I show her my dick? Immediately?

A: How about never? Maybe just, you know, never show them your dick? Yeah, let’s go with never.

Q: What if I don’t want her to touch it, just sit there and watch me touch it?

A: Well, that’s different. Just kidding, it’s actually not different at all. The answer is still never, because nobody wants to see your dick.

This story originally appeared on Medium and is printed here with permission.

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Often, parents of children with special needs struggle to find Halloween costumes that will accommodate medical equipment or provide a proper fit. And figuring out how to make one? Yikes.

There's good news; shopDisney has added new ensembles to their already impressive line of adaptive play costumes. And from 8/30 - 9/26, there's a 20% off sale for all costume and costume accessory orders of $75+ with code Spooky.

When looking for the right costume, kids with unique needs have a lot of extra factors to consider: wheelchair wheels get tangled up in too-long material, feeding tubes could get twisted the wrong way, and children with sensory processing disorders struggle with the wrong kind of fabric, seams, or tags. There are a lot of different obstacles that can come between a kid and the ability to wear the costume of their choice, which is why it's so awesome that more and more companies are recognizing the need for inclusive creations that make it easy for everyone to enjoy the magic of make-believe.

Created with inclusivity in mind, the adaptive line is designed to discreetly accommodate tubes or wires from the front or the back, with lots of stretch, extra length and roomier cut, and self-stick fabric closures to make getting dressed hassle-free. The online shop provides details on sizing and breaks down the magical elements of each outfit and accessory, taking the guesswork out of selecting the perfect costume for the whole family.

Your child will be able to defeat Emperor Zurg in comfort with the Buzz Lightyear costume featuring a discreet flap opening at the front for easy tube access, with self-stick fabric closure. There is also an opening at the rear for wheelchair-friendly wear, and longer-length inseams to accommodate seated guests. To infinity and beyond!

An added bonus: many of the costumes offer a coordinating wheelchair cover set to add a major boost of fun. Kids can give their ride a total makeover—all covers are made to fit standard size chairs with 24" wheels—to transform it into anything from The Mandalorian's Razor Crest ship to Cinderella's Coach. Some options even come equipped with sounds and lights!

From babies to adults and adaptive to the group, shopDisney's expansive variety of Halloween costumes and accessories are inclusive of all.

Don't forget about your furry companions! Everyone loves to see a costumed pet trotting around, regardless of the occasion. You can literally dress your four-legged friend to look like Sven from Frozen, which might not sound like something you need in your life but...you totally do. CUTENESS OVERLOAD.

This year has been tough for everyone, so when a child gets that look of unfettered joy that comes from finally getting to wear the costume of their dreams, it's extra rewarding. Don't wait until the last minute to start looking for the right ensemble!


*Upworthy may earn a portion of sales revenue from purchases made through affiliate links on our site.

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