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If you’re reading this, congratulations! Your hard work and dedication have paid off, and you’ve finally made it to the top of your respective field. You set a goal, you put your mind to it, and here you are, ready to take on anything that comes your way. Here’s to many years of continued success.

With that in mind, a quick reminder before we continue:

Nobody wants to see your dick.


Seriously. Nobody.

Is this a sweeping generalization? Sure. In fact, there’s probably somebody out there in this crazy world who would enjoy access to your penis from time to time (although probably as more of a means to an end than actually sitting back and admiring it like it's a Renoir).

But in this particular context, with regards to the position of power that you now occupy, it’s in your best interest (as well as that of literally everyone who works with you) to operate under the assumption that nobody in the whole wide world wants to see your stupid dick.

You may not have noticed during your climb to the top, but your dynamic with others in your field has undergone a significant change. You may feel like the Zack Morris of your industry, but you’re actually Mr. Belding  —  keep that in mind at all times.

Whether you’re an accountant, television host, or stand-up comedian, you’re now in a tremendous position of power, and to paraphrase the immortal saying, with great power comes great responsibility not to pull your dick out whenever you freaking feel like it.

Oh, and just because we're talking about powerful dudes here doesn't mean that men with less authority get a pass. No matter who you are or what position you hold, no one wants to see your dick ever at all. Just keep that simple advice in mind and you’ll be well on your way!

Here's a handy Q & A to briefly recap what we’ve just discussed:

Q: I’d like to have sex with my coworker, but she’s not showing me the same level of interest. Should I pull out my dick, sweeten the deal a bit?

A: No, you should definitely not do that. Pulling out one’s penis without any sort of encouragement is not only a deal-breaker, but it has also literally never been a deal-maker. Nobody has ever been glad they saw someone’s penis in hindsight.

“I had no interest in him whatsoever, but when he got me alone, locked the door, and pulled his penis out, I was like ‘Wow, that looks great  —  let’s do this’” is a statement that has never been uttered in the history of humanity. Yours will not be the penis that ends that streak.

Q: I just told a joke referencing a noteworthy television character from the '90s. An intern laughed and said that I was hilarious. Time to pull my dick out?

A: First of all, congrats on the joke. Second, no, it is not time to pull your dick out. Laughing at a joke you told, in and of itself, is not a sign that someone you work with wants to see your penis. Do not assume that it is.

Q: My new position comes with my very own personal assistant. When do I show her my dick? Immediately?

A: How about never? Maybe just, you know, never show them your dick? Yeah, let’s go with never.

Q: What if I don’t want her to touch it, just sit there and watch me touch it?

A: Well, that’s different. Just kidding, it’s actually not different at all. The answer is still never, because nobody wants to see your dick.

This story originally appeared on Medium and is printed here with permission.

Joy

1991 blooper clip of Robin Williams and Elmo is a wholesome nugget of comedic genius

Robin Williams is still bringing smiles to faces after all these years.

Robin Williams and Elmo (Kevin Clash) bloopers.

The late Robin Williams could make picking out socks funny, so pairing him with the fuzzy red monster Elmo was bound to be pure wholesome gold. Honestly, how the puppeteer, Kevin Clash, didn’t completely break character and bust out laughing is a miracle. In this short outtake clip, you get to see Williams crack a few jokes in his signature style while Elmo tries desperately to keep it together.

Williams has been a household name since what seems like the beginning of time, and before his death in 2014, he would make frequent appearances on "Sesame Street." The late actor played so many roles that if you were ask 10 different people what their favorite was, you’d likely get 10 different answers. But for the kids who spent their childhoods watching PBS, they got to see him being silly with his favorite monsters and a giant yellow canary. At least I think Big Bird is a canary.

When he stopped by "Sesame Street" for the special “Big Bird's Birthday or Let Me Eat Cake” in 1991, he was there to show Elmo all of the wonderful things you could do with a stick. Williams turns the stick into a hockey stick and a baton before losing his composure and walking off camera. The entire time, Elmo looks enthralled … if puppets can look enthralled. He’s definitely paying attention before slumping over at the realization that Williams goofed a line. But the actor comes back to continue the scene before Elmo slinks down inside his box after getting Williams’ name wrong, which causes his human co-star to take his stick and leave.

The little blooper reel is so cute and pure that it makes you feel good for a few minutes. For an additional boost of serotonin, check out this other (perfectly executed) clip about conflict that Williams did with the two-headed monster. He certainly had a way of engaging his audience, so it makes sense that even after all of these years, he's still greatly missed.

Noe Hernandez and Maria Carrillo, the owners of Noel Barber Shop in Anaheim, California.

Jordyn Poulter was the youngest member of the U.S. women’s volleyball team, which took home the gold medal at the Tokyo Olympics last year. She was named the best setter at the Tokyo games and has been a member of the team since 2018.

Unfortunately, according to a report from ABC 7 News, her gold medal was stolen from her car in a parking garage in Anaheim, California, on May 25.

It was taken along with her passport, which she kept in her glove compartment. While storing a gold medal in your car probably isn’t the best idea, she did it to keep it by her side while fulfilling the hectic schedule of an Olympian.

"We live this crazy life of living so many different places. So many of us play overseas, then go home, then come out here and train,” Poulter said, according to ABC 7. "So I keep the medal on me (to show) friends and family I haven't seen in a while, or just people in the community who want to see the medal. Everyone feels connected to it when they meet an Olympian, and it's such a cool thing to share with people."

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Co-sleeping isn't for everyone.

The marital bed is a symbol of the intimacy shared between people who’ve decided to be together 'til death they do part. When couples sleep together it’s an expression of their closeness and how they care for one another when they are most vulnerable.

However, for some couples, the marital bed can be a warzone. Throughout the night couples can endure snoring, sleep apnea, the ongoing battle for sheets or circadian rhythms that never seem to sync. If one person likes to fall asleep with the TV on while the other reads a book, it can be impossible to come to an agreement on a good-night routine.

Last week on TODAY, host Carson Daly reminded viewers that he and his wife Siri, a TODAY Food contributor, had a sleep divorce while she was pregnant with their fourth child.

“I was served my sleep-divorce papers a few years ago,” he explained on TODAY. “It’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We both, admittedly, slept better apart.”

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